Is it just me or is social media out of hand? Warning Rant

newenglandgal0802 · October 2013

Hi Ladies just need to rant this AM! This morning I woke up started getting ready for work like I usually do and decided while my coffee was brewing to check my FB on my phone. Well what do I see besides 2 posts my best friend posted about her Great Grandmother passing away last night. She posted these probably around 11pm-1am. She has yet to call or text me to tell me about this. Now the woman was like 98 and she's been sick for months but I have been checking in on her and with my friend pretty much daily since she got sick. I've tried to be there for my friend and her grandparents (who are like my 3rd set of grandparents I spent a whole summer on their couch) and this is how I find out!?! ON FACEBOOK WITH THE REST OF THE WORLD. Maybe I'm over reacting but this just really hit a nerve. She's been posting annoying posts looking for sympathy for awhile about her Great Grandma which I found to be immature and ridiculous in the first place but this is just a whole new level. I feel like social media is starting to replace actual friendships these days. Anyone else feeling that way!? I haven't even tried to call or text my friend to say sorry about her Great Grandma yet. Maybe I'll just send her an E-card(sarcasm) she seems to prefer internet interactions these days.

melbelleup · October 2013

Oh I feel you. Sometimes I think I learn way too much on the internet about my friends... by time we actually hang out (due to distance currently) it's like we have nothing to talk about because it was all in their statuses! I'm sorry you had to find out through facebook though. Maybe she didn't want to bother you with it because of time? Never the less, I'm sorry that she did that to you and I'm sorry for your loss of her great grandma

CLoGreenEyes · October 2013

I hear you, but at the same time I feel like your friend could probably use a break right now. I agree with PP that she probably didn't want to bother you because of how late it was, and even if not, I can understand why FB etiquette was probably the last thing on her mind right about then. Just be there for your friend, let her know that you're sorry and that you're there for her if she needs you. This is one of those situations where I would personally try to bite my tongue and just be a friend.

newenglandgal0802 · October 2013

Amapola14 said:

This is one of those situations where I would personally try to bite my tongue and just be a friend.

I'm trying! I'm going to text her in a bit and just say how sorry I am for her loss. It's just hard to believe that in this day and age we are all so connected by social media and yet this is clearly an example of how lost the art of human interaction is becoming. I think our dependence on social media is actually making all of us lonelier to the point where we turn to Facebook for sympathy and condolences before our closest family and friends. I just cant imagine what the next generation will be like if we keep going like this.

emmyg65 · October 2013

Well to give you some perspective, I announced my grandfather's death on Facebook. A lot of people knew he was really sick and it was easier for me to do that than tell like 10 people face to face, "You know how my Grandpa was sick? Well he's dead now." I made sure to wait until I knew all my family members had heard that he passed, but I don't think I told my best friend first.

I do understand where you're coming from. We just found out through Facebook that my husband's brother welcomed his twins. We would really have preferred a phone call! But at the end of the day, it's not really about us. People get to disseminate their own news however they like.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

H's sister just had her first baby yesterday. This is H's only sister and only sibling and how did we find out that he became a new Uncle? Yup, through Facebook. He ended up having to call his Mom who flew out there early yesterday morning to see how everything went. His Mom posted about the birth and never even bothered to call him. Oh FB is also how we found out what her name was as well.

There are some things in life that should be shared via phone call or in person. And then once all close family and friends know, then share it on FB if you wish.

CLoGreenEyes · October 2013

Well to give you some perspective, I announced my grandfather's death on Facebook. A lot of people knew he was really sick and it was easier for me to do that than tell like 10 people face to face, "You know how my Grandpa was sick? Well he's dead now." I made sure to wait until I knew all my family members had heard that he passed, but I don't think I told my best friend first.

I do understand where you're coming from. We just found out through Facebook that my husband's brother welcomed his twins. We would really have preferred a phone call! But at the end of the day, it's not really about us. People get to disseminate their own news however they like.

Stuck in the box. But yeah, I was thinking the same thing about the bolded. With news like getting engaged or having a baby I can understand being upset, but when someone passes away, I can understand not having the will or energy to make 15 different phone calls to tell people individually. Just a different kind of news altogether.

newenglandgal0802 · October 2013

Maggie0829 said:

There are some things in life that should be shared via phone call or in person. And then once all close family and friends know, then share it on FB if you wish.

This is exactly how I feel. I'm probably just over emotional (Yay PMS). I just don't think I'd ever post the death of a family member on Facebook like an hour after they died. It also just feels like such a cry for attention and sympathy. Do you really need people you haven't talked to since high school telling you their sorry for your loss? To me that wouldn't mean anything but having my family and close friends around me would. Maybe I'm just old fashioned. Old soul stuck in the new world.

gmcr78 · October 2013

I would cut her some slack. While I agree that social interaction seems to be replaced by social media these days, and that it's not a good thing, her grandmother just died. It sucks to have to call everyone and break news like that. I don't know your friend and you may be right-it may be a bit AWish for her to be constantly posting on FB about it, but I'd still give her a call. If you are a good friend and you care about her, call her to tell her you're sorry for her loss.

WinstonsGirl · October 2013

I agree that a lot of people post too much online. We found out that my nephew needs surgery via a FB post. I don't understand why all 300+ friends need to know this, though I know for my SIL, it's her way of venting. It's just not something myself or DH would ever post. And I was a little upset that randoms knew before we did. I phoned my Mom to give her the heads up, but my Dad was out of town and found out through FB as well.

When we put Winston down this summer, I did do a FB post about a week later. We had a lot of friends who have helped us out by taking him for a weekend or week while we were on vacation in the past. But family knew and I worded it as a by the way, for those of you who knew Winston... kind of post, no an "OMG, he just died today!!" kind of post. My SIL does the latter all the time.

To me, it's all in the timing of things. Family should know before the random friend you haven't seen since 7th grade but just happened to log on before you did.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

Maggie0829 said:

There are some things in life that should be shared via phone call or in person. And then once all close family and friends know, then share it on FB if you wish.

This is exactly how I feel. I'm probably just over emotional (Yay PMS). I just don't think I'd ever post the death of a family member on Facebook like an hour after they died. It also just feels like such a cry for attention and sympathy. Do you really need people you haven't talked to since high school telling you their sorry for your loss? To me that wouldn't mean anything but having my family and close friends around me would. Maybe I'm just old fashioned. Old soul stuck in the new world.

I completely agree with you. I know that if a close family member had just died the last thing I would think about would be posting it on Facebook. In fact, the last thing I would think about would be telling even close friends. I would be too busy crying and mourning...I would give myself a few hours to let the news sink in and to be with my close family before calling anyone.

I just feel for big moments in your life, whether happy or sad, your random FB friends should not know before or at the same time as you close family and friends. It makes the people closest to you feel that they are just not that important anymore.

WonderRed · October 2013

I totally get where people are coming from about not wanting to tell 20 people individually but, at the same time, there are usually other people who are letting everyone know one by one. If people are going to post about a family death on FB I'm ok with that. Just wait a reasonable amount of time before doing it so everyone gets told personally first.

Last year I found out my favorite uncle had unexpectedly died in his sleep on FB. My cousins who live near him (not his own children) ran and posted it the second they found out, which was about an hour and a half after my Aunt found him. My dad called me about 45 minutes later to let me know so all they had to do was exercise a little restraint until later in the day and the rest of us, who didn't live near by, wouldn't have gotten that impersonal gut kick. There is a healthy balance to be struck in all this.

climbingsingle · October 2013

I would find it hard not to be irritated by that. I agree that some things should be shared first with family and close personal friends before it being posted on social media.

newenglandgal0802 · October 2013

WonderRed said:

There is a healthy balance to be struck in all this.

Exactly. Took the words right out of my mouth. I am a good friend and I did text her and express my sympathies. I just also feel like there's probably 100 people on her friends list who are unfortunately thinking she's just looking for attention and that it's a little too much. I know sometimes when people post certain things I kind of just think alright enough we get it now go be with your family especially if it's like an hour after some major family event.

emmyg65 · October 2013

Oh, I totally agree about waiting a decent amount of time so important people can find out first. For example, my coworker was all in a huff last week because young cousins kept posting online that her very ill aunt had died, but she hadn't yet! It was quite something to watch. Very sad and silly.

nsweare · October 2013

I also try to look at it from the perspective of the deceased and those closest to them. Would the deceased want it blasted on Facebook as soon as it happened? Would the person's husband/wife/children, etc be ok with it blasted all over the interwebs? When my grandma passed there were second cousins and such posting all over Facebook looking for sympathy. My grandpa and my grandmother's children were still reeling from the loss and were pissed to see it on social media like that.

KytchynWitche · October 2013

Yes. My sister got engaged two weeks ago. Did she call my mom to tell her? No, she sent her a text, knowing that my mom's been struggling to get her texts for a month now, and then posts it to Facebook. So of course the text eventually comes through HOURS after my mom's seen it on Facebook, and she is pissed!

I'm very grateful for social media, because I wouldn't have a job without it, but people REALLY need to learn how to handle big news in the social media age...

MrsLillyG · October 2013

Sort of related but I think its a little odd when people write on the walls of dead people. A few years ago someone I graduated highschool with passed away and lots of people started writing on his wall. Then some aunts and uncles started writing on his wall-"what happened to so and so, I havent heard anything, whats wrong?" So basically some family members (and obivously lots of other people) found out that their 23 yo nephew died through facebook and the aunts and uncles found out by asking on the dead guys fbook wall instead of calling someone.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

MrsLillyG said:

Sort of related but I think its a little odd when people write on the walls of dead people. A few years ago someone I graduated highschool with passed away and lots of people started writing on his wall. Then some aunts and uncles started writing on his wall-"what happened to so and so, I havent heard anything, whats wrong?" So basically some family members (and obivously lots of other people) found out that their 23 yo nephew died through facebook and the aunts and uncles found out by asking on the dead guys fbook wall instead of calling someone.

Oh my gosh. That is horrible.

CLI242009 · October 2013

Yes. My sister got engaged two weeks ago. Did she call my mom to tell her? No, she sent her a text, knowing that my mom's been struggling to get her texts for a month now, and then posts it to Facebook. So of course the text eventually comes through HOURS after my mom's seen it on Facebook, and she is pissed!

I'm very grateful for social media, because I wouldn't have a job without it, but people REALLY need to learn how to handle big news in the social media age...

I agree with you. I found out via text message from my brother that my father had cancer! My parents told him not to say anything to anyone because my dad wanted to be the one to call up his children and break it to them each gently. No I get that and get really emotional. Call my FI who is at work, my mom, who doesn't like him, called my FI letting him know. She did this because she wanted him there with me when I found out. Oh and same brother & wife started posting it all over facebook. >.> So somee of my dad's brothers and sister found out this way. Which he didn't want to happen. Some of my siblings got mad when I informed my mother of this. My parents asked them to stop it and take it down, siblings were not please >.<

I love facebook. I love that I can keep in contact with my relatives who live far away from me, but you have to know what's okay to post and not post....you don't have to share everything right when you find out about it!

chibiyui · October 2013

If this was your grandmother, I'd understand being pissed. But it's not your grandma, and your friend is allowed to grieve in the manner she chooses. Give her a call,let her know you're there for her, I highly doubt she meant to in any way slight you.

HisGirlFriday13 · October 2013

Piggy-backing on @Maggie0829's comment, a friend of mine from high school (which was a good decade and some change ago) added me on FB a few months ago.

OK, fine, whatever. I'm looking at his page, it says he's married, he's got photos of him and his wife and her kid from a prior relationship. Cool.

He tags his wife in every.single.status. he posts. Seriously. Every day, every status. That's a bit much, IMHO, but whatever.

Then in July, he posts a status about going to a local amusement park and taking the little boy and how they enjoyed it FOR her, and how the little boy "felt like you were beside him." Something triggers bells for me, and I google her name.

She's dead, y'all. Died in May after a long, congenital illness. And he's talking to her ON FACEBOOK like she's still alive.

So I go to her FB page. It's still active. He freaking updates it for her, LIKE SHE'S STILL ALIVE.

And yes, everyone grieves in his or her own way, and far be it for me to judge, but damn, that was weird to me.

easilyunamused · October 2013

HisGirlFriday13 said:

Piggy-backing on @Maggie0829's comment, a friend of mine from high school (which was a good decade and some change ago) added me on FB a few months ago.

OK, fine, whatever. I'm looking at his page, it says he's married, he's got photos of him and his wife and her kid from a prior relationship. Cool.

He tags his wife in every.single.status. he posts. Seriously. Every day, every status. That's a bit much, IMHO, but whatever.

Then in July, he posts a status about going to a local amusement park and taking the little boy and how they enjoyed it FOR her, and how the little boy "felt like you were beside him." Something triggers bells for me, and I google her name.

She's dead, y'all. Died in May after a long, congenital illness. And he's talking to her ON FACEBOOK like she's still alive.

So I go to her FB page. It's still active. He freaking updates it for her, LIKE SHE'S STILL ALIVE.

And yes, everyone grieves in his or her own way, and far be it for me to judge, but damn, that was weird to me.

That is a little morbid. Would she approve I wonder?

I think oversharing is going to just be a part of the culture now. Everyone wants a lot of "likes" or comments and some of of validation that they are noticed.

It's pretty weird too though, when you see someone randomly IRL that you are facebook friends with and they start talking about what you have posted but never actually interact with you on FB.

APDSS22 · October 2013

This is why I usually stick to recipes I want to try or have tried and pictures of cute things my dogs did on Facebook. Major life events get shared after everyone who needs to know finds out in person or by phone.

NavyBlue143 · October 2013

Friend of mine created a Facebook profile for the child she miscarried. She was 2 months pregnant, which doesn't make it any less devastating, but a FB profile, that you tag in statuses and post on the wall? Little odd.

Not as disturbing though, as the acquaintance from high school who posted a picture of her 15 week JUST miscarried fetus. Like, first thought upon losing her baby was put that on FB. I'm sorry it happened, but some things do not need to be on social media.

SBmini · October 2013

Technology is moving fast and I think it takes time for people to catch up from an etiquette stand point. For big life events (engagement, babies, deaths) I think the rule of thumb should be you call who is close first and then you post on Facebook. I made sure to call my parents and sister when the question was popped before I posted.

I remember when my cousin Katie passed, her sister (Avalon) asked that none of us post anything on Facebook until the entire family had been called. We all obliged and it wasn't until I saw Avalon post about it that I felt comfortable doing so. Most of us shared out thoughts on Katie's wall opposed to on our own as well. It just felt more tasteful that way. It's actually a great memorial. During her service, her family pulled quotes that people left on her Facebook page and used them in the slide show. Every so often someone will still post- on her birthday, when she missed a big event, or when they see something that reminds them of her, and it's a really nice way to remember her.

Actually- I was far closer to Katie and her sister Avalon because of Facebook, since we don't live very close. I found out that Avalon was pregnant this January on Facebook. I scheduled lunch with her three weeks ago on Facebook. And I found out that her baby was born with her brother added becoming an uncle to his life events on you guessed it- Facebook. Haha. I didn't bother me that I didn't get a call. I was fine learning about that on the internet. But I would have been heart broken if I learned about Katie's death on Facebook instead of from a phone call.

kitty8403 · October 2013

Lobster1987 said:

I think posting on a dead person's FB isn't bad. It's kind of like visiting a grave...you know they aren't "there" and you know they can't hear you (unless you believe in Heaven, etc, etc.), but its comforting to be able to write something out to them. I think mutual friends see it as comforting too to see the happy memories or whatever that other people shared about the deceased. I've posted on a deceased friend's FB about how something reminded me of her that day...NBD.
Now, posting pictures of your 15 week old miscarried fetus...I'm sorry but that's downright morbid. I mean, what did they honestly think they would gain by doing that? It's absolutely horrible that they lost their baby, but I don't think the general population wants to see that!

Friend of mine lost her first child at 7 months along a few years ago. She created a MySpace shrine to that infant, with dozens of photos of family members posing with the dead baby. It was up for months, maybe even over a year.
Yeah. That creeped me the heck out, sorry.

cwaggoner07 · October 2013

Yeah, that sucks. I found out one of my bridesmaids is moving from the city we live in to another city 3 hours away, and we've lived in the same city over 10 years. I found this out from her new husband's Instagram of packing boxes stating that they were moving in one week.

Um ok? Thanks for letting me know.

Is it just me or is social media out of hand? Warning Rant

Re: Is it just me or is social media out of hand? Warning Rant

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