Wedding Etiquette Forum

Black Tie Optional?

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Re: Black Tie Optional?

  • I'm having a black tie optional wedding and this is why. My wedding is at a cathedral like church with full mass, I'm having an open bar, live band and passed aps and dinner (buffet, we don't do sit down dinners in NOLA) at a historic mansion.  From our engraved invites, it should scream formal wedding. However, FI and I both have people in our extended families who would show up in khakis and an LSU polo shirt and think they are dressed perfectly acceptably for a wedding.  We want to make clear that suits and nice cocktail dresses are the minimum requirement, but we don't want to force anyone, especially our elderly guests to rent tuxes.  

    I think NOLA has a traditionally less formal vibe than other cities like NYC.  Even the nicest of weddings aren't typically black tie and guests would likely be put off by it.  I think it is a regional thing. 
    lilbeanybby
  • scowie15 said:
    I'm having a black tie optional wedding and this is why. My wedding is at a cathedral like church with full mass, I'm having an open bar, live band and passed aps and dinner (buffet, we don't do sit down dinners in NOLA) at a historic mansion.  From our engraved invites, it should scream formal wedding. However, FI and I both have people in our extended families who would show up in khakis and an LSU polo shirt and think they are dressed perfectly acceptably for a wedding.  We want to make clear that suits and nice cocktail dresses are the minimum requirement, but we don't want to force anyone, especially our elderly guests to rent tuxes.  

    I think NOLA has a traditionally less formal vibe than other cities like NYC.  Even the nicest of weddings aren't typically black tie and guests would likely be put off by it.  I think it is a regional thing. 
    I'm just sorry they'd show up in LSU gear. Tear! jk

    Even if you put BTO on your invitations, it doesn't mean people will "at minimum" wear suits and cocktail dresses. The people who are going to pay attention to your engraved invites, fancy location, etc aren't the ones you're worried about anyway. It's the folks that won't. And they won't no matter what. So it's really quite pointless and all it does is offend the people who pay attention. They get it anyway, so it's sort of a lose-lose. 
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    Maggie0829PrettyGirlLost
  • No. I disagree.  Even my close friends who know my wedding will be black tie optional have told me that they are excited to "step up their game" attire-wise for my wedding.  These are people who would dress appropriately for any event, but with the extra wording are now intending to dress up even fancier.  
  • NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited October 2013
    scowie15 said:
    I'm having a black tie optional wedding and this is why. My wedding is at a cathedral like church with full mass, I'm having an open bar, live band and passed aps and dinner (buffet, we don't do sit down dinners in NOLA) at a historic mansion.  From our engraved invites, it should scream formal wedding. However, FI and I both have people in our extended families who would show up in khakis and an LSU polo shirt and think they are dressed perfectly acceptably for a wedding.  We want to make clear that suits and nice cocktail dresses are the minimum requirement, but we don't want to force anyone, especially our elderly guests to rent tuxes.  

    I think NOLA has a traditionally less formal vibe than other cities like NYC.  Even the nicest of weddings aren't typically black tie and guests would likely be put off by it.  I think it is a regional thing. 
    Sounds like you fall into the category of "I have no idea what Black tie means, but I want a FANCY wedding and it sounds nice so I'm going to do BTO even though it's not a thing."
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    PrettyGirlLostSKPMOliveOilsMomsimplykayla
  • scowie15 said:
    No. I disagree.  Even my close friends who know my wedding will be black tie optional have told me that they are excited to "step up their game" attire-wise for my wedding.  These are people who would dress appropriately for any event, but with the extra wording are now intending to dress up even fancier.  
    See this is what drives me nuts. BTO weddings are SO awkward. I went to one in April. Some people were in gowns and some were in sun dresses. 

    Also FTR - the event was not truly black tie anyway. As it sounds like your event isn't truly black tie. BTO is annoying but particularly so when the event itself isn't even black tie. It's offensive to guests who "stepped up their game" as you say and spent money to prepare for a black tie affair.
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    PrettyGirlLostDreamergirl8812
  • All I can say is I'm glad y'all aren't my friends.  You are super mean and judgmental.  I feel like I'm being rejected for a nasty sorority.  

    What do you mean "it sounds like your event isn't truly black tie?"  
    lilbeanybby
  • NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited October 2013
    scowie15 said:
    All I can say is I'm glad y'all aren't my friends.  You are super mean and judgmental.  I feel like I'm being rejected for a nasty sorority.  

    What do you mean "it sounds like your event isn't truly black tie?"  
    Oh jeez, we are just pointing out that it is rude to put a dress code on your invitations.  I love that this website tells me when I'm about to do something rude so I don't accidentally offend my nearest and dearest.

    Your wedding is not truly Black tie.  Black tie events have certain "requirements."  These include: gloved service, multi-course sit-down dinner, a live band with a DJ during the band's breaks, valet parking (paid for by the host), etc.  If you do not have all the trappings of a Black tie event, it is rude to ask your guests to shell out the money involved in dressing to Black tie.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    southernbelle0915PrettyGirlLostDreamergirl8812simplykayla
  • edited October 2013
    scowie15 said: I'm having a black tie optional wedding and this is why. My wedding is at a cathedral like church with full mass, I'm having an open bar, live band and passed aps and dinner (buffet, we don't do sit down dinners in NOLA) at a historic mansion.  From our engraved invites, it should scream formal wedding. However, FI and I both have people in our extended families who would show up in khakis and an LSU polo shirt and think they are dressed perfectly acceptably for a wedding.  We want to make clear that suits and nice cocktail dresses are the minimum requirement, but we don't want to force anyone, especially our elderly guests to rent tuxes.  
    I think NOLA has a traditionally less formal vibe than other cities like NYC.  Even the nicest of weddings aren't typically black tie and guests would likely be put off by it.  I think it is a regional thing. 


    Look, the clueless people are still not going to get the idea and will still wear
     their khakis and polos. They will pay no mind to your putting 'black tie optional.' And you will offend people who do know how to dress for a wedding.
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    southernbelle0915PrettyGirlLost
  • scowie15 said:
    All I can say is I'm glad y'all aren't my friends.  You are super mean and judgmental.  I feel like I'm being rejected for a nasty sorority.  

    What do you mean "it sounds like your event isn't truly black tie?"  
    Since you have already decided we are mean. . .

    . . . I am glad you are not my friend either because I'd be super offended and sad that you didn't trust my judgement to dress properly to your event.  :*

    You would also confuse the shit out of me with a term like BTO on the invitations, but given my experience on these boards, I'd assume you were not having a black tie event and just wanted everyone to dress up. . . which I always do for weddings anyways.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • @Grumbledore Maybe we need a Black Tie Hosting FAQ.  Not being snarky, but this comes up a lot and many people do not know what the actual criteria are for Black Tie and White Tie events.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • Black tie optional is one of those expressions you see on a professional organization or alumni association invitation, not on a personal invitation.
    TheVirginians
  • BTO makes no sense: "You can dress up nicely, if you would like."

    Really? I had no fucking clue I could dress up to go to a wedding.



    Anniversary
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    PrettyGirlLostsimplykaylasouthernbelle0915
  • BTO makes no sense: "You can dress up nicely, if you would like."

    Really? I had no fucking clue I could dress up to go to a wedding.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • BTO makes no sense: "You can dress up nicely, if you would like."

    Really? I had no fucking clue I could dress up to go to a wedding.
    Well according to BTO fans, you actually can't dress up to a wedding unless someone gives you permission by telling you it's an option.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    PrettyGirlLostsimplykayla

  • BTO makes no sense: "You can dress up nicely, if you would like."

    Really? I had no fucking clue I could dress up to go to a wedding.

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    Anniversary
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    PrettyGirlLost
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