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The things people say...

I was at my gyno yesterday and I told him I got engaged. He asked to see the ring so I showed him. And he says, "That's not the real ring, right?" WTF? No, it's a fake ring. My ring isn't traditional, but seriously, what a rude thing to say! It's a gorgeous family ring. Here's a pic. 

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So the second part of this post. I was out with one of my girlfriends. She was in my first wedding. I was telling her about my wedding plans and that we had decided not to have a wedding party. This is my second wedding. I'm not doing all that stuff. She was noticeably upset that she was not going to be a bridesmaid. I told her that if she wanted, she could come to the bridal suite and get ready with me that morning. I was hoping that would make her feel more included. Instead she said, "Well what if me and all your best friends just came to the wedding in the same color dresses?" 

*facepalm*

I posted about this particular friend before. She got all pissy with me because I didn't tell her I signed a contract with a venue. She's 34 years old. Instead of just being happy for me, she's creating drama. Over nothing! Gah. 

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Re: The things people say...

  • Your ring is gorgeous, and your gyno is RUDE! After all, a ring is only a symbol, so why should you have to have the same symbol as everyone else if what everyone else has isn't symbolic for you?

    Also, without having any extra back story I have to say that a friend who acts like that isn't a friend at all. She doesn't care about you, your marriage, or your needs, she just wants an excuse to play pretty princesses and get some attention.

    Of course I don't know the whole situation, but that's my take on it.
    imageDaisypath Friendship tickers
  • urbaneca said:
    Your ring is gorgeous, and your gyno is RUDE! After all, a ring is only a symbol, so why should you have to have the same symbol as everyone else if what everyone else has isn't symbolic for you?

    Also, without having any extra back story I have to say that a friend who acts like that isn't a friend at all. She doesn't care about you, your marriage, or your needs, she just wants an excuse to play pretty princesses and get some attention.

    Of course I don't know the whole situation, but that's my take on it.
    I am starting to think this is really true. She can't seem to just be happy for me. And she also seems to think my wedding is all about her. 
  • I have the same issue with a "friend." Actually we are no longer friends because of this. She has bad-mouthed me and has refused to be a part of this happy time in my life. It's a shame when people are just so wrapped up in whatever to be happy for someone else.
  • Your gyno needs to shut the hell up. That ring is to die for. Is that an opal? It's beautiful!
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  • Thank you! Yes, it's an opal! I really love that it's non-traditional. It's very me ;-) 
  • I love your ring!  I originally wanted one almost just like it but with a turquoise stone.  Your gyno can step off.  My e-ring is an eternity band, not a traditional ring, and... shock and horror... we decided we aren't getting a second one.  You're in good company in the whole "incapable of doing it right" thing.
  • This is what happens with a man gets to see your hoohaa - he thinks he has the right to say whatever he wants and that you actually care what he thinks... :eyeroll:

    I love your ring! I didn't have bridesmaids either and one of my friends went to David's to get a dress and called to make sure it wasn't the same one as the bridesmaids - she was miffed that she wasn't one and that I wasn't having them (also 34) :-p
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • This is what happens with a man gets to see your hoohaa - he thinks he has the right to say whatever he wants and that you actually care what he thinks... :eyeroll:

    I love your ring! I didn't have bridesmaids either and one of my friends went to David's to get a dress and called to make sure it wasn't the same one as the bridesmaids - she was miffed that she wasn't one and that I wasn't having them (also 34) :-p
    Jeez! You would think once we're in our 30s, people would start acting a little more mature! 
  • Thank you! Yes, it's an opal! I really love that it's non-traditional. It's very me ;-) 
    I love opals! Non-traditional and multi-dimensional. Beautiful!!
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  • I love your ring. I would have snapped my legs shut on her head.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • It's a gorgeous ring! I absolutely love it. What makes it even more special is because you said it's very you. Mine isn't very traditional but it screams me!!! And every time i look down at it, it puts a smile on my face that my FI knows me that well.

    I just have to ask, after insulting your ring, did he ever get around to saying something like "Congratulations?" or did he just leave it at the ring comment?

    As for the other part, I don't know what it is about being a bridesmaid that has everyone so desperate to be one? Buying dresses, standing, throwing parties, being at the wedding earlier than everyone. Is it just because they want to be singled out as the special friend. I need to stop before I have a melt down on this post.
  • It's a gorgeous ring! I absolutely love it. What makes it even more special is because you said it's very you. Mine isn't very traditional but it screams me!!! And every time i look down at it, it puts a smile on my face that my FI knows me that well.

    I just have to ask, after insulting your ring, did he ever get around to saying something like "Congratulations?" or did he just leave it at the ring comment?

    As for the other part, I don't know what it is about being a bridesmaid that has everyone so desperate to be one? Buying dresses, standing, throwing parties, being at the wedding earlier than everyone. Is it just because they want to be singled out as the special friend. I need to stop before I have a melt down on this post.
    He actually did congratulate me. Needless to say, the exam was very awkward after that :-P

    I agree about being a BM. You would think after being in my first wedding, she'd be happy to not go through that again! We've been friends for a long time and I love her, but she is incredibly frustrating. She does want to be singled out as the special friend. If she feels like she's not included in something, she confronts me and gets upset. It's ridiculous and I'm so over it. 

    I don't even want to get into what she said last night about the fact that I'm having a private ceremony. Ugh. 
  • urbaneca said:
    Your ring is gorgeous, and your gyno is RUDE! After all, a ring is only a symbol, so why should you have to have the same symbol as everyone else if what everyone else has isn't symbolic for you?

    Also, without having any extra back story I have to say that a friend who acts like that isn't a friend at all. She doesn't care about you, your marriage, or your needs, she just wants an excuse to play pretty princesses and get some attention.

    Of course I don't know the whole situation, but that's my take on it.
    I am starting to think this is really true. She can't seem to just be happy for me. And she also seems to think my wedding is all about her. 
    One of my sister's BM's was like this - a month after the wedding they pretty much stopped talking. They're still FB friends, but I don't think they've actually said 2 words to each other since the wedding which was more than 5 years ago.

    I would sit down with her and explain things. If she can't see why you're making the choices you're making, then cut her out 'cause she's not your friend.
    imageDaisypath Friendship tickers
  • Your gyno is dumb...That ring is GORGEOUS! But then I have aquas in my ring..see my sig :)
    Anniversary
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  • Your gyno is dumb...That ring is GORGEOUS! But then I have aquas in my ring..see my sig :)
    Thank you! Your ring is gorgeous too! 
  • Your gyno is dumb...That ring is GORGEOUS! But then I have aquas in my ring..see my sig :)
    Thank you! Your ring is gorgeous too! 
    Why thank you! :) 
    Anniversary
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  • I really like non-traditional rings too. Yours is very beautiful.

    Mine is a mystic fire topaz with a bunch of tiny diamonds. I get lots of comment about how unique it is. I like to say my fiance wanted me to have something special. I did tell him that was the center stone I wanted. I personally find diamonds boring--at least as the featured stone.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • That is one beautiful opal!!!!!
  • Thank you everyone!
  • Um, so your gyno is an idiot. Your ring is like open-my-eyes-really-wide beautiful.

    As for your friend, that is just silly and immature. I hope she calms it way down.
  • I went to the gyno and the nurse taking my first temperature told me, "wow, I have never met a Hispanic 30 year old who hasn't had any kids!" I was like, "THANKS?"

    When I told her I was about 90% kids weren't for me, she put her hand on my forehead and told me if I had a fever...


    OMG. What a rude beyotch. 
  • My response would be to punch him in the face, examine the imprint, and say "Looks like the real thing to me."

    He can suck it. Your ring is awesome! 

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  • Your ring is gorgeous. Mine is a family heirloom too and I think that the history just adds another layer of special-Ness to it.
  • @musikalizzie Wow RUDE of your gyno! How close minded!!

    @climbingbrideNY Gorgeous ring, love the Opal!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Other people's weddings really bring out the worst in people. Everyone thinks their opinion is SO important. I wish I learned this sooner- just keep to yourself. Don't share too much with too many people. The fewer people who know the details the better!

    And that ring is awesome!
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  • ClimbingBrideNY your ring is absolutely beautiful!

    my gyno last year found out that I was engaged and wrote ENGAGED in all capital letters at the top of my file. this made me a little self-conscious, but was nowhere near as bad as the gynecologist that I went to this week-- she asked to see my ring, then asked what my fiance and my plans are, since we just finished grad school. I told her that I was looking for temporary/volunteer work while my fiance does 6-8 months of job training far from home, followed by a permanent move somewhere else that is also very far away, from both home and the training location. She suggested that I GET PREGNANT during my fiance's training period. I thought she was kidding, and I said something like "right, since everything in life will be crazy and unsettled, that sounds like a great plan." She was serious. And proceeded to bug her eyes out when I told her I was considering continuing my education. I guess she thinks my biological clock is ticking.

    I also once went to an oral surgeon who saw what I was reading and said "that's a really big book. What is that, the Bible?" right before the anesthesiologist put me under. This did not inspire confidence.

    Bottom line-- doctors can be huge jerks.

    My very precocious 11-year-old cousin basically demanded that she be a flower girl in my wedding. We're not having a flower girl or ring bearer, but I'm going to surprise her and give her (and a few other young cousins) the special honor of escorting our family elders down the aisle during the wedding processional. Even though it's definitely not a requirement, maybe there's another job that you can give your friend? As long as you want to remain friends, it may be a nice gesture.
  • Is it possible your friend is just sad she isn't a bridemaid because she loves you?

    My friends told me that if I didn't do a bridal party, they'd just all show up in the same color and stand by me a lot as a sort of joke. They really wanted to be part of my wedding to support us.
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • Maybe? But it's not like there are other bridesmaids. There's no wedding party. She stood up for me in my first wedding. Even if I was having a bridal party, I would honestly feel guilty asking the same friends again. They already shelled out all that money for dresses, etc. 10 years ago. Unfortunately I really do think it's because she's selfish and wants to be a special snowflake on my wedding day. Out of all my friends, she's the only one that's acting this way. The rest of my friends are incredibly supportive and are happy. 
    There's not really any other job I can give her. And at this point, I feel if I were to give her a job, she's find some reason to create drama around it. Ugh. 
  • Just another perspective, there's no reason for you to feel guilty about having a bridal party. You are getting married, it's appropriate if you want to have one. People will decline if they are uncomfortable. This was my second wedding, 2 of my bridesmaids told me essentially that they were in my wedding before hand (and they would've been regardless) and the other one cried (happy tears) when I asked her  to be in my party again.

    I didn't want them to spend a lot of money, I just wanted them to stand with me. They wore black dresses that I tied together with a teal pashmina. We also subsidized the cost of the tux. The guys spent $100, one girl wore a dress she had, another I bought her dress for $15 and the dress she go for $30. We didn't have a shower, I did have a bachelorette party but it wasn't drastic or crazy expensive.

    But if you don't want one at all, there's no reason to think up jobs for these folks. They can have the honorable job of "guest" but if she really wants to be included in the process, just invite her to find your gown with you or something (if you like her opinion).
    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
  • I didn't want to start a new post. But this friend is driving me bananas. I've had a lot of time now to think about the things she said to me last week. And it's so bothersome. All the memories of the drama she created around my first wedding are coming back to me. And I'm mad at myself that I even invited her to get ready the morning of. What was I thinking??

    As we were leaving dinner last week, she said that she feels she doesn't know my FI and wants to get to know him better. She said that he doesn't have her approval yet. *eyeroll* Granted, we've only been together 6 months. But she's hung out with him a number of times. He even took her and her sister out on his boat. If she feels she doesn't know him, isn't that on her? He's certainly made an effort. But I swear, she's so self-absorbed that it's like it doesn't occur to her to make the effort. 

    She was texting me last night asking what we're doing this weekend. I told her that we were starting the renovations on our master bathroom. So then she asks if she can come hang out. How am I supposed to hang out and entertain you and we're demoing the bathroom and installing tile!?!?!?!

    Thanks for letting me vent. 
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