Uninvited...

Re: Uninvited...

• Jen4948 member

  

  October 2013

  Call him and tell him that these people he, not you, invited are not welcome-the invitation was only for him and his wife.  Also have some security on hand if necessary to have his family escorted away.  That's drastic, but depending on how he responds to the above you may need it.
  
  Whatever happens, you are not required to entertain 9 uninvited guests at your own expense.
  

  Report2 Reply
• banana468 member

  

  October 2013

  Call him. Tell him that you apologize for any confusion but the invitation was for X and Y and not A-I.

  Report2 Reply
• MirandaNicole88 member

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  When I spoke with him on the issue he was displeased and didn't say much. He didn't seem to understand or agree. Now there is no answer. 33 Days until "I DO"

  
  

  Keys are sticking sorry for grammatical errors. 

  Report0 Reply
• Jen4948 member

  

  October 2013

  MirandaNicole88 said:

  When I spoke with him on the issue he was displeased and didn't say much. He didn't seem to understand or agree. Now there is no answer. 33 Days until "I DO"

  Be prepared for all these people to show up and be ready to either have them ejected or entertain them.  Those are your options.
  

  Report0 Reply
• smalfrie19 member

  

  October 2013

  Jen4948 said:

  MirandaNicole88 said:

  When I spoke with him on the issue he was displeased and didn't say much. He didn't seem to understand or agree. Now there is no answer. 33 Days until "I DO"

  Be prepared for all these people to show up and be ready to either have them ejected or entertain them.  Those are your options.
  

  
  Why should she? why does this even have to be an option?

  

  
  

  Report3 Reply
• MirandaNicole88 member

  

  October 2013

  Any suggestions on a polite way of saying that they need to leave if they show up? 

  (not happening on my watch!)

  Report0 Reply
• Jen4948 member

  

  October 2013

  smalfrie19 said:

  Jen4948 said:

  MirandaNicole88 said:

  When I spoke with him on the issue he was displeased and didn't say much. He didn't seem to understand or agree. Now there is no answer. 33 Days until "I DO"

  Be prepared for all these people to show up and be ready to either have them ejected or entertain them.  Those are your options.
  

  
  Why should she? why does this even have to be an option?

  It's an option, period.  She and her FI can decide, "Okay, this is not worth making an issue of that could damage family relations forever with these people even though they're being insanely rude" and agree to host them even though they weren't invited. Etiquette allows them a choice of one or the other.  They aren't required to host them, but they also aren't required not to host them.
  

  Report1 Reply
• delujm0 member

  

  October 2013

  have your planner or some kind of security at the door and don't permit them to enter.  If your ceremony is in a public space (most churches included), you can't keep them away from the ceremony.  but you do not have to allow them into the reception.

  Report1 Reply
• manateehugger member

  

  October 2013

  Are you having a seating chart at your reception? If nothing else, they may show up at the reception with no place to sit, making it easy to single them out. 

  
  

  I would have some sort of back-up security plan in place to request them to leave. 

  

  Report2 Reply
• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  October 2013

  MirandaNicole88 said:

  Any suggestions on a polite way of saying that they need to leave if they show up? 

  (not happening on my watch!)

  Honestly? No. You need to deal with this BEFORE your reception, not AT your reception -- in part for the very simple reason you're going to be far too busy to deal with it then.

  
  

  You need to call this person (I'm assuming it's your father, but I'm not sure about that) and say, very firmly, "The invitation was for you and your wife only, not you, your wife, and nine random people you're related to that you think I should invite to my wedding. I need you to call them and tell them, in no uncertain terms, that they're not invited. I also need you to understand that if you don't, there WILL be security at my venue and they WILL be asked to/forced to leave if they show up. It's called trespassing and it's a crime. So the solution is either you rectify your faux pas or you risk embarrassing yourself and them by having them denied entry to the wedding."

  
  

  Be prepared for him to push back and/or say, "Then I'm not coming." Make sure you're OK with the fall out from that if that happens.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

  Report5 Reply
• MirandaNicole88 member

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  This is a church ceremony. Hosting them is not an option. Cutting ties is a complete option. We just don't was to be incredibly rude. This in not a typical family going through turmoil. This is biological family that has no right and I do not want there.

   

  Report0 Reply
• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  October 2013

  MirandaNicole88 said:

  This is a church ceremony. Hosting them is not an option. Cutting ties is a complete option. We just don't was to be incredibly rude. This in not a typical family going through turmoil. This is biological family that has no right and I do not want there.

   

  You can't bar them from the church; sorry. It's a public space. 

  
  

  You CAN bar them from the reception, because unless it's in the church basement or a public park, it's a private space and therefore private.

  
  

  Also, you have my sympathies -- two weeks ago, FI had to call his father and deliver a similar version of the speech I just gave to you, telling his father, essentially, "Look, we can't ban you from the church, but we by God can ban you from the reception and we plan to so don't you dare think that you can show up at the reception, uninvited, and be hosted. Try it and you'll be arrested."

  
  

  FI plans to cut ties with his father after the wedding, based on the behaviour his father has exhibited leading up to the wedding and coupling that with the really shitastic behaviour FI's father has demonstrated for most of FI's life (alcoholism, drug abuse, physical abuse, etc.).

  
  

  If you don't mind cutting the ties, I'd call this person up and straight-up say, 'Look, you were invited as a courtesy, you blew that, you're uninvited, don't come.' It's not strictly within the bounds of etiquette, but extenuating circumstances call for extenuating actions.

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

  Report5 Reply
• manateehugger member

  

  October 2013

  I'm so sorry. 

  
  

  Do you think since he is not responding there is a chance no one will show up? There's really not a whole lot you can do except reiterate that these people are not invited and that you are happy to have just this relative and his wife there, but cannot host the other family members. 

  
  

  If you're comfortable with it, perhaps suggest that he could set up a separate event if he would like you to meet these family members. That might relieve some pressure on the situation. 

  

  Report0 Reply
• Pepper6 member

  

  October 2013

  Is there a way you can get a hold of someone he invited and tell them "X told me he extended the invitation to you, and I apologize for any confusion, but we will not be able to host you at our wedding.  Maybe we can get together at a later date to catch up (last part is optional)."

  Report2 Reply
• climbingsingle member

  

  October 2013

  You've gotten some good advice. I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. 

  Report0 Reply
• harper0813 member

  

  October 2013

  Just call him and either talk to him or leave a voicemail to say (call him, don't send him an email or Facebook message): The invitation was mean for you and [SO] only. We unfortunately cannot accommodate any additions. We will be turning away any uninvited guests at the door of the reception.

  
  

  And then have the venue coordinator, day of coordinator, or hired security do exactly that.

  Report1 Reply
• doeydo member

  

  October 2013

  As PPs have said, anyone can go into a church but you should have more control over the reception, depending on where that was.  If you really think they will show up, I don't think you personally should have to deal with telling them to leave.  It will be your wedding day, you should be happy and not having to deal with this.  You could hire one or two security personnel to make sure those certain people won't enter.  If you have a wedding planner, they could help do that too/instead.  

  
  

  Report0 Reply
• APDSS22 member

  

  October 2013

  PDKH said:

  Are you having a seating chart at your reception? If nothing else, they may show up at the reception with no place to sit, making it easy to single them out. 

  
  

  I would have some sort of back-up security plan in place to request them to leave. 

  I have the feeling these sort of people would be the type to just disregard the seating chart and take other people's seats when they show up to a wedding they were verbally invited to by a guest that had no part of hosting the event...
  
  OP, good luck with your situation.  I think PP have some good, workable solutions for you.
  

  Report0 Reply
• phira member

  

  October 2013

  It sounds like a security plan might be necessary, especially since it sounds like the ceremony can't be private, so it'll be easier for these people to come to the ceremony and then sneak into the reception.

  
  

  This is going to sound super over the top and paranoid, but basically, have someone at the entrance to the reception (staff, not a guest!) with an actual list of everyone who's attending the reception. And then give them names and photographs (yes, photographs) of potential party-crashers.

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

  Report0 Reply
• EverAfer member

  

  October 2013 edited October 2013

  TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

  PDKH said:

  Are you having a seating chart at your reception? If nothing else, they may show up at the reception with no place to sit, making it easy to single them out. 

  
  

  I would have some sort of back-up security plan in place to request them to leave. 

  I have the feeling these sort of people would be the type to just disregard the seating chart and take other people's seats when they show up to a wedding they were verbally invited to by a guest that had no part of hosting the event...
  
  OP, good luck with your situation.  I think PP have some good, workable solutions for you.
  

  People will crash even with a seating chart.  We attended a wedding and were seated with 2 other couples we knew well (all college buddies of the groom).  Got to the table to find out 2 of our seats were taken (how rude!!) but fortunately the DOC knew which table was expecting 2 empty seats from late cancellations and sat us there instead.
  
  If you can, talk to the family member again, 9 uninvited guests is a whole table!  Let your DOC or another staff know if there's a chance they'll still show up and how they should handle it.  Chances are you'll be too busy to handle people directly as they show up. 
  
  Any chance these other biological family members might not be aware that they were not invited and should not be attending? 
  
  Edited to add.
  

  Report0 Reply
• MirandaNicole88 member

  

  October 2013

  I have spoken with my Family member to explain the wedding and reception is by formal invitation only. A family member will most likely be standing at the door to "greet people" and get the names for the guest list. Last night we received their RSVP back and it said 2 regrets. Looks like if they cant all come then no one will. Fine by us! Thank you for all the advice.

  Report2 Reply
• Vivandiere8 member

  

  October 2013

  If you really think they would show up have the escort cards on a table outside of the reception hall, and have a friend checking each persons card as they enter to direct them to their table. No card, no admittance.
  

  
  

  Report0 Reply