Not sure if this is an etiquette issue per se

jenniferurs · November 2013

But I thought I'd ask anyway.

I hired a florist for my wedding and I've loved working with them thus far; however, I decided recently that I'd like to add a chuppah-like structure to the altar, and after reviewing their past work on such displays, I'm not too impressed. That being said, I would prefer to use another florist whose work I fell in love with for this portion of the day.

Is this wrong, to use two different florists for different elements? I don't want to offend my original florist by not giving him the additional business, but at the same time, I don't want my fear of hurting his feelings to compromise my vision for the ceremony space.

Help!

Maggie0829 · November 2013

Have you even considered talking to your original florist first about what you want? Take in pictures and let them know what you want. You could also point out things that you don't like in the pictures of work they have previously done so they know what not to do.

I think you should try and work with the florist you have already then have to deal with another vendor.

jenniferurs · November 2013

Excluding the hassle that goes along with adding an additional vendor (because that part doesn't really bother me), I'm really just looking to see it it's in bad taste to have two vendors of the same kind.

I've already spoken with my original florist about what I want, which is where his pictures came into play, and I'm quite confident that he won't be able to pull off the piece that this other florist can. He may tell me he'll be able to, but his past work doesn't really complement that assertion, and I don't want to end up walking into my ceremony space on the day of and being disappointed.

misssunshine17 · November 2013

1) From your posts, it honestly sounds like your expectations are high. I suggest backing off a little because not every.little.thing. is going to go perfectly and I promise on your wedding day, those little things won't make of break anything.

2) I think it's over the top to use two vendors. Switch everything to the second vendor if it's really that big of a deal.

KickAssMOH · November 2013

I had a similar situation when planning my wedding. Instead of using two florists, I showed my original florist exact pictures of what I wanted, and we really worked it out in detail before the day of my wedding. I can tell you, honestly, I walked into that ceremony room and (sorry to be mushy...) instantly locked eyes with my husband and did not look up at my chuppah once. This week I finally got my photos back and could admire the pretty flowers that I thought were such a big deal beforehand. They were pretty, they were flowers, it accomplished what I wanted to accomplish, end of story. Do yourself a favor here, stick with one florist.

jenniferurs · November 2013

misssunshine17 said:
1) From your posts, it honestly sounds like your expectations are high. I suggest backing off a little because not every.little.thing. is going to go perfectly and I promise on your wedding day, those little things won't make of break anything.

2) I think it's over the top to use two vendors. Switch everything to the second vendor if it's really that big of a deal.

My expectations are definitely high, which is why I think I should go with the vendor that I know can pull it off (because he's done it before). If I don't use him, I just won't end up having the structure, because I don't like the original vendor's work on that particular element.

KickAssMOH · November 2013

are you talking about the flowers or the actual structure? I just realized I might be misunderstanding you. If your florist simply does not OWN a structure that you'd like to be set up on your stage then it might be okay to hire someone else so that you are able to use their chuppah-like structure.

My florist did not offer a chuppah rental, and I wanted to use one, so I would've had to hire a second vendor for that anyhow. For my jewish friends, it's common to have your florist do your chuppah, or rent a chuppah for a rental company (thus, using two seperate vendors). Personally, I ended up having my father build a chuppah for me, that my florist decorated (to my specifications).

misssunshine17 · November 2013

Seriously, it won't matter than much. I feel like when people get wrapped up in these details so early on, you're going to drive yourself crazy. If you show #1 a pic of exactly what you want, trust that it'll happen and keep it moving.

climbingsingle · November 2013

misssunshine17 said:

Seriously, it won't matter than much. I feel like when people get wrapped up in these details so early on, you're going to drive yourself crazy. If you show #1 a pic of exactly what you want, trust that it'll happen and keep it moving.

This.

jenniferurs · November 2013

misssunshine17 said:
Seriously, it won't matter than much. I feel like when people get wrapped up in these details so early on, you're going to drive yourself crazy. If you show #1 a pic of exactly what you want, trust that it'll happen and keep it moving.

I'm 4 months out, so it's not really very early anymore, and I haven't driven myself crazy over any other details. This is just one part that's really important to me and I want to make sure I have it right. I don't like a single picture that my florist showed me of his past work, so it's not like there's a slight difference and I'm just being picky. If he had brought me anything he had done in the past, I wouldn't like it. That being said, I don't think it's weird to not do that particular thing with him. Again, it's either do it with the second vendor or not at all and my question isn't whether you think I'll be satisfied with a lesser product since it doesn't matter to you personally or if it'll be extra work, it's whether or not it's rude to have two vendors that work in the same industry.

tammym1001 · November 2013

I don't think it's rude, but it may be against your contract. I know a lot of vendors have clauses in their contract that say they are your only florist, cake baker, caterer, photographer, etc. You may want to check that first because if he shows up and there is another florist there and his contract says he should be the only one, he would have the right to pack up his stuff and leave. Then you would be stuck with your beautiful chuppah, but no other flowers.

misssunshine17 · November 2013

If you're so dead set, why did you ask?

Lose your deposit with the first florist and use the second.

Maggie0829 · November 2013

tammym1001 said:

I don't think it's rude, but it may be against your contract. I know a lot of vendors have clauses in their contract that say they are your only florist, cake baker, caterer, photographer, etc. You may want to check that first because if he shows up and there is another florist there and his contract says he should be the only one, he would have the right to pack up his stuff and leave. Then you would be stuck with your beautiful chuppah, but no other flowers.

This is a very good point.

Also, I agree with @missunshine17. It sounds to me like you are set on going with the second florist to get what you want for your ceremony. So just drop the first florist and use the second florist for everything.

jenniferurs · November 2013

misssunshine17 said:
If you're so dead set, why did you ask?

Lose your deposit with the first florist and use the second.

I asked because I'm choosing between two options: either not do the structure at all, if it's rude to have two vendors, or do the structure with the second florist.

jenniferurs · November 2013

tammym1001 said:
I don't think it's rude, but it may be against your contract. I know a lot of vendors have clauses in their contract that say they are your only florist, cake baker, caterer, photographer, etc. You may want to check that first because if he shows up and there is another florist there and his contract says he should be the only one, he would have the right to pack up his stuff and leave. Then you would be stuck with your beautiful chuppah, but no other flowers.

Good call. Just checked the contract and there's nothing about being the only florist.

emmyg65 · November 2013

It's not an etiquette issue, but like PP said, you'll want to check your contracts for an exclusivity clause. Also, like other PP said, it's really not worth the headache to add another vendor. So just choose one florist and call it a day.

One more thing: I feel like brides who have really specific expectations set themselves up for disappointment and regret. Try to remember that you can't control everything, and regardless of what you do, your day won't be "perfect." The most important thing is to be happily married.

Maggie0829 · November 2013

@jenniferurs - does the structure you are talking about also have flowers incorporated in it? Using two different florists could result in two different design styles thus your flowers not really meshing well together. Also, the florists could use different wholesalers which could result in differing flowers colors or the possibility of not being able to get the same flowers.

jenniferurs · November 2013

Maggie0829 said:

tammym1001 said:

I don't think it's rude, but it may be against your contract. I know a lot of vendors have clauses in their contract that say they are your only florist, cake baker, caterer, photographer, etc. You may want to check that first because if he shows up and there is another florist there and his contract says he should be the only one, he would have the right to pack up his stuff and leave. Then you would be stuck with your beautiful chuppah, but no other flowers.

This is a very good point.

Also, I agree with @missunshine17. It sounds to me like you are set on going with the second florist to get what you want for your ceremony. So just drop the first florist and use the second florist for everything.

I don't mean for this to sound rude, but considering my main concern here are the feelings of my first vendor, dropping him altogether 4 months before my wedding doesn't really solve the issue, especially since I like his work on bouquets and centerpieces anyway. The ONLY thing I don't like are the chuppahs he has to offer, so I'm not sure why I would cancel everything with him and then start all over with the second florist.

jenniferurs · November 2013

emmyg65 said:
It's not an etiquette issue, but like PP said, you'll want to check your contracts for an exclusivity clause. Also, like other PP said, it's really not worth the headache to add another vendor. So just choose one florist and call it a day.

One more thing: I feel like brides who have really specific expectations set themselves up for disappointment and regret. Try to remember that you can't control everything, and regardless of what you do, your day won't be "perfect." The most important thing is to be happily married.

I don't really see the headache involved. I haven't stressed about any of the vendors I've developed business relationships with over the course of this process (and there have been many), so I can't imagine why this would be any different.

As far as setting myself up for disappointment and regret, that's exactly why I'm not doing the structure with the first florist. I've seen what he can do and I don't like it. Whereas the exact structure I want is the one I saw at another wedding, with this second florist as the florist on record. So I know they're capable of doing it and that I won't be disappointed with their product. You obviously can't control everything, but this is something I can control, since it's not just an abstract vision I'm trying to personify, but something they just did at another wedding.

Maggie0829 · November 2013

jenniferurs said:

tammym1001 said:

I don't think it's rude, but it may be against your contract. I know a lot of vendors have clauses in their contract that say they are your only florist, cake baker, caterer, photographer, etc. You may want to check that first because if he shows up and there is another florist there and his contract says he should be the only one, he would have the right to pack up his stuff and leave. Then you would be stuck with your beautiful chuppah, but no other flowers.

This is a very good point.

Also, I agree with @missunshine17. It sounds to me like you are set on going with the second florist to get what you want for your ceremony. So just drop the first florist and use the second florist for everything.
I don't mean for this to sound rude, but considering my main concern here are the feelings of my first vendor, dropping him altogether 4 months before my wedding doesn't really solve the issue, especially since I like his work on bouquets and centerpieces anyway. The ONLY thing I don't like are the chuppahs he has to offer, so I'm not sure why I would cancel everything with him and then start all over with the second florist.

Since you are concerned about your first florists feelings, how do you think he will feel when he finds out that you hired another florist to do the ceremony space because you thought his set-ups were crap? That will make him a not so happy vendor.

jenniferurs · November 2013

Maggie0829 said:

jenniferurs said:

tammym1001 said:

I don't think it's rude, but it may be against your contract. I know a lot of vendors have clauses in their contract that say they are your only florist, cake baker, caterer, photographer, etc. You may want to check that first because if he shows up and there is another florist there and his contract says he should be the only one, he would have the right to pack up his stuff and leave. Then you would be stuck with your beautiful chuppah, but no other flowers.

This is a very good point.

Also, I agree with @missunshine17. It sounds to me like you are set on going with the second florist to get what you want for your ceremony. So just drop the first florist and use the second florist for everything.

I don't mean for this to sound rude, but considering my main concern here are the feelings of my first vendor, dropping him altogether 4 months before my wedding doesn't really solve the issue, especially since I like his work on bouquets and centerpieces anyway. The ONLY thing I don't like are the chuppahs he has to offer, so I'm not sure why I would cancel everything with him and then start all over with the second florist.

Since you are concerned about your first florists feelings, how do you think he will feel when he finds out that you hired another florist to do the ceremony space because you thought his set-ups were crap? That will make him a not so happy vendor.

For sure. Which is why it's a tough situation. That being said, there's a big difference to me between not gaining the additional business I decided to do after the fact, and losing the $6,000 business we already agreed upon and he's counting on.

Clearly he won't be happy not to have the additional business; my question for the knot is whether or not it's rude to have two vendors of the same kind.

Maggie0829 · November 2013

Yes, I do believe that having two vendors of the same kind is rude. It would be like hiring a DJ for the ceremony and then a different one for the reception. Or hiring one caterer for cocktail hour and then another one to do the dinner.

With that said, then you need to decide how important that structure is to you vs. hurting your florists feelings.

Now if you were going to hire a rental company that specializes in those structures to come and set it up then I would view this completely different. But the way you have it is that you are putting two competing florists together to do one event. I doubt either one of them will like that.

jenniferurs · November 2013

Maggie0829 said:
Yes, I do believe that having two vendors of the same kind is rude. It would be like hiring a DJ for the ceremony and then a different one for the reception. Or hiring one caterer for cocktail hour and then another one to do the dinner.

With that said, then you need to decide how important that structure is to you vs. hurting your florists feelings.

Now if you were going to hire a rental company that specializes in those structures to come and set it up then I would view this completely different. But the way you have it is that you are putting two competing florists together to do one event. I doubt either one of them will like that.

I hear you and I don't necessarily disagree, which is why I asked in the first place.

I doubt the second florist would care, since I told them in my inquiry that I already have a florist, but fell in love with their chuppah and wanted to use them for that; so they'd be going into it knowing that and I'm sure they'd rather some business than no business at all. The problem is with the first florist. Either way, the first florist isn't going to get that additional business, so he's not losing out on anything, but I can see how he would view it that way should he see another vendor there on the day of my wedding.

speedyblazer11 · November 2013

It doesn't sound like it would be against etiquette to use two florists, I am using two photographers (not my idea but to make both families happy). If you do decide to go with the other person for this project I would at least give your first florist a heads up so that he doesn't show up and get mad at the second florist.

Be prepared for the 1st florist to try and change your mind again about using him for everything. I am defiantly not saying it's a nice thing to do to your florist, but I can't find a etiquette breach.

Good luck.

STARMOON44 · November 2013

Putting a chuppah on an altar when you're not Jewish is offensive and wrong. If you're actually talking about a decorative archway, say that. I don't think it's rude to your vendor, it's business, but I think his feelings will be hurt and he won't be particularly interested in doing his best work for you. Bad idea all round.

southernbelle0915 · November 2013

I have disagree with most PPs here. It's business. If a vendor doesn't provide the service you want and you feel more confident in purchasing that service from someone else, you can purchase that service from whoever you want. I've never read anything from a reputable etiquette source who scoffs at this idea. If anyone else has, I'd be interested to read it - this is a new question for me.

If it doesn't say in your contract that you can't use another florist, use another florist if you want to. Just make sure your contract with florist #2 doesn't have that clause.

HOWEVER, something you may consider if you're worried about one or the other florist getting butt hurt about sharing a wedding is have one florist do all the ceremony flowers and having the other do the reception flowers.

phira · November 2013

I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but ...

I think it's worth considering how much you really care about the chuppah. We only care about ours because 1) it has to be indoor and free-standing, and 2) it can't be bulky because we have such an intimate space. Besides that, I really don't care what it looks like.

You are not going to look back on your wedding day, and go, "I had the most amazing day but the chuppah didn't look like the one I fell in love with on Pinterest!"

daveANDkristen · November 2013

speedyblazer11 said:

It doesn't sound like it would be against etiquette to use two florists, I am using two photographers (not my idea but to make both families happy). If you do decide to go with the other person for this project I would at least give your first florist a heads up so that he doesn't show up and get mad at the second florist.

Be prepared for the 1st florist to try and change your mind again about using him for everything. I am defiantly not saying it's a nice thing to do to your florist, but I can't find a etiquette breach.

Good luck.

Sorry to threadjack, but can you elaborate on this? Such as who will photograph what exactly (getting ready, ceremony, formals)? I have a little bit of a disappointing experience with this so I just wanted to clarify.

As to the OP, I agree with @southernbelle0915

jenniferurs · November 2013

phira said:
I don't think there's anything wrong with it, but ...

I think it's worth considering how much you really care about the chuppah. We only care about ours because 1) it has to be indoor and free-standing, and 2) it can't be bulky because we have such an intimate space. Besides that, I really don't care what it looks like.

You are not going to look back on your wedding day, and go, "I had the most amazing day but the chuppah didn't look like the one I fell in love with on Pinterest!"

Of course not, but if I CAN have the one I fell in love with, I'm not sure why I wouldn't, unless it's an egregious breach of etiquette. Which is why I came here.

jessicabessica · November 2013

I agree with @southernbell0915. I think it's fine to have the second vendor provide and decorate the chuppah. You're overthinking this. They are both professionals. Since you did already talk to #1 about the chuppah, you could say something like, "we still love your work for bouquets/centerpieces/etc., but we are going to go in a different direction for the chuppah," just to let her/him know someone else will be doing it and to close the loop on your inquiry.

Part of our venue contract included centerpieces from a particular florist. We could have used someone else for the rest of our flowers, but we just went with her for simplicity's sake. Vendors understand that you are spending money to get what you want and everyone offers something slightly different.

CrazyCatLady3 · November 2013

I'm really curious now as to what the chuppah you want looks like--could you post a pic?

Not sure if this is an etiquette issue per se

Re: Not sure if this is an etiquette issue per se

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