Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Garter toss- he doesn't want to (!)

For reasons I can't fully understand, my fiance has said more than once that he does not want to toss the garter. I've always imagined that my garter would be my "something blue" and have always wanted this since I was little. He says it's "silly" and is not going to do it. I suspect it has something to do with him feeling a bit insecure and a fear that if he does it he will look silly or foolish in some way. I will be throwing my bouquet, and he has no issue with that. HELP! How can I make him understand that it means a lot to me, and no one will think he looks ridiculous for throwing the garter at his own wedding?
mimiphin
«1

Re: Garter toss- he doesn't want to (!)

  • You know you can still wear a blue garter even if you aren't having a garter toss.


    And do not push this onto your FI.  If he doesn't want to do it then he shouldn't be forced to.
    This. I wore two garters (one being blue) because I wanted to. There was no garter toss.

    It's super awkward.
  • My garter is blue and we are not doing a garter toss. Both FI and I don't feel comfortable doing that, I would just feel too awkward. Plus almost all our guests are married. 
    StacyM0274
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    You can wear a garter w/o making your FI fish up your dress for it.

    Also, a former reg once told me that under the strictest interpretation of the Somethings rule, something blue has to actually be visible. It has to do with the superstition behind it. I lost my PMs with the migration to the new boards so I don't have all the info at hand.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    hellohkb
  • Does he have to dig it out to do the toss?? I've been embarrassed for some of the people that have taken a little toooo long getting the garter off those legs but if you shimmied it down to your ankle in private before hand and he just slipped it off, that would be much less awkward and still tossable
  • Uhg, skip it. Not one person mentioned missing it at my wedding. It can still be you something blue. Do not make your then-H do something he's uncomfortable with. 

    PrettyGirlLostStacyM0274
  •  

    You can wear a garter w/o making your FI fish up your dress for it. Also, a former reg once told me that under the strictest interpretation of the Somethings rule, something blue has to actually be visible. It has to do with the superstition behind it. I lost my PMs with the migration to the new boards so I don't have all the info at hand.


    Something blue stands for purity, love and fidelity.  I've never heard that it had to visible, but maybe it's as a way of displaying your faithfulness.

     

    I would say hate is a strong word for me, but I also really don't want to do the garter toss.  My fiancé, however, does want to it.  My mother gave me a blue garter that she wore for her wedding with a charm engraved with their names and wedding date (1974!).  I cried when she gave it to me, I can't believe my parents have almost been married 40 years!

    So, I'm giving into my fiancé's wish, since he wants to do it.  I don't think anyone cares too much to catch anything, but maybe that's just my crowd.  I do remember as a little girl feeling somewhat embarrassed when I felt a groom lifted up a bride's dress too high in front of everyone.  I have a very fitted mermaid dress.  I plan on not sitting, but just hiking up my dress just to the knee (ala It Happened One Night) where the garter will be worn low.

    I think if you want to do this tradition and he doesn't, find exactly what about it he doesn't like and see if you can do it leaving that part out.  For me, it was that my skirt was not lifted in too much of a risqué manner, and so with leaving that out, I'm happy to oblige him.

  • Oh, and I'm not throwing away my keepsake, but a toss garter!
  • You can wear a garter w/o making your FI fish up your dress for it. Also, a former reg once told me that under the strictest interpretation of the Somethings rule, something blue has to actually be visible. It has to do with the superstition behind it. I lost my PMs with the migration to the new boards so I don't have all the info at hand.
    I think it's supposed to be visible because the intent for carrying the "lucky" items was to ward off evil spirits.  If the object was hidden (like a garter), then the evil spirits wouldn't see it and wouldn't be scared off.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    PrettyGirlLostjwkosek
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I'm with your fiance. I hate garter and bouquet tosses. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
    chiualoverashley8918
  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Just wear the blue garter.  He can see it and take it off when you get to the hotel. 
    image
    PrettyGirlLostCLI242009
  • Wear the blue garter and he can take it off in private. I also don't like the garter toss.
    PrettyGirlLostCLI242009ttandmt
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You can still wear a blue garter.  It just won't be tossed.

    I don't like garter tosses either.  My cousin did it at her wedding and it was really embarrassing to watch.
    PrettyGirlLostStacyM0274chiualover
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    jillwentworth @NYCBruin, yes, that's it!  Thanks!

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I didnt have a toss when we got married.. i did wear a garter but no tossing involved. No big deal
    Married 11/12/05 ~ Renewed Our Vows 11/9/13. 

    "The LORD will fight for you, you need only be still."


    StacyM0274
  • itzMS said:
    You know you can still wear a blue garter even if you aren't having a garter toss.

    And do not push this onto your FI.  If he doesn't want to do it then he shouldn't be forced to.
    This. I wore two garters (one being blue) because I wanted to. There was no garter toss. It's super awkward.
    This. I'm wearing 2 garters cause I want to. I had originally wanted to do a garter toss and bouquet toss but we decided not to do it. Doesn't mean you can't still wear a garter! ;)
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    StacyM0274
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    We are not having the bouquet and garter toss for many reasons. The majority of our friends are married, so it would be uncomfortable for the 7 people that are single. I also think the garter toss is tacky, and most people will not miss it. 

    image
    image

    image


    PrettyGirlLostStacyM0274hellohkb
  • We aren't doing the garter or boquet toss but I'm still wearing a garter. 
  • CLI242009CLI242009 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited November 2013
    He's probably embarassed in front of his family, it is kind of a sexual thing whereas the bouquet toss is just cute and fun.
    Exactly the reason my FI told me he doesn't want to do it. I was keen on a garter and bouquet toss but he was super uncomfortable getting in a position that is sexual. I completely understood and so now no garter/bouquet toss.
    .
    At weddings when I have seen the garter removal, the sexy music playing in the back and then the groom disappearing under the dress - or the dress being lifted maybe too high for some it can get very awkward very fast. Not only for the bride and groom but for the guests too.

    Find out from FI why he doesn't want to do it. You have many solutions to this problem. If you want the "show" of him removing it, save it for the bedroom.


    MariaBend25 - I have heard about the sheet (and this tradition is still practiced in some places) being shown or hung out the window, didn't know about the garter. This just gives another reason why NOT to do it. Thank you for the info ^_^
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    Aner85PrettyGirlLostStacyM0274themuffinman16
  • The garter thing does not have to be crazy sexual.  My H did not disappear up my dress or use his teeth or anything like that.  It was just a couple inches above my knee, so nothing very inappropriate. 

    All that to say, if your H really doesn't want to do it, you should honor his feelings and not try to force him into it.

    PetKatSold2011
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards