Pre-wedding Parties

Extravagant Bachelorette

lesondemavielesondemavie
Second Anniversary First Comment
member
edited October 2013 in Pre-wedding Parties
The Backstory: This past March my then boyfriend's little sister announced her engagement to her boyfriend. A few months later in May, my boyfriend proposed. His sister set her date in May the following year. My fiancé and I discussed it and decided on April. I had my heart set on a spring wedding, and after dating for 6 years and living together for 4 years I wasn't too keen on a long engagement. I asked him to speak to his sister first. He said she was fine, but a bit later we got this long email about how it was important to her that we attend all of her pre-wedding events and that our wedding was sucking the joy out of hers. They resolved it, and she and I have had fun passing ideas back and forth since then.

The Problem: I had expected that I would need to spend 300-500 to travel for her bachelorette and budgeted accordingly. To my shock and surprise, I opened an email from her MOH this evening letting us all know that the weekend would cost about 2000 dollars. I feel absolutely awful, but simply cannot afford to spend this much. I keep thinking - if this was my little sister (which she will be), would I make it work? I don't know that I would. I think I'd offer to plan something local for those who couldn't make it. What would you do?

Re: Extravagant Bachelorette

  • Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope.

    Also, nope.

    This is my reaction to a $2,000 bachelorette. You asked, "If it was my little sister...would I make it work?" To which I would reply: I damn well hope not! If that was actually your little sister, I'd smack her across the face and scream, "Do you have any fucking idea what your crazy MOH is planning, sis?"

    I'd respectfully decline and honestly tell your FSIL you'd like to attend, but cannot afford to go. Wish her the best and ask to see pictures when she returns. (Normally I don't think you need to provide a reason, but in this case, since she's "family," I would.)

    image
    doeydoBlue_Birdgrumbledoresilver0319
  • If this was my little sister, I would call her up and tell her she's crazy. If it was my future sister-in-law, I'd politely decline and not feel one iota of guilt. $2,000 is insane.
    doeydo
  • Blue_BirdBlue_Bird Bawlmer
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    member
    That is rridiculous. Does your SIL even know what this crazy woman is planning? That's more than my vacation budget!
  • That.is.bonkers. 
  • It depends on your budget and relationship to the person. If it's out of your budget, it's out of your budget. Period. Planners should always take others' budget into account. It's extremely rude not to, which is the case here.

    I would email her back and let her know you're very sorry but you simply cannot afford it. If you want to or were planning to get the bride a gift, ask where you should send it and leave it at that.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    japrincess24
  • lesondemavielesondemavie
    Second Anniversary First Comment
    member
    edited October 2013
    Thank you all for the support. The bride is fully aware of the trip. I sent the MOH my regrets, and then I sent my FSIL a message letting her know that I wanted to be there but that it was just too far out of budget. She replied with complete understanding, so I guess she's had a change of heart since her initial guilt trip. It's done, but I'm having some trouble shaking off the bad feelings. I really did want to be there. I do feel like it's rude to plan something so extravagant for an event like this. For me it's more important that everyone can come together and celebrate. It's sad that some people who really want to participate (like me) will either have to live off of top ramen or miss out. Her two other FSILs (her FH's sisters) have both replied all to the email with emphatic enthusiasm. I just feel so inferior right now :/. Gah I shouldn't be surprised - while my fiancé and I are stretching our budget to make sure that absolutely everyone can be there, she chose to cut family from her guest list so that she could have a mansion wedding in Napa. I really want to have a good relationship with her, but things like this keep cropping up *sigh*. Good thing I absolutely adore his mother :)
  • Why not offer to take her out to celebrate locally pre-wedding? Dinner and drinks at her favorite restaurant.
    [Deleted User]
  • Depending on where they are going can you take the money you were planning on spending on arranging maybe for her to get a massage or a mani/pedi or her hair done before they go out for the night? Or since you were planning on traveling, maybe just do a girls day/weekend with her at home, not doing any wedding stuff, but just a fun day of girls stuff, shopping, lunch, nails, etc.
  • I'd love to take her out, but we live 8 hours apart. I can definitely offer, but it seems like she doesn't really have a weekend to spare.
  • $2,000 is ridiculously high, leading up to your own wedding or any other time.  I doubt you'll be the only one who is unable to make it.  Just tell her it's out of your budget, and have a fun girls' night out just the two of you the next time you're in the same town.
  • The Backstory: This past March my then boyfriend's little sister announced her engagement to her boyfriend. A few months later in May, my boyfriend proposed. His sister set her date in May the following year. My fiancé and I discussed it and decided on April. I had my heart set on a spring wedding, and after dating for 6 years and living together for 4 years I wasn't too keen on a long engagement. I asked him to speak to his sister first. He said she was fine, but a bit later we got this long email about how it was important to her that we attend all of her pre-wedding events and that our wedding was sucking the joy out of hers. They resolved it, and she and I have had fun passing ideas back and forth since then.

    The Problem: I had expected that I would need to spend 300-500 to travel for her bachelorette and budgeted accordingly. To my shock and surprise, I opened an email from her MOH this evening letting us all know that the weekend would cost about 2000 dollars. I feel absolutely awful, but simply cannot afford to spend this much. I keep thinking - if this was my little sister (which she will be), would I make it work? I don't know that I would. I think I'd offer to plan something local for those who couldn't make it. What would you do?
    The MOH should have asked people what they wanted to spend before planning a single thing.  Decline to attend the party.  Throw something local if you wish, it would be lovely of you to offer another pre-wedding party for her.  I wouldn't limit the guest list to only those who couldn't attend the $2,000 party though.  

    $2,000 is bat shit insane for a bachelorette party - your $300-500 was pretty damn generous.  It'd be a cold day in hell before I would spend more than $200 on a bachelorette party.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • The Backstory: This past March my then boyfriend's little sister announced her engagement to her boyfriend. A few months later in May, my boyfriend proposed. His sister set her date in May the following year. My fiancé and I discussed it and decided on April. I had my heart set on a spring wedding, and after dating for 6 years and living together for 4 years I wasn't too keen on a long engagement. I asked him to speak to his sister first. He said she was fine, but a bit later we got this long email about how it was important to her that we attend all of her pre-wedding events and that our wedding was sucking the joy out of hers. They resolved it, and she and I have had fun passing ideas back and forth since then.

    The Problem: I had expected that I would need to spend 300-500 to travel for her bachelorette and budgeted accordingly. To my shock and surprise, I opened an email from her MOH this evening letting us all know that the weekend would cost about 2000 dollars. I feel absolutely awful, but simply cannot afford to spend this much. I keep thinking - if this was my little sister (which she will be), would I make it work? I don't know that I would. I think I'd offer to plan something local for those who couldn't make it. What would you do?
    The MOH should have asked people what they wanted to spend before planning a single thing.  Decline to attend the party.  Throw something local if you wish, it would be lovely of you to offer another pre-wedding party for her.  I wouldn't limit the guest list to only those who couldn't attend the $2,000 party though.  

    $2,000 is bat shit insane for a bachelorette party - your $300-500 was pretty damn generous.  It'd be a cold day in hell before I would spend more than $200 on a bachelorette party.
    Ditto grumbledore... I'm sorry, but I could never spend $2000 on ONE WEEKEND!!! WTF is going on at this bachelorette party!!!!

  • WTF is going on at this bachelorette party!!!!
    Haha, good question. They're flying out Thursday to Cabo a la Laguna Beach, staying at a nice hotel downtown through Sunday, activities include nice dinner/pub crawl/bottle service, and of course they're covering the bride the whole 4 days flight and all.
  • Oh and I forgot snorkeling
  • It sounds like they are taking a bridesmaid honeymoon before the wedding.
    grumbledore
  • One of my bridesmaids tried to plan something like this. I was like ummm, first of all not everyone can get 2 days off for a long weekend and it's way too expensive. My MOH was also ALREADY planning a Bach party that will be the night of the bridal shower up in the NYC area where she and my parents  live.

    I think you made the right call. However, your FSIL should have nixed this if she really wanted everyone to come.

    As other people have suggested, my other bridesmaid asked if she could put together a girls night in DC (where we live) instead, since she can't make it to NYC, and I happily excepted. This may be a great solution if you can find a weekend.

  • 2,000 is crazy for a bachelorette party, geez where are you going? Is everyone she invited going?? you can throw something small  locally for others you could not attend this 2,000 dollars like a spa day or club hoping. What does your FI say about this pricy bachelorette party .
  • That sounds like a fun weekend, but I can't imagine she's upset if you can't make it.  I'm sure she knew of the high price tag before committing to the trip, and knowing of the price you have to expect no all can attend.  I'd suggest sending something nice to show your're there in spirit.  You could send a bottle of champagne to her room, send her a gift like a cute 'bride' tank, or something like that, or some embarassing bachelorette swag.  I wouldn't stress over it though.  $2,000 is a BIG price tag to swallow.  

     

  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    +1 on feelings of inferiority.  I come from a low income background but live near NYC, and many of my friends have pretty lavish events on the reg.  I had to turn down one of my closest friends' Jack and Jill bach for the exact same reason.  They had planned a weeklong trip to Vegas, staying in a really nice casino (can't remember which one), and covering all B&G's expenses of course.  I felt terrible saying no, but it was the responsible thing to do.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    image

    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards