Would you hate 3 hour cocktail hours?

MGP · October 2013

SP29 said:
I don't know if there is an etiquette breach there, as the guests were hosted the entire time. But as you can see from above posters, many may not be interested in making a day of it.

Agreed. The intent to properly host with food and drink is very respectable, but you are right many cannot and would not be interested in making a day of a wedding. Factoring in travel time, ceremony, cocktail hour(s), and reception it's just not feasible for some people if they have children, babysitters, pets, have to work that day, etc. No matter how much you care about the couple, people have lots of other priorities and obligations in their lives.

People put in 8+ hours on a typical workday and personally I think asking someone to invest in that much time for a wedding is asking a whole lot. I would be more open minded for a destination wedding though. However it all comes down to knowing your crowd. If you have a bunch of single friends who can party like rock stars all day and night and can sleep in the next day - go for it! If you have old boring mom friends (like me) it's a different story.

OP - I suggest moving your ceremony up (just read your second post) and do a fabulous evening wedding. Shortening the entire day would probably reduce your overall costs too.

annathy03 · October 2013

Maggie0829 said:

I think it's on the hosts if they leave their guests to their own devices for 3 hours to drink and eat snacks. What else are they supposed to do but drink, eat the snacks, and mingle (which will get really old after an hour)? I'm not going to get drunk in an hour, but I might in 3.

It's rude, period.
I agree with this. If you leave me in a room for 3 hours with nothing but snacks and drinks what they hell do you think is going to happen?

This. I'm never drunk after a normal, 90 minute max cocktail hour, but usually apps are limited, so after three hours I'm going to be tipsy. And annoyed.

NYCMercedes · October 2013

For me, the three hours is the reception, and a pretty poor one at that if there were no meal, no DJ, no cake cutting.

kimkomposer · October 2013

Most of my guests are out-of town guests actually. So it would give them like a destination wedding feel Hopefully?

MGP · October 2013

kimkomposer said:

Most of my guests are out-of town guests actually. So it would give them like a destination wedding feel Hopefully?

Maybe, but not enough to forgive a 3 hour gap. I still feel like anything over 5 hours total is a lot. That's just my personal situation with a rambunctious 2 year old and a husband who works every weekend. You know your crowd though, we don't. Could be very different for you.

Just think of it when you are a wedding guest, especially an out of town one, how much time you would like to have dedicated to the wedding compared to travel, sleep, downtime, other activities you would like to do in the area besides the wedding, etc. 4 hour day? 6 hours? 10 hours? Thinking about how you would want to be treated would be a good place for you to start.

I hope that what I am saying isn't coming across as negative, as you really seem to have your guest's best interests in mind and that's fantastic! I just feel that some brides (not you OP) have overinflated expectations on how much time (and money) their guests want to commit to their wedding.

Maggie0829 · October 2013

kimkomposer said:

Most of my guests are out-of town guests actually. So it would give them like a destination wedding feel Hopefully?

No. No it won't. When the day of a wedding comes, no matter where it is, I want to go to the ceremony then have a nice cocktail HOUR and then enjoy the reception. I do not want to sit around for 3 hours dressed in my nice wedding clothes because the couple thinks that they are doing me a favor by giving me time to explore the destination that I am in. When in reality all they are doing is pissing me off and not respecting my time especially if I traveled to your location. If I want to explore the destination you chose for your wedding I would do so the day before or the day after, not on your actual wedding day.

Jen4948 · October 2013

Maggie0829 said:

kimkomposer said:

Most of my guests are out-of town guests actually. So it would give them like a destination wedding feel Hopefully?

No. No it won't. When the day of a wedding comes, no matter where it is, I want to go to the ceremony then have a nice cocktail HOUR and then enjoy the reception. I do not want to sit around for 3 hours dressed in my nice wedding clothes because the couple thinks that they are doing me a favor by giving me time to explore the destination that I am in. When in reality all they are doing is pissing me off and not respecting my time especially if I traveled to your location. If I want to explore the destination you chose for your wedding I would do so the day before or the day after, not on your actual wedding day.

And not in between your ceremony and reception.

lauracutter · October 2013

kimkomposer said:

Most of my guests are out-of town guests actually. So it would give them like a destination wedding feel Hopefully?

Ehhh nope. It's three hours of standing around. Wayfarers is beautiful. Have you checked out La Venta Inn? It's right down the street and has the most incredible view of LA and the Pacific. We almost had our wedding there, but we have a lot of out of town guests and didn't want to deal with transportation so we're doing everything at a hotel. And where would the cocktail our be? I'm assuming you're talking about the Long Beach Aquarium, which is surrounded by restaurants restaurants and bars. Honestly, I think you are going to have to change venues or you will lose guests and money on the reception. I'd leave even if I came from out of town. I need entertainment.

kimkomposer · October 2013

I checked La Venta Inn but I actually didn't like the venue regardless of all the raves! I thought the building was old, just not my taste. I thought I could get everyone (about 60 guests) come to the hotel lounge (walking distance from the aquarium) to hang out and we can all head out to long beach aquarium at 6-ish. If it doesn't work I guess I just have to check out some other venues...!

lauracutter · October 2013

Did you look at Terrenea?? Long Beach Art Museum? A different day?

mysticl · October 2013

kimkomposer said:

I checked La Venta Inn but I actually didn't like the venue regardless of all the raves! I thought the building was old, just not my taste. I thought I could get everyone (about 60 guests) come to the hotel lounge (walking distance from the aquarium) to hang out and we can all head out to long beach aquarium at 6-ish. If it doesn't work I guess I just have to check out some other venues...!

Wait are you thinking of booking the hotel lounge for a cocktail hour or just showing up there? Sixty people is a lot to just spring on the staff at the bar, not to mention that isn't really a cocktail hour(s), that's people hanging out at a bar. Also, if the aquarium doesn't open it's doors until 7 why would you head over at 6? How far is your idea of "walking distance"?

Rebl90 · October 2013

As someone who recently had to stand through a cocktail "hour" that lasted 2+ hours, I recommend listening to the previously given advice! It may have been open bar with waitstaff passing apps, but I would have left after an hour if it hadn't been a family wedding.

kitty8403 · October 2013

freebread03 said:
I'd love a 3 hour cocktail hour, but I'd be trashed by dinner time!

This. Three hours of hosted drinks and munches wouldn't bother me a bit, but then, I don't have kids and I don't go to weddings unless I have the day pretty well free. And you might not like how drunk I'd be at the end of it. :-p

Maggie0829 · November 2013

I'm sorry nut all of your plans sound like a major cluster fuck. I think it is time to take a step back and rethink what you are planning. Yes you should be relaxed of your wedding day but you are treating this like a casual night out with your friends where you will just go with the flow. Sorry but weddings should be a bit more structured then that so your guests aren't wondering what the hell is going on all night.

MuppetOverlord · November 2013

If I were you, I'd just completely start from scratch.

If this was out of town and I saw the schedule, I would decline. If I didn't decline, I would pick either your wedding or reception to go to, not both.

I asked my husband what he thought of this and he said he wouldn't go.

doeydo · November 2013

So you just booked your venues without giving a thought towards your guests? 3 hours is absolutely ridiculous.

clg1213 · November 2013

I have no clue where this is, but is there an option along the lines of a bus tour of the area that might last 90min+? I'd enjoy something like that, though it depends a bit on how dressed up I am. Or have a couple of options of vacation-style time filler (golf, cooking class involving local favorite, etc.) ...again a bit dependent on dress code. Just a bit of brainstorm on filling the time

aurorajanette · November 2013

clg1213 said:

I have no clue where this is, but is there an option along the lines of a bus tour of the area that might last 90min+? I'd enjoy something like that, though it depends a bit on how dressed up I am. Or have a couple of options of vacation-style time filler (golf, cooking class involving local favorite, etc.) ...again a bit dependent on dress code. Just a bit of brainstorm on filling the time

I still don't think this is an appropriate option. It's a wedding, not a vacation retreat. Regardless of what "fun" activities are planned between the ceremony and reception, the gap is too long, people are going to be bored, and they are going to leave. If I were at a wedding and then everyone all of a sudden was playing golf, I would be pissed and leave.

PrettyGirlLost · November 2013

aurorajanette said:

clg1213 said:

I have no clue where this is, but is there an option along the lines of a bus tour of the area that might last 90min+? I'd enjoy something like that, though it depends a bit on how dressed up I am. Or have a couple of options of vacation-style time filler (golf, cooking class involving local favorite, etc.) ...again a bit dependent on dress code. Just a bit of brainstorm on filling the time

I still don't think this is an appropriate option. It's a wedding, not a vacation retreat. Regardless of what "fun" activities are planned between the ceremony and reception, the gap is too long, people are going to be bored, and they are going to leave. If I were at a wedding and then everyone all of a sudden was playing golf, I would be pissed and leave.

This. If I'm going to a wedding I want to witness your ceremony, have food and drinks during cocktail HOUR (give or take), then go to your reception for whatever you have planned. I don't want to witness your ceremony then go sight seeing or kill time before the reception.

phira · November 2013

I went to a great wedding last month with a cocktail hour that lasted just under an hour. By the end, my partner and I were incredibly bored since we didn't know anyone, and we were ready for the reception to start.

That was a great wedding with a properly hosted cocktail hour. If we were guests of yours, and you had a 3 hour gap, we'd go home.

Jen4948 · November 2013

aurorajanette said:

clg1213 said:

I have no clue where this is, but is there an option along the lines of a bus tour of the area that might last 90min+? I'd enjoy something like that, though it depends a bit on how dressed up I am. Or have a couple of options of vacation-style time filler (golf, cooking class involving local favorite, etc.) ...again a bit dependent on dress code. Just a bit of brainstorm on filling the time

I still don't think this is an appropriate option. It's a wedding, not a vacation retreat. Regardless of what "fun" activities are planned between the ceremony and reception, the gap is too long, people are going to be bored, and they are going to leave. If I were at a wedding and then everyone all of a sudden was playing golf, I would be pissed and leave.

Not to mention, nobody wants to take tours, play golf, take classes, or other "vacation" activities while still dressed for the wedding. Sorry, but you need to minimize the gap.

mysticl · November 2013

Jen4948 said:

aurorajanette said:

clg1213 said:

I have no clue where this is, but is there an option along the lines of a bus tour of the area that might last 90min+? I'd enjoy something like that, though it depends a bit on how dressed up I am. Or have a couple of options of vacation-style time filler (golf, cooking class involving local favorite, etc.) ...again a bit dependent on dress code. Just a bit of brainstorm on filling the time

I still don't think this is an appropriate option. It's a wedding, not a vacation retreat. Regardless of what "fun" activities are planned between the ceremony and reception, the gap is too long, people are going to be bored, and they are going to leave. If I were at a wedding and then everyone all of a sudden was playing golf, I would be pissed and leave.

Not to mention, nobody wants to take tours, play golf, take classes, or other "vacation" activities while still dressed for the wedding. Sorry, but you need to minimize the gap.

And if your guests take off to do these things you might not get them back. I can totally see golf turning into drinks and dinner at the club.

jneen101 · November 2013

mysticl said:

kimkomposer said:

I checked La Venta Inn but I actually didn't like the venue regardless of all the raves! I thought the building was old, just not my taste. I thought I could get everyone (about 60 guests) come to the hotel lounge (walking distance from the aquarium) to hang out and we can all head out to long beach aquarium at 6-ish. If it doesn't work I guess I just have to check out some other venues...!

Wait are you thinking of booking the hotel lounge for a cocktail hour or just showing up there? Sixty people is a lot to just spring on the staff at the bar, not to mention that isn't really a cocktail hour(s), that's people hanging out at a bar. Also, if the aquarium doesn't open it's doors until 7 why would you head over at 6? How far is your idea of "walking distance"?

Yeah I'm confused by all of this as well.

Would you hate 3 hour cocktail hours?

Re: Would you hate 3 hour cocktail hours?

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