No Inner Envelope...Addressing with a Plus 1?

Re: No Inner Envelope...Addressing with a Plus 1?

• Jen4948 member

  

  November 2013 edited November 2013

  Why do you want to invite this person who's so inconsiderate as to mock you when you made a perfectly valid request?  That was really obnoxious of her.  I'd respond, "Because you're not getting an invitation to bring whoever you want.  If you have a relationship with someone, we will include that person, but we can't invite him without his name.  It's not a laughing matter.  I'm sure he wouldn't appreciate being invited as 'and guest.'"
  

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• CheleLyn member

  

  November 2013

  She's one of  J's friends since forever ago and although not a member of our inner circle, she is related to some of the inner circle and still involved in group gatherings. 

  
  

  Our town is very small, everyone knows everyone and most of the people our age all went to school together and have known each other since childhood. I moved away early in high school to learn that there is a whole big world outside this county...living in Texas and being part of old Texas families taught me a few things that I would not have learned had a stayed here. Some of those things, I've been told make me come across cold and snooty. It doesn't really bother me.

  ~*~June 21, 2014~*~

  
  

  
  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  November 2013

  I'd have J get this information from her then.  Make him responsible for her invitation and her SO.
  

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• AroundTheBlock member

  

  November 2013 edited November 2013

  Standard etiquette -- that is, the etiquette followed for social events regardless of whether they are weddings or not, which can be researched more fully in anything from Mary Mel French's prosaically didactic "Protocol" to Miss Manners' whimsically humourous "Guide to excruciatingly correct behaviour -- expects that a hostess will treat all of her guests with equal respect, where "guest" means the all the people you will be welcoming as attendees. It is not respectful to refer to someone as "and guest", nor to refer to them by name but send their invitation to someone else as though they were a mere accessory. Every person should be invited by his or her own name, through an invitation sent to his or her own address.
  
  If you want to do Mr Lastname the courtesy of inviting his latest fling, then you ask him for her name and address ahead of time, and send her an invitation just as if she were really welcome for herself, and you paste your hostessly smile on your face and treat her as your own welcome guest. If you want to invite Mr Lastname's long-time non-cohabiting girlfriend, or even non-cohabiting fiancee, you do exactly the same thing except you probably do not have to inquire about her name.
  
  What you have recounted is common "wedding" practice, promoted by "wedding etiquette" experts who teach that various etiquette violations are acceptable at weddings where other etiquette violations (and even acceptable etiquette variations) are anathema. So while you may carry on as you plan and be praised by other ladies who learned their etiquette from wedding websites, you will not garner any admiration from people who deal with formalities on a more regular basis. Or you can shock and appall the members of the wedding websites, and please your stuffy old relatives who are likely to be part of your life for the long-haul. What a dilemma for you!
  
  As for what to do when you have no inner envelope, the best solution is to resort to the more traditional formal invitation form, where the names of the invitee are written in on the invitation itself, in which case inner envelopes are not necessary and the outer envelope can be addressed in the normal manner.
  
  

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• AddieCake member

  

  November 2013

  We just put "and guest" for the people who hadn't yet decided who they were bringing. 

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• CheleLyn member

  

  November 2013

  Thank you, everyone.

  

  ~*~June 21, 2014~*~

  
  

  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  November 2013

  I didn't have inner envelopes either. I'm not sure if what I did was proper but for people got +1 I did the following:

  Not in a relationship: Jane Doe and Guest

  In a relationship but not living together: Jane Doe and Guest (I feel strange putting someone's name on the invite that doesn't live at address. I did put both names then on Escort Cards)

  In a relationship & living together: Jane Doe and John Smith

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