Dress Code

E+R2014_23123649 · October 2013

I've hit a road block with dress code. The wedding party is wearing converse; ladies in long dresses and gentlemen in dress pants with a dress shirt, vest, and tie. The venue is by no means "formal". But some family members want to dress close to black tie/formal and don't want to look like odd ducks. How do I word the dress code (on the website, not the invitations) to say come dressed nicely but don't feel you need to go buy a new suit/tux? I don't want to alienate people who are scared off by words like "formal". Something to suggest come dressed in your nicest clothes but your nicest clothes might be different from other guests nicest clothes.

"Come dressed to party in ... "

Any advice?? I know most people won't even pay attention to the "dress code", but I'm covering my bases in case anyone inquires.

manateehugger · October 2013

You don't put anything on your website.

Your venue and invitation style should indicate the level of formality. The only dress code appropriate to list is black tie if you are having a black tie wedding (which, sorry, you aren't if the guys aren't in tuxes and are wearing converse). To me, if your guys aren't in jackets, it's not a formal wedding. Most people in my circle wear cocktail attire anyway. People can dress themselves.

If someone asks, you can explain what the wedding party is wearing and encourage them to wear what they find to be comfortable.

Dreamergirl8812 · October 2013

E+R2014 said:

I've hit a road block with dress code. The wedding party is wearing converse; ladies in long dresses and gentlemen in dress pants with a dress shirt, vest, and tie. The venue is by no means "formal". But some family members want to dress close to black tie/formal and don't want to look like odd ducks. How do I word the dress code (on the website, not the invitations) to say come dressed nicely but don't feel you need to go buy a new suit/tux? I don't want to alienate people who are scared off by words like "formal". Something to suggest come dressed in your nicest clothes but your nicest clothes might be different from other guests nicest clothes.

"Come dressed to party in ... "

Any advice?? I know most people won't even pay attention to the "dress code", but I'm covering my bases in case anyone inquires.

It's rude and insulting to specify dress code unless it is required by the venue. People know to dress up for weddings. If I went to a daytime wedding in someone's backyard I would still dress formally. No need to treat me like a child.

Viczaesar · October 2013

E+R2014 said:

I've hit a road block with dress code. The wedding party is wearing converse; ladies in long dresses and gentlemen in dress pants with a dress shirt, vest, and tie. The venue is by no means "formal". But some family members want to dress close to black tie/formal and don't want to look like odd ducks. How do I word the dress code (on the website, not the invitations) to say come dressed nicely but don't feel you need to go buy a new suit/tux? I don't want to alienate people who are scared off by words like "formal". Something to suggest come dressed in your nicest clothes but your nicest clothes might be different from other guests nicest clothes.

"Come dressed to party in ... "

Any advice?? I know most people won't even pay attention to the "dress code", but I'm covering my bases in case anyone inquires.

It is inappropriate to write anything about a dress code unless it is a true black tie event (which yours is not) or if the venue has a dress code (e.g. reception at a country club that requires jacket and tie).

NYCMercedes · October 2013

Would you tell your guests what to wear to your party in your home? Same thing for your party elsewhere.

banana468 · October 2013

All you can do is answer them if a guest asks.

I'd keep the invitations elegant but quirky and also make sure that you're not under-dressing by asking the GM to wear sneakers.

GrrArgh · October 2013

I agree with Banana, the only other suggestion I have is on the website how you word things can help send a hint. We used the word soiree when referring to the reception at one point which to me at least implies something more formal... french makes everything seem more formal at least to me..! O:) Anyways that is as big of hint as I am willing to make unless people flat out ask in which case I'd prefer semi-formal attire just because I love seeing people all dressed up! but it is certainly not required. Ultimately if people show up in jeans and t-shirts, you aren't going to notice, if you do for some reason notice it will be in such a passing that it wont matter anyways.

mysticl · October 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

E+R2014 said:

I've hit a road block with dress code. The wedding party is wearing converse; ladies in long dresses and gentlemen in dress pants with a dress shirt, vest, and tie. The venue is by no means "formal". But some family members want to dress close to black tie/formal and don't want to look like odd ducks. How do I word the dress code (on the website, not the invitations) to say come dressed nicely but don't feel you need to go buy a new suit/tux? I don't want to alienate people who are scared off by words like "formal". Something to suggest come dressed in your nicest clothes but your nicest clothes might be different from other guests nicest clothes.

"Come dressed to party in ... "

Any advice?? I know most people won't even pay attention to the "dress code", but I'm covering my bases in case anyone inquires.

It's rude and insulting to specify dress code unless it is required by the venue. People know to dress up for weddings. If I went to a daytime wedding in someone's backyard I would still dress formally. No need to treat me like a child.

While I agree the OP should not dictate a dress code, I disagree with the bolded. The last wedding I went to was at a country club. There were people in jeans. One guy wore a button down, white shirt....with a white design/writing on the entire back (it was not a dress shirt). He also had a huge rip in his pants. I have also been to weddings where half the people were wearing business casual (the type where they are't wearing jeans but that's about it).

manateehugger · October 2013

mysticl said: Dreamergirl8812 said: E+R2014 said: I've hit a road block with dress code. The wedding party is wearing converse; ladies in long dresses and gentlemen in dress pants with a dress shirt, vest, and tie. The venue is by no means "formal". But some family members want to dress close to black tie/formal and don't want to look like odd ducks. How do I word the dress code (on the website, not the invitations) to say come dressed nicely but don't feel you need to go buy a new suit/tux? I don't want to alienate people who are scared off by words like "formal". Something to suggest come dressed in your nicest clothes but your nicest clothes might be different from other guests nicest clothes.

"Come dressed to party in ... "

Any advice?? I know most people won't even pay attention to the "dress code", but I'm covering my bases in case anyone inquires. It's rude and insulting to specify dress code unless it is required by the venue. People know to dress up for weddings. If I went to a daytime wedding in someone's backyard I would still dress formally. No need to treat me like a child.
While I agree the OP should not dictate a dress code, I disagree with the bolded. The last wedding I went to was at a country club. There were people in jeans. One guy wore a button down, white shirt....with a white design/writing on the entire back (it was not a dress shirt). He also had a huge rip in his pants. I have also been to weddings where half the people were wearing business casual (the type where they are't wearing jeans but that's about it).
mysticl said: Dreamergirl8812 said: E+R2014 said: I've hit a road block with dress code. The wedding party is wearing converse; ladies in long dresses and gentlemen in dress pants with a dress shirt, vest, and tie. The venue is by no means "formal". But some family members want to dress close to black tie/formal and don't want to look like odd ducks. How do I word the dress code (on the website, not the invitations) to say come dressed nicely but don't feel you need to go buy a new suit/tux? I don't want to alienate people who are scared off by words like "formal". Something to suggest come dressed in your nicest clothes but your nicest clothes might be different from other guests nicest clothes.

"Come dressed to party in ... "

Any advice?? I know most people won't even pay attention to the "dress code", but I'm covering my bases in case anyone inquires. It's rude and insulting to specify dress code unless it is required by the venue. People know to dress up for weddings. If I went to a daytime wedding in someone's backyard I would still dress formally. No need to treat me like a child.
While I agree the OP should not dictate a dress code, I disagree with the bolded. The last wedding I went to was at a country club. There were people in jeans. One guy wore a button down, white shirt....with a white design/writing on the entire back (it was not a dress shirt). He also had a huge rip in his pants. I have also been to weddings where half the people were wearing business casual (the type where they are't wearing jeans but that's about it). Well - most appropriate adults know how to dress for weddings.

Even though, business casual could be just fine for a wedding, depending on the formality.

thisismynickname2 · October 2013

Wait, I think I read OP differently. Are you saying you're trying to communicate to people not to overdress? Usually folks here have the opposite problem

A PP hit on a good point. Let your invitation and website theme convey a more casual, non black tie vibe. If people are itching to bust out rarely used fancy clothes, well better to be overdressed than under! That's their choice and I wouldn't sweat it.

mysticl · October 2013

PDKH said:

mysticl said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

E+R2014 said:

I've hit a road block with dress code. The wedding party is wearing converse; ladies in long dresses and gentlemen in dress pants with a dress shirt, vest, and tie. The venue is by no means "formal". But some family members want to dress close to black tie/formal and don't want to look like odd ducks. How do I word the dress code (on the website, not the invitations) to say come dressed nicely but don't feel you need to go buy a new suit/tux? I don't want to alienate people who are scared off by words like "formal". Something to suggest come dressed in your nicest clothes but your nicest clothes might be different from other guests nicest clothes.

"Come dressed to party in ... "

Any advice?? I know most people won't even pay attention to the "dress code", but I'm covering my bases in case anyone inquires.

It's rude and insulting to specify dress code unless it is required by the venue. People know to dress up for weddings. If I went to a daytime wedding in someone's backyard I would still dress formally. No need to treat me like a child.

While I agree the OP should not dictate a dress code, I disagree with the bolded. The last wedding I went to was at a country club. There were people in jeans. One guy wore a button down, white shirt....with a white design/writing on the entire back (it was not a dress shirt). He also had a huge rip in his pants. I have also been to weddings where half the people were wearing business casual (the type where they are't wearing jeans but that's about it).

mysticl said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

E+R2014 said:

I've hit a road block with dress code. The wedding party is wearing converse; ladies in long dresses and gentlemen in dress pants with a dress shirt, vest, and tie. The venue is by no means "formal". But some family members want to dress close to black tie/formal and don't want to look like odd ducks. How do I word the dress code (on the website, not the invitations) to say come dressed nicely but don't feel you need to go buy a new suit/tux? I don't want to alienate people who are scared off by words like "formal". Something to suggest come dressed in your nicest clothes but your nicest clothes might be different from other guests nicest clothes.

"Come dressed to party in ... "

Any advice?? I know most people won't even pay attention to the "dress code", but I'm covering my bases in case anyone inquires.

It's rude and insulting to specify dress code unless it is required by the venue. People know to dress up for weddings. If I went to a daytime wedding in someone's backyard I would still dress formally. No need to treat me like a child.

While I agree the OP should not dictate a dress code, I disagree with the bolded. The last wedding I went to was at a country club. There were people in jeans. One guy wore a button down, white shirt....with a white design/writing on the entire back (it was not a dress shirt). He also had a huge rip in his pants. I have also been to weddings where half the people were wearing business casual (the type where they are't wearing jeans but that's about it).

Well - most appropriate adults know how to dress for weddings.

Even though, business casual could be just fine for a wedding, depending on the formality.

The bridal party was in floor length gowns and tuxes. This business casual was too casual for many business casual offices. It was the kind of business casual where as long as your pants aren't jeans or workout gear HR won't send you home to change. It was seriously like most of the guests didn't realize they were going to a wedding.

phira · October 2013

I wouldn't say anything on your wedding website, and just stick to a quirky vibe. If anyone asks you, then you can be more specific.

It's not your fault if someone comes over or under dressed. It won't ruin the wedding.

Rebl90 · October 2013

I would refrain from saying anything on your website/invitations/etc, just like the Phira said, it won't ruin the wedding if someone comes over or under dressed. Even if you were to put a "dress code" out there, there would still be people who don't follow it. As the Bride you probably won't notice someone who looks over or under

STARMOON44 · October 2013

Since the groomsmen aren't dressing according to any recognized code, I don't even know what you would say.

ei34 · October 2013

I wouldn't specify a dress code in your situation. As adults, your guests will wear what they feel is appropriate wedding attire, and I don't see how they'd feel uncomfortable in their choice.

MGP · October 2013

E+R2014 said:

The wedding party is wearing converse; ladies in long dresses and gentlemen in dress pants with a dress shirt, vest, and tie. The venue is by no means "formal".

But some family members want to dress close to black tie/formal and don't want to look like odd ducks.

Here's my two cents - if your wedding party is not dressing black tie and the venue is not formal, this is NOT a black tie/formal wedding. If you want a black tie event you need to be willing to pay a black tie price tag. OP - I am saying that in general, you seem to have a good grasp on the tone of your own wedding. Good job!

If some guests choose to dress up, that is on them. It's not appropriate to dictate what others wear because a select few don't want to be overdressed.

Personally I would be pissed to even have it suggested to me to "dress nice/black tie optional/etc" (because I would) and then see the wedding party in sneakers. That's giving special treatment to some and that is rude.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2013

E+R2014 said:

I've hit a road block with dress code. The wedding party is wearing converse; ladies in long dresses and gentlemen in dress pants with a dress shirt, vest, and tie. The venue is by no means "formal". But some family members want to dress close to black tie/formal and don't want to look like odd ducks. How do I word the dress code (on the website, not the invitations) to say come dressed nicely but don't feel you need to go buy a new suit/tux? I don't want to alienate people who are scared off by words like "formal". Something to suggest come dressed in your nicest clothes but your nicest clothes might be different from other guests nicest clothes.

"Come dressed to party in ... "

Any advice?? I know most people won't even pay attention to the "dress code", but I'm covering my bases in case anyone inquires.

You don't. Don't write anything anywhere about how you want your guests to dress.

Let your guests dress however they want to.

delujm0 · October 2013

I wouldn't worry about guests being overdressed...most guests can tell by the formality of the invitation/venue/website how they should dress. Also, people are less likely to be embarassed in a group setting if they are overdressed than if they are underdressed. So i wouldn't say anything about it.

funny story - FI has a cousin that is always trying to be "different" so for a friend's wedding a few years ago, he showed up in jeans even though everyone else was semi-formal. When asked about it he told us that "this is how Europeans dress for weddings." His now wife, who is Sweedish, was wearing a cocktail dress just like everyone else, so that excuse didn't make any sense. Also, he is not European, and the wedding was not in Europe, so basically it was just an obvious attention-grab.

He is in the bridal party at my wedding - so we are dictating his outfit and therefore have nothing to worry about. But seriously, it was stupid. Who does that? The bottom line is that no one thought ill of the bride and groom because of what this guy was wearing. Everyone just thought he was an idiot. Leave your guests to their own devices and enjoy your day. :-)

tammym1001 · October 2013

I went to a wedding that had "This is a casual attire wedding" written on the invitation. I had no clue what that meant, but I wore a sleeveless sheath dress. When we got there, there were people in everything from jeans and t-shirts to suits. Making up arbitrary guidelines for dress doesn't help anyone. People are going to wear what they think is appropriate to a wedding regardless of what you tell them.

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

E+R2014 said:

I've hit a road block with dress code. The wedding party is wearing converse; ladies in long dresses and gentlemen in dress pants with a dress shirt, vest, and tie. The venue is by no means "formal". But some family members want to dress close to black tie/formal and don't want to look like odd ducks. How do I word the dress code (on the website, not the invitations) to say come dressed nicely but don't feel you need to go buy a new suit/tux? I don't want to alienate people who are scared off by words like "formal". Something to suggest come dressed in your nicest clothes but your nicest clothes might be different from other guests nicest clothes.

"Come dressed to party in ... "

Any advice?? I know most people won't even pay attention to the "dress code", but I'm covering my bases in case anyone inquires.

Adults can dress themselves and it's very rude to dictate attire. If your family wants to dress in black tie, fine. Whatever. But just because they want to do that and don't want to "stick out" doesn't mean you can tell everyone else to do that. Just no.

Iloveshanej · October 2013

PDKH said:

You don't put anything on your website.

Your venue and invitation style should indicate the level of formality. The only dress code appropriate to list is black tie if you are having a black tie wedding (which, sorry, you aren't if the guys aren't in tuxes and are wearing converse). To me, if your guys aren't in jackets, it's not a formal wedding. Most people in my circle wear cocktail attire anyway. People can dress themselves.

If someone asks, you can explain what the wedding party is wearing and encourage them to wear what they find to be comfortable.

I agree!

ElcaB · October 2013

OP, there's really no problem here. It'd be crabbed and savage to dictate the dress of the event, even though you have good intentions. If people aren't sure how to dress, they'll ask.

APDSS22 · October 2013

Definitely stick to a quirky vibe with your invitations and website design. If you haven't selected a venue, go for quirky there too. Most adults know what to wear to a wedding by picking up on the subtleties of those choices. Hopefully, most of your guests will know you two well enough to realize a little offbeat is what you would go for. If any of your guests ask, feel free to fill them in on the bridal party attire. Hopefully, your family members will either own being overdressed and fabulous or at least get off your back about trying to force everyone else to dress up to their standards.

As an aside, I wore my purple converse shoes under my huge, traditional dress and the only person to notice was the guy only there because his dad needed a driver (so he was essentially crashing). I wanted to be comfortable and I knew I'd be doing a lot of walking and standing. H thought about wearing converse to match but ordering them in a size that would fit him would've been quite tricky and I didn't really plan on anyone seeing mine so he just wore his usual dress shoes.

Viczaesar · October 2013

Out of curiosity, are the women wearing Converse too?

E+R2014_23123649 · October 2013

Yup

Viczaesar · October 2013

Yikes.

JustNicki · October 2013

Agree with PPs. You have the right idea not putting something like that on an invitation, but don't put it on your website either. Guests should know how to dress based on the formality of the invitation and the time/location of the wedding and reception. The people who are truly at a loss for what to wear will probably end up contacting you or your parents/FILs to ask. That's when you can just say, "The WP is wearing X, feel comfortable wearing whatever you're comfortable in." If they press you for a more detailed "dress code," just say a skirt/dress/suit will be fine.

s-aries8990 · October 2013

Don't put anything on the invitation. Use the formality of the invitation, website, and venue to suggest the dress code. If these individuals are afraid to be overdressed, they will ask directly.

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