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XP : discrimination / controlling

Has anyone else dealt with a controlling contributor who wants only certain people in attendance? ( no gay/ lesbians/ "lazy people" )

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Re: XP : discrimination / controlling

  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Ah...I'd like to see this answered as well............. FI's parents are largely contributing and do not want a family member of theirs invited because now that gay marriage is legal in MD she's apparently "flaunting" being a lesbian. I don't want to cause strife, and since it's FI's family he should be the one to talk to them. Neither of us like it, though FI is......pragmatic is the nicest way to put it, that it does mean one less guest since we're getting close to max limit, and his parents want to add more people.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Hahahaha!  I'd love to see their criteria for what constitutes a lazy person. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • "Lazy" is my nice way for me to say what this person thinks of other stereotypes ( I'll be blunt, Latinos, African Americans, and country folk.)
  • This person knows they have NO control over who guests bring as their plus one, but In the back of their mind I know they want to. ( I think their thought is DUMB !!!!)
    I have invited family and with the space left my FI friends and a few of my friends; some of witch fit the gay/ lesbian, "lazy people" criteria.
    I know my gay/ lesbian guests well enough that they are polite enough to not have their tungs down each other's throats. I invited my friends that fit the criteria anyway. My opinion is I am an adult, you are an adult, so are my friends; there are things in life that you are not going to like tough cookies. You can not choose MY friends or their guest.
    Enough of this persons family and friends will be in attendance that they can choose to mingle with them instead of my friends if they wish.
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes BOS, NYC, DC. Forever a city girl member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    "Lazy" is my nice way for me to say what this person thinks of other stereotypes ( I'll be blunt, Latinos, African Americans, and country folk.)

    This person knows they have NO control over who guests bring as their plus one, but In the back of their mind I know they want to. ( I think their thought is DUMB !!!!) I have invited family and with the space left my FI friends and a few of my friends; some of witch fit the gay/ lesbian, "lazy people" criteria. I know my gay/ lesbian guests well enough that they are polite enough to not have their tungs down each other's throats. I invited my friends that fit the criteria anyway. My opinion is I am an adult, you are an adult, so are my friends; there are things in life that you are not going to like tough cookies. You can not choose MY friends or their guest. Enough of this persons family and friends will be in attendance that they can choose to mingle with them instead of my friends if they wish.

    I'm really struggling here. Has this person said anything to you, or, is this your impression of what's in "the back of their mind"?
  • Wait, country folk are lazy? What the what?  Not that I"m focusing on that one alone because I agree with the others.. I've just heard that sterotype spewed over the other groups you mentioned but the country thing is throwing me off.    So, just trying to wrap my brain around this, unless you're a white, city dwelling, type A personality does that mean you're just a slacker?  A good portion of my dad's side of the family are "country folk" farmers and they damn well work harder than anyone I've ever met in my life. For the life of me I just can't fathom how miserable it must be to be  a person who is so filled with hatred and that kind of judgement day in, day out.  It has to be utterly exhausting to be that terrified of anything outside your neatly packaged box all the time.

    I know I'm not actually answering your question.  But right now I'm SMDH so hard that I've just go nothing... other than the ol'  they can keep their money response.
  • To NYC yes this person has said this to me. And to RebeccaB88 hit the nail on the head.
    I dislike this person's opinion!!! And have declined their contribution.
  • To Chibiyu good luck my only advice is to see if it is PDA or comments your FI family dislikes about their fellow family member.
    If it's behavior I would see if someone could discretely speak to that person and ask them to not be so blatant at the wedding. If it is this family member's comments have someone tell them it bothers ............, we would greatly appreciate if you toned those statements down for our wedding.
  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 your closet member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited October 2013
    The flavor of this mystery person's bigotry is totally irrelevant here. If you have declined their financial contribution, they have absolutely no right to know who you are inviting. Stop talking to them about it. Let me know how many (if any) invites they get and leave it alone.

    ETA: Hee hee. Let them know, not me.



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    lizandmark2014
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    To Chibiyu good luck my only advice is to see if it is PDA or comments your FI family dislikes about their fellow family member. If it's behavior I would see if someone could discretely speak to that person and ask them to not be so blatant at the wedding. If it is this family member's comments have someone tell them it bothers ............, we would greatly appreciate if you toned those statements down for our wedding.
    Thanks! I think it's just stubborn catholicism* at work. If said  person gets cut because of constraints or no inviting in that particular "circle"  of cousins FI hasn't seen since he was fine, thats fine. I just think it's super shitty to be all "oh she's married thus she's flaunting that she's a lesbian." 
    FI and I aren't having a Catholic ceremony, it's not even in a church. I don't know why it upsets them so much. Well, nobody wants to think of their loved ones as bigoted, even if they are. I'm hoping tomorrow when all of us are talking wedding stuff we can reach a non-shitty conclusion. 

    *I realize not all Catholics feel that way, I just think thats where FMIL is justifying this from.
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  • I say don't take their contribution. 
  • :-) thanks for the help everybody.
  • It's your wedding, not theirs. If they insist on "banning" your desired guests, don't accept their contribution. 
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  • :-) thanks for the help everybody.
  • "Lazy" is my nice way for me to say what this person thinks of other stereotypes ( I'll be blunt, Latinos, African Americans, and country folk.)
    Oh holy moly, I'd decline their money and tell them to stick it where the sun don't shine... wow. But, I realize if it's a parent or older family member, you can't always do that. But I would certainly decline their money.

  • This is why I am angry.
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