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Open Bar during Cocktails then Beer/Wine? (Cash Bar ISN'T a consideration)

futurepastorswifefuturepastorswife member
5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I know that cash bars are a BIG No No.  And we aren't planning to do a cash bar.

Is an open bar during cocktails ok and then beer/wine only for the reception ok?

Semi-Related: Much of my future inlaws have issues with drinking too much/drugs etc, and I really don't want to deal with them being drunk and saying/doing things they shouldn't.  FMIL has already called me drunk and called me a gold-digger etc.  So, yeah. I also don't want a dry reception because that's not fun either...or am I just stuck with the drunk inlaws that can't handle themselves...
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Re: Open Bar during Cocktails then Beer/Wine? (Cash Bar ISN'T a consideration)

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    CrazyCatLady3CrazyCatLady3 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    Technically it's okay, but people may think it's odd and get annoyed that they can't get another of whatever they were drinking during the cocktail hour.  Also, people can get plenty wasted off of just beer and wine.  If it's really a concern for you about people getting too drunk, give your bartenders a heads up in advance about cutting people off if they are too drunk, and hire security.
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    s-aries8990s-aries8990 member
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    Yeah, host what you can ALL night, can you have just one or two signature cocktails, like a punch?
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited October 2013

    PDKH said:
    Honestly, I'd just do beer and wine the whole time. Or do the reverse - beer and wine cocktail hour, then add liquor for dinner/after dinner. 

    For me, if I start drinking liquor at your open bar, I'd get annoyed if all of a sudden I could only do wine or beer. I don't think it's appropriate to take away options. 

    And the unfortunate thing is you can't babysit adults. Just let your bartender know to cut off anyone being ridiculous and then try to ignore obnoxious people and have the best time you can. Hopefully she'll behave herself. Remember though, her behavior reflects on herself, not you. If she's saying that crap at your wedding, you can be sure other guests will be side-eyeing and gossiping about her. 

    ETA: Also, I really hope your fiance stands up to her on your behalf when she says that stuff and means it when he says "this kind of talk is not ok."
    I have to agree.  If you limit the bar, I would keep it either limited the entire time or prior to dinner, rather than during and after.  Guests will be annoyed if hard liquor is suddenly unavailable due to an arbitrary reason.

    Also, don't limit drinks by way of controlling the alcohol intake of your guests.  Etiquette holds that this is something hosts are not entitled to control.  That said, allow your bartender/s to cut off guests who are drunk and have security available to deal with any guests who get intoxicated and behave inappropriately.
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    lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I ditto PPs.  I would add that, since you know who is likely to be problems, I would consider actually giving pictures of them to the bartender so they know who is likely to get drunk and can cut them off.
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    JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Host what you can afford (and want to) the ENTIRE night.  Don't tease your guests with an open bar during cocktail hour and then scale back for the reception.
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    SP29SP29 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I agree, stick with the same bar the whole event. Would be odd to be able to get a particular drink for an hour or two but then not again after dinner. 

    Keep moving around socializing with various guests during the reception and hopefully you won't need to spend more than a few minutes at a time with FMIL. 
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    MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    i'd do beer and wine the whole event.
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I agree with PPs. Just do beer and wine during the entire event. You can't control your guests. People are going to drink. So many get drunk. Try not to let it bother you and focus on enjoying the day. 
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    melbelleupmelbelleup member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    Host what you can the whole night :) If this makes you feel any better.. I've never seen my FIL's drunk but they're planning to get schwasted at my wedding. Luckily the hotel they're staying at offers free shuttles to and from my reception.... It'll be interesting to see how they act drunk...haha.
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    tmclawchicktmclawchick member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary
    I agree... as some people suggested, you could do beer/wine all night and maybe add a signature cocktail for those who want a little more oomph :)

     

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    krizzo17krizzo17 member
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    I'd do just beer and wine for the whole event, but as a heads up - people with drug and alcohol issues are not going to let themselves be limited by what you serve. My (extended) family includes several drug addicts and alcoholics, and their behavior and consumption is exactly the same regardless of what is provided at any event. They have brought cases of beer to funerals. Serve what YOU want to the whole night, but don't switch things up halfway through the event.
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    cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    krizzo17 said:
    I'd do just beer and wine for the whole event, but as a heads up - people with drug and alcohol issues are not going to let themselves be limited by what you serve. My (extended) family includes several drug addicts and alcoholics, and their behavior and consumption is exactly the same regardless of what is provided at any event. They have brought cases of beer to funerals. Serve what YOU want to the whole night, but don't switch things up halfway through the event.


    I would have to agree with this.  If someone wants to drink JD or Captain Morgan or whatever they will.  I have known people (including my own parents) who would sneak it into to places via flask, or keep it in the car and periodically go out to it to drink it.  No matter what if someone wants it they will have it.  I think you should host what you can afford for the entire night as I would not like to have drink options taken away.  Also if you can and it makes you feel better hire security to escort these people away as quietly as possible.

    Also don't forget, drunk people only make themselves look bad, it has no reflection on you.

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    photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If you do this you will have tables where people are stockpile hard liquor drinks for later. Or people slamming as many as the can before the open bar closes. Just saying - I've seen it happen both way and it looks tacky. :(
    You are better off having the same bar service through the entire evening.
    GL!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    ^^^ this would be me! I prefer to stick with one type of drink all night.
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    photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited October 2013
    KatWAG said:
    ^^^ this would be me! I prefer to stick with one type of drink all night.
    Me too (that's how I know the stockpiling happens :-X guess I add to the tacky :-p)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    futurepastorswifefuturepastorswife member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Ok beer, wine and signature drink it is. Thanks!
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    photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    smorrissmith said:
    Ok beer, wine and signature drink it is. Thanks!
    Good choice :) You're welcome! Glad we could help - assuming we helped =o) GL!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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