iPads, iPhones, iPods...oh my

TeriBeri06 · October 2013

My FI and I toiled over the guestlist for months and we want everyone to be emotionally present in one of the most important days of our lives. We think that technology can be distracting, not to mention disruptive. As cool as it would be to see the evening from their perspective, I'd much rather them be what they've always been our closest friends and family. We hired a photographer for the other stuff. I'm sure someone has asked this question before but how would you guys feel, as guests at a wedding, to be asked to refrain from using your mobile device during the ceremony? Of course we'd dress it up make it sound sweet...but the end game is to have a ceremony where the only people moving about taking photos would be the people we've hired to do so.

KatWAG · October 2013

TeriBeri06 said:

My FI and I toiled over the guestlist for months and we want everyone to be emotionally present in one of the most important days of our lives. We think that technology can be distracting, not to mention disruptive. As cool as it would be to see the evening from their perspective, I'd much rather them be what they've always been our closest friends and family. We hired a photographer for the other stuff. I'm sure someone has asked this question before but how would you guys feel, as guests at a wedding, to be asked to refrain from using your mobile device during the ceremony? Of course we'd dress it up make it sound sweet...but the end game is to have a ceremony where the only people moving about taking photos would be the people we've hired to do so.

Just no. And adding a sweet poem wont matter.

If Great Aunt Sally wants to get up and walk down the aisle to take a picture with her iPad, she is going to do it. I doubt a sweet sounding note would deter her.

If you are really concerned about this, talk to your photgrapher and give them a heads up. Or hire a second shooter

I think it is ridiculous to think that people can't "be present" while snapping a picture of you walking down the aisle.

KatWAG · October 2013

For your reference:

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/comment/6970762#Comment_6970762

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/comment/6973995#Comment_6973995

tammym1001 · October 2013

I know this has been discussed a lot of times on other boards. I personally don't take pictures at other people's ceremonies because they are paying someone a lot of money to capture those moments for them and I do think it's distracting to me and to everyone else. People that like to take pictures at weddings though are going to do it no matter what you say. My sister's MIL actually brought her own professional photographer with her to my sister's wedding because she wanted her own pictures. LOL

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

I agree that this is not a good idea. It's kind of like when B&Gs want their guests to dress up so they put attire info on the invitation using a cute poem (*eyeroll*) The people who know how to dress for weddings will dress up. The people who don't care about any of that aren't going to care about the "cute" attire info and they'll ignore it anyway.

Same with technology. If you try to have an unplugged ceremony, the people who "get it" are going to be insulted that you think they don't know how to be polite. And the people who would take photos (your target audience) isn't going to care about your signs/requests anyway.

I would just let this go. Of course there are horror stories of people crowding the aisle and obstructing the photographer, but that's totally NOT the norm. At our wedding, I didn't even notice anyone taking photos. After it was over, people sent me TONS of photos that I had no idea they had taken. A few of them are my favorites (better than our photog's!). Once you're walking down the aisle and looking at your fiance waiting for you, you're not going to give two shits about someone's iPhone. Trust me.

NYCBruin · October 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

I agree that this is not a good idea. It's kind of like when B&Gs want their guests to dress up so they put attire info on the invitation using a cute poem (*eyeroll*) The people who know how to dress for weddings will dress up. The people who don't care about any of that aren't going to care about the "cute" attire info and they'll ignore it anyway.

Same with technology. If you try to have an unplugged ceremony, the people who "get it" are going to be insulted that you think they don't know how to be polite. And the people who would take photos (your target audience) isn't going to care about your signs/requests anyway.

I would just let this go. Of course there are horror stories of people crowding the aisle and obstructing the photographer, but that's totally NOT the norm. At our wedding, I didn't even notice anyone taking photos. After it was over, people sent me TONS of photos that I had no idea they had taken. A few of them are my favorites (better than our photog's!). Once you're walking down the aisle and looking at your fiance waiting for you, you're not going to give two shits about someone's iPhone. Trust me.

I agree with this. Although I personally see no problem with a polite request/reminder at the beginning of the ceremony (or right before it starts), something to the effect of "please remember to silence your cell phone" or "the bride and groom respectfully request that guests not take photos during the ceremony." I don't think there's anything wrong with the request. Just don't give a reason. People will listen or they won't. Any reason you give will either be met with eyerolls (to the "be in the moment" reasons) or justifications for not following the request (but I take SUCH good photos, the bride will like mine better than the pro's).

offthemarket915 · October 2013

We are planning to do this by having the officiant share a polite request to silence all devices and refrain from taking photos during the ceremony. I'm not turning out to be a fussy bride, but this is one of the issues that are important to me.

We're having under 50 people at an intimate celebration, so hoping it won't be too much of an issue. We're not spending money on photographers and a videographer just so some knucklehead can get in the way of key moments during the ceremony. Those are precious moments that we will never re-live and cannot get back. The images will be cherished when it's all said and done. And FI and I actually believe that the people we've chosen to include in this special day are there to share the moment with us, not be jockeying for that perfect shot to post. I hope our guests will have less ego / more respect to understand.

offthemarket915 · October 2013

offthemarket915 · October 2013

tammym1001 said:

I know this has been discussed a lot of times on other boards. I personally don't take pictures at other people's ceremonies because they are paying someone a lot of money to capture those moments for them and I do think it's distracting to me and to everyone else. People that like to take pictures at weddings though are going to do it no matter what you say. My sister's MIL actually brought her own professional photographer with her to my sister's wedding because she wanted her own pictures. LOL

OMG that takes the cake!

tammym1001 · October 2013

Yes it was pretty awesome (sarcasm). My sister's photographer that she actually picked and paid for was pissed because he had an exclusivity clause in his contract. My sister had to convince him that she had no idea and she was mortified. I think after talking to her MIL for about 2 minutes he realized that she was just crazy. Before that, he almost left because he was so mad thinking she had hired another photographer.

offthemarket915 · October 2013

tammym1001 said:

Yes it was pretty awesome (sarcasm). My sister's photographer that she actually picked and paid for was pissed because he had an exclusivity clause in his contract. My sister had to convince him that she had no idea and she was mortified. I think after talking to her MIL for about 2 minutes he realized that she was just crazy. Before that, he almost left because he was so mad thinking she had hired another photographer.

Nothing like adding completely unneccesary drama to endear yourself to everyone lol

alm&mdm · October 2013

I have never been to a wedding where guests got up and moved around during the ceremony. Most people are mature enough to realize to stay in their seat.

Also I've stood in weddings, and I never noticed what the guests were doing. Even as a bridesmaid, I got so absorbed with the ceremony right in front of me. I know when Im standing looking at my groom, taking our vows...I probably won't even remember there are people watching lol

Please treat your guests like the grown ups they are.

NYCBruin · October 2013

alm&mdm said:
I have never been to a wedding where guests got up and moved around during the ceremony. Most people are mature enough to realize to stay in their seat.

Also I've stood in weddings, and I never noticed what the guests were doing. Even as a bridesmaid, I got so absorbed with the ceremony right in front of me. I know when Im standing looking at my groom, taking our vows...I probably won't even remember there are people watching lol

Please treat your guests like the grown ups they are.

I don't think I'll notice as a bride, but as a guest I definitely notice picture takers. It's a huge pet peeve of mine as it's super distracting and it frequently nearly completely blocks my view of the ceremony which pisses me off.

mmm4763 · October 2013

@TeriBeri06--I don't have a good answer for you here but I just wanted to tell you that I totally get where you're coming from.

We're getting married in a small-ish space that is very low lighting/predominantly candle lit and I am VERY nervous about a couple of my guests using flash photography--- which would have the potential to completely "blow out" the lighting the photographer would meter to and hinder her ability to actually get good pictures. Luckily, my guest list is very small (20-25) and mostly family so I can enlist the help of a couple family members to help get the word out about this but like others have said, whether they abide by it or not is another story.

katieg520 · October 2013

I'd be seriously pissed if someone told me I couldn't use my phone or even told me to put it away. As long as I'm not bothering anyone else, then it shouldn't matter. You can ask people to put their phones on silent during the ceremony, but otherwise, you can't tell people not to have their phones on them.

TeriBeri06 · October 2013

I didn't intend to imply that I would ask people not to have them on their person...more like not taking photos during the ceremony. Reception is a free for all and I could care less. And as far as offending my guests goes...lets just say as much as I love my family, that common sense isn't so common. The ceremony is in a very low lit space...I think I'd be really sad if the only pics that were any good where from fam and friends after paying for a phtographer whose work I love...I'm not trying to be a bridezilla or anything

offthemarket915 · October 2013

TeriBeri06, I don't think you're being a bridezilla at all. Many others are quick to say treat people like adults, etc and I'm glad for them if their friends and family are so up to date on their manners. But not all of us can trust all our guests to behave in an appropriate manner. FI's stepmother is a lovely woman, but embarrassed everyone when she wore a WHITE cotton sundress to a semi-formal wedding last summer. Some people need to be guided. And I am not willing to risk the photos from my ceremony, due to someone else's ignorance.

KatWAG · October 2013

offthemarket915 said:

TeriBeri06, I don't think you're being a bridezilla at all. Many others are quick to say treat people like adults, etc and I'm glad for them if their friends and family are so up to date on their manners. But not all of us can trust all our guests to behave in an appropriate manner. FI's stepmother is a lovely woman, but embarrassed everyone when she wore a WHITE cotton sundress to a semi-formal wedding last summer. Some people need to be guided. And I am not willing to risk the photos from my ceremony, due to someone else's ignorance.

That doesnt embarass everyone(just her), nor would it reflect poorly on the guests or the host. The point is that some people just won't listen. There will always be someone who wear white to a wedding, or someone who stands up to take a picture, or someone who drinks too much, etc. Putting notes is a program or wedding website isnt going to change these people. So, why worry about them?

offthemarket915 · October 2013

Well yes that's true, she certainly embarrassed herself. But I was there and can tell you her husband, children and siblings felt embarrassed as well. FI has volunteered to talk to her and ensure this doesn't happen again, when she's not a just guest but MOG (his Bio mom is not in the picture).

We see it differently. While I agree that you cannot control people, I feel it's worth the effort to provide the guidance, if something is particularly important to you. Someone wearing white would offend me, but I would get over it. Someone getting in the way of an important moment during the ceremony...not so much. May still happen but I'd feel better knowing I tried.

We will also let our guests know that a selection of the professional photos will be made available to them, so they can relax and enjoy themselves instead of viewing it all through a lens. Will some still take their own pics? Probably. But maybe some will get over themselves and put their camera away during the ceremony, as we request.

thisismynickname2 · October 2013

To add a slightly different perspective, I'm guilty of snapping pics during non church ceremonies. But, I've never left my seat, raised my camera in a way that would block another guest or god forbid, the professionals. Why? Because I've never seen a couple offer the professional photos in any way except Pictage where it's $8 per 4x6. I feel that if I want that special memory I have to capture it myself. (And yes my versions normally suck due to lack of flash.)
If a couple really wants the unplugged ceremony, may I suggest finding a way to provide free or cheap pro photo copies for guests and spreading the word in advance that it's the plan to do so?

offthemarket915 · November 2013

Thought it was timely to come across this:

http://vimeo.com/75820951

alm&mdm · November 2013

I must run with a really great circle of people cause I have literally never seen anyone do this at a wedding.

Itjustgotreal · November 2013

So, quick little story: My photographer is a literal god-send. One of the most down to earth, laid back and understanding professionals I've ever met. And he does phenomenal work. During our contract signing, he laid down the law pretty quick that no one can "follow him around" with a camera during our portraits, just the ceremony and reception. My FI and I are totally cool with this, but knew we'd have to tell my FMIL because she's a facebook whore. She pretty much snapped when we broke the news, and literally told us that we couldn't stop her from taking pictures of us whenever she wanted, even if we tried. Needless to say, we've warned our photographer of her opinion, and we've warned her that she might get banned from photo sessions. Moral of the story: There are people out there who will take pictures of you unless you confiscate their phones. So confiscate their phones, or just deal with it.

iPads, iPhones, iPods...oh my

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