I'd have more guests then my Fiance...Is that wrong??

Re: I'd have more guests then my Fiance...Is that wrong??

• blueobsidian member

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  Bjgraybill said:

  Is that wrong?? When we first started talking about our wedding we decided to only invite family. Neither of us feel like we have a lot of friends, but I know I have more than he does. Which is why I decided to stick to family. The problem is our guest list seems small and I know of both family friends and personal friends on my side who would really like to be invited. I'm trying to encourage him to think of a few more people. He is currently working at the same place as my dad, which is a place that I have worked, so I thought we could invite a few mutual co-workers, but at the same time I feel like that would be weird. I am content just inviting my friends to my bridal shower, but i'm not sure either of us are content with the current guest list.

  Suggestions??

  There is no rule that says the bride and groom have to have even numbers of guests.  It's just a factor of who you both want there and your budget.  You guys need to sit down and have a serious conversation about who you want there and who you can afford to host.  Don't skip your friends just because sides won't be exactly even.
  

  
  

  As to the second bolded, it is rude to invite people to pre-wedding events that aren't invited to the wedding.  It is like you are telling them that they can buy you a present, but they aren't important enough to see you get married.  Everyone invited to the shower needs an invitation to the wedding.

  

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  October 2013

  Bjgraybill said:

  Is that wrong?? When we first started talking about our wedding we decided to only invite family. Neither of us feel like we have a lot of friends, but I know I have more than he does. Which is why I decided to stick to family. The problem is our guest list seems small and I know of both family friends and personal friends on my side who would really like to be invited. I'm trying to encourage him to think of a few more people. He is currently working at the same place as my dad, which is a place that I have worked, so I thought we could invite a few mutual co-workers, but at the same time I feel like that would be weird. Actually, I am currently working at a place where he and his sister used to work(funny how that happened), so there are mutual co-workers there too. I am content just inviting my friends to my bridal shower, but i'm not sure either of us are content with the current guest list.

  Suggestions??

  First, anyone invited to pre-wedding parties, like showers MUST BE invited to the wedding. So don't think you can invite your friends to your shower only.
  
  Second, our guest list was 152 people; 92 from my side and 60 from FI's. I have a bigger family, and my parents wanted to invite their friends. Our final guest count is 99 people, and it's still more my side than FI's. It's going to be fine. Just don't do assigned side seating at the ceremony and no one will notice.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• itzMS member

  

  October 2013

  Bjgraybill said:

  Is that wrong?? When we first started talking about our wedding we decided to only invite family. Neither of us feel like we have a lot of friends, but I know I have more than he does. Which is why I decided to stick to family. The problem is our guest list seems small and I know of both family friends and personal friends on my side who would really like to be invited. I'm trying to encourage him to think of a few more people. He is currently working at the same place as my dad, which is a place that I have worked, so I thought we could invite a few mutual co-workers, but at the same time I feel like that would be weird. Actually, I am currently working at a place where he and his sister used to work(funny how that happened), so there are mutual co-workers there too. I am content just inviting my friends to my bridal shower, but i'm not sure either of us are content with the current guest list.

  Suggestions??

  Invite the number of guests that you and you FI agree upon and can afford to properly host. Sides do not have to be even.

  You cannot invite guests to a bridal shower without also inviting them to the wedding (you shouldn't be planning your own bridal shower, either, I can't tell if you are)

  
   

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• allispain member

  

  October 2013

  Our sides weren't even at all. DH barely knows any of his cousins so he didn't invite any of them. I invited all of mine. We invited roughly the same amount of friends, but a lot more of mine were able to attend than of his. My mom paid for the wedding, so she asked that we invite some close family friends. DH's mom didn't have any family friends she wanted to invite. 

  
  

  On our wedding day, it made absolutely no difference to either of us. We had open seating, as opposed to having a bride's "side" and a groom's "side" so it's not like one side looked more empty than the other. We both had a wonderful time with all of our guests.

  
  

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  October 2013

  We had unevenly invited sides.  He did not want to invite any of his deceased father's family and his mom is an only child with basically no relatives left.  He invited his friends and co-workers.  He never doubted his portion of the guestlist. 

  See how many people you can properly host with your budget.  If you have open spaces left, just say "FI we have 20 seats left, I would really like to invite some of my friends, what do you think?"

  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  October 2013

  Our sides are uneven too. FI has way more guests invited than me. 

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• cowgirl8238 member

  

  October 2013

  My FI is from an Italian Family, one of four with four aunts and uncles on one side and three aunts and uncles on the other.  His whole family is close so they are all invited (like 50-70 people).  My family is much MUCH smaller.  I am one of two and have a total of three aunts and uncles.  I also have fewer friends then my FI (I just made friends with his friends if that makes sense!)  But its all good.  Our guest list is between 100 and 120 and is 75% "his side".

  The only problem I see in your OP is that you cannot invite someone to the pre-wedding party that isn't also invited to the wedding itself.  That would be rude.

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• RedJacks25 member

  

  October 2013

  FI has way more friends and family than I do. My guests will consist of only about 25% of our guest list. It's never even crossed my mind that that's weird. His friends are my friends now anyway, and I love his family as my own.

  

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• emmyg65 member

  

  October 2013

  I had a lot more guests than my husband at our wedding, but we both had our immediate families and close friends there. We didn't have a bride's side or groom's side at the ceremony, and I seriously doubt anyone noticed. Sit down with your FI and decide who you want there and go from there.

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• doeydo member

  

  October 2013

  There doesn't have to be even sides.  Just invite the VIPs and, if you can afford and want to, other friends and family.

  
  

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• SomethingBeautiful08 member

  

  October 2013

  Most of the people that showed up to our wedding was DH's family - we even have a group photo to prove it.  Next biggest group was mutual friends.  I had a total of 7 of "my side" show up, 6 immediate family members, all of which were in in the wedding and 1 good friend. While I would have loved to have more of my family there, it worked out.
  
  Please don't invite people that you are less close too just to "even the sides" it doesn't matter that much. 
  

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• bethie86 member

  

  October 2013

  we have decided to eliminate the issues of even sides, we don't want a brides side and a grooms side. we are going to tell everyone to sit where they want to. It's easier and it will hopefully get the families mixed and talking. we are joining the two families and the friends.
  

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• Sassybride73 member

  

  October 2013

  My fiancee's parents are dead, and he has issues with his extended family who he doesn't talk to . My dad's side, however, is a huge Greek family. So our sides are most definitely going to be uneven. He doesn't mind at all and the only thing he is bummed about is that his dad isn't here to see him get married and know me.

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• Iyawoben member

  

  October 2013

  I don't think it's a problem as long as you can afford to. Our guest list is about 80% mine. We're both from other countries and more of my family is coming than his. Anyway, he get's to invite who he wants, even his coworkers he just met, and they all get plus ones, or 2's if they'd like. Feels fair to both of us.

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• sweetlilpsycho member

  

  October 2013

  Oh, honey!  You're so sweet to be so cognizant of your fiancé's feelings, but I don't think it'll be a big deal at all!  I'm in the same boat, lol!

  My fiancé has a tiny family, it's just him, his parents, and his brother.  His parents are only children, and both of their parents are deceased.  My family is massive! I tried to split it down the middle, I put all of our mutual friends under his name in the spreadsheet, my "side" was still way bigger!  Then I realized that it just doesn't matter, lol Have him list all of the people he simply must have there, you do the same, and see what the numbers look like.  If there's room for more, expand both of your ranges.  If you've got more people in this second tier of friends and loved ones than he does, no biggie!

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• arrippa member

  

  October 2013

  bethie86 said:

  we have decided to eliminate the issues of even sides, we don't want a brides side and a grooms side. we are going to tell everyone to sit where they want to. It's easier and it will hopefully get the families mixed and talking. we are joining the two families and the friends.
  

  There were no sides on the last few weddings I have been to. Everyone just sat where they want and the best part, there were no "cute" signs or poems. They trusted us to pick a seat and everyone did.
  

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• harper0813 member

  

  October 2013

  bethie86 said:

  we have decided to eliminate the issues of even sides, we don't want a brides side and a grooms side. we are going to tell everyone to sit where they want to. It's easier and it will hopefully get the families mixed and talking. we are joining the two families and the friends.
  

  We did the same - no sides, no ushers, no signs. But people made up their own, and looking back at pictures, our families are on different sides and friends seemed to figure out whose family was whose. It seems unavoidable.

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• StephJean83 member

  

  October 2013

  ClimbingBrideNY said:

  Our sides are uneven too. FI has way more guests invited than me. 

  This is the exact situation we are in for our wedding. My FH's family list is the same as my entire guest list, that isn't including his GMs or any friends. I feel awful because with his family list, friend list and my entire guest list, we are over by 100 people, since we can't cut his family list, most of our cuts are his friends. I've already cut my friends to almost the bare minimum, without it just being my BMs and family only on my guest list.
  
  If you're worried about there being uneven sides, maybe have the groom, GMs or pastor, let people know that they can sit anywhere and not just "bride's side" or "groom's side".
  

  You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis

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• kitty8403 member

  

  October 2013

  Both of us have extended family out of state. My family is huge compared to his. He has plenty of friends who live closer than most of mine do. If anything, I expect his side to end up with more!

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• Jes&Jon member

  

  October 2013

  This concept had never even occurred to me. I would be in big trouble if we tried to divide the numbers evenly. My family is huge; my parents are each one of 6 kids, and we're all pretty close. Of the 120 or so people on the guest list, about 30 of them are "his" side. He has a small family, and isn't overly close with the relatives he does have. However, my relatives and family friends have adopted him whole-heartedly from day one, so he is just as comfortable around them as I am. They're all "our" side at this point, so it doesn't matter where they sit!

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• Al2007smith member

  

  October 2013

  While you might say they're your guests or his guests, at the end of the day you should invite the people who support you two becoming 'one', a family of your own. My Fiance has a much larger family than I do because his parents are divorced and remarried, but I don't feel as though those are all just his guests because we're already a family together! Invite who you want to come, who cares if it's uneven. In addition, DO NOT invite people to the shower unless they are invited to the wedding, I can only imagine being invited to that and not the wedding, I'd be tempted to break in and take back my gift if that happened!

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