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Rant... sorry....

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Re: Rant... sorry....

  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    @emmaxbean93  Thanks!
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  • Emmy1493Emmy1493 member
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    Welcome :)
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  • hlvonbhlvonb member
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    So she texted me today...

    I got a text saying "hey"
    Then about an hour later I got a long text saying "Whenever you have a chance, I would like to talk and hopefully mend our friendship and our "family". Now that we have had that time to cool off on both sides, I would still like to help you and Ben out with the wedding, and I would still be honored to stand up as your matron of honor. I do love the both of you as family. Call me whenever you can."

    I have not replied to either message. I know it's probably silly but she had the whole I had to wait until Friday BS and part of me wants to make her wait for a response (maybe until I get to work because then I have things to keep me busy from looking at my phone). Also, I really don't want to call her, would it be bad of me to say I didn't get her messages until I was at work and my phone is almost dead and I don't know where my charger is so message me on Facebook? That way, Ben can see what's she saying instead of me relaying it to him. Also if this goes horrible, and she tries to say she did / did not say anything, I would have the written proof lol.

    What do you think?
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  • ashleyepashleyep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    hlvonb said:
    So she texted me today...

    I got a text saying "hey"
    Then about an hour later I got a long text saying "Whenever you have a chance, I would like to talk and hopefully mend our friendship and our "family". Now that we have had that time to cool off on both sides, I would still like to help you and Ben out with the wedding, and I would still be honored to stand up as your matron of honor. I do love the both of you as family. Call me whenever you can."

    I have not replied to either message. I know it's probably silly but she had the whole I had to wait until Friday BS and part of me wants to make her wait for a response (maybe until I get to work because then I have things to keep me busy from looking at my phone). Also, I really don't want to call her, would it be bad of me to say I didn't get her messages until I was at work and my phone is almost dead and I don't know where my charger is so message me on Facebook? That way, Ben can see what's she saying instead of me relaying it to him. Also if this goes horrible, and she tries to say she did / did not say anything, I would have the written proof lol.

    What do you think?
    I think this is a conversation you need to have over the phone or in person. Conversations over IM can way too easily be taken out of context without the inflection of speech.
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  • hlvonbhlvonb member
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    edited November 2013
    @ashleyep

    I would have to do it on the phone because we live pretty far from each other
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  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    UPDATE: 

    Here's what I said to her. 
    "Hey. You're a good friend. Unfortunately when you said you were stepping down, you also said a lot of other things that hurt both of our feelings so we are going to continue to respect your wishes of stepping down. I hope we can repair the friendship and that you and Mike will still attend the wedding as a guests."

    Here is what she said back
    "Then we will need to arrange a time and place fotr us to meet somewhere for me to hand you the check to give to your mother and for you to hand over my dress. I would suggest meeting in Johnson Creek at The Pine Cone as that is clossr to a halfway point for both of us and it is neutral ground. Just let me know when I can meet you to pick up my dress and I will be there."
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  • mommapizanomommapizano member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    @hlvonb I am sorry you are going through this. Sounds like she kinda came to her senses and realized that she totally overreacted and took out her personal emotional struggle with her own wedding out on you. Good for you for sticking to her word because who knows if she would have had any future breakdowns/drama.

    I would meet her and give her the dress and hopefully you can repair your friendship. Sadly, a lot of people lose friendships when they get married. Weddings bring out the best and worst in people. 
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Sorry to hear you are dealing with all of this. I don't really have any advice for you, but I hope you are able to remain friends and enjoy your wedding. I don't see anything you did that was "bridezilla", and you shouldn't feel bad for being happy about your own wedding. 
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  • hlvonbhlvonb member
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    @mrspizanotobe @SP29

    Thanks! I am meeting her to give her the dress and her shoes. Since my mom helped her out and paid for 1/2 the dress she said that she would give me a check to give to my mother. (Her idea - not mine). I am hoping that we can repair the friendship but I am not sure. I guess time will tell

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    Why would she want the dress? I wouldn't want a bridesmaid dress for a wedding I wasn't in, I don't even want the ones for the weddings I've been in!!

    It sounds to me like these are her issues not hers. I think it's super big of you to want to stay friends and understand that she's going through something. Sometimes friendship means we don't talk for awhile but were still friends and I love you. For me it has anyway.

    Are you worried she's going to wear the dress anyway to the wedding?
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  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers

    @clairekundinger

    I don't know why she wants the dress but since she will have paid for all of it (once she gives me the check for my mom) it is hers to take if she wants it. I can't stop her. I have been friends with her for 11 years so it would be great if we can repair the friendship. As of right now I am not worried about her wearing it to the wedding since in all honesty, I do not think the friendship will be repaired. She is still saying rude / hurtful things on her Facebook wall, etc. I think this is one that will be what it will be. If she keeps acting like she is, then I will not invite her to the wedding since she might to something to be spiteful but if she comes around and things start to improve then maybe I will invite her and cross the (possible) issue of her wearing the dress at that point.

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    I have few friends that have been with me that long. I think that the best thing is just not to say anything you will regret and make sure they know that the friendship is there when they want it. This has not even true for friends that have really screwed me over but my bestie since 7th grade, honestly my oldest friend, couldn't be friends with me after divorce. For some reason it hit her hard. That was years ago and we just recently started talking again. I wish she could have been there for me while I was going through something so life changing but I wasn't willing to throw away 15 years of friendship over something that I don't think she could help. Idk. I hope it gets better for you guys but if it doesn't it certainly sounds like she is soooo jealous of you and that is why she is being like this. Jealousy isn't pretty on any of us
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  • mommapizanomommapizano member
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    hlvonb I think if you give everything some time to cool off hopefully everything will settle a bit and you can repair the relationship. If not, honestly, it's her loss of a good friend. 

    I am not yet married but I have heard many peoples friendships change after they get married. Sorry you are dealing with this :/
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