Wedding is OOT, does there need to be a "Hometown" reception?

phalendesign · October 2013

Hello,

I've been back and forth about this topic for the past couple of weeks. Curious if any brides have been in a similar situation and could give any advice on how they approached it?

Originally, I'm from southern Iowa, but my fiance and I live in central Minnesota. We have decided to get married in Minnesota, which makes it a 5 hour drive for my family. We will be having a large wedding and reception in Minnesota, but curious if we should host a smaller (and laid back) reception in Iowa for my family and friends who aren't able to attend? Assuming not everyone will be able to make the trip due to finances and the distance.

Any advice on etiquette would be appreciated. Thank you!

bakerie · October 2013

You do not have to have one if you don't want to. However, if you want to, as long as everyone who would be at the smaller reception is invited to the wedding, I think it's okay.

OliveOilsMom · October 2013

phalendesign said:

Hello,

I've been back and forth about this topic for the past couple of weeks. Curious if any brides have been in a similar situation and could give any advice on how they approached it?

Originally, I'm from southern Iowa, but my fiance and I live in central Minnesota. We have decided to get married in Minnesota, which makes it a 5 hour drive for my family. We will be having a large wedding and reception in Minnesota, but curious if we should host a smaller (and laid back) reception in Iowa for my family and friends who aren't able to attend? Assuming not everyone will be able to make the trip due to finances and the distance.

Any advice on etiquette would be appreciated. Thank you!

No, it's not necessary. However, if you want to go this route, the AHR (at home reception) must be the same people who were invited to the wedding, but couldn't make it. You should not be adding any guests to the AHR that would not be invited to the wedding itself.

LDubHawksFan · October 2013

That is not far enough in my opinion to warrant a at home reception. I'm from Iowa originally and 95% of my family came to CA for our wedding....we also gave almost a years notice to them. Some people couldn't come, but that is the reality of life. As I'm sure you are aware, we drive long distances in the Midwest....heck growing up driving an hr to DSM to go to a store other than Walmart is nothing. I'm willing to bet most will travel to MN.

I personally think at home receptions, period, are a little AWish. You get one day and any party afterward is not going to be the same as sharing in your wedding day.

[Deleted User] · October 2013

Even if you had one in your hometown, not everyone will be able to make it. I vote one reception

doeydo · October 2013

It's only a 5 hours drive. I drove 8 hours once to go to my sister's graduation without a thought of "maybe it's too far". I am sure people would be able to make it you your wedding. Just invite everyone and if some people can't come, you could have a sort of reunion or something in your hometown. I don't see how having a "mini-reception" would make them feel like they haven't missed anything.

WildMagelet · October 2013

I don't really think it's super far to travel for a wedding if it is somewhere you can conveniently travel to and from in a weekend for a Saturday afternoon/evening wedding. All-day drives and flights get trickier because people may not be able to get time off of work/school.

I would invite everybody, plan on hosting everybody, and re-evaluate after your wedding. If you get a lot of declines from IA and many people who express to you that they'd like to opportunity to celebrate with you closer to home you can always look at doing a more laid-back celebration then. Otherwise you can just make a point to go and visit, invite over, or meet for dinner people who couldn't make it and catch up with them later down the road.

phalendesign · October 2013

Thank you all for the quick responses! You've all really put it into perspective for me and brought up some truly great points. Appreciate all the feedback ladies!

AroundTheBlock · October 2013

Well, offering guests hospitality is a polite and virtuous thing to do. You can do it any time you want to (and can afford to), with Etiquette's full approval. You can even call it a "reception" if you wish, since from the perspective of standard etiquette a "reception" is any afternoon event where a hostess
"receives" guests (quixotically, the same event in the evening would be called a "salon"). But in this case I recommend against it, not because a five-hour drive is easy or feasible, but because southern Iowa is no longer your home and it isn't really an out-of-towner's place to set herself up to "receive" local inhabitants.

That being said, if I were your mother (or great-aunt, since I don't really identify with motherhood) then I would try to arrange with you to have a free afternoon the first time post-wedding that you and your husband come into town, and invite you as guests-of-honour to a reception at my home.That way I could offer the local family and friends who didn't get to attend your Minnesota wedding, an opportunity to congratulate you if they wish.

Dreamergirl8812 · October 2013

How do threads get deemed "answered?"

WildMagelet · October 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

How do threads get deemed "answered?"

It's my understanding that it's something that the OP can do.

Jen4948 · October 2013

There's no requirement that there has to be an in-town celebration if the wedding is out-of-town.

If you do this, though, only people invited to the out-of-town wedding should be invited to the in-town celebration. Otherwise, to invite people to the in-town celebration who aren't invited to the wedding smacks of "Nya, nya, you are good enough to invite to an auxiliary event and expect a gift from, but not to celebrate the main underlying event." Even if you don't intend to convey this, that's how it can come across.

NYCMercedes · October 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

How do threads get deemed "answered?"

When you open a thread, it can be a discussion or a question; there is a drop down. If it's a question, then the replies are answers. One, or more, can be best answers.

WinstonsGirl · October 2013

You don't have to have one if you don't want to. We didn't want one. We turned my Mom's offer down for 6 months before we finally caved. She hosted an open house style "Meet the Married Couple" in the backyard. There were appies, pop, wine and beer. The only people who were invited where those who were invited to the wedding, and I don't think anyone who went to the wedding actually came, other than my immediate family. Why would they?? They celebrated with us when we got married. They're not necessary if you don't want one.

thisismynickname2 · October 2013

scribe95 said:
I often wonder if these secondary "receptions" work against a couple. Since people know there will be another opportunity why bother?

This. A friend of mine who desperately wanted a southern type wedding in her home state of TN got forced into having a second Chicago reception by her bitch of a MIL. Her wedding was poorly attended by the groom's side thanks to it. Needless to say she and her hubby have been trying to put distance between themselves and his overbearing, snobby parents.

Generally I just don't see the point usually in multiple receptions, but family reunions are useful for introducing new spouses.

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