Wedding Customs & Traditions Forum

Name Changing Question

I am having trouble deciding on my married name.  I am taking my future husbands last name and prefer to stick to only 1 middle name (I feel like 4 names is rather long), but I am having trouble deciding to drop my maiden name or my current middle name.  My middle name was given to me as a token to my maternal grandfather whom I am very close with; however I also feel I would hurt my fathers side of the family by dropping my maiden name completely.  Anyone else having trouble with this?

Re: Name Changing Question

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Before I changed my name after the wedding I had four names (two middles) but really only used 3 of the 4 professionally so having 4 names isn't a huge deal and you will use all 4 at once in a blue moon.

    Changing your name is extremely personal and you should not feel pressure from anyone regarding the decision you are making.  You need to decide what is best for you and you alone.

  • doeydodoeydo Southwestern Ontario member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Why would anyone feel hurt that you changed your name to no longer include your maiden name?  If I were you, I would keep the middle name and drop the maiden name, or do whatever you want to do with your name.
  • Outside of anyone else's feelings (your father's side, your maternal grandmother, your future husband), what do YOU want to do? Your name is super personal and changing it/keeping it because someone else wants you to isn't a good reason. I had a similar dilemma but decided to keep my maidan name and not take DH's name. There are other people who make the tough choice to drop one of their names completely to take a new name and others who take a new name and have two middle names. Lots of ways to do this.

    If you decide to go the two middle names route, I really don't think you'll notice this very often at all. Think about how often you use your middle name currently... On many forms, middle name isn't even required - it's optional. 

  • I kept my middle name (my family calls me by my first and middle name together, like it is all one name) and dropped my maiden name.  I then gave my son my maiden name as his first name.  You should also check the guidelines for you state.  I believe in some states the marriage license only allows you to change your maiden name to your husbands name and does not allow for any other changes. 
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  • I took my husband's last name when we got married, moving my maiden name to my middle name and dropping my birth middle name entirely.

    I had some misgivings about it -- my birth middle name was my maternal grandmother's middle name and I'm the fifth generation of women to have that middle name. I've extracted from DH a promise that, if we have a daughter, she'll have that middle name, too. 

    It was really, really important to DH that I take his name and it was equally important to me that I keep my maiden name in some form, both for the connection to my family of origin AND because I'm a published writer, and I want the continuity of my maiden name in my writing. 

    And @mysticl is right. I'm currently having a thrilling argument with DMV over dropping my maiden middle name and keeping my maiden last name on my driver's license. I hate DMV. A lot.

    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • In my previous marriage I just added my husbands last name. The four names is not really a huge deal. They are all listed on my driver license, and the only issue is that some people do not pay attention and must be corrected as to what my actual last name is because of the length of the names. It is listed on two lines as:
    Maiden Name Last Name
    First Name Middle Name
    When I sign anything I just use my last name. There are some places that use both names, and one doctors office still calls my maiden name, but it really is no big deal. Its me, and its who I am.
    I am still debating the changing of my name when I marry this time. My children are not fond of the idea that my last name will be different from theirs, so I am not sure if I will change or not.
  • I'm also having trouble.  I feel a bit sentimental about a name.  I don't think 4 names is too long, and you can always shorten it later if it feels such.


  • When i got married, i was so thrilled to change my last name! It was a name people could actually say!!! Then my son was born and he has my maiden name (hes the last male to carry on my side of the familys name (which is VERy important to us)). So now informally I use my maiden-married. I WISH I could change it to both. 

    I would seriously think about the future and even tradition. 
    Married 11/12/05 ~ Renewed Our Vows 11/9/13. 

    "The LORD will fight for you, you need only be still."

  • Thank you all so very much for your advice!! I really appreciate it!!
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