Wedding Woes

Issues with Future SIL

I'm not sure what thread to put this in.  And forgive me for the novel I am about to write.  I am an only child and have always wanted to have a sister.  My FI has two sisters and when I found this out I was beyond excited by the idea that if we were to get married I would not only be getting the best husband but I would be gaining two sisters as well.  They are younger, 18 and 21, than him and I (28), but not by much.  When I started to spend more time with them (his family lives in a different city about an hour away) I realized that his youngest sister is sweet, caring, fun, and welcoming.  His other sister is another story.  She is possibly the worst woman I have met in a long time.  She is catty, fake, materialistic (in the worst way), and she is constantly making snide and judgmental comments.  In real life I do not tolerate women like this.  I generally avoid them and will put them in their place in the nicest way possible if I am forced to spend time with them.  FI dislikes her and agrees with the above.  He mostly tries to avoid her.  Basically, I am heart broken.  I wanted so badly to gain a new family as well as a husband but the man of my dreams is unfortunately related to the devil.  I could go on and on to elaborate just how awful she really is but it's too much.  When I think of all the backhanded compliments, racist remarks, and how she treats not only strangers but her own brothers and sisters I honestly want to scream and then cry.  I just keep hoping that maybe, someday, she will grow up and be tolerable.  However, my FMIL is the grown up version so I'm not optimistic. 

 

Re: Issues with Future SIL

  • 21 is actually a whole helluva lot younger than 28.  Try to gently guide her away from being a mini-FMIL by acting shocked and asking why she'd say such a thing when she says racist stuff, or nasty stuff at all, and see how it goes.  She may turn out just fine.
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  • I do have hopes that she will grow out of some of it.  I was definitely much different at 21 but not the way that she is which is why I have a hard time being optimistic.  I deal with her and try to just let it be.  There is no use trying to change people who don't want to change but maybe some day I will have the sister I have always wanted.  I guess until then I will practice self-control :)
  • No one WANTS to change, but everyone does anyway.  Your sisterly influence could end up being a very good thing.
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  • Hey, you still got one good new sister!  That's still pretty awesome.
  • You can always look at the situation as a way to develop a solid relationship with the youngest sister, and becoming a good influence (for lack of a better phrase) in her life. However I would still recommend doing the same with the 21 year old, both are young enough where they still could use the guidance of someone older. 18 and 21 are still pretty young, and at those ages most people don't make the best decisions! 
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  • I am pretty excited about the younger sister!!  However, I somehow feel guilty choosing to spend time with her and not the older.  I'm trying to stay optimistic and I really hope that later down the road everything will work out.  I will for better or worse be "stuck" with her for the rest of my life and I have to make the best of it. 

    I feel like such a baby even complaining about it.  When I started the thread I had just sat and listened to her passive aggressively bash everything FI and I have planned.  Then listen to her talk about how when she finds a rich doctor their wedding will be this and that and blah blah blah.  It's just too much sometimes!! 

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