Assigned Seating vs. Sit Where You Want

allelsefaild · October 2013

I can't decide whether I want the hassle of doing a seating chart or the possible disorganization of guests sitting where they want. I was hoping to get some pros and cons for both. What did you (are you going to) do and why? Some of my friends are pro-seating chart and others don't see the point, so I thought I'd ask what the ladies on here thought.

I do have a cute idea for escort cards that FI likes if I go with the assigned seating. We plan on having our tables named for bands we've seen together (along with a number, so guests can actually find their table) and the escort cards would have guitar picks on them that guests could remove and take as favors if they wanted to.

Jen4948 · October 2013

Assigned seating Pros: (I prefer assigned tables-not seats-myself)
People know that they will have a place to sit and put their things
If there's a buffet, people do not have to look for a place to sit while carrying heavy trays
You can seat people with bad blood between them away from each other
You can keep families together and seat people who you know are acquainted or have things in common together (this is especially helpful for shy people)

Assigned seating Cons:
You do have to take the time to figure out where people should sit
You need to have escort cards and/or a map (I'd use both)
Some people do prefer to find their own seats and will get pissed because you are having assigned seating
Some people may not appreciate where you seat them-especially if you try to separate couples (rude) or families or put anyone at a table where they don't know anyone else

Sit where you want Pros:
People can figure out for themselves where to sit
No need for escort cards or a map

Sit where you want Cons:
People do have to look for seats-it can remind them of feeling like kids in a school cafeteria
People "save seats," meaning that if a guest is not among the "saved" persons, s/he may have trouble finding a seat
For some people, it feels like the host didn't do a good job in seeing to their need to be sure that there will be a place to sit
You have to arrange for there to be some 10% or so more seats available than guests who are coming, just to make sure you have enough places for everyone to sit in the event seats are "saved" which can raise your costs significantly

ElcaB · October 2013

There are pros and cons to both. FI & I went to a reception with no seating plan where we didn't know anyone except the B&G. We were some of the first people in the reception, so we picked a table and sat. No one else sat with us and we felt super awkward, so we found a table with two open seats and asked to join. They were nice, but the whole thing was weird. This is why I'm in favor of assigned tables, so that's what we're doing.

JoanE2012 · October 2013

I HATE seat yourself. Trying to walk around finding people you know or awkwardly asking "are these seats taken?". I prefer the bride and groom taking the time to assign tables. It really shouldn't be that difficult. My mom did our family, DH's mom did his family and DH and I did our friends. We had about 125 people and once we got all the RSVPs back it didn't take that long.

doeydo · October 2013

I prefer at least assigned tables.

mysticl · October 2013

We did assigned tables. One of the problems I find with open seating (especially if you are inviting kids so you may have large family groups) is people often don't "fill in" tables. So the first people to arrive spread out among the tables and then the last people have trouble finding seats because you have a bunch of tables with only one or two seats open and people cannot sit with their date/family.

[Deleted User] · October 2013

The pro to table assignments is that you can make sure that people of common interest & ages sit together so they have the best time possible. I wouldn't want a friend who is loud & likes to party to be stuck sitting with great aunt betty all night. Neither will have fun.

allelsefaild · October 2013

Not one pro seat yourself person. Okay. I'm not going to lie, I'm disappointed. I was really hoping for "people are capable of seating themselves" so I could be lazy and not have to make a seating chart. Sadly, it doesn't seem to be the case and I shall suck it up and start making a chart.

I am not going to and never intended to do assigned seats. I should have phrased the original post as "assigned tables".

manateehugger · October 2013

It depends on your crowd - are people used to weddings with open seating?

I've never been to an open seating wedding, and I don't think I'd be a fan. If your crowd does assigned tables, make the chart.

allelsefaild · October 2013

PDKH said:

It depends on your crowd - are people used to weddings with open seating?

I've never been to an open seating wedding, and I don't think I'd be a fan. If your crowd does assigned tables, make the chart.

FI's family does not do assigned seating. Some of mine have done it, some haven't.

LyricStorm · November 2013

I wanted to know about this too if anyone can help with assigned seating and non....
I felt like my guest would be confused or what not anybody have any advice on what they did at there wedding and how it worked out......

JoanE2012 · November 2013

LyricStorm said:

I wanted to know about this too if anyone can help with assigned seating and non....
I felt like my guest would be confused or what not anybody have any advice on what they did at there wedding and how it worked out......

Huh? There's plenty of comments on the subject above.....

LyricStorm · November 2013

Yea i found my answer, thank you though @JoamE2012
*Assigned Tables :--) *

SP29 · November 2013

We are doing assigned tables. Partially because the venue requires it since we have meal options- they want to ensure they have the right number of dishes for each table (I guess issues have cropped up in the past).

I suppose a con of assigning seats/tables is that someone feel they are at a crappy table (perhaps they don't want to be so close to the dance floor/music... though hopefully the B&G have not placed someone who isn't likely to be up and dancing most of the night near the speakers!). Some guests may not be happy with who they were seated with.

But overall, I think assigned tables are a pro. The big issue I see with not assigning to a table, is what was said above about guests spreading out and not filling in tables so you have guests who are unable to sit with family or friends because there are only a few random seats left here or there. Also guests spending time wandering around at the beginning of the reception trying to pick a table, figure out where everyone else is sitting when the B,G & venue want to get dinner moving along.

If you have guests with specific needs, for example someone with mobility issues so you'd like them to have the least walking distance to the bathroom, you can also assign them to an appropriate location. You can split up guests that don't get along. Making sure the guests who only know the B&G aren't left alone asking, "can we sit here?".

HisGirlFriday13 · November 2013

We did assigned tables and honestly it took me less than half an hour to figure out who was sitting with whom. (We had abt 100 guests).

We did it because it ensured extended families (my aunt/uncle, their kids/spouses/grand kids) could all sit together; it meant I could people with similar backgrounds and interests together; it meant I could put DH's BSC grandmother as far away from me as humanly possible; and I could group people who are shy with inveterate talkers.

I see no downsides to it at all, but lots of upsides. I highly recommend it.

LondonLisa · November 2013

If you don't do assigned tables, you need 150% of the seats and tables to make up for the fact that people will want to sit in their own groups (and you will end up with a lot of random empty chairs). I much prefer assigned seating! Plus, it is a great way to meet other people at the wedding over dinner that I wouldn't have necessarily sat down with has it been up to me (meaning, I would most likely sit with the people I came with).

jessicabessica · November 2013

I think the most relevant factor is what is usually done in your social circles. Personally, I am on team assigned table since that's what I am used to and am comfortable with. But if your guests are used to open seating, then they may feel weird about being told to sit at a particular table.

southernbelle0915 · November 2013

LondonLisa said:
If you don't do assigned tables, you need 150% of the seats and tables to make up for the fact that people will want to sit in their own groups (and you will end up with a lot of random empty chairs). I much prefer assigned seating! Plus, it is a great way to meet other people at the wedding over dinner that I wouldn't have necessarily sat down with has it been up to me (meaning, I would most likely sit with the people I came with).

This is not accurate. We did open seating. Our caterer, our DOC and our site coordinator (all separate companies) said you need 10-15% extra seating. The reason is people may leave spaces between them or they might not fill out a table. It worked out great. Nobody was left without a chair and people sat with whoever they wanted and move around as they pleased.

However, I think it really depends on your style of reception. If we had chosen a plated meal or buffet I probably would have assigned tables. We did stations and a strolling dinner with lots of cocktail tables so with everyone mingling it made sense. I think it just depends what your plan is and what your logistics look like.

mysticl · November 2013

scribe95 said:

I don't understand all this whining over how terrible it is to make a table chart. Jeez. It takes like 20 minutes.

Yeah, it's not that difficult. I had a master list of guests and crossed them off as they were assigned. I started with my table. Then my mom's table and his mom's table. From there I moved to extended family and then to friends. My only concern was if it was ok to seat one of our active duty enlisted friends and his family with a retired officer and his family. A couple of text messages assured me it would be fine.

CamiSelene · November 2013

We're doing assigned tables... Too many family members on both sides with bad blood. That, and I would rather take the extra time to do up an assigned table chart than have guests split from their significant others or spend forever searching for a spot.

blueobsidian · November 2013

jessicabessica said:

I think the most relevant factor is what is usually done in your social circles. Personally, I am on team assigned table since that's what I am used to and am comfortable with. But if your guests are used to open seating, then they may feel weird about being told to sit at a particular table.

Totally agree with the bolded. I've actually never seen assigned seating or assigned tables among my group of friends. Everyone has had open seating (with 10 to 15% extra seats available) and had no problems.

Then again, weddings also aren't very large in my social circle. Most of the weddings I've attended have ranged from 40 to 75 people. It's really not that much of a challenge for 40 people to seat themselves. I could see it being much more complicated with 200+. I think I'd probably be happy to see assigned tables in that situation.

jlazgrl · November 2013

I'm pro assigned tables, just because I was at a wedding last year where there weren't any. It was a buffet style wedding, and when I came back from getting my food someone had taken my seat. So I then had to try to find another open seat (hoping I wasn't taking someone else's) with my food in hand. Not a fun experience.

kitty8403 · November 2013

I've attended both types. For me, it depends a lot on the crowd and the formality. I prefer assigned for evening weddings, especially. If it's a mid-afternoon thing with a zillion people and lots of kids underfoot, I am cool with open seating but I am also not likely to stay long unless I already know a lot of people there.

kgd7357 · November 2013

I love assigned tables. More so when they are done well and I get to sit with my favorite friends and family. I've been to 4 non-assigned weddings. Two were just fine, as they were backyard/beach outdoor weddings and people didn't sit for long. The other two were awkward. One their weren't enough seats at the table we would have liked to sit at, so we sat at a half full table of random people. The other we didn't want the same thing to happen so we rushed into the hall to grab and save half a table for our friends. It would have been nice to not have to worry about it. You just need to know your crowd and the venue.

jessbarnette · November 2013

We are doing open seating as our wedding is small and most everyone knows each other. I went to an open setting at a large wedding and didn't like it as you had to constantly navigate to find a seat.

stephaniecfindlay · November 2013

It completely depends on your wedding and guests. I went to a wedding not long ago with about 50 people, most everyone knew each other and there was only one meal option. Open seating fit their relaxed atmosphere and worked really well!
For my wedding however, we are doing assigned tables and seating. We have more people who don't get a long, so seating arrangements will ensure they are far apart from one another and can have little interaction.

raheeb · November 2013

VERY pro seat yourself. I think that its ridiculous to expect a bride to spend that much time and money on something as simple as finding a seat that you really aren't going to spend much time in anyway. I've only been to one wedding with assigned seating and have met some really fun people by sitting at random tables but that may be a regional thing. I live in the Midwest and I feel like we are a lot less fussy about things. I have been using the KISS method in wedding planning (keep it simple stupid!). I keep asking myself, will it matter the day after? Surprisingly, more often than not then answer is no. As long as you are married, the food was good and it was fun, who cares? Stop sweating the small stuff!

aggie0812 · November 2013

I'll come out and say it as well, I'm super anti-seating chart. Bear in mind, I'm from a different culture and all the weddings I attend are big (100+). Going back to the kid in the cafeteria table example, yes it's awkward when you're the kid looking for friends with whom to sit, but it sucks more when your teacher thinks she knows better than you about who you want to sit with at lunch (I went to an elementary school that did this). That's the same here: if a friend of mine decided where I should sit, I'm sure (s)he would put me around people I like, but not necessarily with whom I want to sit. This is even more awkward when you don't know who knows who, who fights with who, etc. because hey, you're probably too busy planning your wedding to keep up with the personal lives of 100+ people which can change at any given moment.

Seating charts may make sense in small weddings where you know who knows who, who fights with who, etc. However, if you're from a culture like mine, you'll know that people will simply think your crazy and completely ignore the seating chart. Why? please refer to the teacher and the kids in the cafeteria analogy. Obviously if my friend is getting married and (s)he has a seating chart, I've learned that I should probably respect it, but in my wedding I won't impose on where people sit because I guess it seems rude. Again, probably a culture difference.

What DOES make sense to me and probably others in my culture is to have an assigned table for the bride/groom and close family members.

kmmssg · November 2013

4 time super pro seating chart MOB. I don't understand pp's statement of the money it costs - it has cost me pennies to do this.

As far as time, it goes like this for us: I figure out our family's seating. I ask whatever DD is getting married to get with her FI and tell me who to seat their friends. Then I ask her FI if HE wants to figure out his family or if he wants me to call the MOG. They have all wanted me to call the MOG.

Easy peasy and I sit people who know each other together and I never mix the families. No extra seating, no extra linens, no extra centerpieces. And, I never mix the sides.

AngelaEC · November 2013

You can have reserved tables for brides family and tables for groom's family, then friends are seat yourself.
If you have larger groups (such as family or college friends, etc) that you don't want to split up and assign to certain tables, then have a grouping of 2-3 tables. Each table can still have a theme or number. The seating chart or seating cards may say "tables 1-3". I'd recommend a map with this option.

StephFC07 · November 2013

I've seen a sign on pintrest that says "As two families are becoming one, we ask that you choose a seat, not a side." I've seen another one that says "Come as you are, Stay as long as you can, We're all family, so no seating plan." I love these two sentiments, and the idea of the money saving for the escort cards and such. Since my wedding really will be mostly family or mutual friends I don't think there's anything wrong with seat yourself.

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