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babyblazer4x4 · October 2013

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ootmother2 · October 2013

You can't tell your guests what to wear.

smalfrie19 · October 2013

I would think most of the time people won't dress up in costume for a wedding..Actually.. i would probably side eye anyone who showed up in costume. ...You can't really dictate a dress code on your invites as that's frowned upon. You just have to spread by word of mouth and trust that you guests act appropriately

HisGirlFriday13 · October 2013

I do not understand Halloween weddings -- either with or without dressing up. That being said, I think one of the perils you run having a Halloween wedding is that people will want to dress up and they'll be over-the-top.

That being said, you cannot tell your guests how (not) to dress, unless you're having a truly white tie or black tie wedding, in which case, you specify that on the invitation.

I suggest moving the wedding either up a week (Oct. 24) or back a week (Nov. 8). I don't know what you mean by the "darkness of Halloween" that doesn't involve costumes, but that's probably neither here nor there.

jessicabessica · October 2013

You cannot tell your guests what (not) to wear. That said, I would never think to dress up in a costume for a wedding, even if it was on Halloween.

babyblazer4x4 · October 2013

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babyblazer4x4 · October 2013

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CallaLily25 · October 2013

babyblazer4x4 said:

I can tell my guests what to wear because its my wedding. Plus I've always been told what to wear to weddings I've went to.

Just because other people have done it, doesn't make it right.

I can understand your concern. I wouldn't want people in costumes either, but there really isn't a polite way to dictate what your guests wear. I think word of mouth will be enough. If I got invited to a Halloween wedding, I would ask the bride or those close to the bride if I wasn't close to her, if we had to wear costumes (secretly hoping we didn't have to).

HisGirlFriday13 · October 2013

babyblazer4x4 said:

I can tell my guests what to wear because its my wedding. Plus I've always been told what to wear to weddings I've went to.

Uhm... No, you can't. Being the bride doesn't make you the Queen of the World. Acting like you have the right to dictate your guests' attire makes you a bridezilla.

Also, it's "I've gone to," not "I've went to."

huskypuppy14 · October 2013

babyblazer4x4 said:

I can tell my guests what to wear because its my wedding. Plus I've always been told what to wear to weddings I've went to.

This is the problem right there. Every time someone wants to justify something that is rude, they say "I can do ____ because it's my wedding. With that attitude I would want to show up in a costume just because you said not to. I

But to your question: if someone specifically asks you can say "whatever you'd wear to a wedding not on Halloween." Are your invitations going to be classic, or Halloween like? This will make a difference. If you have traditional invitations, no one should think to wear a costume.

huskypuppy14 · October 2013

Also, it was rude for other people to tell you what to wear to their wedding.

[Deleted User] · October 2013

babyblazer4x4 said:

I can tell my guests what to wear because its my wedding. Plus I've always been told what to wear to weddings I've went to.

laylasaurus · October 2013

babyblazer4x4 said:

I can tell my guests what to wear because its my wedding. Plus I've always been told what to wear to weddings I've went to.

Yes, you can tell your guests how to dress at your wedding. Go ahead. Getting married automatically grants you the right to be rude to the people close to you in any way you see fit.

Give me a break.

If you don't want people potentially dressing up in costumes for your wedding, don't have it on Halloween. I doubt that many people would show up in costumes to a wedding, just because its on Halloween unless the invitation specifically suggested it as a costume party. If I were you I'd be more worried about a low rate of attendance. Personally, I love halloween. Lots of people I know do. If I wasn't super close to someone, I would definitely skip their wedding if they told me I had to miss dressing up for Halloween because they decided to choose that as their wedding date. Or I'd be leaving early to attend an actual Halloween party.

Another option you have is to embrace the fact that it is Halloween, and tell your guests "No costume required, but if you'd like to join in the fun we are having a ballroom masquerade theme" or whatever look it is you are going for.

Either way, no, you don't get to tell your guests what they can wear unless your venue has specific black-tie requirements. Have respect for your guests as adults and trust them to be able to dress themselves appropriately. Any who don't, well that's on them, not you. It will look bad for you if start telling your guests "Don't ruin my perfect day with your skanky skankyness!!"

chibiyui · October 2013

Use classy invites and bill it as a masquerade ball type event on your website, that should encourage less slutty nurse and frog costumes and more fancy dress. Or you could not take up a Saturday Halloween where people are going to want to dress up.

OjitosVerdes · October 2013

babyblazer4x4 said:

I can tell my guests what to wear because its my wedding. Plus I've always been told what to wear to weddings I've went to.

Babyblazer - I've been to weddings where the bride and groom have done all sorts of things - excluded my fiancé on the invite, asked me to pay cash for my drinks at the reception, asked split me up from my date because I was in the bridal party and had to be at the head table, asked guests to pay for their dinner ... but don't take what you've seen in the past and assume it's ok to re-create. And DEFINITELY don't have the attitude that you can do whatever you want because it's "your day" ... it is your wedding, yes, but the majority of it (the reception) is a thank you to your guests and they should be hosted and treated properly.

As others have mentioned - and rightly so since we are on the "etiquette" board, there is no polite way to tell your guests what to wear. I would worry about the costumes too, honestly, but think that spreading the fact that you are still having a formal reception by word-of-mouth, you'll be fine.

NYCBruin · October 2013

People can wear slutty outfits that aren't Halloween costumes. Just throwing that out there. I've seen many at weddings.

laylasaurus · October 2013

NYCBruin said:

People can wear slutty outfits that aren't Halloween costumes. Just throwing that out there. I've seen many at weddings.

This is sooo very true as well.

babyblazer4x4 · October 2013

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HisGirlFriday13 · October 2013

babyblazer4x4 said:

Invites are custom made black with white swirls at the top and bottom with orange lettering and I have pumpkins on them and have little bats within the white swirls which are raised up.

The whole colour scheme screams Halloween, and the bats clinch it. If you don't want people dressing up, don't make your wedding invitations look like invitations to a Halloween party.

OjitosVerdes · October 2013

babyblazer4x4 said:

Invites are custom made black with white swirls at the top and bottom with orange lettering and I have pumpkins on them and have little bats within the white swirls which are raised up.

Your wedding is two years out and you already have your invites printed? And you're worried about guests getting into the Halloween theme, but you put bats and pumpkins on the one piece of correspondence that really dictates the formality of your event?

BB - if I were you, I'd slow your roll a little bit - it sounds like you have a clear idea of the event you want, but a lot can change in a couple years, including your vision of your wedding. Depending on your area, scouting out a venue two years out could be reasonable, but I'd hold off on other details until you're closer to your wedding date.

And I'd definitely re-think that invite. I mean this with no snark intended, but bats and pumpkins don't say "elegant, formal reception" to me - in fact, if I got an invitation like that, I'd wonder if I SHOULD dress in costume.

Edited for typos.

smalfrie19 · October 2013

babyblazer4x4 said:

Invites are custom made black with white swirls at the top and bottom with orange lettering and I have pumpkins on them and have little bats within the white swirls which are raised up.

you already have invites made up 2 years out?

babyblazer4x4 · October 2013

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Jen4948 · October 2013

babyblazer4x4 said:

The ceremony and reception are held at the same location not like people would be going to a church then drive to another place for the reception. Its going to be held all in the same room with a switch over after saying "I DO" then 1 hr of cocktail will be in the lobby which is huge then open the doors to reception area and continue the 2nd hr of cocktail.

I am paying $26 per adult plate for each person which we have about 225 adults (and that the cheapest option)
And $17 per child plate for about 35 kids

We were thinking of no alcohol but decided to keep people from complaining to do a open bar at cocktail and then cash bar after the cocktail hours both our sides drink way to much when its free and are the type of people who would sit there at the keg drinking till its empty. I am having a system of 2 free drinks after the cocktail which these drinks are pretty big size to start with. And there will be free drinks which are available which are coffee and punch or lemonade.

Whatever you decide to do, everything offered needs to be free of charge to the guests throughout the event. That means, no cash bar at all-not even just a portion of the time. See grumbledore's thread about this. It's a sticky in the Etiquette folder.

babyblazer4x4 · October 2013

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[Deleted User] · October 2013

You're two years out from your wedding. I think you're jumping the gun on *everything*. How do you know that 225 people will attend? We invited 285 people. 180 attended. How do you know that catering prices will stay the same? What if you want to change your menu?

I'd slow your roll a little bit. And to answer your main question, if you don't want people dressing up for Halloween at your wedding, don't have your wedding on Halloween. Having bats and pumpkins on the invitations doesn't help.

mlg78 · October 2013

babyblazer4x4 said:

The ceremony and reception are held at the same location not like people would be going to a church then drive to another place for the reception. Its going to be held all in the same room with a switch over after saying "I DO" then 1 hr of cocktail will be in the lobby which is huge then open the doors to reception area and continue the 2nd hr of cocktail.

I am paying $26 per adult plate for each person which we have about 225 adults (and that the cheapest option)
And $17 per child plate for about 35 kids

We were thinking of no alcohol but decided to keep people from complaining to do a open bar at cocktail and then cash bar after the cocktail hours both our sides drink way to much when its free and are the type of people who would sit there at the keg drinking till its empty. I am having a system of 2 free drinks after the cocktail which these drinks are pretty big size to start with. And there will be free drinks which are available which are coffee and punch or lemonade.

Seriously? You're just an etiquette trainwreck! Cash bars are horrible and dictating what your guests wear is just as bad! If you don't want guests in Halloween costumes then don't send out Halloween invitations.

WonderRed · October 2013

babyblazer4x4 said:

I can tell my guests what to wear because its my wedding.

WonderRed · October 2013

And then I got to the part about the cash bar...

laylasaurus · October 2013

If you don't want people to come in costume, then don't send invitations that look like you're throwing a Halloween costume party. The pumpkin and bats definitely give the signal that you are throwing a "Halloween" wedding, which to many people will scream "COSTUMES!"

Also, you can't partially host drinks. Either you serve hosted drinks for the entirety of your reception, or you have a dry reception. If you are worried about people drinking too much, then hire bartenders. They are required to cut off anyone that has had one too many.

I agree with PPS that you are jumping the gun on everything. It's fine to start brainstorming ideas, but you really need to be closer to the date to have an accurate idea on a lot of these things. There are a lot of variables that pop up when you are planning a wedding.

laylasaurus · October 2013

WonderRed said:

babyblazer4x4 said:

I can tell my guests what to wear because its my wedding.

Right there with ya

Viczaesar · October 2013

Really, people? Nobody quoted the OP? You're slipping!

Also, OP, you were rude for deleting.

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