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Etiquette

brides magazine features an article about a PPD

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Re: brides magazine features an article about a PPD

  • acove2006 said:
    I won't be buying a copy of Brides magazine so I can't really comment on the article itself. That said, I can assume from the tone of the OP they must have taken a positive, or neutral at the very least, stand on what I doubt they referred to as a "PPD." I'm sure basic free market capitalism plays a huge role in this decision (as already discussed) but I also have to wonder: perhaps the editorial staff at Brides just doesn't find this way of doing things offensive? I've been a pretty ardent defender of people's choices of how they go about getting married, despite obvious objections from other posters. Maybe Brides is just as libertine in their opinions of the same? I'm certain one day etiquette will too forget this, much as it has with so many other premises that at one time were verboten. Maybe Brides wants to help turn the tide and be seen on the forefront of that change? It wasn't that long ago a Bridal magazine would have dared feature same-sex couples and their unions, and while I'm not comparing the two per se, it's a great example of editorial decision making changing with the times. I almost want to go buy a copy just to vote with my dollar but bridal magazines in general aren't my cup of tea. 
    No, they are just trying to make a buck, as is the entire wedding industry.  So of course the editorial staff doesn't think it's a bad idea for couples who are already married to have a fake, re-do ceremony and spend more money to do it.

    You are an ardent defender of PPD's because you are having one, and you refuse to try and understand the POV of posters on this forum when they explain why it is so rude.

    ETA:  Personally I think they are incredibly stupid and selfish, and often the choice of couples who choose not to wait in order to take advantage of government benefits, but as long as the couple is up front about the fact that they are already married, they don't bother me beyond thinking they are stupid, selfish, and impatient. 

    However, If I went to one thinking I was actually going to a wedding and then found out later I had been lied to, I'd be very pissed and might reconsider my relationship with the couple.
    Actually, @PrettyGirl, I have never once refused to understand the point of view of anyone else. I have merely stated the facts of my (or rather our, FI and I) situation in a pretty calm, factual manner. Many of you on here do not accept what we propose to do as you all site either wedding etiquette or project your own feelings of "if I were invited and I found out, etc." (or both). And all those things are just fine, up until the point that the only things any of you can say is something nasty or pointless (see also, tons and tons of stupid gifs). I personally can engage in discourse with people I do not agree with all day long without resorting to being an ass. I find the idea of being outright rude to people in the name of defending etiquette the height of hypocrisy and really, really funny. I wish instead of many of you whipping yourselves in to a lather over other people's breaches of etiquette you would stop, read, and realize, oh, hey, this person isn't refusing to see where I'm coming from but rather, he or she has made decisions based on circumstances larger than etiquette and perhaps has things of value greater than simple etiquette to share with people in similar situations. Etiquette is great, I really mean that, but there are things of larger importance at times. I am easily frustrated with most of the posters on here because I feel in your rush to remind me of this great failing of mine (that's how I'm describing what I get from it from you all, not what I'm considering it) none of you take the time to actually read what I've had to say. Example: I said above, "I'm sure basic free market capitalism plays a huge role in this decision (as already discussed)....." Then you started your comeback with, "No, they are just trying to make a buck, as is the entire wedding industry.  So of course the editorial staff doesn't think it's a bad idea for couples who are already married to have a fake, re-do ceremony and spend more money to do it." Um, yea, I just said that in the sentence about free market capitalism. Obviously, all magazines are in the business of helping sell their advertisers' goods and services. But all publication's editorial departments are paid to push certain agendas, generally for some type of gain. I'm sure if Brides gets absolutely torched on this they will stop pushing said agenda for fear of loosing subscribers. In your rush to attempt to lecture me you partially agreed with me without even realizing it. Then you go on to state, "You are an ardent defender of PPD's because you are having one." Well, no, I was a libertine long before I even met my FI and that certainly would have always included a laissez faire attitude toward what you all have so eloquently named a "PPD" and all other things matrimony related. But thank you for making assumptions about me and automatically assuming the only things I defend I must be intimately involved in myself. That's not at all how I roll. I wouldn't be true to myself if I didn't try to offer assistance to those in similar positions as myself. So I will not sit back quietly while people are denigrated in the name of keeping it classy. I consider all the unhelpful commentary received no more than static. You can choose to be part of that or you can rise above, read, learn, understand, or just plain engage in civil disagreement which is fine too. More than likely I'll just be tuning in to yet another stupid gif, which I'm certain is exactly how etiquette experts would advise a person treat someone they don't agree with on the internet.



    You can't rationalize rude. I don't care how many times you try to defend or explain your reasons, what you are doing is rude. And honestly, I know I personally (and most likely the others here) couldn't care less about what you're choosing to do. But I/we do care about other naïve or ignorant brides who come here thinking a re-do wedding is perfectly okay (and other faux pas). Oh, then it's really going chap you nine ways till Sunday when I tell you that I ended up in the unintended position of all sorts of girls PM'ing me to thank me for sticking up for myself, and them and their FI's by proxy, a couple weeks back on that other thread!  I didn't mean to become some sort of crusader for respect for wonky weddings, but I'm too outspoken to sit back and keep quiet. I can't promise to not try to help them make decisions that are right for them, their friends and their families. I guess I'm only doing the same thing as Brides magazine after all. The point of this board is to help those brides not go through with those ideas, in part so they don't risk embarrassing themselves or impacting an important relationship they have with family and friends. If you choose to be rude then own it. How much more ownership can one take past stating, "I don't care what current etiquette on this subject may state, I'm doing it anyway!" Please note I said "current" because like I've stated before I think eventually this whole subject will go by the wayside, etiquette wise. But stop trying to defend or justify it. I don't need to defend it or justify it for me, I've been clear my FI and I are cool with what we're doing and the many possible outcomes - at this point if I can help those naive or ignorant brides as you call them who don't care to have their untraditional weddings likened to some Disney-sounding bullshit but are too scared to stick up for themselves, it's all worth it to me! Guess someone at Brides must feel the same. You can't.


  • Fran1985 Fran1985 Narnia member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    I'm just going to skip the quote boxes but just address this line- I can't promise to not try to help them make decisions that are right for them, their friends and their families. I've never heard anyone defend the redo with any explanation that makes it right for their friends and families. Its only ever about what was right for them, and it almost always has to do with getting a benefit and wanting to be "married" for the benefits, but not "married" so they don't have to give up their day of being in the spotlight. Here is the bottom line- if you get married first and still have a wedding where you say you are going to get married, some people will be hurt and offended. Maybe not your VIPs though, and maybe that's all that matters to you, but someone you invite will be hurt that you chose to deceive them. Not to bring real housewives into it, but they just did a poll on this because one of the women there was married already but still had the wedding. 80% of the people thought it was wrong. So you are not alone in your thinking, but you are the minority. If you actually get married at your ceremony and your guests get to see the moment you become spouses, no one will be hurt. So if there is an option where no one is hurt or offended, I don't know why people wouldn't choose that. Its no skin off my back either way, but I know people start planning these things and don't understand that anyone would be offended hurt, so its good to let brides and grooms know that someone they invite will hurt. And since you usually invite people you love, why do that to them?

     Also this has nothing to do with traditional/nontraditional. I am having an nontraditional wedding.



    image
    KeptInStitchesPrettyGirlLostxhellokittyAPDSS22
  • I don't need to defend it or justify it for me, I've been clear my FI and I are cool with what we're doing and the many possible outcomes - at this point if I can help those naive or ignorant brides as you call them who don't care to have their untraditional weddings likened to some Disney-sounding bullshit but are too scared to stick up for themselves, it's all worth it to me! Guess someone at Brides must feel the same.

    To the poor, tired, huddled masses that PM STBMrsEverhart:

    If you are planning on having a Pretty Princess Day "redo" wedding and you don't like that it is referred to as a Pretty Princess Day, or a redo, or a reenactment, or fake, etc. then perhaps you should reconsider your priorities and reasoning for marrying in secret and then having a fake wedding later.  Because no matter how you slice, rationalize it, defend it, you are having a fake wedding since you are already married.

    And if you are "too scared" to stick up for yourself on an internet forum and own your poor decision, how are you going to face your family and friends, people that are actually supposed to matter in your life, when they discover your deception after the fact, and are now hurt and angry with you for lying to them?

    We may be blunt and refuse to validate rude ideas, we may post snarky GIFs, but we have no real attachment to or relationship with you.  Your family and friends do, and they may choose to alter or cut their relationship with you.

    Weddings and life, are not all about you.  PPDs are all about being selfish and deceptive, typically.
    image
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    MaryGraceRichKeptInStitchesPrettyGirlLostaurorajanette
  • I don't need to defend it or justify it for me, I've been clear my FI and I are cool with what we're doing and the many possible outcomes - at this point if I can help those naive or ignorant brides as you call them who don't care to have their untraditional weddings likened to some Disney-sounding bullshit but are too scared to stick up for themselves, it's all worth it to me! Guess someone at Brides must feel the same.

    To the poor, tired, huddled masses that PM STBMrsEverhart:

    If you are planning on having a Pretty Princess Day "redo" wedding and you don't like that it is referred to as a Pretty Princess Day, or a redo, or a reenactment, or fake, etc. then perhaps you should reconsider your priorities and reasoning for marrying in secret and then having a fake wedding later.  Because no matter how you slice, rationalize it, defend it, you are having a fake wedding since you are already married.

    And if you are "too scared" to stick up for yourself on an internet forum and own your poor decision, how are you going to face your family and friends, people that are actually supposed to matter in your life, when they discover your deception after the fact, and are now hurt and angry with you for lying to them?

    We may be blunt and refuse to validate rude ideas, we may post snarky GIFs, but we have no real attachment to or relationship with you.  Your family and friends do, and they may choose to alter or cut their relationship with you.

    Weddings and life, are not all about you.  PPDs are all about being selfish and deceptive, typically.
    Gee, with all this great advice found around here, it's shocking people would like to hear from me instead. Perhaps I should create my own blog...... So little time.......what a shame.......

    AroundTheBlock
  • I don't need to defend it or justify it for me, I've been clear my FI and I are cool with what we're doing and the many possible outcomes - at this point if I can help those naive or ignorant brides as you call them who don't care to have their untraditional weddings likened to some Disney-sounding bullshit but are too scared to stick up for themselves, it's all worth it to me! Guess someone at Brides must feel the same.

    To the poor, tired, huddled masses that PM STBMrsEverhart:

    If you are planning on having a Pretty Princess Day "redo" wedding and you don't like that it is referred to as a Pretty Princess Day, or a redo, or a reenactment, or fake, etc. then perhaps you should reconsider your priorities and reasoning for marrying in secret and then having a fake wedding later.  Because no matter how you slice, rationalize it, defend it, you are having a fake wedding since you are already married.

    And if you are "too scared" to stick up for yourself on an internet forum and own your poor decision, how are you going to face your family and friends, people that are actually supposed to matter in your life, when they discover your deception after the fact, and are now hurt and angry with you for lying to them?

    We may be blunt and refuse to validate rude ideas, we may post snarky GIFs, but we have no real attachment to or relationship with you.  Your family and friends do, and they may choose to alter or cut their relationship with you.

    Weddings and life, are not all about you.  PPDs are all about being selfish and deceptive, typically.
    Gee, with all this great advice found around here, it's shocking people would like to hear from me instead. Perhaps I should create my own blog...... So little time.......what a shame.......
    I don't think it'd take you much time to create a blog that auto-generated a response to any question asked:

    "It's YOUR day, do what YOU want.  To hell with manners or giving a damn about your guests' comfort or feelings.  But make sure to tell your guests to give your bar tender extra tips if you don't want them poisoned."
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    aurorajanettePrettyGirlLostKeptInStitchesAPDSS22
  • NYCBruin said:
    I don't need to defend it or justify it for me, I've been clear my FI and I are cool with what we're doing and the many possible outcomes - at this point if I can help those naive or ignorant brides as you call them who don't care to have their untraditional weddings likened to some Disney-sounding bullshit but are too scared to stick up for themselves, it's all worth it to me! Guess someone at Brides must feel the same.

    To the poor, tired, huddled masses that PM STBMrsEverhart:

    If you are planning on having a Pretty Princess Day "redo" wedding and you don't like that it is referred to as a Pretty Princess Day, or a redo, or a reenactment, or fake, etc. then perhaps you should reconsider your priorities and reasoning for marrying in secret and then having a fake wedding later.  Because no matter how you slice, rationalize it, defend it, you are having a fake wedding since you are already married.

    And if you are "too scared" to stick up for yourself on an internet forum and own your poor decision, how are you going to face your family and friends, people that are actually supposed to matter in your life, when they discover your deception after the fact, and are now hurt and angry with you for lying to them?

    We may be blunt and refuse to validate rude ideas, we may post snarky GIFs, but we have no real attachment to or relationship with you.  Your family and friends do, and they may choose to alter or cut their relationship with you.

    Weddings and life, are not all about you.  PPDs are all about being selfish and deceptive, typically.
    Gee, with all this great advice found around here, it's shocking people would like to hear from me instead. Perhaps I should create my own blog...... So little time.......what a shame.......
    I don't think it'd take you much time to create a blog that auto-generated a response to any question asked:

    "It's YOUR day, do what YOU want.  To hell with manners or giving a damn about your guests' comfort or feelings.  But make sure to tell your guests to give your bar tender extra tips if you don't want them poisoned."
    Haha, @NYCBruin, I think I want to be your real life friend. You always say exactly what I'm thinking.
    PrettyGirlLost
  • I don't need to defend it or justify it for me, I've been clear my FI and I are cool with what we're doing and the many possible outcomes - at this point if I can help those naive or ignorant brides as you call them who don't care to have their untraditional weddings likened to some Disney-sounding bullshit but are too scared to stick up for themselves, it's all worth it to me! Guess someone at Brides must feel the same.

    To the poor, tired, huddled masses that PM STBMrsEverhart:

    If you are planning on having a Pretty Princess Day "redo" wedding and you don't like that it is referred to as a Pretty Princess Day, or a redo, or a reenactment, or fake, etc. then perhaps you should reconsider your priorities and reasoning for marrying in secret and then having a fake wedding later.  Because no matter how you slice, rationalize it, defend it, you are having a fake wedding since you are already married.

    And if you are "too scared" to stick up for yourself on an internet forum and own your poor decision, how are you going to face your family and friends, people that are actually supposed to matter in your life, when they discover your deception after the fact, and are now hurt and angry with you for lying to them?

    We may be blunt and refuse to validate rude ideas, we may post snarky GIFs, but we have no real attachment to or relationship with you.  Your family and friends do, and they may choose to alter or cut their relationship with you.

    Weddings and life, are not all about you.  PPDs are all about being selfish and deceptive, typically.
    Gee, with all this great advice found around here, it's shocking people would like to hear from me instead. Perhaps I should create my own blog...... So little time.......what a shame.......
    This sounds pretty narcissistic. 

    Actually I think you should create your own blog. It would be very entertaining to read. If your market is young brides though, you might want to consider that many don't appreciate 500 word essays as much as they do 140 character-ish advice.
    *********************************************************************************

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    PrettyGirlLostKeptInStitchesAPDSS22
  • NYCBruin said:
    I don't need to defend it or justify it for me, I've been clear my FI and I are cool with what we're doing and the many possible outcomes - at this point if I can help those naive or ignorant brides as you call them who don't care to have their untraditional weddings likened to some Disney-sounding bullshit but are too scared to stick up for themselves, it's all worth it to me! Guess someone at Brides must feel the same.

    To the poor, tired, huddled masses that PM STBMrsEverhart:

    If you are planning on having a Pretty Princess Day "redo" wedding and you don't like that it is referred to as a Pretty Princess Day, or a redo, or a reenactment, or fake, etc. then perhaps you should reconsider your priorities and reasoning for marrying in secret and then having a fake wedding later.  Because no matter how you slice, rationalize it, defend it, you are having a fake wedding since you are already married.

    And if you are "too scared" to stick up for yourself on an internet forum and own your poor decision, how are you going to face your family and friends, people that are actually supposed to matter in your life, when they discover your deception after the fact, and are now hurt and angry with you for lying to them?

    We may be blunt and refuse to validate rude ideas, we may post snarky GIFs, but we have no real attachment to or relationship with you.  Your family and friends do, and they may choose to alter or cut their relationship with you.

    Weddings and life, are not all about you.  PPDs are all about being selfish and deceptive, typically.
    Gee, with all this great advice found around here, it's shocking people would like to hear from me instead. Perhaps I should create my own blog...... So little time.......what a shame.......
    I don't think it'd take you much time to create a blog that auto-generated a response to any question asked:

    "It's YOUR day, do what YOU want.  To hell with manners or giving a damn about your guests' comfort or feelings.  But make sure to tell your guests to give your bar tender extra tips if you don't want them poisoned."
    Haha, @NYCBruin, I think I want to be your real life friend. You always say exactly what I'm thinking.
    image
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
    aurorajanette
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    To the poor, tired, huddled masses that PM STBMrsEverhart:

    If you are planning on having a Pretty Princess Day "redo" wedding and you don't like that it is referred to as a Pretty Princess Day, or a redo, or a reenactment, or fake, etc. then perhaps you should reconsider your priorities and reasoning for marrying in secret and then having a fake wedding later.  Because no matter how you slice, rationalize it, defend it, you are having a fake wedding since you are already married.

    And if you are "too scared" to stick up for yourself on an internet forum and own your poor decision, how are you going to face your family and friends, people that are actually supposed to matter in your life, when they discover your deception after the fact, and are now hurt and angry with you for lying to them?

    We may be blunt and refuse to validate rude ideas, we may post snarky GIFs, but we have no real attachment to or relationship with you.  Your family and friends do, and they may choose to alter or cut their relationship with you.

    Weddings and life, are not all about you.  PPDs are all about being selfish and deceptive, typically.
    Gee, with all this great advice found around here, it's shocking people would like to hear from me instead. Perhaps I should create my own blog...... So little time.......what a shame.......
    I gave very sound advice, I don't get the need for sarcasm.  I have also posted in other PPD threads that if you are going to go through with it, at least be honest with friends and family about it.  It's the lying that is going to offend people the most.

    I attended a PPD this summer, but I knew as soon as I got the invitation it was a PPD because the couple wasn't trying to hide the fact that they were already married.  While I don't understand or support their decision to get married to reap government benefits, then have the big frou frou ceremony they couldn't wait for, I respect the fact that they did not lie to anyone.  There invitations were phrased to read "celebration of the marriage of" and on their wedding website they explained that they were already married and why.

    It was a lovely, properly hosted PPD.  Would I have preferred to actually attend their wedding?  Sure.  But they didn't lie about anything, so hats off to them.

    It shouldn't be shocking to you that people want their ideas to be validated, no matter if they are rude or not.   Just look at all the crazy threads full of awful ideas on Wedding Wire and Wedding Bee.  You said you have frequently hosted very successful events. . . some of the shit that gets validated on those sites would make your head explode.

    Some people come here and after getting the often blunt, sometimes harsh feedback decide against doing what they had originally proposed.

    Blogging only takes as much time as you want to invest in it.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    KeptInStitches
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