Being forced to invite someone who is not wanted.

Re: Being forced to invite someone who is not wanted.

• doeydo member

  

  November 2013

  When you invite someone to your wedding, you have to invite their significant other (unless they have assaulted you or have threatened you or something).  The fact that you don't like him doesn't really qualify, IMO.

  
  

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• kitty8403 member

  

  November 2013

  The forum tends to be pretty consistent in collectively saying that you must recognize and invite people based on their social units. If your daughter has a steady boyfriend, then she is not single. She is part of a couple (a social unit), which means that it is rude if you do not invite the couple and allow the boyfriend to attend.

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• STARMOON44 member

  

  November 2013

  You have to invite him. Or don't, and be rude.

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• Inkdancer member

  

  November 2013

  It would be rude not to invite him if you are inviting your daughter. You have made your feelings about him clear, but your wedding day is not a day to be discussing that. Let him come and if he causes any trouble, then security can ask him to leave. He might just surprise you by being respectful and kind on your day!
  

  

  

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• misssunshine17 member

  

  November 2013

  You will put a huge wedge between yourself and your daughter and granddaughter if you don't invite him. You have to make the choice and live with the consequences. 

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  November 2013

  If I were in your shoes I'd invite him because it's good etiquette to do so.

  
  

  But I'd hire security and the second he picks a fight, I'd kick his ass out. If daughter throws a fit, she's out too. Sorry, but weddings aren't places for violence.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  November 2013

  southernbelle0915 said:

  If I were in your shoes I'd invite him because it's good etiquette to do so.

  
  

  But I'd hire security and the second he picks a fight, I'd kick his ass out. If daughter throws a fit, she's out too. Sorry, but weddings aren't places for violence.

  This.
  

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• EverAfer member

  

  November 2013

  I would invite him.  I have to invite family I don't want to.  If you don't, you'll cause a bigger wedge in your relationship with your daughter and granddaughter. If he comes and act a fool, then it's on him and it's on her.  But you would have done the proper thing.
  

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• phira member

  

  November 2013

  southernbelle0915 said:

  If I were in your shoes I'd invite him because it's good etiquette to do so.

  
  

  But I'd hire security and the second he picks a fight, I'd kick his ass out. If daughter throws a fit, she's out too. Sorry, but weddings aren't places for violence.

  @Southernbelle0915 is spot on as always.

  

  now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  
  

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• cordsniper member

  

  November 2013

  You don't get to pick who your daughter falls in love with.  You're just going to push your daughter away if you keep interfering in her love life.  She's an adult.  Either invite him or accept that your daughter won't be there.  I would be incredibly insulted if my mother did not invite a significant other, it would be a relationship dealbreaker. 
  

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• RebeccaB88 member

  

  November 2013

  scribe95 said:

  Sounds like your daughter is a crappy person too - not just the boyfriend. You know the etiquette - invite SO's.

  So if you don't then there will be consequences in this situation. Up to you whether it's worth it. Or if it's time to stop letting her blackmail you.

  This. To do it properly you need to invite him.  But, if he's really THAT offensive to you, you need to decide if it's worth it to you to do the wrong thing and risk your daughter and granddaughter not attending.  I mean, you CAN go against proper etiquette and own the fact that you're doing that and not inviting him, but then you have to take the consequences.  Are you hoping that someday she'll see what a jerk he is and leave him, and be glad that he wasn't there?  Or are you willing to risk that you won't have her around at all?  You could own your decision and call her bluff that she really won't show up without him, but you'd have to understand that you'd still be in the wrong for not including him. Unless he threatens you or does something to harm you or your daughter or granddaughter before the wedding, then I'd consider you off the hook for the invite.
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  November 2013

  I agree with others & say you invite him and hope for the best. Hopefully their behavior in a more formal setting is different then their behavior at the local bar. I would still have the staff/security at your wedding on alert, maybe even provide them with a photo that you have concerns about the behavior of him and your daughter and that if either of them seems to be getting out of line to please have them escorted off the property. This way it looks like the staff is doing it, not you, hopefully saving your relationship with your granddaughter. Also if you are having a bar, give the bartenders a heads up, if he does mixed drinks, maybe they can go light on the liquor on his.

  Try to appear that you can't wait to have him there and talk positive about things between them. Tell her honey, I only hear the bad stuff that happens, tell me about some of the great stuff about him, I want to get to know him the way you do (even though you really have no interest). Basically kill them with kindness. Maybe this will help her open her eyes to the situation with him. How much of her staying with him might be because she is rebeling and doesn't want to have to admit mom was right about her loser boyfriend.

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• Jen4948 member

  

  November 2013

  As rotten a character as this jerk seems to be, if you don't invite him, your daughter is going to decline the invitation and walk out of your life with your granddaughter.
  
  But as @southernbelle915 says, have security on hand to throw them both out if they act up.
  

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• debpat2014 member

  

  November 2013

  I feel like i'm being forced to invite my daughters boyfriend. I hate my daughters boyfriend and I really wish him not to be at my wedding. My daughter is 22 and her live in boyfriend is 24. He is a punk, they go out to bars and he is always getting drunk and fighting. They both think this is great and brag about beating people up. I don't want this at my wedding. I can see this happening. I really want my daughter there and my granddaughter is my flower girl. I know if I tell my daughter  no boyfriend  she will not come nor will she let my granddaughter. I have already got into an fight with my daughter about him before an was uninvited to my granddaughter birthday party ( was my fault because of my mouth, she said)  I am wishing them to breakup before the date but I don't see that happening.

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• debpat2014 member

  

  November 2013

  looks like he is coming, I knew  this all along, even thou  I don't like it. I will be having his drinks watered down  love that idea  and he better not ruin my day..

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