My sister...I just...there are no words...

tmclawchick · October 2013

Let me start off by saying there is a history of tension between my sister and I, and 95% of our interactions result in me wanting to slam my head against a desk and/or thank my lucky stars we're 8 hours apart. So I suppose this shouldn't bother me as much as it does. She's 40 going on 17; decisions are not thought out, she's in some sort of weird mid-life crisis/partying stage, it's just...ugh... I could write a book about her, but I'll just say that I don't know how to handle her and her actions a lot of the time. As a result, we are not close.

Anywho....we've had our wedding date set for months now (next October), our webpage is up and running, and generally it appears that everyone reasonably close to us is at least aware that (1) we are getting married and (2) there is a date... we'll be sending STDs when the time comes. I wake up Sunday and see that I have a text from sister dearest at 1:30am, asking if we have a wedding date -- I responded and told her the date and that I sent her a link to our site a few weeks ago. She responds back a few hours later with a massive tirade on how she didn't know our date, and she just sent an $8,000 deposit for a group trip to Tuscany (??? It's that much?) and will be gone then and she doesn't understand why she didn't know about the date and why didn't I tell her??????!?!?!? I responded, "Wow. I don't really know what to say, but I sent you the link to our wedding page two weeks ago, I wish you would have checked the date before booking a trip like that! Obviously it'll be disappointing if you can't come, but I'm not about to ask you to walk away from a deposit like that either..." She responds and asks if the date is set in stone, and if our venue has any other dates open in October and "maybe you could switch the date." I tell her we have the venue, florist, photographer, DJ and cake vendors all lined up for that date.

She then proceeds to call my mom and tell her how unreasonable I'm being. How.unreasonable.I'm.being. Confused, my mom asks if she got the link to our web page (all I can think of is Office Space -- "didn't you get the memo?"), and-- the million dollar question-- "Why didn't you just check the date first before booking this trip?" She blames my mom for taking my side.

So there's that. That happened.

At this point, I think she's going to see if anything can be done to switch the date for her trip. I'm not exactly counting on it, but it's not like I'll be devastated if she can't come...just annoyed.

/vent over/

Maggie0829 · October 2013

Honestly, since you know how your sister is it probably would have been best to text/call her and told her the date from the beginning rather then just relying on her to check you wedding website for it. That probably would have cut back on any confusion.

But whats done is done and hopefully she can change her plans but if not then there isn't much either of you can do.

CLI242009 · October 2013

Yeah what done is done. There's nothing you can really do about it. Either your sister is going to be there or she isn't.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2013

tmclawchick said:

       Let me start off by saying there is a history of tension between my sister and I, and 95% of our interactions result in me wanting to slam my head against a desk and/or thank my lucky stars we're 8 hours apart. So I suppose this shouldn't bother me as much as it does. She's 40 going on 17; decisions are not thought out, she's in some sort of weird mid-life crisis/partying stage, it's just...ugh... I could write a book about her, but I'll just say that I don't know how to handle her and her actions a lot of the time. As a result, we are not close.
       Anywho....we've had our wedding date set for months now (next October), our webpage is up and running, and generally it appears that everyone reasonably close to us is at least aware that (1) we are getting married and (2) there is a date... we'll be sending STDs when the time comes. I wake up Sunday and see that I have a text from sister dearest at 1:30am, asking if we have a wedding date -- I responded and told her the date and that I sent her a link to our site a few weeks ago. She responds back a few hours later with a massive tirade on how she didn't know our date, and she just sent an $8,000 deposit for a group trip to Tuscany (??? It's that much?) and will be gone then and she doesn't understand why she didn't know about the date and why didn't I tell her??????!?!?!? I responded, "Wow. I don't really know what to say, but I sent you the link to our wedding page two weeks ago, I wish you would have checked the date before booking a trip like that! Obviously it'll be disappointing if you can't come, but I'm not about to ask you to walk away from a deposit like that either..." She responds and asks if the date is set in stone, and if our venue has any other dates open in October and "maybe you could switch the date." I tell her we have the venue, florist, photographer, DJ and cake vendors all lined up for that date.

      She then proceeds to call my mom and tell her how unreasonable I'm being. How.unreasonable.I'm.being. Confused, my mom asks if she got the link to our web page (all I can think of is Office Space -- "didn't you get the memo?"), and-- the million dollar question-- "Why didn't you just check the date first before booking this trip?" She blames my mom for taking my side.

So there's that. That happened.

      At this point, I think she's going to see if anything can be done to switch the date for her trip. I'm not exactly counting on it, but it's not like I'll be devastated if she can't come...just annoyed.

/vent over/

Wait, you didn't have a conversation with any of your VIPs about your wedding date, either in person, phone call, or text, you just sent them all an email with the link to your wedding website?

I probably would have missed your date too, because I don't typically look at wedding websites

CLI242009 · October 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

tmclawchick said:

       Let me start off by saying there is a history of tension between my sister and I, and 95% of our interactions result in me wanting to slam my head against a desk and/or thank my lucky stars we're 8 hours apart. So I suppose this shouldn't bother me as much as it does. She's 40 going on 17; decisions are not thought out, she's in some sort of weird mid-life crisis/partying stage, it's just...ugh... I could write a book about her, but I'll just say that I don't know how to handle her and her actions a lot of the time. As a result, we are not close.
       Anywho....we've had our wedding date set for months now (next October), our webpage is up and running, and generally it appears that everyone reasonably close to us is at least aware that (1) we are getting married and (2) there is a date... we'll be sending STDs when the time comes. I wake up Sunday and see that I have a text from sister dearest at 1:30am, asking if we have a wedding date -- I responded and told her the date and that I sent her a link to our site a few weeks ago. She responds back a few hours later with a massive tirade on how she didn't know our date, and she just sent an $8,000 deposit for a group trip to Tuscany (??? It's that much?) and will be gone then and she doesn't understand why she didn't know about the date and why didn't I tell her??????!?!?!? I responded, "Wow. I don't really know what to say, but I sent you the link to our wedding page two weeks ago, I wish you would have checked the date before booking a trip like that! Obviously it'll be disappointing if you can't come, but I'm not about to ask you to walk away from a deposit like that either..." She responds and asks if the date is set in stone, and if our venue has any other dates open in October and "maybe you could switch the date." I tell her we have the venue, florist, photographer, DJ and cake vendors all lined up for that date.

      She then proceeds to call my mom and tell her how unreasonable I'm being. How.unreasonable.I'm.being. Confused, my mom asks if she got the link to our web page (all I can think of is Office Space -- "didn't you get the memo?"), and-- the million dollar question-- "Why didn't you just check the date first before booking this trip?" She blames my mom for taking my side.

So there's that. That happened.

      At this point, I think she's going to see if anything can be done to switch the date for her trip. I'm not exactly counting on it, but it's not like I'll be devastated if she can't come...just annoyed.

/vent over/

Wait, you didn't have a conversation with any of your VIPs about your wedding date, either in person, phone call, or text, you just sent them all an email with the link to your wedding website?

I probably would have missed your date too, because I don't typically look at wedding websites

Considering what she said about their relationship, I took it as she wasn't a VIP. If she was a bridesmaid or something like that I could understand not talking to her, but I read it as if she was just a guest. Not VIP. That's just how I read *shrugs*

CLI242009 · October 2013

scribe95 said:

I think siblings usually count as VIP's whether a bridal party member or not. You probably could have been more direct by including a line in the email bolding the date instead of just passing on a link. But I wouldn't move the wedding.

Not always. Some do it because of obligation to make their sibling in the WP. Again not always, but unless we were super close I wouldn't assume I was a VIP. That's just me *shrugs*

thejucheidea · October 2013

CLI242009 said:

scribe95 said:

I think siblings usually count as VIP's whether a bridal party member or not. You probably could have been more direct by including a line in the email bolding the date instead of just passing on a link. But I wouldn't move the wedding.

Not always. Some do it because of obligation to make their sibling in the WP. Again not always, but unless we were super close I wouldn't assume I was a VIP. That's just me *shrugs*

Yeah, I agree. The only reason that I agreed to have my sister in my wedding party was because my mom requested it when we thought she was dying of very malignant brain cancer. My sister and I hate each other, but I wanted to do it for my mom. I did consider uninviting her fiance and his daughter, however, because he stole things from our house and sold them for cash and is now living in my parents' house and doing the same damn thing while also tagging their basement walls and inviting people to come stay the night without my parents' permission. Winner.

PrettyGirlLost · October 2013

CLI242009 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

tmclawchick said:

       Let me start off by saying there is a history of tension between my sister and I, and 95% of our interactions result in me wanting to slam my head against a desk and/or thank my lucky stars we're 8 hours apart. So I suppose this shouldn't bother me as much as it does. She's 40 going on 17; decisions are not thought out, she's in some sort of weird mid-life crisis/partying stage, it's just...ugh... I could write a book about her, but I'll just say that I don't know how to handle her and her actions a lot of the time. As a result, we are not close.
       Anywho....we've had our wedding date set for months now (next October), our webpage is up and running, and generally it appears that everyone reasonably close to us is at least aware that (1) we are getting married and (2) there is a date... we'll be sending STDs when the time comes. I wake up Sunday and see that I have a text from sister dearest at 1:30am, asking if we have a wedding date -- I responded and told her the date and that I sent her a link to our site a few weeks ago. She responds back a few hours later with a massive tirade on how she didn't know our date, and she just sent an $8,000 deposit for a group trip to Tuscany (??? It's that much?) and will be gone then and she doesn't understand why she didn't know about the date and why didn't I tell her??????!?!?!? I responded, "Wow. I don't really know what to say, but I sent you the link to our wedding page two weeks ago, I wish you would have checked the date before booking a trip like that! Obviously it'll be disappointing if you can't come, but I'm not about to ask you to walk away from a deposit like that either..." She responds and asks if the date is set in stone, and if our venue has any other dates open in October and "maybe you could switch the date." I tell her we have the venue, florist, photographer, DJ and cake vendors all lined up for that date.

      She then proceeds to call my mom and tell her how unreasonable I'm being. How.unreasonable.I'm.being. Confused, my mom asks if she got the link to our web page (all I can think of is Office Space -- "didn't you get the memo?"), and-- the million dollar question-- "Why didn't you just check the date first before booking this trip?" She blames my mom for taking my side.

So there's that. That happened.

      At this point, I think she's going to see if anything can be done to switch the date for her trip. I'm not exactly counting on it, but it's not like I'll be devastated if she can't come...just annoyed.

/vent over/

Wait, you didn't have a conversation with any of your VIPs about your wedding date, either in person, phone call, or text, you just sent them all an email with the link to your wedding website?

I probably would have missed your date too, because I don't typically look at wedding websites

Considering what she said about their relationship, I took it as she wasn't a VIP. If she was a bridesmaid or something like that I could understand not talking to her, but I read it as if she was just a guest. Not VIP. That's just how I read *shrugs*

I was curious if she actually spoke to any of her VIPs about her date. Her sister might not be a VIP but I didn't get the impression from the OP that she talked to anyone, just sent a link to her wedding website.

CLI242009 · November 2013

thejucheidea said:

CLI242009 said:

scribe95 said:

I think siblings usually count as VIP's whether a bridal party member or not. You probably could have been more direct by including a line in the email bolding the date instead of just passing on a link. But I wouldn't move the wedding.

Not always. Some do it because of obligation to make their sibling in the WP. Again not always, but unless we were super close I wouldn't assume I was a VIP. That's just me *shrugs*

Yeah, I agree. The only reason that I agreed to have my sister in my wedding party was because my mom requested it when we thought she was dying of very malignant brain cancer. My sister and I hate each other, but I wanted to do it for my mom. I did consider uninviting her fiance and his daughter, however, because he stole things from our house and sold them for cash and is now living in my parents' house and doing the same damn thing while also tagging their basement walls and inviting people to come stay the night without my parents' permission. Winner.

My sister and I are not close. I didn't think to have her up in the wedding party but when my older brother ("John") got married, he didn't have younger brother, second eldest ("Dan") in the bridal party, but baby brother ("Barry") as the ring bearer. John asked Dan to be an usher but he didn't want him standing up there with him because they were not close. They both knew this. My mom found it insulting and bad of my brother John to do this. I didn't want to hear/cause the same darn thing (it caused A LOT of drama) so I just went and asked my sis to be in the BP.

huskypuppy14 · November 2013

If someone who presumably was close to me (which it doesn't sound like OP's sister is) sent me a link to their wedding website, I would absolutely look at it. Now if the sister can't come she can't come. We all say you only need the 2 people getting married and an officiant to have a wedding. If people can't come, they can't come whether they are VIPs are not. If the OP was angry that her sister couldn't come, or mad that she had a trip planned than we all could say you should have given the date not the link. But with the information given, I don't think the OP did anything wrong. Maybe the OP isn't having a bridal party, and has no other VIPs. There is no rule that you have to check your wedding date with other people, you just can't be mad if they cannot attend.

tmclawchick · November 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

tmclawchick said:

       Let me start off by saying there is a history of tension between my sister and I, and 95% of our interactions result in me wanting to slam my head against a desk and/or thank my lucky stars we're 8 hours apart. So I suppose this shouldn't bother me as much as it does. She's 40 going on 17; decisions are not thought out, she's in some sort of weird mid-life crisis/partying stage, it's just...ugh... I could write a book about her, but I'll just say that I don't know how to handle her and her actions a lot of the time. As a result, we are not close.
       Anywho....we've had our wedding date set for months now (next October), our webpage is up and running, and generally it appears that everyone reasonably close to us is at least aware that (1) we are getting married and (2) there is a date... we'll be sending STDs when the time comes. I wake up Sunday and see that I have a text from sister dearest at 1:30am, asking if we have a wedding date -- I responded and told her the date and that I sent her a link to our site a few weeks ago. She responds back a few hours later with a massive tirade on how she didn't know our date, and she just sent an $8,000 deposit for a group trip to Tuscany (??? It's that much?) and will be gone then and she doesn't understand why she didn't know about the date and why didn't I tell her??????!?!?!? I responded, "Wow. I don't really know what to say, but I sent you the link to our wedding page two weeks ago, I wish you would have checked the date before booking a trip like that! Obviously it'll be disappointing if you can't come, but I'm not about to ask you to walk away from a deposit like that either..." She responds and asks if the date is set in stone, and if our venue has any other dates open in October and "maybe you could switch the date." I tell her we have the venue, florist, photographer, DJ and cake vendors all lined up for that date.

      She then proceeds to call my mom and tell her how unreasonable I'm being. How.unreasonable.I'm.being. Confused, my mom asks if she got the link to our web page (all I can think of is Office Space -- "didn't you get the memo?"), and-- the million dollar question-- "Why didn't you just check the date first before booking this trip?" She blames my mom for taking my side.

So there's that. That happened.

      At this point, I think she's going to see if anything can be done to switch the date for her trip. I'm not exactly counting on it, but it's not like I'll be devastated if she can't come...just annoyed.

/vent over/
Wait, you didn't have a conversation with any of your VIPs about your wedding date, either in person, phone call, or text, you just sent them all an email with the link to your wedding website?

I probably would have missed your date too, because I don't typically look at wedding websites
Considering what she said about their relationship, I took it as she wasn't a VIP. If she was a bridesmaid or something like that I could understand not talking to her, but I read it as if she was just a guest. Not VIP. That's just how I read *shrugs*
I was curious if she actually spoke to any of her VIPs about her date. Her sister might not be a VIP but I didn't get the impression from the OP that she talked to anyone, just sent a link to her wedding website.

Yes, I spoke with all of my VIPs about the date, simply sending a link would be weird, no? My sister is most certainly not a VIP but she *is* family so I sent her an email to give her a heads up on the date and provide the link to our site. Sorry, should have made that clearer...

PrettyGirlLost · November 2013

tmclawchick said:

Yes, I spoke with all of my VIPs about the date, simply sending a link would be weird, no? My sister is most certainly not a VIP but she *is* family so I sent her an email to give her a heads up on the date and provide the link to our site. Sorry, should have made that clearer...

Gotcha! I figured as much, but I wasn't 100% sure.

CLI242009 · November 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

tmclawchick said:

Yes, I spoke with all of my VIPs about the date, simply sending a link would be weird, no? My sister is most certainly not a VIP but she *is* family so I sent her an email to give her a heads up on the date and provide the link to our site. Sorry, should have made that clearer...

Gotcha! I figured as much, but I wasn't 100% sure.

Then you're in the clear. She'll come or she won't come, but no one has to check with anybody about the date they choose. That's up to the B & G, your sis will just have to decide what she wants to do. As long as you're not mad at her, then I don't see a problem why she should be mad at you.

Linnn · November 2013

sibling drama is so draining at times.

O well, congrats to you and if she can attend, fine. if not, no biggie. the day should be abt you and your hubby. nobody wants to worry if the sibling who's partying hard will embarrass you at the wedding.

feeislove · November 2013

This could just be me assuming things BUT it sounds like your sister is the type to do this sort of thing all the time. The "it's all about me" thing. And if you can't bend over backwards for what she wants you're the bad guy.

So I wouldn't worry about it. If she comes, great. If not, that's ok too. Or at least that's how I would look at it.

tmclawchick · November 2013

feeislove said:

This could just be me assuming things BUT it sounds like your sister is the type to do this sort of thing all the time. The "it's all about me" thing. And if you can't bend over backwards for what she wants you're the bad guy.

So I wouldn't worry about it. If she comes, great. If not, that's ok too. Or at least that's how I would look at it.

You are 100% right. Nobody has heard from her since she whined to everyone about my incovenient wedding, so who knows what happens. I was pretty irritated at first but now I've reached this zen-like state about it all haha...

My sister...I just...there are no words...

Re: My sister...I just...there are no words...

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