Wedding Reception Forum

Time between Ceremony & Reception

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Re: Time between Ceremony & Reception

  • There is nothing - and I mean nothing - worse than a gap. When you were choosing your wedding venue, you should have taken photos into consideration if they were that important to you. Your first choice doesn't play host to great photo ops? Then either see your fiancé before the wedding and do them then or take them at another time. Or for the love of God, at least pare it down to one additional location. Insisting on two is a giant slap in the face to your guests and paints you in a less than considerate light.

    I'm having my ceremony, cocktail hour, and reception all at the same hotel. It's a beautiful space, but not great for outdoor photos. I wanted to go to a more beautiful location nearby, but realized I could never do it in the hour that my guests are being hosted for prior to the reception, so guess what? I'm doing them at my venue and making do with what we've got. It was my CHOICE, after all, to have it there and I'm not going to make my guests suffer for it.
  • Once again....didn't ask for anyone's suggestions. I am NOT the original poster asking the question, so why is everyone jumping all over me? I simply stated what my fiancé and I were doing as a suggestion to the original post. 'Make guests suffer'? That's a little extreme.
  • I agree. What about driving. I was at a wedding where it took 30 mins to reception.

     
  • FiancBFiancB member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited September 2013
    Damn. I don't normally get up in arms over etiquette stuff but I would be very annoyed at a huge gap like that. I went to a wedding with probably a 2 hour gap so that the WP could gallavant at another location for pictures AND do a party bus thing where they went to the bar where the couple met. My FI was in the wedding party and I was not so I was stuck with trying to make nice with people I didn't know well. Consider that- there are probably a few people where the only person they know will be someone in the WP, or you, or something and they will be uncomfortable and bored to tears. 

    We purposely picked a beautiful location where both our ceremony and venue would take place and that's where we'll take pics too. While we're doing that we'll have a cocktail hour. And it will indeed be an HOUR or less. 

    The list of stuff to do during that time is obnoxious. While it's a LONG gap, that's still not an amount of time that allows for driving somewhere else and then paying money to go to a museum or something and taking your time. Plus I don't think people will want to do that in their formalwear. 

    I understand wanting to go off location for pics if you're not in a picturesque location, but pick ONE location. ONE. Like others said, if you just have to have the other do it on your own time either by first look or TTD. What if it takes even longer than expected and it turns into a 4+ hr gap? I'm thinking a lot of your guests will have disappeared by then, a bit disgruntled they spent all this time and money on attending your wedding and then miss out on the thank you reception because all you care about is gallivanting around in your princess dress.

    I would move either the ceremony or reception. Can't remember if it was the OP or not that said they "aren't going to fix it". If it was, why make the thread?
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  • Is it ok if the reception ends at 8? The reception would start at 3 then end at 8. Can only afford 5 hours of DJ.
    @iloveu4ever - Is this a question you are asking for yourself?  If so, yes, it is perfectly fine for the reception to end at 8pm.  All the weddings I have ever been to have had receptions that lasted 4-5 hours, no matter what time of day the event started. 

    Having an earlier end time is great if you and your FI are planning on leaving for your HM the next day.  Or if you want to rest up a bit, get changed, and then head out on the town with some of your friends.  People will still have fun at your reception even if it isn't the traditional "evening/night" reception.  Heck, give me good food, good booze, good music and not make me wait 2-3 hours in between your ceremony and reception I am going to have a good time no matter what time of day it is.

  • I'm going to a wedding this weekend and the ceremony is at 1 and the reception at 6. No clue what we are going to do but we will figure it out! Luckily, it's in our home town. As previously stated, there will probably be guests that show up to the reception already pretty drunk ha. At our wedding, we have an hour gap, hosted with music, simple appetizers, and some complimentary drinks.
  • shelyg89 said:
    I'm going to a wedding this weekend and the ceremony is at 1 and the reception at 6. No clue what we are going to do but we will figure it out! Luckily, it's in our home town. As previously stated, there will probably be guests that show up to the reception already pretty drunk ha. At our wedding, we have an hour gap, hosted with music, simple appetizers, and some complimentary drinks.
    Yes!! A hosted gap of only an hour is perfect. OP - follow this example.
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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited September 2013

    "Majelin86 said: Once again....didn't ask for anyone's suggestions. I am NOT the original poster asking the question, so why is everyone jumping all over me? I simply stated what my fiancé and I were doing as a suggestion to the original post. 'Make guests suffer'? That's a little extreme."
    --------------------------------------
    MyNameIsNot said: "Because people are unhappy that you are giving the OP bad advice.  If you want to treat your guests that way, it's your prerogative.  But telling OP that forcing her guests to deal with a gap is acceptable is simply mean.  You are no better than the bitchy sorority girl who convinces the new girl to show up in costume at a non-costume party.  
    You are putting her in a position to embarrass herself for no reason, except maybe to make yourself feel better. " 

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    This is exactly the problem.  Just because you are doing something, doesn't mean you should advise the OP to do it or that it's okay.  People come here for etiquette advice that will make them look
    good on their wedding day, not validation for bad ideas.

    As we've mentioned, you can and will do whatever you want at your wedding - but telling someone else it's a good idea or okay is really awful.  There's no need for OP to look like a jerk just because you will.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • shelyg89 said:

    I'm going to a wedding this weekend and the ceremony is at 1 and the reception at 6. No clue what we are going to do but we will figure it out! Luckily, it's in our home town. As previously stated, there will probably be guests that show up to the reception already pretty drunk ha. At our wedding, we have an hour gap, hosted with music, simple appetizers, and some complimentary drinks.

    Holy shit a four hour gap?!?! That is fucking insane. I know that it is rude to go to just the reception but my ass would be skipping the ceremony. I mean what do they expect their guests to do for four hours? I really hate couples who feel it is perfectly fine to waste your guests time and entire day.

  • I'm going to a wedding this weekend and the ceremony is at 1 and the reception at 6. No clue what we are going to do but we will figure it out! Luckily, it's in our home town. As previously stated, there will probably be guests that show up to the reception already pretty drunk ha. At our wedding, we have an hour gap, hosted with music, simple appetizers, and some complimentary drinks.
    Holy shit a four hour gap?!?! That is fucking insane. I know that it is rude to go to just the reception but my ass would be skipping the ceremony. I mean what do they expect their guests to do for four hours? I really hate couples who feel it is perfectly fine to waste your guests time and entire day.
    H and I were invited to a wedding last spring where there was a 5 hour gap. We skipped the ceremony and I wasn't even sorry. I got the feeling A LOT of people did because the bride was asking people at the reception if they attended the ceremony. I told her we didn't. I felt bad but I wasn't about to lie. 

    These are the same people who had "adults only", a honeymoon registry, "black tie optional (the affair was definitely not black tie), and tables on several different levels of this amphitheater. The tables weren't numbered - they had flags - and there was no map. I'm sorry, but walking up and down a bunch of stairs in a dress trying to find "Spain" pissed me right off. We left early.
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  • I was invited to a Friday wedding last summer with the ceremony at 1 and reception at 7. They knew people wouldn't go to the ceremony because the RSVP card had
     "___Attending the ceremony " and 
    "___Attending the reception".

    Image result for someecard betting someone half your shit youll love them forever
  • Majelin86 said:
    And for people who don't want to do pictures before the wedding - who want that 'wow' moment when they first see their groom and the groom first sees them walking down the aisle - it's really unavoidable.

    My fiancé want the "wow", but what we're doing is doing absolutely every shot we can minus those before hand ; bridal party, bouquet, single shots, family shots, etc... that could save you some time.
  • maryemoomaryemoo member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited October 2013

    southernbelle0915  is absolutely right--this is what we're doing. There will be a 30-45 minute gap between the end of the ceremony and the hosted reception start time with us, during which there will be refreshments and snacks. It is reworkable and completely doable, you are just being rude and refusing to budge.

    And I think that once these ladies get through to you, you'll have an "oh my god, they're right, people are gonna hate this, it's so wrong" moment like I did.

    ETA-- because originally I planned a gap without refreshments, and thankfully common sense came to my aid.

  • I agree. What about driving. I was at a wedding where it took 30 mins to reception.
    The driving time doesn't count as a gap. If your ceremony ends at 2pm, and there's a 30 minute drive, then cocktail hour should begin at 2:30, and the reception should start at 3:30. 
  • Majelin86 said:
    Once again....didn't ask for anyone's suggestions. I am NOT the original poster asking the question, so why is everyone jumping all over me? I simply stated what my fiancé and I were doing as a suggestion to the original post. 'Make guests suffer'? That's a little extreme.
    I don't think it's extreme. At all. I absolutely suffer during a gap. I have a wedding to attend on Saturday with a gap. Ceremony at 2pm, I think reception at 6pm. If it's an hour ceremony, and a half hour ride between locations, that's a 2.5 hour gap. It's about a half an hour from our house, so not enough time to go home really. So where do we go? A coffee shop? A bar? It's not like you can really go out and eat and drink, because that will be provided at the reception. So essentially I have to sit (because I'm not going to walk for 2.5 hours in my heels), and stay fairly still (because I"ll be in a fancy dress and don't want to spill stuff on my or get dirty or sweaty), in a random establishment where other people will not be dressed up (and therefore feel very self-conscious), and not eat or drink much (so I"ll be hungry). If that's not suffering, I don't know what is.  

    No one has EVER, in the history of time, said "Oh yay, there's a gap!" or "That gap was so much fun!", or "Man, I hope the next wedding I'm invited to has a sweet gap". 
  • I had an out of town wedding recently that had a 3 hour gap. I didnt know the area at all. H and I ended up wondering about a mall super dressed up and looking like asshats. Nothing like eating in the bar of Cheesecake Factory all dressed up at 3pm. Some of the other guests ended up at a bar and started drinking so they showed up to the reception super drunk.

    Gaps are the worst, and easily avoidable.

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • So, what is everyones thought about an hour gap in between?  
  • Gaps are rude. 



  • eagray04 said:
    So, what is everyones thought about an hour gap in between?  
    If it's hosted, then it's a cocktail hour and it's fine.  If it's unhosted, it's not fine.

    Gaps are the worst.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • eagray04 said:
    So, what is everyones thought about an hour gap in between?  
    If it's hosted, then it's a cocktail hour and it's fine.  If it's unhosted, it's not fine.

    Gaps are the worst.
    This.
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  • eagray04 said:
    So, what is everyones thought about an hour gap in between?  
    This is typically called a cocktail hour.  So while you and your new H and wedding party are getting pictures taken guests can grab a drink, a few bites of food, find their seats, drop their stuff at their table and then chat with friends and family.

  • One time I sort of liked a gap. The ceremony was 2:30-3:30. The cocktail hour was at 5pm. The drive was 30 minutes. However, if you went back to the hotel, they had a 4pm and 4:30 shuttle to the reception. I was so happy we didn't have to drive. Also nice b/c I was able to run to my room real quick then get on the shuttle. Only problem is there was an awkward 15 minutes at the venue when we couldn't sit down and the doors to our ballroom weren't open yet, so you couldn't even grab a drink yet. We ended up grabbing a glass of wine from another ballroom that was open...
  • Majelin86Majelin86 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited November 2013

    "Majelin86 said:
    Once again....didn't ask for anyone's suggestions. I am NOT the original poster asking the question, so why is everyone jumping all over me? I simply stated what my fiancé and I were doing as a suggestion to the original post. 'Make guests suffer'? That's a little extreme."

    --------------------------------------
    MyNameIsNot said: "Because people are unhappy that you are giving the OP bad advice.  If you want to treat your guests that way, it's your prerogative.  But telling OP that forcing her guests to deal with a gap is acceptable is simply mean.  You are no better than the bitchy sorority girl who convinces the new girl to show up in costume at a non-costume party.  

    You are putting her in a position to embarrass herself for no reason, except maybe to make yourself feel better. " 


    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    This is exactly the problem.  Just because you are doing something, doesn't mean you should advise the OP to do it or that it's okay.  People come here for etiquette advice that will make them look good on their wedding day, not validation for bad ideas.

    As we've mentioned, you can and will do whatever you want at your wedding - but telling someone else it's a good idea or okay is really awful.  There's no need for OP to look like a jerk just because you will.

    When I posted my first reply I had no idea that having a gap was "wrong"...everybody does it here. Not quite sure why people are now calling me "bitchy" and a "jerk" for that. Sorry that your norms are not the same as mine? Man, you people are way too judgmental and serious about weddings. The way you're talking it's like I committed a serious crime or something, calm down people, it's only a wedding, only one day! Jeez, do you ever have fun in life? Sounds like you are strict rule-followers and probably all had classic cookie-cutter weddings. Great for you!

    And it's not wrong if guests are perfectly fine with it btw....my guests saw it as time to hang out with people and have a few drinks before dinner, and like I said, it's the norm, nobody bats an eye at it. So meh.

  • Majelin86 said:
    When I posted my first reply I had no idea that having a gap was "wrong"...everybody does it here. Not quite sure why people are now calling me "bitchy" and a "jerk" for that. Sorry that your norms are not the same as mine? Man, you people are way too judgmental and serious about weddings. The way you're talking it's like I committed a serious crime or something, calm down people, it's only a wedding, only one day! Jeez, do you ever have fun in life? Sounds like you are strict rule-followers and probably all had classic cookie-cutter weddings. Great for you!
    And it's not wrong if guests are perfectly fine with it btw....my guests saw it as time to hang out with people and have a few drinks before dinner, and like I said, it's the norm, nobody bats an eye at it. So meh.

    My wedding was thought out ahead of time and properly planned so people went from ceremony to cocktail hour to reception without any gaps.  It's thinking about the guests instead of yourself for the time you are hosting them.  

    It has nothing to do with being "so serious" or having a "cookie cutter wedding".   Really, it just comes down to common sense.  I would much rather do the right thing over what the "norm in my area" is.
  • If having a "cookie cutter wedding" means doing everything in my power to make sure my guests were taken care of and their time was respected, well then I guess I had a "cookie cutter wedding".

  • MandyMost said:
    Majelin86 said:
    Once again....didn't ask for anyone's suggestions. I am NOT the original poster asking the question, so why is everyone jumping all over me? I simply stated what my fiancé and I were doing as a suggestion to the original post. 'Make guests suffer'? That's a little extreme.
    I don't think it's extreme. At all. I absolutely suffer during a gap. I have a wedding to attend on Saturday with a gap. Ceremony at 2pm, I think reception at 6pm. If it's an hour ceremony, and a half hour ride between locations, that's a 2.5 hour gap. It's about a half an hour from our house, so not enough time to go home really. So where do we go? A coffee shop? A bar? It's not like you can really go out and eat and drink, because that will be provided at the reception. So essentially I have to sit (because I'm not going to walk for 2.5 hours in my heels), and stay fairly still (because I"ll be in a fancy dress and don't want to spill stuff on my or get dirty or sweaty), in a random establishment where other people will not be dressed up (and therefore feel very self-conscious), and not eat or drink much (so I"ll be hungry). If that's not suffering, I don't know what is.  

    No one has EVER, in the history of time, said "Oh yay, there's a gap!" or "That gap was so much fun!", or "Man, I hope the next wedding I'm invited to has a sweet gap". 

    I think you need a little perspective on what "suffering" is. First world problems.
  • Suffer may be the incorrect word but pleasure sure as hell is the wrong one.
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