Tall groomsmen

SBmini · October 2013

Let me preface this thread by saying that I know this is silly.

My fiance and I are not tall people. Last night we were talking about his groomsmen (he still haven't finalized his choice). My fiance was expressing concern about the potential heights of the party. He has three really good friend that are all a good bit above 6'0. He's 5'5. The person that makes the most sense to be his best man is one of those guys. He doesn't want his BM to tower over him at his own wedding.

I'm hoping you guys have some good tricks to help him stand out next to his tall friends. I told him we could have them stand back further than normal. I was also thinking we could do some classic hollywood movie tricks for photos to help make the height difference not as noticeable. Any other good ideas or words of encouragement for my FI?

mlg78 · October 2013

Seriously? You choose who is your nearest and dearest and stop worrying about how things will look. My MOH was 6' in heels. I'm 5'1". We look wonderful next to one another. Your photographer will make things work out just fine.

Blue_Bird · October 2013

My advice is for your FI to get over it, honestly. Everyone knows how tall he is, and no one will care. If your photographer feels there needs to be some rearranging for aesthetics' sake, he'll do it. Otherwise, tell him how much you love him, and ask him to put his insecurity aside for one day. He needs to be present. What you want to do will only call attention to his height.

Edited because of mobile craziness.

Dreamergirl8812 · October 2013

Maybe his best friends can stand 3 - 4 feet behind him, like they do in music videos for short pop stars.

Kidding.

SBmini · October 2013

Blue_Bird said:

My advice is for your FI to get over it, honestly. Everyone knows how tall he is, and no one will care. If your photographer feels there needs to be some rearranging for aesthetics' sake, he'll do it. Otherwise, tell him how much you love him, and ask him to put his insecurity aside for one day. He needs to be present. What you want to do will only call attention to his height. Edited because of mobile craziness.

I wish he would just be OK with his height, but if it hasn't happened by now, it won't happen by the wedding.

Blue_Bird · October 2013

SBmini said:

Blue_Bird said:

My advice is for your FI to get over it, honestly. Everyone knows how tall he is, and no one will care. If your photographer feels there needs to be some rearranging for aesthetics' sake, he'll do it. Otherwise, tell him how much you love him, and ask him to put his insecurity aside for one day. He needs to be present. What you want to do will only call attention to his height. Edited because of mobile craziness.

I wish he would just be OK with his height, but if it hasn't happened by now, it won't happen by the wedding.

Trust me, I understand not being able to get past insecurity. However, putting his friends through awkward placements and moving people around like props in order to pretend your FI isn't the height that he is will not help. It will only make him look nutty. He needs to either wear lifts or just let it go.

P.S.- This is coming from someone who is 5'1, and my bridesmaid was 5'7, only wears 4" or higher heels, and looks like a Victoria's Secret model. It never occurred to me to try to downplay her beauty or make her look shorter.

davisse3 · October 2013

Look for shoes for him that have a lift in them (you can find them with a lift on the inside so he doesn't look like he is wearing platforms).Dress him slightly differently than the groomsmen (like dark grey suit and all of them have light grey). Your photographer will be able to arrange people accordingly.

As for words - seriously, no one is going to be paying attention to groomsmen at your wedding. Your guests will be watching the both of you. And as others have pointed out, the people you invite are probably aware of his height. Why try to hide who he is? Nothing wrong with being short.

AddieCake · October 2013

First world problems. Maybe your fiance can wear lifts in his shoes. Or maybe he can realize how NOT an issue this is and go have a drink and relax.

Dreamergirl8812 · October 2013

You know what makes men feel better about themselves? Blowjobs.

SBmini · October 2013

Stupid boxes--

No lift in history is going to make him even remotely close in height to someone who is a foot taller than him. I am also not suggesting we do anything that would be blatantly obvious. Of course the guys aren't props, all I'm looking for is an idea or two to show my fiance that he doesn't need to be concerned. If you ladies would rather attack him or me then shame on you.

SP29 · October 2013

There aren't really any ideas besides having him wear lifts in his shoes or having the GM stand farther away from him. You can't change biology.

In photos, the photographer will stage things to make height look more normalized- they'll know what to do, they do it all the time (usually between the B&G as traditional we as a society like men taller than women). But as for the ceremony, unless you're going to make your GM stand away from the front (which would look weirder) there isn't anything you can do.

Your FI is the height that he is, his friends are the height that they are. During the ceremony he won't notice because he'll be staring at you. The guests will be staring at you two.

My FI was the BM for his friend. I hate to be stereotypical, but his friend is Filipino, and generally, they are on the shorter side. The other GM was also Filipino and the bride and women in the bridal party were all petite, so my FI stood about half a foot + taller than everyone else- at the altar, in the pictures.... no one cared.

OliveOilsMom · October 2013

Speak with your photographer about this, they are really the only people (besides your FI just accepting his height) who can help with this situation.

kitty8403 · October 2013

Are there steps at the altar? You might arrange everyone on different levels.
For post-ceremony group shots, there are lots of ways to pose everyone if you want something more fun and candid.
But I agree that mostly, this is a non-issue.

artbyallie · October 2013

kitty8403 said:

Are there steps at the altar? You might arrange everyone on different levels. For post-ceremony group shots, there are lots of ways to pose everyone if you want something more fun and candid. But I agree that mostly, this is a non-issue.

This was my thought. Our church has long steps on either side so our wedding party was positioned down them. H was the tallest person in our wedding apart from the preacher, though.

artbyallie · October 2013

SBmini said:

Stupid boxes--
No lift in history is going to make him even remotely close in height to someone who is a foot taller than him. I am also not suggesting we do anything that would be blatantly obvious. Of course the guys aren't props, all I'm looking for is an idea or two to show my fiance that he doesn't need to be concerned. If you ladies would rather attack him or me then shame on you.

Also, I don't find it an 'attack' to point out that this is really a pointless thing to worry about. We tell other brides the same thing when they ask what to do about being taller than their groom. He can't change his or their heights and presumably doesn't care when they're in pictures together in other situations, and it's not like anyone is not going to know he's the groom. He's the guy getting married; he will by default stand out.

MobKaz · October 2013

I agree with everyone else that this is a non issue. The more you focus on his height, the worse things could become. If his groomsmen all discover his insecurity, they may try to compensate by slouching or bending their knees. Imagine how awful that would make photos look.

Encourage your FI to stand tall and proud as the groom. No other stature is necessary.

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

SBmini said:

Let me preface this thread by saying that I know this is silly.

My fiance and I are not tall people. Last night we were talking about his groomsmen (he still haven't finalized his choice). My fiance was expressing concern about the potential heights of the party. He has three really good friend that are all a good bit above 6'0. He's 5'5. The person that makes the most sense to be his best man is one of those guys. He doesn't want his BM to tower over him at his own wedding.

I'm hoping you guys have some good tricks to help him stand out next to his tall friends. I told him we could have them stand back further than normal. I was also thinking we could do some classic hollywood movie tricks for photos to help make the height difference not as noticeable. Any other good ideas or words of encouragement for my FI?

You know what this is like? If your BMs had bigger boobs than you or were skinnier than you and you were trying to pick your flattest and/or fattest friend to be your MOH because it would make you look better. Or considering wearing boob inserts so your boobs looked bigger and/or a corset so you looked skinner if you actually picked your best friend because she was the skinniest/bustiest.

Seriously - this is the same thing. Tell him to stop being so insecure and get over it.

itzMS · October 2013

I appreciate those suggesting the steps idea...but as a tall-ish lady who is always placed on a "lower step" or on the floor so as to look shorter and to blend in with the crowd...it's annoying as hell to me.

My DH is 5'8", his best man is/was 6'3". It was never a thought.

Life goes on.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

No one is attacking you or your FI. Everyone is just telling you exactly what you said in your first post "this is silly." Your FI needs to get over it. If he isn't uncomfortable about being around them in everyday life then I don't see why it will be so different on his wedding day. It is the same as a bride who has no problem wearing stiletto heels so that they are taller then their FI everyday of the year but freak out about their height and not being able to wear their 4" heels on their wedding day because they don't want to be taller then the groom.

cowgirl8238 · October 2013

Tell your FI to just be happy and focus on you. The amount of time he will spend standing next to his BM is miniscule compaired to the time he will spend with you throughout your lives. I am sorry that he is worried but just tell him to relax and that everything will be fine. Who cares about how tall someone is...it will look much worse if everyone tries to compensate for height then to just relax and enjoy the wedding.

Also no one was attacking anyone.

SBmini · October 2013

kitty8403 said:

Are there steps at the altar? You might arrange everyone on different levels. For post-ceremony group shots, there are lots of ways to pose everyone if you want something more fun and candid. But I agree that mostly, this is a non-issue.

It's one, even platform, but it is quite large which is why I thought they could stand behind him maybe a step further to provide a bit of a spacial gap.

And I do think suggesting that I give him a BJ so he "gets over it" an attack- or at least an incredibly rude statement. I know this is silly, but that doesn't mean it's a joke.

artbyallie · October 2013

SBmini said:

kitty8403 said:

Are there steps at the altar? You might arrange everyone on different levels. For post-ceremony group shots, there are lots of ways to pose everyone if you want something more fun and candid. But I agree that mostly, this is a non-issue.

It's one, even platform, but it is quite large which is why I thought they could stand behind him maybe a step further to provide a bit of a spacial gap.

And I do think suggesting that I give him a BJ so he "gets over it" an attack- or at least an incredibly rude statement. I know this is silly, but that doesn't mean it's a joke.

But an attack would be calling you names or threatening violence or some such. You can't just make that word mean whatever you want it to.

SBmini · October 2013

I reread the thread with less emotion and you are right- I'm not being attacked. I'm just being dramatic and defensive. Just because something doesn't seem like a big deal to you, doesn't mean it isn't a big deal to someone else. So I really don't appreciate when people make light of other people's situations.

Could you imagine if your fiance told you to 'get over it' any time you stressed out over a wedding detail? He's put up with so much drama from me, the least I can do is help him through his.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

I reread the thread with less emotion and you are right- I'm not being attacked. I'm just being dramatic and defensive. Just because something doesn't seem like a big deal to you, doesn't mean it isn't a big deal to someone else. So I really don't appreciate when people make light of other people's situations.

Could you imagine if your fiance told you to 'get over it' any time you stressed out over a wedding detail? He's put up with so much drama from me, the least I can do is help him through his.

But this isn't just a wedding detail. This is an everyday life detail. He needs to learn to accept his height and the height of the people that he is friends with. Making his nearest and dearest stand a certain way or whatever just to make your FI feel taller is about as ridiculous as you making your BMs perm their hair and wear spandex to your wedding so that it makes you look better. Your FI is never going to get taller and unless he wants to drop his friends and make new short ones, his friends will never get shorter. He needs to learn to accept this and realize that your guests at your wedding will not care at all about the height differences.

erinlin25 · October 2013

people know your fiance is short, this will not surprise anyone. My best friend is 5", her husband is 5"3--all of his friends/GM were taller than him. No one cared/noticed. They are the cutest couple and that is all people talked about. You are over thinking this, and you & your FI will be fine. Ditto PPs to discuss this will your photographer when time comes and I'm sure they will have some "tricks." I looked back at my friends wedding and not one picture looks bad or stands out with the height difference.

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