I am frustrated with this whole process of wedding planning. My Fiance and I have been proactive in our talks about getting married. In the beginning we made it very clear our wants, needs, plans for the future. We have taken things slow to make sure this is what we really want. We then decided we wanted to start pre-marital counseling to better prepare us as a couple and to strengthen any areas we needed to improve upon. After a few months of meeting with our counselor, we decided to start ring shopping. I happen to be looking at the year 2014 with a co-worker who was trying to pick a date and noticed our anniversary fell on a Friday. When I looked at the year of 2015 I saw that we could have our wedding on our anniversary due to it falling on a Saturday. I brought this up with my FI and we both agreed to the date b/c it was nothing special to anyone but us as far as our friends and family were concerned. We informed our family back in June of our engagement and the date we had picked out. We have been very public about the beginning process. Everything was going great until a month ago.
His best friend proposed to his long time girlfriend. She wants to get married the same day. Now due to my crazy work schedule I have not been able to call her to talk to her, I only get tidbits from my boyfriend whom she asks things through text messages. From what I can tell, there is no attachment to this day for them since they started dating in the fall & their birthdays are in the winter. Every time I ask my FI to call and ask questions and get a feel for things, he beats around the bush and says he wants me to be there incase she asks something and needs my opinion. Yesterday, she messages him that they have reconsidered getting married two weeks before us. Yay, right? Kinda sorta. Don't get me wrong, I can work with our weddings being two weeks apart but there are other issues. We are from Wisconsin and are currently located in Missouri for my FI's Grad school. Its an 8 hour drive one way to go home for either wedding and family functions. Compound the fact I have to take vacation time anytime we go home due to my work leaving less for our wedding and honeymoon. If I say this is okay, we have to drive up and back two weeks before our own wedding that we will be stressing over, plus double the tux rental, gas money, and she is already expecting things from my FI as far as availability whom I barely see right now and we live together. My FI thinks we should just hold our weddings the same day and run between the two. If looks could kill, i'd be single for sure.
I haven't actually talked to her so I asked my FI to tell them when we come up next weekend we want to meet for lunch to discuss all of this. I know I am being selfish about all of this but I am so frustrated and exhausted I wanted some opinions on what I could do. How should I approach this when we get together to discuss it? When I brought this up with my manager today, she was not happy about me needing to leave for two weekends during our busy season. Should I mention it was an actual argument when I told her MY wedding date? I don't really want to plan a wedding from 8 hours away to also have to deal with another wedding on top of it. I also don't want to give up my date b/c it has so much meaning for the both of us. We both enjoy sharing how we met. I already have a wedding planner and a venue picked out that are available and I want to secure them but I feel uncomfortable doing so until I talk with them. Any help or advice would be great for when we do see them. I want to handle it in a way that leaves no one feeling hurt or upset b/c their day is just as important as mine. I also know I don't always have the knack for saying the right thing, instead it comes out wrong. Thank you for the help and thank you for letting me vent.