Invite two of three step siblings?

randerson123 · November 2013

Wondering how bad it is etiquette-wise to exclude inviting one of step brothers. All three are about ten years older than me, I've known them almost my whole life but never been close with them or their families.

I'm inviting two of them plus their families, mostly because my mom and step dad spend a lot of time with them and its very important to them. However, the third...

The third has been nothing but drama for my family (according to my mom) the last few years. Left his wife (he did not invite me to his wedding) after cheating in her with a girl 15 years his junior. They broke up. Apparently he's been in and out of jail the last year on spousal abuse charges. The family still supports him (they say the girl is setting him up); I guess my step dad has basically written him off.

I hear all this second hand from my mom. So I ask my mother about not inviting him to the wedding. Her response: "Well ... that seems rude."

Is it really rude that I don't want to invite someone to my wedding who recently pled guilty to spousal abuse? They say it's not his fault but i have no clue whats going on. My mom isn't contributing significantly to the wedding. I don't want my wedding to turn into a bout of their family drama.

jessicabessica · November 2013

Are these your step brothers? If not, I definitely don't think you need to invite him. You can certainly invite only 2 of 3 adult siblings. If they are your step brothers, I think you probably can invite 2 of 3, but think about whether it might raise even more family drama than inviting him.

misssunshine17 · November 2013

I think this completely sounds like a know-your-family situation. I think by your mom saying it's rude, she's already given you your answer about what she thinks.

Maggie0829 · November 2013

I agree with missunshine17. If your Mom thinks it is rude then I would just go ahead and invite him to keep the drama to a minimum.

Inkdancer · November 2013

Your mom clearly wants him there, so you may well hurt your mom's feelings if you don't invite him. And even though there's been a lot of drama in his personal life, that doesn't have to touch your wedding day. More than likely he'll come and celebrate like any other guest. Unless he has a history of behaving badly towards you, I'd let it go and invite him.

WildMagelet · November 2013

If it's 3 stepsiblings on the same side of the family (i.e. all your stepdad's children) then I think you should invite all or none of them. If it's say, two on your mom's side (stepdad's kids) and there's only one on your dad's side (stepmom's kids) that you're not close too I think that would be more acceptable.

I would just invite him. Your mom's reaction makes it seem like she wants you to. If he's as absent from family functions as your mom says he is he probably won't show up anyways.

photokitty · November 2013

I would ask your step dad what he wants to do. My FIL wanted to invite one of his four siblings. We honored his request. If your step dad has written him off, he might not want him there. Since he is blood relation I would do what he wants to do, not your mom. IMHO

GL!

mysticl · November 2013

I have 3 step-siblings (2 brothers, 1 sister). The oldest step brother and my step sister are awesome, I love them, their spouses, their kids. Their daughters were my bridesmaids. My other step brother is a complete jerk (you seriously have to wonder if there was a mix up in the nursery when he was born), his wife at the time was awful and their children were raised to be rude brats (the oldest has since learned that is a bad idea and has turned into a wonderful young man, the youngest is special needs). When we got married this particular step brother was estranged from his father (my step dad) for some very juvenile and selfish reasons. I absolutely did not want them at my wedding but I invited him and the wife and kids for my step dad. They didn't show up but they did send a lovely gift. I saw them at Christmas and the wife seemed genuinely disappointed that they had not attended.

mrs4everhart · November 2013

If his attending will cause no major drama for you or your husband, invite him. If he becomes an issue for any of your other guests have someone on standby prepared to ask him to leave. I do think you should ask your stepdad though, he may not even want your stepbrother there, so that would solve your issue rather quickly!

SP29 · November 2013

I would invite him.

Invite two of three step siblings?

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