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Can't get an address

clueclaw.defunct635777689035314155clueclaw.defunct635777689035314155 member
25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
FI and I are just finishing up asking people for their addresses for save the dates. We have a friend who I asked for him and his wife address on Facebook. 3 or so weeks went by and he had not answered, so my FI asked too. We know he has seen the messages but has not answered.

I am not mad or anything, I am just not sure what to do. I feel like if I try any other way of getting the address (i.e. message the wife), it will feel like I am begging or hounding them. They are not the closes of friends. They were are a couple we had on the fence about inviting, but decided we would like to see them there, so added them to the list. Maybe he doesn't feel the same way about us.

I am just not sure what to do. Keep hounding them for the address? Or think maybe they don't want to come and drop it? Its not like you can ask "hey do you want to come to my wedding or not?" haha
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Re: Can't get an address

  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'd drop it. We had two sets of friends like that. I texted, FB messaged, and e-mailed them, with the very specific, "I need your address for the wedding invitation" and never got a response. I then let it go. I figured, if they didn't care enough to give me their addresses, I was released from my etiquette obligation of issuing a real invitation to someone I had verbally invited.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I didn't get one address for the save the dates. Though it is an uncle, so I figured I'll get it at some point before the invitations go out. You don't have to send a save the date to these people. If you get their address before the invitations go out invite them, if not don't worry about it. Clearly they don't care that much if they can't respond to you.
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Agree. If they don't care enough to give you their address, I would not be as concerned about inviting them.


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  • deannagirlydeannagirly member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    It's not bad etiquette on your part if you don't invite them after not being able to get their address. If they cared enough to go, they would had responded by now. You could either just drop it, or send them an invitation if they respond before the invites go out and you really want them there. But if you have given them adequate amount of time to respond, without any response, it's not bad etiquette to drop the situation.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Just drop it, then. I agree if they cared, they would have gotten back to you.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • SenecafSenecaf member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    Yeah, let it go. You've done your part
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  • tamarar5tamarar5 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    What about if Fiance isn't getting addressees for a couple of his people?
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    TamaraR4 said:
    What about if Fiance isn't getting addressees for a couple of his people?
    @TamaraR4, what do you mean "isn't getting"? Like "isn't asking after you've asked him multiple times to do it?" or "isn't getting because people won't respond to him."

    If it's the former, you say, "FI, I/we need these addresses by X date to send out invitations, so if you don't get them to me by then, I will not be able to invite them."

    If it's the latter, the advice given above is what you do. You don't have to send STDates to everyone, so if you don't get the addresses in time for the STDates, don't worry about it.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Try using the phone and actually calling people.



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  • tamarar5tamarar5 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Thanks @HisGirlFriday13. It's the former. Ice done the deadline and it's done and gone and yet I'm still waiting. His answer was to just give me his Facebook and what few phone numbers he had. Normally I don't mind calling his family, but the few we are still missing are people whom I've never met. They have no idea who I am. I feel awkward calling and saying "hi, I'm Tamara, Mr. TamaraR4's fiance. We need your address for our guest list but you've never met me."

    He's just so unconcerned with anything about the wedding. I just wish he would take a little more interest.
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  • clueclaw.defunct635777689035314155clueclaw.defunct635777689035314155 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited November 2013

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  • clueclaw.defunct635777689035314155clueclaw.defunct635777689035314155 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Viczaesar said:
    Try using the phone and actually calling people.
    I don't have a phone.
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    clueclaw said:
    Viczaesar said:
    Try using the phone and actually calling people.
    I don't have a phone.
    Does your FI?  Have you tried a pay phone?  Google voice? 



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  • clueclaw.defunct635777689035314155clueclaw.defunct635777689035314155 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I messaged a few people to get addresses, because it was quick and easy. Sorry, I chose convenience over more personal contact, but I have been busy. Everyone else responded.

    I could call, but as I said before, if I contact them another way, I feel like I will be hounding them. Maybe I am being to sensitive, but I hate bugging people.

    Besides, I think @Scribe95 is probably right. I should probably let it go cause they were on the fence anyway. It has just been hard cutting people from the guest list. Especially for FI, he can be sentimental.

    Thanks everyone for your help.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Viczaesar said:
    clueclaw said:
    Viczaesar said:
    Try using the phone and actually calling people.
    I don't have a phone.
    Does your FI?  Have you tried a pay phone?  Google voice? 
    I wouldn't even know where to find a working one nowadays. 
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    Viczaesar said:
    clueclaw said:
    Viczaesar said:
    Try using the phone and actually calling people.
    I don't have a phone.
    Does your FI?  Have you tried a pay phone?  Google voice? 
    I wouldn't even know where to find a working one nowadays. 
    By a Mac's store, the mall, YMCA, downtown streets, etc.
    image
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    doeydo said:
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    Viczaesar said:
    clueclaw said:
    Viczaesar said:
    Try using the phone and actually calling people.
    I don't have a phone.
    Does your FI?  Have you tried a pay phone?  Google voice? 
    I wouldn't even know where to find a working one nowadays. 
    By a Mac's store, the mall, YMCA, downtown streets, etc.
    I really don't think there are any pay phones by our malls. Or the YMCA. Or our downtown area. I saw one in a strip mall a few months ago and it was busted. 
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    TamaraR4 said:
    Thanks @HisGirlFriday13. It's the former. Ice done the deadline and it's done and gone and yet I'm still waiting. His answer was to just give me his Facebook and what few phone numbers he had. Normally I don't mind calling his family, but the few we are still missing are people whom I've never met. They have no idea who I am. I feel awkward calling and saying "hi, I'm Tamara, Mr. TamaraR4's fiance. We need your address for our guest list but you've never met me." He's just so unconcerned with anything about the wedding. I just wish he would take a little more interest.
    @TamaraR4: Then honestly, the bolded makes me think you have bigger issues. There's a lot of debate about how much men are interested in wedding planning, but not even being willing to help you get the names and addresses of people he wants to invite is a huge problem. If you gave him a deadline, and he blew it, then I think you write those people off. If he then suddenly wants to invite them, HE is the one to do the legwork and HE is the one to look like an asshat when they get invites way late and feel B-listed.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    HisGirlFriday13 said:
    TamaraR4 said:
     He's just so unconcerned with anything about the wedding. I just wish he would take a little more interest.
    @TamaraR4: Then honestly, the bolded makes me think you have bigger issues. There's a lot of debate about how much men are interested in wedding planning, but not even being willing to help you get the names and addresses of people he wants to invite is a huge problem. If you gave him a deadline, and he blew it, then I think you write those people off. If he then suddenly wants to invite them, HE is the one to do the legwork and HE is the one to look like an asshat when they get invites way late and feel B-listed.
    ITA. If he really wants them there, then he needs to get their addresses. If he doesn't do it, then he doesn't really care if they aren't there. If he misses the deadline, then he gets to convince them that he screwed up and they really aren't B-listed, and he really does want them to come.
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