I think my dad might have screwed up my ceremony location

KD+AR · September 2013

I don't know how to handle this.... Long story is. My dad said that the town hall from the small town I gew up in only charges $100 for the use of it for a day. Since I live in the neighboring town I can't rent it out on my own and would need his help to do it. So a month ago I give him the check for $200, the day before and the day of. The check has not been cashed and the money is still sitting there. When I looked at the town hall calender the day of my wedding now states Ham and bean supper.... Granted that is at 5pm and my ceremony is at 11am, but he told me that day was already set aside for us because he knows the receptionist. I am too nervous to ask if he has actually gone over there yet because I got into an argument with my step mother a few weeks ago because I asked them to mail out a check to the bakery for our cake deposit and they had asked me if it was sent to so I called to verify and she got upset that I didn't trust her. I am just really stressed because it has been a month and I am nervous that I won't have a place for my ceremony. And I am too afraid of calling the town hall themselves because if the receptionist really is his friend then she may mention that I called to ask if it was booked...That will just start another fight.

This is stressing me out.

melbelleup · September 2013

Ugh. that sucks. You really need to do it yourself. Don't feel bad about nagging your dad though. I nag my FMIL (well, fiance does) and I nag my dad about payments all the time. Everyone needs reminders. I would give the receptionist a call, ask and then talk to your father about the check. But really, I would cancel the check, then send town hall a new check VIA mail. That way you know it gets done.

doeydo · September 2013

You're too nervous/afraid to ask your dad, and you're too nervous/afraid to call the venue... Is he, your father, abusive or something? ETA grammar

kmmssg · September 2013

Just because you don't live in that township doesn't mean you can't call the township offices and ask if the wedding time has been reserved and paid for. Call them.

Dreamergirl8812 · September 2013

Ask your dad.

zitiqueen · September 2013

doeydo said:

You're too nervous/afraid to ask your dad, and you're too nervous/afraid to call the venue... Is he, your father, abusive or something? ETA grammar

If you're too scared to ask your dad a simple question or too scared to pick up the phone and make a phone call, are you sure you're ready to be married?

JaneAustensGhost · September 2013

If the ceremony is at 11am and the reception is at 5pm your gap is way too long.

KD+AR · September 2013

The call has nothing to do with my marriage or my fiance and who I love. That question is a bit out of line. And I can't send the check myself because I don't live in the town, so they can't book the date for a non resident.

I am nervous about creating extra tension in my family as I had already asked a question regarding sending something out already and it made my step mother feel as if I didn't trust her, and it hurt her feelings.

So... I don't want to hurt feelings, no one is abusive I am just a high strung person who is 7 months out and am nervous that Ham and Beans trumps my wedding... For all I know its such a small town that they do bank runs once a month.... I just am really nervous.

KD+AR · September 2013

No, the ceremony is at 10:30 am and the reception starts at noon. So it give about an hour for the ceremony and 30 minutes for the travel time. (reception is 15 minutes away but people linger)

doeydo · September 2013

Just ask/talk to your father. Or, if you are uncomfortable with that, just call the venue. Sorry if I offended, I only asked because you kept saying how nervous/afraid you were of asking him a simple question.

KD+AR · September 2013

My relatioship with my father used to be very strained.... he is still the only person who can really upset me... and I don't want to put our relationship under any more stress as it is since he is working 60 hours a week to help pay for the honeymoon, and I am working a full time job and under performance reviews for a promotion, plus I go to school and I am planning a wedding so my anxiety is through the roof. I really want to stop planning for like a month a take a step back and breath for a little bit...

Sorry if I am touchy.

SP29 · September 2013

Or, you could call your dad and ask him if he could follow up with the venue on why the cheque has not been cashed yet- no pointing fingers or assuming that he didn't do it, you are asking why the ceremony site hasn't followed through.

KD+AR · September 2013

Thats a good option. Thanks SP29...

classyduck · September 2013

zitiqueen said:
If you're too scared to ask your dad a simple question or too scared to pick up the phone and make a phone call, are you sure you're ready to be married?

omfg, her family hasn't responded very awesomely to her in the past, and because of that, she's uncomfortable with asking him directly about this, so you question her readiness for marriage??? Man I wish every family were as perfect as yours.

JaneAustensGhost said:

If the ceremony is at 11am and the reception is at 5pm your gap is way too long.

come on. you didn't even read OP's post very carefully at all.

kmmssg said:

Just because you don't live in that township doesn't mean you can't call the township offices and ask if the wedding time has been reserved and paid for. Call them.

Here you go. This is a great start.

Read between the lines guys. Simple questions in complicated families aren't simple. Clearly the OP has some rough terrain to navigate. This isn't as easy for her as phoning up dad for a chat, that's why she's posting here.

OP, your first task is to find out, definitively, if your venue is booked. Get creative if you need to, but find out. The other posters make good points, though; if there is a way you can talk to your dad about this, then do so.

If that is too risky for your family situation, you will need to find another way to secure a venue. Update us once you know for sure if your venue is booked. If it isn't, then I hope the very resourceful knotties of this place can help you brainstorm helpful ideas.

MairePoppy · September 2013

You're making this more complicated than it should be. Call the town hall receptionist and verify the times that are reserved for you to decorate and have the ceremony. Prepare a list of questions about the kinds of decorations you can use, if there is a florist/chair rental place that has done weddings there before, who will be there to let you in, etc...If your SM gets mad about that, then she has a problem.

In the future, make all payments to your vendors directly so you won't have to worry about whether the checks arrive on time.

zitiqueen · September 2013

classyduck said:

zitiqueen said:

If you're too scared to ask your dad a simple question or too scared to pick up the phone and make a phone call, are you sure you're ready to be married?
omfg, her family hasn't responded very awesomely to her in the past, and because of that, she's uncomfortable with asking him directly about this, so you question her readiness for marriage??? Man I wish every family were as perfect as yours.

JaneAustensGhost said:

If the ceremony is at 11am and the reception is at 5pm your gap is way too long.
come on. you didn't even read OP's post very carefully at all.

kmmssg said:

Just because you don't live in that township doesn't mean you can't call the township offices and ask if the wedding time has been reserved and paid for. Call them.
Here you go. This is a great start.

Read between the lines guys. Simple questions in complicated families aren't simple. Clearly the OP has some rough terrain to navigate. This isn't as easy for her as phoning up dad for a chat, that's why she's posting here.

OP, your first task is to find out, definitively, if your venue is booked. Get creative if you need to, but find out. The other posters make good points, though; if there is a way you can talk to your dad about this, then do so.

If that is too risky for your family situation, you will need to find another way to secure a venue. Update us once you know for sure if your venue is booked. If it isn't, then I hope the very resourceful knotties of this place can help you brainstorm helpful ideas.

If her family hasn't responded awesomely to her in the past, then she should have known better than to involve them in the wedding planning and accepted their offer to pay. If she and her FI had paid for everything themselves and taken care of all of the arrangements themselves, she wouldn't be in the corner wringing her hands over making a phone call.

Okay, fine. Wait until the day before to find out you don't have a location, all because you were too scared to pick up the damn phone. Just don't complain about it to anybody, ever.

MairePoppy · September 2013

TBH - as soon as someone accuses me of not trusting her, I stop trusting her. Her reaction to you asking about the cake deposit, after the bakery called you, was strange. Call the town hall.

QueerFemme · September 2013

Pick up the phone and call the town immediately. Honestly, if they are hosting a ham & bean supper at 5pm, I would be worried also. They are probably going to want to get in there by 2 or 3pm to set up for that.

KatWAG · September 2013

@queerfemme, are you back from the pro-boards?

QueerFemme · September 2013

KatWAG said:

@queerfemme, are you back from the pro-boards?

Not really. I pop over here from time to time when someone tells me "omg, you need to go look at this thread" and then I'll bounce around for a minute or two.

NYCMercedes · September 2013

Well, I'll just love it while you're here.

classyduck · September 2013

zitiqueen said:

If her family hasn't responded awesomely to her in the past, then she should have known better than to involve them in the wedding planning and accepted their offer to pay. If she and her FI had paid for everything themselves and taken care of all of the arrangements themselves, she wouldn't be in the corner wringing her hands over making a phone call.

Okay, fine. Wait until the day before to find out you don't have a location, all because you were too scared to pick up the damn phone. Just don't complain about it to anybody, ever.

I just felt bad for her because she came here for advice; she probably made some bad decisions by involving her family yes, but that's where she is now. Questioning her readiness for marriage just seemed to go a bit far to me. Or I'm just naive. Maybe some of both.

I definitely think if there is a way she can call her dad that she should do so, that is obviously the most direct way to solve this. But from her posts, it sounded like that might have other negative consequences as well. I think the suggestions about calling the venue were good ones. But you are right, she certainly shouldn't wait too much longer to figure this out, even if it means calling her dad.

Dreamergirl8812 · October 2013

classyduck said:

zitiqueen said:

If her family hasn't responded awesomely to her in the past, then she should have known better than to involve them in the wedding planning and accepted their offer to pay. If she and her FI had paid for everything themselves and taken care of all of the arrangements themselves, she wouldn't be in the corner wringing her hands over making a phone call.

Okay, fine. Wait until the day before to find out you don't have a location, all because you were too scared to pick up the damn phone. Just don't complain about it to anybody, ever.

I just felt bad for her because she came here for advice; she probably made some bad decisions by involving her family yes, but that's where she is now. Questioning her readiness for marriage just seemed to go a bit far to me. Or I'm just naive. Maybe some of both.

I definitely think if there is a way she can call her dad that she should do so, that is obviously the most direct way to solve this. But from her posts, it sounded like that might have other negative consequences as well. I think the suggestions about calling the venue were good ones. But you are right, she certainly shouldn't wait too much longer to figure this out, even if it means calling her dad.

2 options OP: Call your dad, or call the venue pretending to be a new bride inquiring as to the availability of the town call on x date.

Iloveshanej · October 2013

I would make a call like others suggested asking about any rules they may have and confirm the date as well. You don't need to stress over it and that would be a way to find out without seeming as though you don't trust your father.

KD+AR · October 2013

Thanks Ladies... I still think there is a confusion of the whole situation from some people here... Like the comment made about us not paying for it.

My fiance and I are paying for nearly everything.

But I did speak with my father, he actually brought it up not me. He had put in the application the following day but because they have to wait for the town council to approve it before the funds went in. He also advised me of other complications..... for example because of the dinner later in the day, we would be expected to clean and put everything back directly after the ceremony. and then my parents would have to leave the reception early to check it all and lock it back up.

Due to this I spoke to my fiance and our reception vendor. We have moved our ceremony to the reception location. ( the reason I didn't do this to begin with is because there is no isle, people would have to sit at the reception tables during the ceremony) but it saves us $200.00 for the rental space plus the decorations and time with the DJ.

Thanks for the help ladies....

I do have to say though, that when some of us come here for help on how to approach things because we haven't been married before and we need the advice from someone more experienced or an outside perspective..... and there are times where the responses we get are harsh, unfriendly, and sometimes just mean. I thought this was a place to get advice or help. Just sayin.

zitiqueen · October 2013

KD+AR said:

Thanks Ladies... I still think there is a confusion of the whole situation from some people here... Like the comment made about us not paying for it.
My fiance and I are paying for nearly everything.

But I did speak with my father, he actually brought it up not me. He had put in the application the following day but because they have to wait for the town council to approve it before the funds went in. He also advised me of other complications..... for example because of the dinner later in the day, we would be expected to clean and put everything back directly after the ceremony. and then my parents would have to leave the reception early to check it all and lock it back up.

Due to this I spoke to my fiance and our reception vendor. We have moved our ceremony to the reception location. ( the reason I didn't do this to begin with is because there is no isle, people would have to sit at the reception tables during the ceremony) but it saves us $200.00 for the rental space plus the decorations and time with the DJ.

Thanks for the help ladies....

I do have to say though, that when some of us come here for help on how to approach things because we haven't been married before and we need the advice from someone more experienced or an outside perspective..... and there are times where the responses we get are harsh, unfriendly, and sometimes just mean. I thought this was a place to get advice or help. Just sayin.

You did get advice and help. It just wasn't covered with rainbow-colored unicorn puke.

KD+AR · October 2013

I am not asking for Rainbow puke, I am saying people on this site are sometimes less than courteous.

Wouldn't you be offended if you had a hard relationship with your parents at times and you asked for advice and someone questioned if you should be getting married? It was rude. Especially where my strained relationship with my parents has nothing to do with my fiance. AT ALL.

And it wasn't just on this post. And not just to me. I have heard other brides say it too. There are just more polite ways to say things to people.

Dreamergirl8812 · October 2013

KD+AR said:

I am not asking for Rainbow puke, I am saying people on this site are sometimes less than courteous.

Wouldn't you be offended if you had a hard relationship with your parents at times and you asked for advice and someone questioned if you should be getting married? It was rude. Especially where my strained relationship with my parents has nothing to do with my fiance. AT ALL.
And it wasn't just on this post. And not just to me. I have heard other brides say it too. There are just more polite ways to say things to people.

People took the time to give you advice. Sometimes that involves asking you honest questions to help us understand the situation. If you can't handle people asking about your family, don't post about your family.

Because you are a grown woman, people may speak to you like you're a grown woman, rather than patting you on the head and talking to you like you might faint at the slightest sign of negativity.

HisGirlFriday13 · October 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

KD+AR said:

I am not asking for Rainbow puke, I am saying people on this site are sometimes less than courteous.

Wouldn't you be offended if you had a hard relationship with your parents at times and you asked for advice and someone questioned if you should be getting married? It was rude. Especially where my strained relationship with my parents has nothing to do with my fiance. AT ALL.
And it wasn't just on this post. And not just to me. I have heard other brides say it too. There are just more polite ways to say things to people.

People took the time to give you advice. Sometimes that involves asking you honest questions to help us understand the situation. If you can't handle people asking about your family, don't post about your family.

Because you are a grown woman, people may speak to you like you're a grown woman, rather than patting you on the head and talking to you like you might faint at the slightest sign of negativity.

This. If you can't handle difficult conversations -- and we all have difficult relationships with people in our families -- then people are going to question whether you're ready for marriage. It's not being mean, it's being honest, because marriage is going to be hard and raw and real and difficult. No one was mean.