Having 2 wedding Ceremony's

Jen4948 · September 2013

Salsera29 said:

KatWAG said:

zobird said:

Jannett83 said:

I have a question to all you nay sayers out there. Every single one of you are complaining that you can only have 1 wedding. Says who? A wedding is an event, not an action. You can only be in a single marriage at one time but who says you can't have 2 weddings if you want to. Al you people are so worried about proper etiquette, well I say forget you all. Do what you want to do. The only people that are worried about proper etiquette of things are people that don't have the ability to think for themselves and have t worry about what other people think of them. OP, I say that you want to have two ceremony's, then by all means do it. Just be aware that only one of them would be legal. If your judge friend is going to perform both and they area friend of the family, then I am sure they will understand the circumstance and be fine with it. Don't listen to anybody on here because these people also have no idea who YOU actually are and don't know crap about your actual scenario. Do what will make you happy because let's face it, you're the one who is going to have those memories for the rest of your life, not these people on here. Forget these people and do what will make you and your fiancé happy, but tell people what you are doing. Don't hide it and hope your guests don't find out. You may loose a few, but I feel most would be understanding and would still want to spend the day with you.
Hey you guys, I think I'm going to throw a wedding this weekend. It's just an event after all. Y'all want to come? 4 PM at my place!
Sweet. I am in! Its a cash bar, right?

I'll bring money for the cash bar and a dish for the putluck!

I have money for the dollar dance! My baby wants to come too!

itzMS · September 2013

Jannett83 said:

I have a question to all you nay sayers out there. Every single one of you are complaining that you can only have 1 wedding. Says who? A wedding is an event, not an action. You can only be in a single marriage at one time but who says you can't have 2 weddings if you want to. Al you people are so worried about proper etiquette, well I say forget you all. Do what you want to do. The only people that are worried about proper etiquette of things are people that don't have the ability to think for themselves and have t worry about what other people think of them. OP, I say that you want to have two ceremony's, then by all means do it. Just be aware that only one of them would be legal. If your judge friend is going to perform both and they area friend of the family, then I am sure they will understand the circumstance and be fine with it. Don't listen to anybody on here because these people also have no idea who YOU actually are and don't know crap about your actual scenario. Do what will make you happy because let's face it, you're the one who is going to have those memories for the rest of your life, not these people on here. Forget these people and do what will make you and your fiancé happy, but tell people what you are doing. Don't hide it and hope your guests don't find out. You may loose a few, but I feel most would be understanding and would still want to spend the day with you.

First post and just joined to stir the pot against etiquette.

And mysteriously 4 "Love its" though no one else has actually posted in support.

Gee, I'm so happy that TK has turned into Troll Fest USA.

ETA: Also decide to reuse the OP's typo of "Ceremony's" versus "ceremonies". Very classy.

photokitty · September 2013

Salsera29 said:

KatWAG said:

zobird said:

Jannett83 said:

I have a question to all you nay sayers out there. Every single one of you are complaining that you can only have 1 wedding. Says who? A wedding is an event, not an action. You can only be in a single marriage at one time but who says you can't have 2 weddings if you want to. Al you people are so worried about proper etiquette, well I say forget you all. Do what you want to do. The only people that are worried about proper etiquette of things are people that don't have the ability to think for themselves and have t worry about what other people think of them. OP, I say that you want to have two ceremony's, then by all means do it. Just be aware that only one of them would be legal. If your judge friend is going to perform both and they area friend of the family, then I am sure they will understand the circumstance and be fine with it. Don't listen to anybody on here because these people also have no idea who YOU actually are and don't know crap about your actual scenario. Do what will make you happy because let's face it, you're the one who is going to have those memories for the rest of your life, not these people on here. Forget these people and do what will make you and your fiancé happy, but tell people what you are doing. Don't hide it and hope your guests don't find out. You may loose a few, but I feel most would be understanding and would still want to spend the day with you.
Hey you guys, I think I'm going to throw a wedding this weekend. It's just an event after all. Y'all want to come? 4 PM at my place!
Sweet. I am in! Its a cash bar, right?

I'll bring money for the cash bar and a dish for the putluck!

Pretty callous thread-jack considering the OP is looking for advice with his very difficult situation - his father is terminal with cancer. But I'm sure he'll find your mockery very helpful when deciding...

OP, I'll say a prayer for your father. I'm sorry you are face with this difficult situation.

lennonkdc · September 2013

OP, if you're still reading, a very similar situation just happened with one of the posters on NEY this spring. He father had terminal cancer and took a significant downturn weeks before her wedding. Instead of having '2' ceremonies, as you suggest, she had her pastor do a blessing of the union with her father present and then had her wedding as planned.

I know that you and your bride to be might not have the same religious leanings, but maybe you could do something like a ring warming with your dad, so that his good blessings can be with you on your wedding day or see if he'd like to pick a special reading for someone to do at your wedding.

I'm very sorry about your father, my prayers are with you and your family.

Salsera29 · September 2013

OP I just want to say, our joking around is not a response to your post. You are in a very difficult situation and I'm so sorry for that. I'm sending you vibes for strength to make whatever decision is best for you and your family.

ETA: We were responding to Janette83's post.

KatWAG · September 2013

photokitty said:

Salsera29 said:

KatWAG said:

zobird said:

Jannett83 said:

I have a question to all you nay sayers out there. Every single one of you are complaining that you can only have 1 wedding. Says who? A wedding is an event, not an action. You can only be in a single marriage at one time but who says you can't have 2 weddings if you want to. Al you people are so worried about proper etiquette, well I say forget you all. Do what you want to do. The only people that are worried about proper etiquette of things are people that don't have the ability to think for themselves and have t worry about what other people think of them. OP, I say that you want to have two ceremony's, then by all means do it. Just be aware that only one of them would be legal. If your judge friend is going to perform both and they area friend of the family, then I am sure they will understand the circumstance and be fine with it. Don't listen to anybody on here because these people also have no idea who YOU actually are and don't know crap about your actual scenario. Do what will make you happy because let's face it, you're the one who is going to have those memories for the rest of your life, not these people on here. Forget these people and do what will make you and your fiancé happy, but tell people what you are doing. Don't hide it and hope your guests don't find out. You may loose a few, but I feel most would be understanding and would still want to spend the day with you.
Hey you guys, I think I'm going to throw a wedding this weekend. It's just an event after all. Y'all want to come? 4 PM at my place!
Sweet. I am in! Its a cash bar, right?
I'll bring money for the cash bar and a dish for the putluck!
Pretty callous thread-jack considering the OP is looking for advice with his very difficult situation - his father is terminal with cancer. But I'm sure he'll find your mockery very helpful when deciding...
OP, I'll say a prayer for your father. I'm sorry you are face with this difficult situation.

Relax. We all gave thoughtful advice on how to best handle the situation to the OP. The thread jack was in response to Jannett bad advice.

PrettyGirlLost · September 2013

lennonkdc said:

OP, if you're still reading, a very similar situation just happened with one of the posters on NEY this spring. He father had terminal cancer and took a significant downturn weeks before her wedding. Instead of having '2' ceremonies, as you suggest, she had her pastor do a blessing of the union with her father present and then had her wedding as planned.

I know that you and your bride to be might not have the same religious leanings, but maybe you could do something like a ring warming with your dad, so that his good blessings can be with you on your wedding day or see if he'd like to pick a special reading for someone to do at your wedding.

I'm very sorry about your father, my prayers are with you and your family.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, OP

I think lennonkdc's post was great, and might be an option for your and your FI. However, if you do decide to move your wedding date up so that your father can be present, I agree with previous posters about skipping the fake wedding ceremony next year, and only having a reception in honor of your marriage.

I also agree with a few other PP's who felt that in your situation, wearing wedding attire, cutting the cake, and doing a spotlight dance at this reception would be fine.

AlexisA01 · September 2013

lennonkdc said:

OP, if you're still reading, a very similar situation just happened with one of the posters on NEY this spring. He father had terminal cancer and took a significant downturn weeks before her wedding. Instead of having '2' ceremonies, as you suggest, she had her pastor do a blessing of the union with her father present and then had her wedding as planned.

I know that you and your bride to be might not have the same religious leanings, but maybe you could do something like a ring warming with your dad, so that his good blessings can be with you on your wedding day or see if he'd like to pick a special reading for someone to do at your wedding.

I'm very sorry about your father, my prayers are with you and your family.

I think this is a great idea well.

aurianna · September 2013

Jannett83 said:

I have a question to all you nay sayers out there. Every single one of you are complaining that you can only have 1 wedding. Says who? A wedding is an event, not an action. You can only be in a single marriage at one time but who says you can't have 2 weddings if you want to. Al you people are so worried about proper etiquette, well I say forget you all. Do what you want to do. The only people that are worried about proper etiquette of things are people that don't have the ability to think for themselves and have t worry about what other people think of them. OP, I say that you want to have two ceremony's, then by all means do it. Just be aware that only one of them would be legal. If your judge friend is going to perform both and they area friend of the family, then I am sure they will understand the circumstance and be fine with it. Don't listen to anybody on here because these people also have no idea who YOU actually are and don't know crap about your actual scenario. Do what will make you happy because let's face it, you're the one who is going to have those memories for the rest of your life, not these people on here. Forget these people and do what will make you and your fiancé happy, but tell people what you are doing. Don't hide it and hope your guests don't find out. You may loose a few, but I feel most would be understanding and would still want to spend the day with you.

Obviously the OP is concerned about etiquette aka OP is concerned about treating his guests politely. That is why he came to an etiquette board and that is why we are telling him what is proper etiquette.
If he had your attitude of "who cares what they think" it would be silly to invite them to the wedding at all. If a person can't be bothered to treat his guests properly, what's the point in being a host at all.

And walking down an aisle with a bunch of attendants in tow, throwing bouquets, having numerous spotlight dances with the mom's, dad's, bridal party, etc... that isn't what makes a wedding a wedding. What makes a wedding a wedding is two people who love each other joining in wedlock.

Watching two people wed, no matter where they are or how they are dressed is what is magical for the guests in attendance and is what should truly be important to the couple as well.
Watching two married people pretend they aren't by walking down an aisle and putting on a show is empty for the guests. And while I've never been in OP's position... I don't understand why it isn't empty for the "bride and groom" as well. The wedding means nothing without the actual marriage.

By having a big, pretend ceremony later it comes off to me that the couple didn't feel the first wedding was "good enough" or "true."
And it breaks my heart to think you're suggesting the OP have a wedding with his father present only to later say "well, there was no giant fanfare, so it wasn't good enough. Let's do a new one." It's really sad.

Dreamergirl8812 · September 2013

bridetobe52014 said:

My friend had to do the same thing. She had a very small wedding just family members so that her grandfather could be there and he actually walked her in their family church. Most of the guest knew the situation and they are having a ceremony and reception in April this coming year. She said it was the best decision she ever made as her grandfather is now in the hospital. It is such a hard place to be in but friends and family understand and do what makes you both happy and what you feel will be right.

Ummmm... besides your friend being a liar, did she find it awkward that her grandfather was still alive during her fake wedding?

WildMagelet · September 2013

I get it. We postponed our wedding and my last living grandmother has been in and out of the hospital several times since our original date. She might not make it to our wedding, and that sucks, but getting married in the hospital just so she can see it would be an added stress & burden for her and would be denying us the wedding that we want to have. Regardless if we had a "redo" ceremony & reception later (which we wouldn't, for various reasons stated by PPs), I'd still be missing her on the PPD and that she couldn't see it regardless.

Having a quickie wedding now and a VR later isn't going to alleviate the pain of your dad not being there next August. Also, you don't *have* to have the wedding next August. You can just as easily eat your deposits and cancel your plans for the big to-do if you want to push the wedding up and get married now.

marshmallow1982 · September 2013

Is there another option here to have the whole big wedding ASAP?

I think some of the vendors will be sympathetic to the situation and let you rearrange

it is possible to arrange a big wedding in short space of time

harper0813 · September 2013

KatWAG said:

zobird said:

Jannett83 said:

I have a question to all you nay sayers out there. Every single one of you are complaining that you can only have 1 wedding. Says who? A wedding is an event, not an action. You can only be in a single marriage at one time but who says you can't have 2 weddings if you want to. Al you people are so worried about proper etiquette, well I say forget you all. Do what you want to do. The only people that are worried about proper etiquette of things are people that don't have the ability to think for themselves and have t worry about what other people think of them. OP, I say that you want to have two ceremony's, then by all means do it. Just be aware that only one of them would be legal. If your judge friend is going to perform both and they area friend of the family, then I am sure they will understand the circumstance and be fine with it. Don't listen to anybody on here because these people also have no idea who YOU actually are and don't know crap about your actual scenario. Do what will make you happy because let's face it, you're the one who is going to have those memories for the rest of your life, not these people on here. Forget these people and do what will make you and your fiancé happy, but tell people what you are doing. Don't hide it and hope your guests don't find out. You may loose a few, but I feel most would be understanding and would still want to spend the day with you.
Hey you guys, I think I'm going to throw a wedding this weekend. It's just an event after all. Y'all want to come? 4 PM at my place!

Sweet. I am in! Its a cash bar, right?

Sho is, hope that's okay! Don't forget extra ones to fill up the tip jar and to stuff down my cleavage during the dollar dance.

And now that I've mentioned my cleavage on a somber thread, OP, just let me reiterate PP's messages that this mockery is not directed toward you but toward another poster. I'm very sorry you are going through this. You ought to speak to your father about his wishes when it comes to your wedding, keeping in mind that you only get one ceremony and one day for your fiancée to wear a wedding gown.

Good luck!

classyduck · September 2013

lennonkdc said:

OP, if you're still reading, a very similar situation just happened with one of the posters on NEY this spring. He father had terminal cancer and took a significant downturn weeks before her wedding. Instead of having '2' ceremonies, as you suggest, she had her pastor do a blessing of the union with her father present and then had her wedding as planned.

I love this advice.

This thread is really relevant to me for a couple reasons.

Reason 1) I just got engaged, and my dad is dying from terminal illness that we only found out about a few months ago. It's really hard to picture my dad not at my wedding, but that is the reality I'm been looking at. When I first found out, my gut feeling was, I don't even want a wedding if he can't be there. I just wanted to elope and be done. It was heartbreaking.

Then, I thought very hard about moving the wedding up so he could be there, but ultimately, for me, my choice was not to. I realized that there are other meaningful ways for my dad to "participate" in my marriage, (like give his blessing, etc.) without being at the wedding. Will his absence there be felt? HELL yes. It will be sad. But I have chosen to remember his spirit and hold him with me that day.

I'm not you, so you will have to decide for yourself, but @lennonkdc's suggestion was beautiful, and I've considered something similar myself. I just hadn't framed it as clearly as lennonkdc did.

Reason 2) My parents always joke about how they have two wedding anniversaries. One is the "real" wedding, when they went to the courthouse and "did the paperwork." It was a smallish intimate ceremony with a very modest celebration. About a month later they had the "social" wedding.

I'll be honest, I don't exactly know the details, and since reading this thread I'm curious, and will probably ask them about it this weekend. But, they were married in Germany, so it was also a different culture...(my mom got "kidnapped" during the reception by her best friends; Dad, the groom, had to barhop around town to find her. Apparently kidnapping the bride is a time-honored tradition. Germans are nuts.)

I guess my point is, yes, you CAN split it up, at least in theory, because my parents did, quite successfully. I think for them, the second wedding was more of a celebration, but if I remember correctly there WAS still a ceremony. Dad was in the Army, and I remember seeing wedding pictures of them walking under the swords down the isle. I really should find out the details of how they pulled all this off tactfully. If you are interested I will post again once I find out more details from them.

Finally, I'm very, very sorry you are going through this. I know, intimately, how painful it is, and you have all my sympathy. I guess my parting advice would be to think about *why* you want him at the wedding--I mean, beyond the obvious. What specific role did you picture him in. If you can identify the specific reasons, you may be able to think of some alternatives that satisfies, at least to some extent, your wish for his participation. For me, I actually had wanted to ask my dad to be the officiant, AND, the "master of ceremonies" at the reception. He's very gregarious and would have been *brilliant*. In his current condition, though, it's out of the question. He will never be able to fill those roles. So I realized that having him bless our union in some official capacity will satisfy the other reasons I wanted him present, without having to rush the wedding.

And, knotties, please forgive me for this, and I hope you understand my real sentiment here, but--My other realization was, our wedding is for US. That is, as much as I love him, I'm not getting married for my dad. The wedding should be about me and my fiance beginning our future together. The people I love are important and I want to share that day, but I felt like rushing it so much would have taken away from "us." It's ok to prioritize the both of you on your wedding day.

Fran1985 · September 2013

@classyduck I think you make some really great points. But your point about the two weddings- the JOP and then the "social" wedding, is really frowned upon. That's what all the other posters were saying, you do not want to do that for a number of reasons. One of the biggest being that many guests won't go. Some will find it offensive, others just plan silly. But I agree with your last paragraph, and very sorry that you are going through something similar to the OP. I think its important to remember that even if you did a small ceremony with your dad, I don't think that would lesson the amount you miss him if you redid a bigger ceremony. And I truly feel that on the day you get married, whether he is physically there or not, you will feel him there in spirit.

classyduck · September 2013

Fran1985 said:

@classyduck I think you make some really great points. But your point about the two weddings- the JOP and then the "social" wedding, is really frowned upon. That's what all the other posters were saying, you do not want to do that for a number of reasons. One of the biggest being that many guests won't go. Some will find it offensive, others just plan silly.

I definitely understand that perspective after having read posts. But, it was a bit of a surprise to me to find that so many people felt this way, since this is exactly what my parents did. Now, it was 41 years ago, and in another country. Does that make a difference? Probably. But not only were the guests not offended, my dad's whole family flew half way across the world to go to his wedding. My parents wedding is still one of the most talked about (in a good way) weddings in the family.

Like I said, I want to ask more questions of my parents about how they pulled this off. I think the OP should use caution if he does choose to do this, though, because as many other posters have mentioned, it can be viewed negatively by guests. So, yes, not suggesting he shouldn't heed the warnings others have offered. Take my parent's experience in context, and weighed against other advice given here, for sure.

Alex3Mom · September 2013

I absolutely agree with all but one of the posts and will add that if you get married early, you probably will not really want a "do over" anyway. It's hard to explain, but the day you're married becomes a special day just because it is your wedding day. You don't need the big deal PPD day to make this day special, and, of course, I'm so sorry you even have to make this decision.

PrettyGirlLost · September 2013

classyduck said:

Fran1985 said:

@classyduck I think you make some really great points. But your point about the two weddings- the JOP and then the "social" wedding, is really frowned upon. That's what all the other posters were saying, you do not want to do that for a number of reasons. One of the biggest being that many guests won't go. Some will find it offensive, others just plan silly.

I definitely understand that perspective after having read posts. But, it was a bit of a surprise to me to find that so many people felt this way, since this is exactly what my parents did. Now, it was 41 years ago, and in another country. Does that make a difference? Probably. But not only were the guests not offended, my dad's whole family flew half way across the world to go to his wedding. My parents wedding is still one of the most talked about (in a good way) weddings in the family.

Like I said, I want to ask more questions of my parents about how they pulled this off. I think the OP should use caution if he does choose to do this, though, because as many other posters have mentioned, it can be viewed negatively by guests. So, yes, not suggesting he shouldn't heed the warnings others have offered. Take my parent's experience in context, and weighed against other advice given here, for sure.

Recently, be it on these boards somewhere, another forum, or it may have been with FB friends, I saw a discussion about marriage laws in a foreign country- I thought it was Germany. It was said that in order to have a church marriage, you had to be legally married within the court system and have your marriage license be publicly posted for a week before you could have your religious wedding ceremony.

Maybe this was the deal with your parents?

mimiphin · September 2013

You get married once, one ceremony, one reception. Anymore than that and you are having a PPD and lying to your guests. You have a wedding when you sign the licence- that's it!

ETA: Sometimes in europe you have 2 ceremonies the legal one and the religious one, but that is required by law. (Google Grace Kelly when she became the Princess of Monaco)

classyduck · September 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:
Recently, be it on these boards somewhere, another forum, or it may have been with FB friends, I saw a discussion about marriage laws in a foreign country- I thought it was Germany. It was said that in order to have a church marriage, you had to be legally married within the court system and have your marriage license be publicly posted for a week before you could have your religious wedding ceremony.

Maybe this was the deal with your parents?

Bingo.

I asked them about this today. So yes, my perception of this as an "acceptable practice" here in America has definitely been skewed by my parent's history.

In Germany, the legal marriage is often considered paperwork (usually accompanied by light celebration), and guests understand that it has to be done ahead of time, so they don't really consider it "the wedding." Everyone knows the church wedding is "the real one."

Another complicating factor was that my parents wanted married housing on the army base my dad was stationed at ahead of time so that they would have a spare bed and a couch to put up his relatives when they got there. But, they had to be legally married to get the housing. For these reasons, they got married about a month before the church wedding so they had time to get set up.

So, definitely very specific situational and cultural circumstances applied to their wedding. Thank you knotties for correcting me on this! Every once in a while, since I was raised by a German mother, I find out I'm wrong about an American custom. -- in fact recently, when I got engaged, I put my ring on the right hand. My Fiance was like, "it goes on your left hand..." and I said, "not until I'm married!" Apparently that is also not a thing in America, but is a German custom as well. Oops.

Liatris2010 · September 2013

Hey OP, I'm not going to comment on the etiquette of two ceremonies because there is already a lot of good advice in here. What I will comment on is the "big traditional wedding". Celebrating our marriage with friends and family was great. But a white dress didn't make it great, walking down the aisle didn't make it great, tosses and dollar dances didn't make it great either. What makes it great is celebrating a happy occasion with people who love you.

nascar02zp · October 2013

Well first off, I would like to thank some of you for your comments on here. They were very helpful, others I have to say I am appalled by some of your comments as they are very rude and if I could come to your home and slap you across the face, I would. It is obvious that some of you on here are concerned strictly with etiquette and what other people think of your wedding than what your wedding actually means to you.

After much deliberation and a sudden change in events (for the worse unfortunately) my fiance and I have decided to keep our wedding plans as they sit for next year. We had started planning on having a smaller intimate wedding ceremony within the next few weeks, even though after calling our vendors already on board, only half of them would give us deposits back and the wedding dress would not be here and was a non-refundable deposit, but we planned on having the Ceremony early so that my father could be a part of it. Unfortunately, during the course of the last week, my father's health has made a quick turn for the worse. My fiance and I re-discussed things the other night and decided to just keep the original wedding plans so we can give all of our attention to my father right now and not be distracted trying to plan an emergency wedding.

I liked some of your ideas about having a small blessing of the rings in which my father could have been a part of but as I am atheist and my fiance agnostic and our entire ceremony will be done non-religiously, I feel it would have really been an empty gesture seeing as how our whole family knows I am non-religious.

It was very difficult last night as we had my father enrolled in Hospice and had the social worker over to get his case set up and my father said that his ultimate goal was to live until our wedding next year to see us get married and start our lives, but he know knows that it isn't going to happen as he has only weeks to live at this point.

So again I would like to thank some of your for your support and thoughts on this and I would certainly like to thank the numerous people who contacted me privately by message, as they didn't want to be slammed by the hard core and narrow minded strictly etiquette members who have done some posts on here. Thank you.

AroundTheBlock · October 2013

My deep condolences on your father's ill health. Only you can decide what is right for you and your family in these difficult circumstances. May you and your fiance enjoy a long and joyous marriage together, and may you honour your father's memory by living joyously and free of judgementalism and the fear of others' judgement as you have shown yourself to be here.

Dreamergirl8812 · October 2013

nascar02zp said:
Well first off, I would like to thank some of you for your comments on here. They were very helpful, others I have to say I am appalled by some of your comments as they are very rude and if I could come to your home and slap you across the face, I would. It is obvious that some of you on here are concerned strictly with etiquette and what other people think of your wedding than what your wedding actually means to you.

After much deliberation and a sudden change in events (for the worse unfortunately) my fiance and I have decided to keep our wedding plans as they sit for next year. We had started planning on having a smaller intimate wedding ceremony within the next few weeks, even though after calling our vendors already on board, only half of them would give us deposits back and the wedding dress would not be here and was a non-refundable deposit, but we planned on having the Ceremony early so that my father could be a part of it. Unfortunately, during the course of the last week, my father's health has made a quick turn for the worse. My fiance and I re-discussed things the other night and decided to just keep the original wedding plans so we can give all of our attention to my father right now and not be distracted trying to plan an emergency wedding.

I liked some of your ideas about having a small blessing of the rings in which my father could have been a part of but as I am atheist and my fiance agnostic and our entire ceremony will be done non-religiously, I feel it would have really been an empty gesture seeing as how our whole family knows I am non-religious.

It was very difficult last night as we had my father enrolled in Hospice and had the social worker over to get his case set up and my father said that his ultimate goal was to live until our wedding next year to see us get married and start our lives, but he know knows that it isn't going to happen as he has only weeks to live at this point.

So again I would like to thank some of your for your support and thoughts on this and I would certainly like to thank the numerous people who contacted me privately by message, as they didn't want to be slammed by the hard core and narrow minded strictly etiquette members who have done some posts on here. Thank you.

Because threats of violence are awesome *sarcasm.

cruffino · October 2013

nascar02zp said:

Well first off, I would like to thank some of you for your comments on here. They were very helpful, others I have to say I am appalled by some of your comments as they are very rude and if I could come to your home and slap you across the face, I would. It is obvious that some of you on here are concerned strictly with etiquette and what other people think of your wedding than what your wedding actually means to you.

After much deliberation and a sudden change in events (for the worse unfortunately) my fiance and I have decided to keep our wedding plans as they sit for next year. We had started planning on having a smaller intimate wedding ceremony within the next few weeks, even though after calling our vendors already on board, only half of them would give us deposits back and the wedding dress would not be here and was a non-refundable deposit, but we planned on having the Ceremony early so that my father could be a part of it. Unfortunately, during the course of the last week, my father's health has made a quick turn for the worse. My fiance and I re-discussed things the other night and decided to just keep the original wedding plans so we can give all of our attention to my father right now and not be distracted trying to plan an emergency wedding.

I liked some of your ideas about having a small blessing of the rings in which my father could have been a part of but as I am atheist and my fiance agnostic and our entire ceremony will be done non-religiously, I feel it would have really been an empty gesture seeing as how our whole family knows I am non-religious.

It was very difficult last night as we had my father enrolled in Hospice and had the social worker over to get his case set up and my father said that his ultimate goal was to live until our wedding next year to see us get married and start our lives, but he know knows that it isn't going to happen as he has only weeks to live at this point.

So again I would like to thank some of your for your support and thoughts on this and I would certainly like to thank the numerous people who contacted me privately by message, as they didn't want to be slammed by the hard core and narrow minded strictly etiquette members who have done some posts on here. Thank you.

i'm so sorry to hear about your dad. i hope all of you find peace.

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

nascar02zp said:

Well first off, I would like to thank some of you for your comments on here. They were very helpful, others I have to say I am appalled by some of your comments as they are very rude and if I could come to your home and slap you across the face, I would. (?!?!?!?!?!) It is obvious that some of you on here are concerned strictly with etiquette and what other people think of your wedding than what your wedding actually means to you.

After much deliberation and a sudden change in events (for the worse unfortunately) my fiance and I have decided to keep our wedding plans as they sit for next year. We had started planning on having a smaller intimate wedding ceremony within the next few weeks, even though after calling our vendors already on board, only half of them would give us deposits back and the wedding dress would not be here and was a non-refundable deposit, but we planned on having the Ceremony early so that my father could be a part of it. Unfortunately, during the course of the last week, my father's health has made a quick turn for the worse. My fiance and I re-discussed things the other night and decided to just keep the original wedding plans so we can give all of our attention to my father right now and not be distracted trying to plan an emergency wedding. I think that's a really wonderful choice that you will not regret. I'm sure your father appreciates the thought, but just wants to spend time with you.

I liked some of your ideas about having a small blessing of the rings in which my father could have been a part of but as I am atheist and my fiance agnostic and our entire ceremony will be done non-religiously, I feel it would have really been an empty gesture seeing as how our whole family knows I am non-religious.

It was very difficult last night as we had my father enrolled in Hospice and had the social worker over to get his case set up and my father said that his ultimate goal was to live until our wedding next year to see us get married and start our lives, but he know knows that it isn't going to happen as he has only weeks to live at this point. I'm very sorry to hear that and your family will be in my thoughts.

So again I would like to thank some of your for your support and thoughts on this and I would certainly like to thank the numerous people who contacted me privately by message, as they didn't want to be slammed by the hard core and narrow minded strictly etiquette members who have done some posts on here. Thank you.

I think you made a really good choice to focus on your father and spending time with him versus spending your time/energy on trying to fit a wedding in. I hope you and your family are able to find peace during this difficult time.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

@nascar02zp - threatening any sort of violence against posters is absurd, inappropriate, rude, and offensive. Every single poster gave you good advice in regards to your situation. Just because you don't like certain ideas or opinions does not give you the right to come back and threaten anyone. And your hard and emotional time does not excuse that.

arrippa · October 2013

nascar02zp said:

Well first off, I would like to thank some of you for your comments on here. They were very helpful, others I have to say I am appalled by some of your comments as they are very rude and if I could come to your home and slap you across the face, I would. It is obvious that some of you on here are concerned strictly with etiquette and what other people think of your wedding than what your wedding actually means to you.

After much deliberation and a sudden change in events (for the worse unfortunately) my fiance and I have decided to keep our wedding plans as they sit for next year. We had started planning on having a smaller intimate wedding ceremony within the next few weeks, even though after calling our vendors already on board, only half of them would give us deposits back and the wedding dress would not be here and was a non-refundable deposit, but we planned on having the Ceremony early so that my father could be a part of it. Unfortunately, during the course of the last week, my father's health has made a quick turn for the worse. My fiance and I re-discussed things the other night and decided to just keep the original wedding plans so we can give all of our attention to my father right now and not be distracted trying to plan an emergency wedding.

I liked some of your ideas about having a small blessing of the rings in which my father could have been a part of but as I am atheist and my fiance agnostic and our entire ceremony will be done non-religiously, I feel it would have really been an empty gesture seeing as how our whole family knows I am non-religious.

It was very difficult last night as we had my father enrolled in Hospice and had the social worker over to get his case set up and my father said that his ultimate goal was to live until our wedding next year to see us get married and start our lives, but he know knows that it isn't going to happen as he has only weeks to live at this point.

So again I would like to thank some of your for your support and thoughts on this and I would certainly like to thank the numerous people who contacted me privately by message, as they didn't want to be slammed by the hard core and narrow minded strictly etiquette members who have done some posts on here. Thank you.

I am sorry to hear about your father. I know how much stress and sadness you must be feeling.

However,

We focused on etiquette because this is an etiquette board. No ifs, ands or buts about it. I am sorry if you are not getting the answers you like but that doesn't make us narrow minded or hard core. It certainly doesn't justify threats of violence against us.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

@nascar02zp - it is also horrible to not only threaten violence, but as a man, threaten violence against women who make up the majority of this forum as well as this thread. You really should be ashamed of yourself.

mimiphin · October 2013

nascar02zp said:

Well first off, I would like to thank some of you for your comments on here. They were very helpful, others I have to say I am appalled by some of your comments as they are very rude and if I could come to your home and slap you across the face, I would. Come on, I dare you. It is obvious that some of you on here are concerned strictly with etiquette and what other people think of your wedding than what your wedding actually means to you.

After much deliberation and a sudden change in events (for the worse unfortunately) my fiance and I have decided to keep our wedding plans as they sit for next year. We had started planning on having a smaller intimate wedding ceremony within the next few weeks, even though after calling our vendors already on board, only half of them would give us deposits back and the wedding dress would not be here and was a non-refundable deposit, but we planned on having the Ceremony early so that my father could be a part of it. Unfortunately, during the course of the last week, my father's health has made a quick turn for the worse. My fiance and I re-discussed things the other night and decided to just keep the original wedding plans so we can give all of our attention to my father right now and not be distracted trying to plan an emergency wedding.

I liked some of your ideas about having a small blessing of the rings in which my father could have been a part of but as I am atheist and my fiance agnostic and our entire ceremony will be done non-religiously, I feel it would have really been an empty gesture seeing as how our whole family knows I am non-religious.

It was very difficult last night as we had my father enrolled in Hospice and had the social worker over to get his case set up and my father said that his ultimate goal was to live until our wedding next year to see us get married and start our lives, but he know knows that it isn't going to happen as he has only weeks to live at this point Then move your wedding date and lose out on your money, or suck it up and have your wedding when you orginaly planed

So again I would like to thank some of your for your support and thoughts on this and I would certainly like to thank the numerous people who contacted me privately by message, as they didn't want to be slammed by the hard core and narrow minded strictly etiquette members who have done some posts on here. Thank you.

Posts like this make me mad!

If I had this when my Mum died I would have said to hell with the big fancy wedding and done a city hall JOP. But I didn't She died when I was 15 (cancer, we had about a month from the time she went into palitive care), Didn't get to meet my SO, Didn't get to see my High School/ University Grad, Didn't even get the opportunity to be apart of my anything to do with my wedding.

So again as others sorry, your dad dying sucks but you get one wedding, not two.

Enjoy the time you had/still have with him.

Having 2 wedding Ceremony's

Re: Having 2 wedding Ceremony's

Choose Another Board

Search Boards