Maximum Distance between Reception & Ceremony Place

kimkomposer · October 2013

I really do wish there's an area for reception at my beautiful ceremony church, but they don't have it.

So I am browsing a reception area, within 10 miles I couldn't find the one I wanted.

The one I really like is a little bit far away, 25 miles away, which will require 40-50 minutes of driving on saturday evening.

Is it acceptable? I will charter a bus for out of town guests.

OliveOilsMom · October 2013

kimkomposer said:

I really do wish there's an area for reception at my beautiful ceremony church, but they don't have it.
So I am browsing a reception area, within 10 miles I couldn't find the one I wanted.
The one I really like is a little bit far away, 25 miles away, which will require 40-50 minutes of driving on saturday evening.
Is it acceptable? I will charter a bus for out of town guests.

That is too far. You should try for a 20-25 minute drive tops. Is there a different church you can use?

CLI242009 · October 2013

For this one you're going to have guests who don't think it's a big deal & you'll also have guests who are not going to like it at all. I have seen more than an hour away is too far, i've seen others say on here more than 30 minutes is too far. Everyone is different.

I was in the same boat. My ceremony is at a cathedral in Albany, NY. my reception is at a hotel in Lake George. 40-50 minute drive as well. My wedding is also in Feb = snow lol

I tried to search for something closer to each other but I couldn't be happy. Either the churches up at Lake George were not what I wanted or the reception halls closer to Albany were not what I wanted either.

Just know in the end you will have some guests upset. If you're chartering a bus I wouldn't see a problem with it.

[Deleted User] · October 2013

IMHO it's too far. I've been to two weddings where there was that much driving and it was a huge hassle. I loved the people and everything turned out but one of the big things a lot of the people, including me, remember about then was the drive and how much it sucked. I wouldn't want that to be the thing people remembered!

huskypuppy14 · October 2013

I think it's borderline too far. I think you should try to stay within 30 minutes between church and reception. Are most of your guests out of town? Do the people that live in town, live closer to the church, so they have to go back and forth?

Viczaesar · October 2013

30 minutes tops. 40-50 minutes is way too long.

cowgirl8238 · October 2013

I think that 40-50 minutes is pushing it. However depending on your budget and your guest list (and I guess your area too) you could rent those party buses. The kind that have drinks and stuff included in them. If I were guest and got shuttled from the ceremony to the reception and back in one of these I wouldn't mind too much. I would however hate to drive so far there and then back home/hotel. Especially if the hotel is even further away from the sites.

s-aries8990 · October 2013

30 minutes in the "right" traffic is the outer limit. I mean, if you're getting married at 5pm on a Friday, do the route at 5:30 or 6pm on a Friday, not a Wednesday at 10 am, because you want to make sure to "experience" what your guests will actually be experiencing. 40-50 minutes of drive time between ceremony and reception is a lot to ask. Even if not all your guests voice it, I'm sure a majority will be annoyed.

I'd suggest if you MUST have this, you charter a bus from the main hotel you will be using to the ceremony site, to the reception site, and back to the hotel. If this is an expense you are willing to have, go for it, but don't inconvenience your guests so you can have a "pretty" reception/ceremony.

STARMOON44 · October 2013

Albany to Lake George is ridiculous. What do you mean you couldn't find anything closer you wanted? Because your guests' comfort and convenience doesn't matter to you I guess, or your primary "want" would be picking one area or the other.

climbingsingle · October 2013

Albany to Lake George is ridiculous. What do you mean you couldn't find anything closer you wanted? Because your guests' comfort and convenience doesn't matter to you I guess, or your primary "want" would be picking one area or the other.

Stuck in box. I agree - that's really far! I think 30 minutes should be the max. I've been to three weddings where I had to drive a long distance from the church to the reception. It sucks and as a guest, I was annoyed.

CTYankeeBride · October 2013

30 minutes should really be the max. It isn't as if you're talking about a region where there physically is only one church and there is physically only one reception venue. You're talking about Lake George and Albany and there are places. There may not be places that you primarily want, but those are the choices that have to be made when you pick a ceremony and reception venue. It may mean either having to choose a different church so that you are closer to the Lake George reception, or choosing a reception venue in Albany so that you are closer to the ceremony.

Please make the comfort of your guests a priority because I assure you that is going to matter far more to them than how pretty the church is or what color the curtains are at the reception venue.

kimkomposer · October 2013

Thanks all. My ceremony is at Wayfarers Church and I was considering reception at a Mailbu house.

kimkomposer · October 2013

I will find something in the area I guess.

s-aries8990 · October 2013

kimkomposer said:

Thanks all. My ceremony is at Wayfarers Church and I was considering reception at a Mailbu house.

This is an international board, so this is gobbledy gook to me.

kimkomposer said:

I will find something in the area I guess.

Good! It IS difficult to take a step back from the "IT'S MYYYYYY DAY!!!" frame of mind to remember that the second that you invited others to share in your wedding day, the focus turned from what you want to what your guests would find most convenient.

CLI242009 · October 2013

CTYankeeBride said:

Please make the comfort of your guests a priority because I assure you that is going to matter far more to them than how pretty the church is or what color the curtains are at the reception venue.

I did not choose the venue/church based on those decisions. I chose the cathedral because when I walked into it I could see myself getting married there. Same with the venue for the reception. I walked in and I could see my reception happening there.

I'm sorry you guys don't agree but everything has been booked and deposits have been made. I can't change it now.

MuppetOverlord · October 2013

I wouldn't want to drive more than 25-30 mins tops. It'd be a lot more comfortable with less.

CLI242009 · October 2013

MuppetOverlord said:

I wouldn't want to drive more than 25-30 mins tops. It'd be a lot more comfortable with less.

I know it would be comfortable. Believe me I know this but if it was making me depressed that I couldn't pick the church or venue that I had been hoping/wishing for when I first envisioned my wedding then what else could I do? Please don't say suck it up or put on big girl panties, depression is not something you can just "suck it up" for....

[Deleted User] · October 2013

Whoops post

s-aries8990 · October 2013

CLI242009 said:

MuppetOverlord said:

I wouldn't want to drive more than 25-30 mins tops. It'd be a lot more comfortable with less.

I know it would be comfortable. Believe me I know this but if it was making me depressed that I couldn't pick the church or venue that I had been hoping/wishing for when I first envisioned my wedding then what else could I do? Please don't say suck it up or put on big girl panties, depression is not something you can just "suck it up" for....

If you are truly depressed over locations, then in all honesty, you should really get some help. Life effing sucks sometimes, but you just have to suck it up.

Viczaesar · October 2013

CLI242009 said:

MuppetOverlord said:

I wouldn't want to drive more than 25-30 mins tops. It'd be a lot more comfortable with less.

I know it would be comfortable. Believe me I know this but if it was making me depressed that I couldn't pick the church or venue that I had been hoping/wishing for when I first envisioned my wedding then what else could I do? Please don't say suck it up or put on big girl panties, depression is not something you can just "suck it up" for....

What else could you do for depression? Revisit your meds, I guess. Being depressed that you couldn't have your cake and eat it too isn't an excuse for being rude to your guests.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

MuppetOverlord said:

I wouldn't want to drive more than 25-30 mins tops. It'd be a lot more comfortable with less.

I know it would be comfortable. Believe me I know this but if it was making me depressed that I couldn't pick the church or venue that I had been hoping/wishing for when I first envisioned my wedding then what else could I do? Please don't say suck it up or put on big girl panties, depression is not something you can just "suck it up" for....

This is like saying you tried on a $10,000 dress knowing you only had a $2,000 budget and then going into debt to have your "dream" dress because you would be depressed otherwise and there was nothing else you could do.

Just admit that you put your choice of ceremony and reception location in front of the comfort of your guests. Own it at least.

Oh and I agree with PP, if not having the "dream" venue would make you that depressed then you need professional help.

CTYankeeBride · October 2013

CLI242009 said:

CTYankeeBride said:

Please make the comfort of your guests a priority because I assure you that is going to matter far more to them than how pretty the church is or what color the curtains are at the reception venue.

I did not choose the venue/church based on those decisions. I chose the cathedral because when I walked into it I could see myself getting married there. Same with the venue for the reception. I walked in and I could see my reception happening there.

I'm sorry you guys don't agree but everything has been booked and deposits have been made. I can't change it now.

Bottom line is that you chose yourself over your guests. It doesn't matter if it's about the carpet or the flowers outside, you made the choice to be a poor host. At least own it.

Plenty of brides (and grooms) have had to make the choice to not have exactly everything they want for their wedding day. I can see myself getting married at Tahiti and having a reception at The Waldorf. That doesn't make it right for me to expect my guests to follow us around the earth.

Please, don't compare depression with the "I can't have everything I waaaaaant for my special daaaaaay" whining because they are not the same thing. No, depression is not something a person can just "suck up." If not having a special snowflake day triggers actual depression for you, then I very strongly urge you to seek professional help.

CLI242009 · October 2013

Doesn't matter now, like I said, everything is booked, deposits made & the invitations have already been printed.

*shrugs* You guys have your opinions, thank you for them.

MandyMost · October 2013

Where is the hotel--near the ceremony or near the reception space? Is the charter bus taking the out of town guests from the hotel, to the ceremony, to the reception, and then back to the hotel? Can non-out-of-town-guests use the charter bus, too? Obviously it should be available to anyone staying at the hotel, but maybe people would prefer to leave their car and take the bus rather than driving for almost an hour at night.

Are most of your guests people who typically would drive an hour to go someplace on a Saturday night? In the suburbs where I grew up, driving 20 miles (30-40 minutes) were typical for a lot of social outing. But my current life and my friends in the city, I think anything over like 2 miles form my house is the other side of the earth. I would think the drive is ridiculous, but my mom would think it's no big deal. You know your guests--which type are they, mostly?

kimkomposer · October 2013

Well guys, if I stick with that far away reception venue, I will do this: guys, gather at this place / hotel convenient for local guests (can possibly do two location, like west los angeles and east los angeles) and we will drive you down to the ceremony chapel and drive you guys to the reception, cocktails and cheese will be served in the limo! And for the out of town guests I can do another classy family/adult limos as well.

What do you guys think about this?

kimkomposer · October 2013

I live in los angeles it is a super city but everything is spread out so 20 miles drive is kind of acceptable.

rjamison721 · October 2013

I also live in LA, and I wouldn't be too happy about driving from Palos Verdes to Malibu for the reception... you providing transportation would definitely help, but it would still take quite some time (especially with traffic on the PCH...). You really can't find anything closer that you like? Have you looked at La Venta Inn (also in PV)? I haven't been there, but I've heard good things. The other girls over on the Los Angeles board might have some more suggestions for reception venues, too.

kimkomposer · October 2013

Thanks!! I really didn't like La Venta Inn... the view is very good, but the building is somewhat old, quirky and smelly...

Grabows14 · October 2013

I'm getting married at my church in chicago, and having reception 40 min away because chicago taxes add 3% ...that's just a waste of money....

Vivandiere8 · October 2013

I can really sympathize with your post. We changed churches three times trying to make it work with reception venues we liked AND that were close to our budget (and that's not always easy to do in the Catholic Church because they really want you to use your home parish. Thankfully found a priest who was very sympathetic). Knowing what I do now, if I were a guest I would be very understanding of the distance. All the searching around brings you to the point of wanting to throw up your hands and say "screw it! It's my day. I will do what I want!" But honestly i do want to let you know that even though I switched in the end to a church that was not as beautiful as the previous one I feel much more relaxed now knowing the reception is only fifteen minutes away rather than forty five. With such a long drive you can end up with a lot of stragglers, lost cars, etc, and it can create a slow start to the wedding with people standing around waiting for everyone else. And remember if you stay with the wedding party for pictures after it's that much longer that they are waiting for you to arrive as well. I really do have more a sense of peace about me, and I am growing fond of the church we have picked now after stopping by the church there on Sunday and picturing the big day.

Viczaesar · October 2013

Grabows14 said:

I'm getting married at my church in chicago, and having reception 40 min away because chicago taxes add 3% ...that's just a waste of money....

So instead you're going to waste your guests' time and gas money?

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