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no rehearsal dinner

niki&robniki&rob member
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in Moms and Maids

My mother inlaw recently told me that it may not be a good idea to host a rehearsal dinner because our wedding is somewhat a destination wedding.  Our wedding is in a different province from which most do not live in.  She thinks it would be rude not to invite the out of town guest's to the party, and i agree, although our rehearsal is at 11am.  I would love to provide my wedding party with a bit of a meal and drinks after the rehearsal to say thank you for all that you have done and what you mean to me.  My mother inlaw doesn't want to exclude everyone else, and i completely understand, i as well would like everyone from out of town around as much as possible.  Inlaws  want to just give us money in lieu of dinner, i would like to have a dinner and drinks by the pool of their resort and invite out of towners after, i think this would make all happy.  what should i do?

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Re: no rehearsal dinner

  • Grabows14Grabows14 member
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    niki&rob said:

    My mother inlaw recently told me that it may not be a good idea to host a rehearsal dinner because our wedding is somewhat a destination wedding.  Our wedding is in a different province from which most do not live in.  She thinks it would be rude not to invite the out of town guest's to the party, and i agree, although our rehearsal is at 11am. This is not necessary. Only the people that show up to the rehearsal need to be hosted. You could do a luncheon after the rehearsal.  I would love to provide my wedding party with a bit of a meal and drinks after the rehearsal to say thank you for all that you have done and what you mean to me.  This is what you should do. My mother inlaw doesn't want to exclude everyone else, and i completely understand, i as well would like everyone from out of town around as much as possible.  Inlaws  want to just give us money in lieu of dinner, Use the money to pay for the dinner i would like to have a dinner and drinks by the pool of their resort and invite out of towners after, i think this would make all happy.  what should i do? If it is in your budget to do so then go ahead. 


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  • bakeriebakerie member
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    You have to host some kind of meal after the rehearsal. You do not have to invite out of towners.
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  • Lauderdale PinkLauderdale Pink member
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    Rehearsal dinners seem to be getting out of hand lately. They are almost mini-weddings, and some have been more elaborate than weddings.  Treating those who attend the rehearsal to a meal is a lovely idea.  Hosting a dinner for all of the out-of-towners is a bit over the top. If you want to do something for the guests, I think a small cocktail hour or wine and cheese reception is thoughtful.  
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    If you have a rehearsal, you need to host something afterwards. If your rehearsal is at 11am, lunch would be perfect.

    It only needs to include those involved in the rehearsal w/ their SOs and immediate family w/ their SOs. You don't need to invite anyone else. 
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    Lauderdale Pink said:
    Rehearsal dinners seem to be getting out of hand lately. They are almost mini-weddings, and some have been more elaborate than weddings.  Treating those who attend the rehearsal to a meal is a lovely idea.  Hosting a dinner for all of the out-of-towners is a bit over the top. If you want to do something for the guests, I think a small cocktail hour or wine and cheese reception is thoughtful.  
    I agree.

    OP, you don't have to invite OOT guests.  The rehearsal and rehearsal dinner are for those involved in your wedding ceremony plus any of their SOs.  Yes, you could invite OOT guests and hell, your whole wedding guest list if you want to the RD but that to me is just ridiculous.

    If you have a rehearsal you must host something for those attending.

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  • saseblon73saseblon73 member
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    A small lunch would be a very good idea considering the time of your rehearsal.  Like everyone said above, only the bridal party, their SO, your FI's immediate family and your immediate family are to attend the rehearsal.  Any OOT guest that expects to attend, well, that is just poor taste on their part.  Don't stress and just enjoy.  :-)
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  • erinlin25erinlin25 member
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    PPs had great advise on the rehearsal, so I will just add you can always let OOT guests know that you guys will be hanging out at such n' such place for welcome drinks by the pool or something like that later in the day if you feel like you want organize something, but its definitely not mandatory. 

    Our wedding was somewhat destination and if were to invite OOT guest we would have pretty much invited every wedding guest.  Our rehearsal dinner was wedding party with their SO/kids + immediate families.  All Good. We let OOT guests know we were going to be at the lobby bar that night for a drink to stop by if they would like.  I think maybe 5 or 6 people not in the wedding party came by for a drink.  So don't stress yourself out--its OK not to host the OOT guests the day before.   
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited October 2013
    You do need to host something after a rehearsal dinner, even if the wedding is a destination wedding.  All wedding party members and their SOs need to be invited, but out-of-town guests don't, although it's a kindness to do so.

    That said, it's not your FILs' responsibility to host it.  If your MIL doesn't want to host one, you should do one that fits in your budget and schedule.  It doesn't have to be elaborate-pizza or sandwiches would do.
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  • mysticlmysticl member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    All of our family and many of our friends traveled over 100 miles to get to our wedding.  We had a rehearsal dinner for the wedding party and their dates as well as my parents and the bride's mother.  No other OOT guests were invited because it would have gotten out of hand.
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