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Its cheaper to rent a beach house for my wedding, how do i ask guests to pitch in??

twiggy327twiggy327 member
First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

So while doing some research on hotels for my key west wedding I came accross a private beach "compound" with multiple cottages surrounding a pool. Im inviting approx 40 ppl to my wedding all family and close friends. Before i put the down payment on the houses i called all the guests individually and asked if this is something they were interested in doing rather than a hotel (it would be $200 per couple cheaper and much more private than a hotel, $350 per person for the whole week) they all agreed so I payed the down payment and signed the rental agreement. We are going to provide brkfst everyday, a few dinners, and majority of the alcohol for the week Im getting married next Sept and its getting to be time for the STDs and I dont know how to word in the "accommodations" part all of the information needed like who to send the money to and how much! It sounds super tacky to say "Please send payment to the bride and groom by such and such date" I talked to the realtor and she wont let me have my guests make their payment directly to her, it has to come to me first! UGH!! I am also including other options for hotels in the area on the STDs just in case. How do you ask your wedding guests to send you money for their accomodations?! Im feeling gross about it but they all did agree before i booked. Any formal wording advice for my invites and STDs? Im starting to think it would have been easier to just reserve a block of rooms and let them pay more...
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Re: Its cheaper to rent a beach house for my wedding, how do i ask guests to pitch in??

  • MGPMGP member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    kristbot said:
    I can't get past the fact that you called each guest and asked them if they wanted to stay. I would be prepared for people to back out because they felt put on the spot when you spoke to them. Just pay for the house yourself and count your lucky stars for those who do pay you and don't find accommodations elsewhere.
    Exactly!  You booked accommodations for 40 and expect everyone to show AND reimburse you?  Wow, you are a brave soul.  Good luck.

    Honestly, as nice as you were trying to be I really think you overextended yourself on this one.  You would have saved yourself a lot of time and money just to find some hotel options in the area or set up a few room blocks.  I don't understand why some couples think that all of their guests want to be one big happy family during their wedding weekend.  People want privacy.  No matter what some people told you, it's not the best fit for everyone.
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  • twiggy327twiggy327 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    Kristbot, i thought of the calling of the guests before i booked also thinking the same thing that it was rude and forward, He and I have large families and weve only invited the immediates parents, grandparents, and aunts and uncles as well as our best friends and nearly half of the guests are going to be their small children. I just dont know what to do now!!! My $%#$% mother talked me into this beach house idea and I knew it sounded great if i could afford to pay for it but I cant! She is the mastermind to this whole mess that im in now. I think Kitty's wording is wonderful but im leaning toward southernbelle's idea of not putting it on there at all! UGH!! I thought this was a bad idea in my head and now im totally freaked knowing that others think it is also!! Im just gonna cry!! what do i do?!? 
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  • SlothGoalsSlothGoals member
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    MGP said:
    kristbot said:
    I can't get past the fact that you called each guest and asked them if they wanted to stay. I would be prepared for people to back out because they felt put on the spot when you spoke to them. Just pay for the house yourself and count your lucky stars for those who do pay you and don't find accommodations elsewhere.
    Exactly!  You booked accommodations for 40 and expect everyone to show AND reimburse you?  Wow, you are a brave soul.  Good luck.

    Honestly, as nice as you were trying to be I really think you overextended yourself on this one.  You would have saved yourself a lot of time and money just to find some hotel options in the area or set up a few room blocks.  I don't understand why some couples think that all of their guests want to be one big happy family during their wedding weekend.  People want privacy.  No matter what some people told you, it's not the best fit for everyone.
    This 100%
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  • twiggy327twiggy327 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    and im not understanding "wedding venue" i was under the impression that the venue was the location of your wedding ceremony and reception. Ive booked a chartered beach wedding and reception on the water for the actual day of the ceremony. How do i fix this?!? I need help!
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Well of course it was easy for your Mom to talk to you into this beach house compound idea because her ass wasn't forking over the money to pay for it all.

    Like QueerFemme said, stop worrying about the wording and start figuring out a way to pay for the place.  Which means, you may have to not pay for everyone's breakfast and dinners and drinks during the week leading up to your wedding day.  You don't have to host everyone for a full week. Your wedding is one day not seven so just worry about the one day.

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  • kitty8403kitty8403 member
    First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    The others make a good point. It's the kind of thing that starts out as a thoughtful idea, but can get out of hand quickly. This sounds like a bigger problem than I realized.
    (To PPs, I didn't interpret this as booking a venue and asking guests to subsidize the cost. I agree that would be inappropriate. I read this as basically equivalent to negotiating a room discount/block, but without the ability to have guests make their own reservations, which is just awkward.)
    FMIL is doing this same thing for a trip just after our wedding, but she booked the place herself, will just tell them about it later, and has the budget to cover the whole place if no one decides to chip in.

    What does your contract say about cancellations or minimums? Can you cover it on your own if necessary?

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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
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    twiggy327 said:
    and im not understanding "wedding venue" i was under the impression that the venue was the location of your wedding ceremony and reception. Ive booked a chartered beach wedding and reception on the water for the actual day of the ceremony. How do i fix this?!? I need help!


    Your original post said "So while doing some research on hotels for my key west wedding I came accross a private beach "compound" with multiple cottages surrounding a pool."   it made it sound like you were using this cottage/compound as your wedding venue/location. 

    If that's not the case, then I retract my statement about having your guests subsidize your wedding VENUE, but you are still asking your guests to pay for somewhere that YOU want to stay for your wedding.  It's just overall a bad idea.

    I would see if you can cancel without a major penalty, and if not, then figure out a way to pay for all of the lodging yourself, and hope that some people actually will come through with payment.

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Would it be worth it to you in the long run to just cancel and lose out on the deposit?  If you are unable to cover the entire cost of the compound yourself then you may be better off losing the deposit and finding somewhere else to stay.  And letting your guests find their own lodging that they can pay for directly to the location rather then to you.

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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    NYCMercedes said:
    OP, if anyone arranged a beach vacation in Key West for me for $350, surrounded by my family and a pool, I would be eternally grateful. Thus, I recommend you go with Kitty8408's suggestion for wording your solicitation. Have fun!
    I agree! 
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  • photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited October 2013
    ClimbingBrideNY said:


    NYCMercedes said:

    OP, if anyone arranged a beach vacation in Key West for me for $350, surrounded by my family and a pool, I would be eternally grateful. Thus, I recommend you go with Kitty8408's suggestion for wording your solicitation. Have fun!

    I agree! 

    Me three!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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  • twiggy327twiggy327 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    o heavens!!! Now i dont know what to do. Well during my lunch break today I called the realtor to see about the cancellation fee and I would have to eat 50% of the deposit which is half of the over all stay. Those who have rented beach houses before can imagine the amount of money i will have wasted! Contrary to the general consensus of this post I cant cancel and instead of putting the cost tackily on paper I will just call my family and explain to them the situation. I mean these are my grandparents, parents, and favorite aunts and cousins. There will be a total of around 20-25 adults going and most of them are couples, the rest are children. I can make this work. I know it might be breaking the rules but there are 4 houses on this property, its not like were all gonna be crammed in one big house. I challenge anyone to go online right now and find a hotel room even a crappy one for less than $350 a week, make that $700 a week for a couple. Thats why I originally agreed to this situation. The compound is right on the water, a block away from the party bars. Im gonna do this and its gonna be great
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  • MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited October 2013
    I definitely wouldn't eat that.

    I think it sounds like you are resolving the situation as best as you can. Just save extra to accommodate for any people that may cancel as you get closer.

    (ETA: Hotel rooms are normally sold as double occupancy, so it would be the $350 for a couple, not $700)
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
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  • twiggy327twiggy327 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    ok, a beach front hotel room in key west for $350/week
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  • TerriHuggTerriHugg member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited October 2013
    With my destination wedding, I sent out save the dates that included the travel dates, hotel, and wedding website. 

    On my wedding website, I listed the payment due dates for those who chose to stay at the hotel we blocked out rooms and information for the travel agent. 

    In your case, I would suggest doing something similar for your guests. On your wedding website, say something such "For you convenience, we received this beach house for x amount. Those who are interested in lodging with us in the house should make x payment by this date to x account." 

    Make a paypal account where they can send funds to so that it's not like they are sending money directly to you.

    I don't think your situations I too terrible. It seems like a normal destination wedding/room block scenario. Just be prepared to cover the difference of those who choose to stay elsewhere. 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    twiggy327 said:
    o heavens!!! Now i dont know what to do. Well during my lunch break today I called the realtor to see about the cancellation fee and I would have to eat 50% of the deposit which is half of the over all stay. Those who have rented beach houses before can imagine the amount of money i will have wasted! Contrary to the general consensus of this post I cant cancel and instead of putting the cost tackily on paper I will just call my family and explain to them the situation. I mean these are my grandparents, parents, and favorite aunts and cousins. There will be a total of around 20-25 adults going and most of them are couples, the rest are children. I can make this work. I know it might be breaking the rules but there are 4 houses on this property, its not like were all gonna be crammed in one big house. I challenge anyone to go online right now and find a hotel room even a crappy one for less than $350 a week, make that $700 a week for a couple. Thats why I originally agreed to this situation. The compound is right on the water, a block away from the party bars. Im gonna do this and its gonna be great

    I think you are right to call everyone and talk to them about finances.  It isn't ideal, but at this point, you are pretty screwed unless you want to eat that deposit.

    I don't think you need to "challenge" anyone to find a cheaper hotel for $350.00 a week in Key West, blah blah.   That's not really the point.  

    image

    Websites/blogs where our wedding has been featured:

    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

    http://www.onabicyclebuiltfortwo.com/2013/10/wedding-christina-g.html

    http://4realequalityweddings.com/2014/05/16/g-christina/

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  • daria24daria24 member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer
    I don't think you've done something egregious, you've just assumed a bit of a financial risk if not everyone attends the wedding. 

    What happens if guests decide not to stay the full week? Will they pay less? What if you don't fill up all the slots-will you eat all those costs, or charge everyone else more? 
    image
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  • twiggy327twiggy327 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    Im starting to get defensive. I didnt post on here that its required for someone to pay for a room and stay at this beach house if you want to come with me when i get married. Its an option. I obviously would not have booked it unless I undersood that of course things happen and would have to make up the difference in funds if people chose not to go or chose to stay someplace else and am prepared to do so. By the majority of responses I got It was like i was asking people to donate their first born child to my cause. I realize that there is an etiquette "rule book," but I highly doubt I will be burned at stake, stoned to death, or muttered about behind my back by Aunt Marge and Granny Claire for wanting to give my guests the option of a house rather than hotel. Im not worrying about it anymore. Its going to be great to not have to share my place of sleep during my wedding week with a hotel full of strangers and have my own pool and beach to swim in. 
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  • twiggy327twiggy327 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
     my entire family is from pittsburgh except for 2 in DC and 2 Daytona and all are going to stay the week but even if they werent I wouldnt charge them more. Im already paying for a quarter of the cost out of pocket to make it less expensive for them
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    twiggy327 said:
    Im starting to get defensive. I didnt post on here that its required for someone to pay for a room and stay at this beach house if you want to come with me when i get married. Its an option. I obviously would not have booked it unless I undersood that of course things happen and would have to make up the difference in funds if people chose not to go or chose to stay someplace else and am prepared to do so. By the majority of responses I got It was like i was asking people to donate their first born child to my cause. I realize that there is an etiquette "rule book," but I highly doubt I will be burned at stake, stoned to death, or muttered about behind my back by Aunt Marge and Granny Claire for wanting to give my guests the option of a house rather than hotel. Im not worrying about it anymore. Its going to be great to not have to share my place of sleep during my wedding week with a hotel full of strangers and have my own pool and beach to swim in. 
    You need to relax.  You asked for input and that is what we are giving you.  No one is saying that it is bad form to offer this as an option, we were just pointing out that it could be perceived as being forceful or that you are making people stay at this house.  We also are telling you that you need to be prepared to pay for the entire thing yourself if your family decides to stay elsewhere.

    Also, from this point onward do not let your Mom talk you into anything else without fully researching things first.

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