Is this B-listing?

thelastdreamer · October 2013

One of my roommates was recently invited to a wedding of a friend from high school. She is single and didn't receive a plus one. She wasn't upset at all and figured she'd find people she knew to sit with or be seated with. The wedding is in two weeks, and she long sent in her RSVP. Last night the bride texted her to let her know that if she wanted to bring a date or guest, she was more than welcome. Obviously they had enough declines where they now have room for single guests to have plus-ones. My roommate was excited and asked a guy friend to go with her, but in my head I questioned it - her friend essentially B-listed the plus ones for the single guests.

I know single guests don't have to have a plus one, so it was fine for them to invite my roommate alone. But is it ok for them to give her one since they had space?

KeptInStitches · October 2013

I suppose it's okay and your roommate doesn't seem to have a problem with it, but I'm having that same questioning feeling. It doesn't sit right, at bare minimum.

gmcr78 · October 2013

I wouldn't consider this a B-List. It's just extending the courtesy of a plus 1 to a truly single person, which is kind. The original invitee was already invited.

If she had texted someone not originally on the guest list and said they are now invited to the wedding, that would be B-listing.

OliveOilsMom · October 2013

I think this is fine. It's not like the bride just texted the friend and invited her to the wedding. The bride is also taking her guests comfort into account. People are alway smore comfortable when they have a buddy going with them to a place where they may not know too many people.

delujm0 · October 2013

It sounds like B-listing, and i'm sure if everyone RSVPed yes it wouldn't have happened...but im thinking this is one of two things. Either the bride started making her seting chart and realized that everyone else that your roommate would have known had RSVPed no, so she didn't want her to be stuck on her own all night (which is the nicest B-list scenario); or the brid egot a LOT of No RSVPs and isn't meeting her minimum for the caterer anymore (or feels like her hall will look too empty) so she's trying to add people at the last minute (which is the rude B-list scenario). Could be either. But your roommate seems excited to be able to go with a date, so i hope she has a good time!

thelastdreamer · October 2013

@OliveOilsMom Right, that's how my roommate saw it. And if I was a guest I would be happy about it too. But now I'm thinking that maybe this bride was on to something ... a good way to keep your guest list down but IF you get a lot of no rsvps ... make single people happier?

manateehugger · October 2013

I personally don't see a problem with this scenario since it's not like the b&g were snubbing a specific person or excluding an S/O.

Your friend was always invited.

ETA: Also, I'm just not sure who would get offended in this scenario. A random date/friend that doesn't know the bride and groom personally but gets a free dinner? The original guest who suddenly gets to bring a partner in crime?

Xstatic3333 · October 2013

My understanding was that this is fine.

grumbledore · October 2013

thelastdreamer said:

One of my roommates was recently invited to a wedding of a friend from high school. She is single and didn't receive a plus one. She wasn't upset at all and figured she'd find people she knew to sit with or be seated with. The wedding is in two weeks, and she long sent in her RSVP. Last night the bride texted her to let her know that if she wanted to bring a date or guest, she was more than welcome. Obviously they had enough declines where they now have room for single guests to have plus-ones. My roommate was excited and asked a guy friend to go with her, but in my head I questioned it - her friend essentially B-listed the plus ones for the single guests.

I know single guests don't have to have a plus one, so it was fine for them to invite my roommate alone. But is it ok for them to give her one since they had space?

I don't think this is B-listing since it's just an extension of a plus one. I think it's nice when couples end up with space and extend a plus one to truly single guests who didn't previously have one.

cowgirl8238 · October 2013

I don't consider this B-Listing either, but I do have an uneasy vibe coming from it. I mean what the B&G are doing is nice and it makes your friend happy so no harm no foul. But, I can't help but wonder why she got a pls one so close to the wedding? Unless the B&G made a mistake and she was the only one without a plus one it seems a little more like a, "Hey we got a bunch of no's so lets fill the space with some plus ones". Its not wrong but somehow strange...

melbelleup · October 2013

I don't think this is B-listing at all. I have been B list before because they needed to meet a min. count regardless of who came. It was my brother's best friend's wedding. Uh. Okay, I know the guy, had a class with him, but still it wasn't like I've seen him in the past 6-7 years. Yet, my brother asked me for my address so he can send me an invite. I get the invite, the RSVP date didn't pass and ironically we (FI and I) were planning on being home during that time frame but uh. I'm sorry. No one B lists me.. and it would of been pointless for me to go to his wedding. My parents begged me to go because they wanted to enjoy a wedding with the family. Both my oldest brothers and my parents were invited and I was forgotten about. Honestly, I didn't mind being forgotten, instead FI and I went and spent the day and the next day with his family versus mine. B listing blows... mainly if someone does it for numbers.. and everyone always finds out if it's done for numbers. My brother has a min of 200 on his venue and is inviting everyone under the moon. My venue doesn't have a min, but my guest list is 254 people, but regardless if they rsvp no or yes, it doesn't matter at all, not even price wise. Thank you vender.

Off of my tangent: This does not sound like B listing at all but just that she now has room that if she wants to bring along a friend she can.

thelastdreamer · October 2013

So since the consensus is that this is fine, is there anything wrong with just planning on doing it? Because I'd love to give all my single guests plus ones, but we just don't have the space. But if we get enough nos, then it's totally ok to do this?

phira · October 2013

Here's why this isn't B-listing:

B-listing occurs when you make your guest list, and you split it into two groups. The idea is that you will invite the A-list, and then you'll start inviting people from the B-list when A-listers decline.

What's going on here is that your friend was NOT on the B-list. She's single, so she has no significant other to invite. Because of the breathing room from the declines, the bride is able to fit in a date/guest of your friend. This date/guest wasn't a named person that didn't get an invitation until there were enough declined--they are a hypothetical entity.

@thelastdreamer I wouldn't exactly bank on doing it, but I think that it would be nice, if you have space, to let single people know they can bring someone if they want. Especially if they ask you.

dramamonkey · October 2013

I'm doing this. I've had a couple of unexpected "no" RSVPs, so I am going through all of my truly single guests and if they won't know anyone at the wedding (beyond a few other people) and/or all the people they do know are in couples, I'm extending a plus 1 (and this is a couple of weeks before my RSVP date).

Example: One of my bridesmaids is my roommate in college. Truly single, lives out of town. At the reception, I'll sit her with other college friends of mine - and I realized it was four couples. So I told her that she could bring a guest, if she chooses. I'd just need to know by Nov. 1. She indicated that chances were IF she brought someone, it'd most likely be a mutual friend from college who we all know (and I like, but wasn't particularly close to - which is why she's not invited). I told her that was fine and the girl was more than welcome.

ETA: I also waited to tell my brothers they could have +1s so it wasn't just friends.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

thelastdreamer said:

So since the consensus is that this is fine, is there anything wrong with just planning on doing it? Because I'd love to give all my single guests plus ones, but we just don't have the space. But if we get enough nos, then it's totally ok to do this?

Eh, I don't know. The only way that it is okay to do this is if you get enough no's that allow every single guest to get a plus one. If you only get a few no's then you should leave everything the way it is. Plus one's is an all or nothing thing in my book.

I am in the group that I think all single guests should be given a plus one. Period. And then you work within your budget to make that happen.

manateehugger · October 2013

Yeah, I would put the same caveat that Maggie put in there. I think you should be giving everyone the chance at a plus one if you go this route.

LDubHawksFan · October 2013

thelastdreamer said:
So since the consensus is that this is fine, is there anything wrong with just planning on doing it? Because I'd love to give all my single guests plus ones, but we just don't have the space. But if we get enough nos, then it's totally ok to do this?

I think it is ok in this scenario but I don't want to say its ok to always say no +1s for single guests until the end because if your roommate was a guest who had to fly to get to travel a lot to get there, it makes the likelihood of them actually being able to being a guest slim two weeks out.

Eta I agree with Maggie that it should be opened to all single guests at the time of last minute additions though. It's just my opinion that single guests traveling should get a +1 and it shouldn't be an afterthought since plans have to be made much earlier.

OjitosVerdes · October 2013

Agree with those who say it isn't by definition B-listing, but that it still gives them an uneasy feeling.

What makes me uneasy is the 2-week short notice - it might make people feel like they were an afterthought. Which they were, despite it being a courtesy to the single person to allow them a plus one.

We did this - kind of - b/c most of our guest list is OOT, our invites went out at 8 weeks. We got a few immediate declines, and at that point I extended the +1 to single people. The extra +1s had about 6 weeks notice/time to make travel arrangements/etc.

I know not all invites go out that early, however, I dunno. I'm just rambling now. Personally, I wouldn't extend the +1 unless I could do it about a month in advance. Unless I knew one of my single guests was dying to bring someone.

grumbledore · October 2013

cowgirl8238 said:

I don't consider this B-Listing either, but I do have an uneasy vibe coming from it. I mean what the B&G are doing is nice and it makes your friend happy so no harm no foul. But, I can't help but wonder why she got a pls one so close to the wedding? Unless the B&G made a mistake and she was the only one without a plus one it seems a little more like a, "Hey we got a bunch of no's so lets fill the space with some plus ones". Its not wrong but somehow strange...

Not necessarily. We will only have 2-3 truly single guests. We are already giving plus ones, but if we weren't, it's entirely possible that we could extend them if we got declines.

grumbledore · October 2013

Maggie0829 said:

thelastdreamer said:

So since the consensus is that this is fine, is there anything wrong with just planning on doing it? Because I'd love to give all my single guests plus ones, but we just don't have the space. But if we get enough nos, then it's totally ok to do this?

Eh, I don't know. The only way that it is okay to do this is if you get enough no's that allow every single guest to get a plus one. If you only get a few no's then you should leave everything the way it is. Plus one's is an all or nothing thing in my book.

I am in the group that I think all single guests should be given a plus one. Period. And then you work within your budget to make that happen.

Generally I agree, even though it's not exactly required. I don't like going out alone, so I don't expect anyone else to. We don't have many single guests though so I don't know if my opinion would be different if half of our guests were truly single.

annathy03 · October 2013

grumbledore said:

Maggie0829 said:

thelastdreamer said:

So since the consensus is that this is fine, is there anything wrong with just planning on doing it? Because I'd love to give all my single guests plus ones, but we just don't have the space. But if we get enough nos, then it's totally ok to do this?

Eh, I don't know. The only way that it is okay to do this is if you get enough no's that allow every single guest to get a plus one. If you only get a few no's then you should leave everything the way it is. Plus one's is an all or nothing thing in my book.

I am in the group that I think all single guests should be given a plus one. Period. And then you work within your budget to make that happen.

Generally I agree, even though it's not exactly required. I don't like going out alone, so I don't expect anyone else to. We don't have many single guests though so I don't know if my opinion would be different if half of our guests were truly single.

I think it depends on how many people they know. If you invite a circle from college and your single friend will be seated with a bunch of mutual pals, I don't see any harm in not giving a plus one. Granted we are giving everyone a plus one (with the exception of a few single widows who would be more hurt to see "and guest" than invited solo and seated with family), but it's really b/c most of our guests have to travel to attend our wedding and traveling alone sucks.

To the original question, this definitely isn't b-listing since she was invited originally and was truly single.

shannyb41 · October 2013

I don't know. I guess technically it's B-listing but I wouldn't be offended by it. Your friend was invited with the initial invites so thats fine. A last minute date to me is not that big of a deal.

huskypuppy14 · October 2013

I'm in the camp that it's not B-listing. If they are truly single guests, it's not bad form to not invite them with a guest. We all know that if you put and guest you have no say in who that guest is. We are inviting all the single people with a guest, because I find it easier that way (since you should budget for it anyway). Also, my now FI was invited to 2 weddings when we were very early in our relationship. Both grooms told FI he could bring me, as he had already RSVP alone. So I'm very thankful for that!

photokitty · October 2013

Not b-listing. You can't b list a person you don't know. She doesn't know the potential date, they were never on any list of possible guests the bride made, therefore the now added plus one is not a b list. But rather a courtesy.

melbelleup · October 2013

Maggie0829 said:

thelastdreamer said:

So since the consensus is that this is fine, is there anything wrong with just planning on doing it? Because I'd love to give all my single guests plus ones, but we just don't have the space. But if we get enough nos, then it's totally ok to do this?

Eh, I don't know. The only way that it is okay to do this is if you get enough no's that allow every single guest to get a plus one. If you only get a few no's then you should leave everything the way it is. Plus one's is an all or nothing thing in my book.

I am in the group that I think all single guests should be given a plus one. Period. And then you work within your budget to make that happen.

This is how I feel too. All my guests will have a plus one. Although I know a lot won't use them, they have the opportunity to.

cowgirl8238 · October 2013

grumbledore said:

cowgirl8238 said:

I don't consider this B-Listing either, but I do have an uneasy vibe coming from it. I mean what the B&G are doing is nice and it makes your friend happy so no harm no foul. But, I can't help but wonder why she got a pls one so close to the wedding? Unless the B&G made a mistake and she was the only one without a plus one it seems a little more like a, "Hey we got a bunch of no's so lets fill the space with some plus ones". Its not wrong but somehow strange...

Not necessarily. We will only have 2-3 truly single guests. We are already giving plus ones, but if we weren't, it's entirely possible that we could extend them if we got declines.

I wasn't saying it was wrong, just weird. But that may also be because the majority of our guest list is in a relationship already and the reamining people were all already counted with a plus one. Knowing that most of our guests are OOT and will be travelling we just automatically exteneded the Plus Ones to anyone who was single.

ei34 · October 2013

I think that's fine. Your friend's plus-one is kind of a B-list guest, considering he/she has never met the couple. If I was your friend I'd just be happy to be able to bring someone.

Is this B-listing?

Re: Is this B-listing?

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