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help! self-announced MOH

kadjiannkadjiann member
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in Just Engaged and Proposals
A couple months ago, my fiance and I went down to the court house to just do a quick marriage. And I told a friend of mine what the plan was and she was like "oh I'm maid of honor right?" At the time I didn't care, the person I asked first to do the honors is married so I decided I could have a matron and maid. But due to conflicting work schedules we ended up not able to do it. One comment she made (among others but whatever) was something about how well she knew me and that I just wasn't going to get married.

Fast forward to present day. He properly proposed last week (ring, suprise, family blessings, EVERYTHING) and I have yet to tell this friend, and I have no idea how to say I don't want her to be the maid of honor. She's already claimed the position before and I want supportive friends, not ones who assume what I want.

How can I do this nicely? Please help!
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Re: help! self-announced MOH

  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2013
    kadjiann said:
    A couple months ago, my fiance and I went down to the court house to just do a quick marriage. And I told a friend of mine what the plan was and she was like "oh I'm maid of honor right?" At the time I didn't care, the person I asked first to do the honors is married so I decided I could have a matron and maid. But due to conflicting work schedules we ended up not able to do it. One comment she made (among others but whatever) was something about how well she knew me and that I just wasn't going to get married. Fast forward to present day. He properly proposed last week (ring, suprise, family blessings, EVERYTHING) and I have yet to tell this friend, and I have no idea how to say I don't want her to be the maid of honor. She's already claimed the position before and I want supportive friends, not ones who assume what I want. How can I do this nicely? Please help!

    ETA: Unless you mean you didn't go through with getting married? In that case, I apologize, and when she says "I'm your maid of honor," you simply say, "Sorry, actually I asked Mary to be my maid of honor" and try to leave it at that. Don't announce it to her. She's being rude for assuming. Don't bring up the past, just say you've made your decision. 
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  • QueerFemmeQueerFemme member
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    kadjiann said:
    A couple months ago, my fiance and I went down to the court house to just do a quick marriage. And I told a friend of mine what the plan was and she was like "oh I'm maid of honor right?" At the time I didn't care, the person I asked first to do the honors is married so I decided I could have a matron and maid. But due to conflicting work schedules we ended up not able to do it. One comment she made (among others but whatever) was something about how well she knew me and that I just wasn't going to get married. Fast forward to present day. He properly proposed last week (ring, suprise, family blessings, EVERYTHING) and I have yet to tell this friend, and I have no idea how to say I don't want her to be the maid of honor. She's already claimed the position before and I want supportive friends, not ones who assume what I want. How can I do this nicely? Please help!

    you are already married. You don't get a bridal party, because you aren't a bride.  He can't propose to you, because you already married him. 


     

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    http://www.dapperq.com/2013/11/a-very-dapper-wedding/

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  • harper0813harper0813 member
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    edited November 2013
    Didn't read your post fully. Disregard me.
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  • buttercup1958buttercup1958
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    you are already married
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  • buttercup1958buttercup1958
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    edited November 2013

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  • kadjiannkadjiann member
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    Not married at all actually.... because of our work schedules we were never able to actually get to the court house. Thus her comment about me not actually going to get married.

    Thank you for the inputs. I
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  • MadHops21MadHops21 member
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    So you're not married since you weren't able to get to the court house (OP made it sound like you did actually go there and do it). I would not tell this friend anything.

    I have a similar situation going on right now. My friend who I was close with years ago kept saying how she was MOH when I finally get engaged (which I did this past Labor Day), but now I don't even talk to her. She didn't even remember my birthday last month. My BFF I already decided will be MOH, but I haven't told the first friend a thing about the wedding. Try to keep wedding talk away from her for now until you can figure out what you exactly want to do. 
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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     If she brings it up, and it sounds like she probably will, tell her you have already chosen your wedding party, and then "bean dip" her. Is she in the wedding at all? 

    Her: I'm your MOH, right?
    You: Sally is going to be my MOH. (And then maybe mention you're excited to have her as a bridesmaid if she is one) Have you tried this salad/seen this movie/read this book/etc?  It's awesome!




    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear member
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    Make sure you have your maid of honor picked out before you tell this friend you don't want her as maid of honor.  "I'm sorry, but ____ is going to be my Maid of Honor," sounds a lot better than "I don't want you as my maid of honor" and when she asks who the maid of honor is, it'll be awkward explaining that you don't know yet, you just don't want it to be her.  
    Frankly, if she gets upset, that's not your problem.  It's rude to assume like that and it's your wedding, you'll pick who you want as maid of honor. If she really were to get mad at you for picking someone else as maid of honor, that would just be her just being petty and immature and she would just have to get over it.  As long as you're polite when you let her know you chose someone else, you're doing absolutely nothing wrong.  
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