Already Wedded in Hometown, Working on Reception Where We Live

Stefany113 · October 2013

Hi all,

My husband and I got married across the country where our families are, but want to host a party for our friends where we live (NYC).

So many questions! Can I invite people that I didn't originally invite to the wedding? I want to include our broad base of friends here, even though we had to make tough decisions regarding the invite for the ceremony out of town. Of the 30 people we invited from New York, only 5 could afford to fly down for the wedding. It's important that we get to celebrate with those that couldn't.

Also, we can't afford in NYC to host an open bar for the number of people we'd like to have. How can I send out invites noting that appetizers will be offered, but they'll be paying for their own drinks?....it's an informal celebration, cash bar, a few hours to mingle and celebrate with those who couldn't be there.

We will be requesting NO gifts, providing appetizers and also sending them off with a small edible favor.

Ideas on how to word this invite and who is appropriate to invite?

Thanks!

doeydo · October 2013

Stefany113 said:

Hi all,

My husband and I got married across the country where our families are, but want to host a party for our friends where we live (NYC).

So many questions! Can I invite people that I didn't originally invite to the wedding? I want to include our broad base of friends here, even though we had to make tough decisions regarding the invite for the ceremony out of town. Of the 30 people we invited from New York, only 5 could afford to fly down for the wedding. It's important that we get to celebrate with those that couldn't.

Also, we can't afford in NYC to host an open bar for the number of people we'd like to have. How can I send out invites noting that appetizers will be offered, but they'll be paying for their own drinks?....it's an informal celebration, cash bar, a few hours to mingle and celebrate with those who couldn't be there.

We will be requesting NO gifts, providing appetizers and also sending them off with a small edible favor.

Ideas on how to word this invite and who is appropriate to invite?

Thanks!

HisGirlFriday13 · October 2013

You can certainly host an at-home reception, provided you do it properly.

1. Yes, you may invite people who weren't invited to the wedding.
2. No, you may not charge them for their drinks. That's rude no matter what. Host what you can afford -- beer/wine, nothing, whatever.
3. Skip the favours. This is not a wedding and no one wants them. Put that money toward the alcohol.
4. Do not have any wedding trappings: no first dance, no bouquet toss, no cake-cutting, etc.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

Stefany113 said:

Hi all,

My husband and I got married across the country where our families are, but want to host a party for our friends where we live (NYC).

So many questions! Can I invite people that I didn't originally invite to the wedding? I want to include our broad base of friends here, even though we had to make tough decisions regarding the invite for the ceremony out of town. Of the 30 people we invited from New York, only 5 could afford to fly down for the wedding. It's important that we get to celebrate with those that couldn't.

Also, we can't afford in NYC to host an open bar for the number of people we'd like to have. How can I send out invites noting that appetizers will be offered, but they'll be paying for their own drinks?....it's an informal celebration, cash bar, a few hours to mingle and celebrate with those who couldn't be there.

We will be requesting NO gifts, providing appetizers and also sending them off with a small edible favor.

Ideas on how to word this invite and who is appropriate to invite?

Thanks!

Cash bars are no-nos. They are rude to your guests. If you want to host and event then you need to host it fully. If that means that you can't afford alcohol then you have a dry event. There are other options to just a full open bar. You can pay by consumption, you can also have a limited bar of just beer, wine and a signature drink. But do not have your guests open their wallets for anything.

As far as who you would invite. You should invite everyone that you originally invited to the wedding. I am not sure about inviting those that were not originally invited though. I guess it depends on your wedding. Was it a small intimate affair? Or did you invite a ton of people and unfortunately a fair amount just couldn't make it? If it as the latter then inviting people that weren't originally invited to the ceremony could be seen as a smack in the face. Like you think they are good enough to party with after the fact but they weren't good enough to share in your wedding day.

Also, no where should you request no gifts. Don't register (which I don't think you should do anyways since this is just a "yay we got married a few months ago" party) and just leave it at that. Most likely you will have people that will give you gifts no matter what. Just accept them graciously.

Finally, what time of day were you thinking of having this party? If it is during a meal time you will need to serve a full meal or enough heavy apps to constitute a full meal.

aurianna · October 2013

Please don't feel like this is an attack; it's not.
While I'm sure it is not your intention, to many, an idea like this comes off to some as an attention grab, and potentially as a gift* grab.

*Saying "no gifts" on the invite is also rude. Gifts should never be mentioned, because they should never be expected. So putting "no gifts" on the invite indicates that you would have expected them otherwise.

Cash bars are rude; guests should never need to open their wallets at events. It's better to just host beer and wine with no option for liquor, or have a dry event if you can't even swing that.

Those that were invited to, but unable to attend your wedding are most not likely expecting an additional one. And if you have the event that you described (apps, no dinner, no hosted drinks), it will most likely pale in comparison to what your real wedding was. Nothing can make up for your actual wedding, so I would suggest not even trying.

To those that were not invited to your wedding, this might make many a little insulted. They weren't good enough to be invited to your wedding, but now they're invited to fawn over you at an event that isn't even fully hosted.

Yes, if people love you, they will be happy for you regardless if you give them dinner or alcohol. But if you love them, I think it better not to put them in the position.
Asking people to use part of their weekend to go to a party that's in your honor, celebrating an event that they weren't invited to in the first place, where they aren't getting a meal or drinks... it's really not that appetizing.

INSTEAD

If you want to invite people not originally invited, I suggest having an open house. A more casual party at your house where people can come and go as they please and eat the snacks and drinks you can afford to provide. They'll be happy to greet the new married couple and you can talk about the wedding if prompted and they want to be filled in; if not, people can just have fun.

If you can stick to just people you invited to the original wedding, do as PPs have suggested: give a meal if at meal time, no cash bar, no first dance, no bouquet toss, etc.

aurianna · October 2013

double post

NYCMercedes · October 2013

I agree with what @aurianna said. Have a wonderful party at home. It's not a reception. Invite whomever you want. Serve what you can afford.

Jen4948 · October 2013

Stefany113 said:

Hi all,

My husband and I got married across the country where our families are, but want to host a party for our friends where we live (NYC).

So many questions! Can I invite people that I didn't originally invite to the wedding? I want to include our broad base of friends here, even though we had to make tough decisions regarding the invite for the ceremony out of town. Of the 30 people we invited from New York, only 5 could afford to fly down for the wedding. It's important that we get to celebrate with those that couldn't.

Also, we can't afford in NYC to host an open bar for the number of people we'd like to have. How can I send out invites noting that appetizers will be offered, but they'll be paying for their own drinks?....it's an informal celebration, cash bar, a few hours to mingle and celebrate with those who couldn't be there.

We will be requesting NO gifts, providing appetizers and also sending them off with a small edible favor.

Ideas on how to word this invite and who is appropriate to invite?

Thanks!

Unfortunately, I think many of your guests would side-eye these plans.

If you want to host an at-home reception, that's fine...but you need to make some changes here.

First, you need to lose the cash bar. You can limit the alcohol to beer and wine only, have signature cocktails, etc., but they have to be free of charge to your guests and available throughout the entire reception.

Second, mentioning gifts in any form at all in an invitation, including "no gifts," is rude. Lose this as well. If someone gives you a gift you don't want, you may (discreetly) dispose of it as you see fit provided you graciously thank them for it.

Third, you should invite everyone invited to your wedding. Since that was your wedding, however, this won't be your wedding reception. Don't call it that or do a cake-cutting, first dance, bouquet/garter toss, and other things associated with wedding receptions.

grumbledore · October 2013

Truth be told, I am not a fan of the "at home reception" unless a wedding takes place overseas. And even then, invite the people who you want to be there and hope they can make it.

I wouldn't hold a second reception. Just have a party and invite whoever you want and call it a day. Adults don't need a consolation prize for not attending your wedding.

And definitely no cash bar no matter what you decide to do.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2013

grumbledore said:

Truth be told, I am not a fan of the "at home reception" unless a wedding takes place overseas. And even then, invite the people who you want to be there and hope they can make it.

I wouldn't hold a second reception. Just have a party and invite whoever you want and call it a day. Adults don't need a consolation prize for not attending your wedding.

And definitely no cash bar no matter what you decide to do.

I agree with all of this.

Host a housewarming party if you'd like to see people that couldn't make it to your wedding, and show them your new digs plus your wedding album.

Stefany113 · October 2013

Thanks for the replies. I should not have said "Reception"...what I mean is "party."

The plan NEVER included any of the wedding "reception" plans...no garter toss, etc. That's over! This is not a WEDDING, my friends. Maybe a speech or something, and then an hour or two of mingling and drinking/eating. I should have said, "party." Sorry!

We cannot afford to buy everyone drinks; beer, wine, or otherwise. @HisGirlFriday13, It's not about money for the favors either. A good friend offered to make those for us, without us even asking.

The whole reason we originally planned to do something here is everyone asked us to...they wanted to celebrate with us, but couldn't fly cross country. So, we were making an effort to get something together.

Maggie0829, there is no registry for this! Who would do that AFTER getting married?!? I like that you brought it up as something someone would do, though. Not in NYC....small apartment living.

@Aurianna, @scribe95, @PrettyGirlLost As for an open house--this was our original idea. However, we live 45 minutes from Manhattan, far away from most of our friends. About no one would come....We were trying to do something casual and centrally located.

@scribe95--We were married one month ago and planning the party for early November.

Not sure what we're going to do...nothing it seems.

Is anyone from NYC? Not sure if some things are more acceptable here. I have definitely been to MANY gatherings where I paid for my own drink and I wasn't mad about it. In fact, it seems to be the norm. But, I tend to be really understanding of the plight of the city and people in general.

HisGirlFriday13 · October 2013

We cannot afford to buy everyone drinks; beer, wine, or otherwise. @HisGirlFriday13, It's not about money for the favors either. A good friend offered to make those for us, without us even asking.

Is anyone from NYC? Not sure if some things are more acceptable here. I have definitely been to MANY gatherings where I paid for my own drink and I wasn't mad about it. In fact, it seems to be the norm. But, I tend to be really understanding of the plight of the city and people in general.

We keep telling people -- host what you can afford. Or don't host anything at all.

And whether things are "more acceptable" in NYC doesn't make them not rude. You posted this on an Etiquette board; we're going to give you proper etiquette advice.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2013

Stefany113 said:

Thanks for the replies. I should not have said "Reception"...what I mean is "party."

The plan NEVER included any of the wedding "reception" plans...no garter toss, etc. That's over! This is not a WEDDING, my friends. Maybe a speech or something, and then an hour or two of mingling and drinking/eating. I should have said, "party." Sorry!

We cannot afford to buy everyone drinks; beer, wine, or otherwise. @HisGirlFriday13, It's not about money for the favors either. A good friend offered to make those for us, without us even asking.

The whole reason we originally planned to do something here is everyone asked us to...they wanted to celebrate with us, but couldn't fly cross country. So, we were making an effort to get something together.

Maggie0829, there is no registry for this! Who would do that AFTER getting married?!? I like that you brought it up as something someone would do, though. Not in NYC....small apartment living.

@Aurianna, @scribe95, @PrettyGirlLost As for an open house--this was our original idea. However, we live 45 minutes from Manhattan, far away from most of our friends. About no one would come....We were trying to do something casual and centrally located.

@scribe95--We were married one month ago and planning the party for early November.

Not sure what we're going to do...nothing it seems.

Is anyone from NYC? Not sure if some things are more acceptable here. I have definitely been to MANY gatherings where I paid for my own drink and I wasn't mad about it. In fact, it seems to be the norm. But, I tend to be really understanding of the plight of the city and people in general.

What?! Really?!

Down here 45mins is not really that far and I'd def drive it to visit a friend

missmo14 · October 2013

Is there somewhere central you could host something rather casual? We are having an AHR. Inviting only guests invited to the wedding and having it at a lawn bowls club in the city beside the river. Its about half the cost of a hotel/banquet/ restaurant and we are hosting a lunch with beer/wine only. How about something during the day/brunch usually they are more budget friendly!

Cash bars are definitely frowned upon around here and you should steer clear. Favors are completely up to you.

Congratulations on your wedding!

cruffino · October 2013

I love in NYC, and f you invited me to a party, I would assume you're covering the tab for food AND drinks.

Stefany113 · October 2013

@PrettygirlLost, I live in New York City. In TX I would drive an hour to see a friend. In New York, I don't go outside of my neighborhood or Manhattan. NO ONE HAS A CAR--We rely on trains. Brooklyn DOES NOT go to QUEENS. QUEENS does not go to BROOKLYN, etc.

It's a thing....you want to have a party that people from different boros go to, you hold it in Manhattan. YOU MUST. Everyone meets and hangs out that way for everything. You can have VERY good friends that NEVER make it to your apartment. It's just different in this city.

Also, the house party is such a great idea until you realized that you live in a small apartment. Maybe an open house over the course of a day, would be fine. But 20 people would be pretty uncomfortable in my space, sadly.

Thanks @Missmo, I agree that a daytime something would be nice. Brunch is kind of a huge deal, so I'm guessing it could cost even more than when we were going to do it (Sunday night), but I'll look into it!

buddysmom80 · October 2013

Stefany113 said:

@PrettygirlLost, I live in New York City. In TX I would drive an hour to see a friend. In New York, I don't go outside of my neighborhood or Manhattan. NO ONE HAS A CAR--We rely on trains. Brooklyn DOES NOT go to QUEENS. QUEENS does not go to BROOKLYN, etc.

It's a thing....you want to have a party that people from different boros go to, you hold it in Manhattan. YOU MUST. Everyone meets and hangs out that way for everything. You can have VERY good friends that NEVER make it to your apartment. It's just different in this city.

Also, the house party is such a great idea until you realized that you live in a small apartment. Maybe an open house over the course of a day, would be fine. But 20 people would be pretty uncomfortable in my space, sadly.

Thanks @Missmo, I agree that a daytime something would be nice. Brunch is kind of a huge deal, so I'm guessing it could cost even more than when we were going to do it (Sunday night), but I'll look into it!

I'm sorry, I lurk on here, but to the bolded: this isn't the Jackie O era of Manhattan. I live in the "country" aka Connecticut and if I had to go to Queens, I would or Brooklyn or whatever for a friend. You act like greater-NYCers are on some sort of caste-system, please get that out of your head.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

All I hear is excuse after excuse after excuse to hold a party that is improperly hosted.

WildMagelet · October 2013

Stefany113 said:
@PrettygirlLost, I live in New York City. In TX I would drive an hour to see a friend. In New York, I don't go outside of my neighborhood or Manhattan. NO ONE HAS A CAR--We rely on trains. Brooklyn DOES NOT go to QUEENS. QUEENS does not go to BROOKLYN, etc.

It's a thing....you want to have a party that people from different boros go to, you hold it in Manhattan. YOU MUST. Everyone meets and hangs out that way for everything. You can have VERY good friends that NEVER make it to your apartment. It's just different in this city.

I'm sorry, I lurk on here, but to the bolded: this isn't the Jackie O era of Manhattan. I live in the "country" aka Connecticut and if I had to go to Queens, I would or Brooklyn or whatever for a friend. You act like greater-NYCers are on some sort of caste-system, please get that out of your head.

I have a friend who used to live in NYC who essentially told me the same thing.

OP, if you want to have a get-together that's more informal that's fine but it still needs to be properly hosted. If you can't afford it right now then maybe put if off for a few more months until you can afford it or wait until next year and host a kick-ass anniversary party for your friends in the city.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2013

Stefany113 said:

@PrettygirlLost, I live in New York City. In TX I would drive an hour to see a friend. In New York, I don't go outside of my neighborhood or Manhattan. NO ONE HAS A CAR--We rely on trains. Sure, but doesn't NYC have one of the largest and most reliable mass transit systems in the US (subways, buses, taxis)? Brooklyn DOES NOT go to QUEENS. QUEENS does not go to BROOKLYN, etc.

It's a thing....you want to have a party that people from different boros go to, you hold it in Manhattan. YOU MUST. Everyone meets and hangs out that way for everything. You can have VERY good friends that NEVER make it to your apartment. It's just different in this city. This all just sounds like a culture of choice.

Also, the house party is such a great idea until you realized that you live in a small apartment. Maybe an open house over the course of a day, would be fine. But 20 people would be pretty uncomfortable in my space, sadly. Now this I can see as being a problem, lol!

I don't live in NYC, so I;m not trying to refute what you are saying.

It's just a shame to me that people behave that way- act like Manhattan is the end all be all of locations and don't venture outside it or their neighborhoods. I always thought this was just a negative stereotype propagated by outsiders who hate NYC!

climbingsingle · October 2013

I live in the NYC suburbs. I have many friends that live in Manhattan. They all travel for important events! I just threw a 40th birthday party for my FI. Nearly every single one of our friends that live in Manhattan came. None of them own a car. Our friends from Brooklyn came too. Please stop giving NYers a bad name.

Jen4948 · October 2013

The G subway line goes directly between Queens and Brooklyn, as do several bus lines.

Once again, if you're not willing to serve alcohol or anything else free of charge to your guests, then don't provide it. Your guests are not entitled to expect it, but they are entitled to not have to pay for anything you offer them. It is rude both within and outside NYC. Lose this idea no matter who else you know in NYC has done this. It was not polite of them and it won't be polite of you.

Requesting "no gifts" is also rude. It's not acceptable to mention gifts at all in an invitation-including requests for no gifts. If you don't want gifts, don't register and discreetly give away or otherwise dispose of anything you are given as a gift by your guests.

CrazyCatLady3 · October 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

Stefany113 said:

Thanks for the replies. I should not have said "Reception"...what I mean is "party."

The plan NEVER included any of the wedding "reception" plans...no garter toss, etc. That's over! This is not a WEDDING, my friends. Maybe a speech or something, and then an hour or two of mingling and drinking/eating. I should have said, "party." Sorry!

We cannot afford to buy everyone drinks; beer, wine, or otherwise. @HisGirlFriday13, It's not about money for the favors either. A good friend offered to make those for us, without us even asking.

The whole reason we originally planned to do something here is everyone asked us to...they wanted to celebrate with us, but couldn't fly cross country. So, we were making an effort to get something together.

Maggie0829, there is no registry for this! Who would do that AFTER getting married?!? I like that you brought it up as something someone would do, though. Not in NYC....small apartment living.

@Aurianna, @scribe95, @PrettyGirlLost As for an open house--this was our original idea. However, we live 45 minutes from Manhattan, far away from most of our friends. About no one would come....We were trying to do something casual and centrally located.

@scribe95--We were married one month ago and planning the party for early November.

Not sure what we're going to do...nothing it seems.

Is anyone from NYC? Not sure if some things are more acceptable here. I have definitely been to MANY gatherings where I paid for my own drink and I wasn't mad about it. In fact, it seems to be the norm. But, I tend to be really understanding of the plight of the city and people in general.

What?! Really?!

Down here 45mins is not really that far and I'd def drive it to visit a friend

Most of the people living in NYC will not have cars to drive with.

I am in NYC...I don't think cash bars are acceptable.

Why not do a brunch event somewhere? It could easily be dry, or you could just host mimosas. Plus brunch food is generally cheaper...you could probably serve eggs and waffles for the same cost as the apps you were going to serve.

CrazyCatLady3 · October 2013

Stefany113 said:

@PrettygirlLost, I live in New York City. In TX I would drive an hour to see a friend. In New York, I don't go outside of my neighborhood or Manhattan. NO ONE HAS A CAR--We rely on trains. Brooklyn DOES NOT go to QUEENS. QUEENS does not go to BROOKLYN, etc.

It's a thing....you want to have a party that people from different boros go to, you hold it in Manhattan. YOU MUST. Everyone meets and hangs out that way for everything. You can have VERY good friends that NEVER make it to your apartment. It's just different in this city.

Also, the house party is such a great idea until you realized that you live in a small apartment. Maybe an open house over the course of a day, would be fine. But 20 people would be pretty uncomfortable in my space, sadly.

Thanks @Missmo, I agree that a daytime something would be nice. Brunch is kind of a huge deal, so I'm guessing it could cost even more than when we were going to do it (Sunday night), but I'll look into it!

It's only a "huge deal" if you go to an upscale restaurant for brunch. Don't go to Norma's at the Parker Meridian. Try a place like Arte Cafe on the UWS where you can do a brunch (say $12 omelette) with unlimited drinks for an $18 add-on pp, and they have a small private room. I doubt that costs more than doing heavy apps.

CrazyCatLady3 · October 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

Stefany113 said:

@PrettygirlLost, I live in New York City. In TX I would drive an hour to see a friend. In New York, I don't go outside of my neighborhood or Manhattan. NO ONE HAS A CAR--We rely on trains. Sure, but doesn't NYC have one of the largest and most reliable mass transit systems in the US (subways, buses, taxis)? Brooklyn DOES NOT go to QUEENS. QUEENS does not go to BROOKLYN, etc.

It's a thing....you want to have a party that people from different boros go to, you hold it in Manhattan. YOU MUST. Everyone meets and hangs out that way for everything. You can have VERY good friends that NEVER make it to your apartment. It's just different in this city. This all just sounds like a culture of choice.

Also, the house party is such a great idea until you realized that you live in a small apartment. Maybe an open house over the course of a day, would be fine. But 20 people would be pretty uncomfortable in my space, sadly. Now this I can see as being a problem, lol!

I don't live in NYC, so I;m not trying to refute what you are saying.

It's just a shame to me that people behave that way- act like Manhattan is the end all be all of locations and don't venture outside it or their neighborhoods. I always thought this was just a negative stereotype propagated by outsiders who hate NYC!

It's not done out of snobbery. Subway lines going out to the boroughs often have limited service on the weekends, Manhattan is more centralized for everyone to get to.

ktjanesmom · October 2013

It sounded to me like the party was going to be at a club or restaurant so drinks would be available just not provided by the newlyweds. Are you going to tell your guests they arent allowed to spend their own money if they would like to purchase a drink? I am so sick of all of the judging that goes on, on The Knot.

manateehugger · October 2013

ktjanesmom said:

It sounded to me like the party was going to be at a club or restaurant so drinks would be available just not provided by the newlyweds. Are you going to tell your guests they arent allowed to spend their own money if they would like to purchase a drink? I am so sick of all of the judging that goes on, on The Knot.

You could leave. I just see a lot of judging of your FDIL when you post.

And it's not judging - it's saying, "don't be a dick to your guests and properly host them when they show up to celebrate you and give gifts to you.

climbingsingle · October 2013

ktjanesmom said:

It sounded to me like the party was going to be at a club or restaurant so drinks would be available just not provided by the newlyweds. Are you going to tell your guests they arent allowed to spend their own money if they would like to purchase a drink? I am so sick of all of the judging that goes on, on The Knot.

Then why are you still here?

ktjanesmom said:

It sounded to me like the party was going to be at a club or restaurant so drinks would be available just not provided by the newlyweds. Are you going to tell your guests they arent allowed to spend their own money if they would like to purchase a drink? I am so sick of all of the judging that goes on, on The Knot.

AroundTheBlock · October 2013

Stefany113 said:

Thanks for the replies.

...

Not sure what we're going to do...nothing it seems.

If the replies you have received here have discouraged you from having a get-together with your friends and made you decide not to generourously offer your time and energy to make the arrangements, and to generously provide the appetizers, then your social group will be the poorer for it. And diminishing acts of social congeniality is not what "etiquette" is supposed to be about. Etiquette is intended to ease social interactions, not discontinue them.

To answer your original question, the way to send out invitations noting that appetizers will be offered but they'll be paying for their own drinks, is to say something along the lines of "Why don't we get together at Master's Pub on Thursday night after work? Hubby and I will both be there, and the appetizers are on us!" Obviously that is a very informal kind of invitation, so you send it out by text or email or Facebook instant message instead of engraving it on white vellum. Since you don't mention your wedding in the invitation, you can invite whomever you want. Since your friends have been asking about a get-together to celebrate your wedding, they will doubtless assume that that's what you are doing; but since you don't mention it you don't need to be worried about a raid by the etiquette police.

You're a wife now: you can channel your inner 1950's goddess anytime you want to, and instigate a party just because entertaining is one of your wifely duties.

MoreChocolatePlease · October 2013

Just another NYC perspective... While it's very true most of us relay on the trains (and maybe buses), we are lucky enough to have pretty much the best public transportation system in the country and I am grateful for how often they run compared to other places in the country. It does take time to get places, and it kills me knowing I could drive in 10 mins what takes 40 mins on the subway, but that's just the way it is.

I live in Queens, and because I do have a pretty good space, am fortunate enough to be able to host parties a few times a year and friends from Manhattan, Brooklyn and even Jersey most definitely come. I also make the effort to attend get togethers in the other boroughs as well. It's not always convenient but I do my best to attend events because that's what friends do, and I hope they will return the favor when I'm hosting a party in Queens. There certainly are those friends who don't want to leave Manhattan, and I try to not take it personally (in my opinion they are missing out!) but it's not across the board. I guess it depends on your group but I wouldn't make a blanket statement.

Assuming that all you really want is a fun get together with friends (and not the benefits of a wedding/reception like gifts) I do think you could accomplish that by being careful with your wording. Like @aroundtheblock said, just casually mention a get together via email or facebook. Be careful not to call it a "party". Party implies that you will be covering the bill, even in NYC. "Meeting for drinks" or "getting together" does not. You can chat about the wedding if it comes up of course (and I'm sure it will - congrats!) but I would skip favors as that makes it seems more like a wedding-centric "party" which it really wouldn't be. You could mention that you're covering apps if you want beforehand, or have it be a nice surprise. And that is very nice of you.

Alternatively you could potentially do something cheaply in a park, but it's getting chilly! Good luck and congrats again on your wedding. I know how expensive NYC is. It was part of my decision not to get married here. Prices are crazy!

squiggynjoe · October 2013

Stefany113 said:

@PrettygirlLost, I live in New York City. In TX I would drive an hour to see a friend. In New York, I don't go outside of my neighborhood or Manhattan. NO ONE HAS A CAR--We rely on trains. Brooklyn DOES NOT go to QUEENS. QUEENS does not go to BROOKLYN, etc.

It's a thing....you want to have a party that people from different boros go to, you hold it in Manhattan. YOU MUST. Everyone meets and hangs out that way for everything. You can have VERY good friends that NEVER make it to your apartment. It's just different in this city.

Also, the house party is such a great idea until you realized that you live in a small apartment. Maybe an open house over the course of a day, would be fine. But 20 people would be pretty uncomfortable in my space, sadly.

Thanks @Missmo, I agree that a daytime something would be nice. Brunch is kind of a huge deal, so I'm guessing it could cost even more than when we were going to do it (Sunday night), but I'll look into it!

Ok, I only lurk here for ideas, but I live in NYC. I grew up in Brooklyn. I have held house parties in Queens, and people from Jersey have come. The bolded is not true, people will come to your party. And if you do decide to host a party somewhere else, say, in Manhattan, host what you can afford.

Already Wedded in Hometown, Working on Reception Where We Live

Re: Already Wedded in Hometown, Working on Reception Where We Live

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