Wedding Ceremony & Reception Music Discussions

no dancing at reception?

My fiance and I aren't big on dancing. However I do want to do our first dance, a father-daughter dance and my fiance hasn't really said if he wants to do the mother-son dance or not, but after these special dances I don't want any other dancing how do I work this into a reception?

Re: no dancing at reception?

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The dancing is not only for the bride and groom.  It is something that many guests expect and enjoy, particularly if the reception is in the evening.  Is there a reason you do not want your guests to dance and enjoy themselves?  

    I think having a few dances and then abruptly denying any other dancing will be very confusing. 
    doeydo
  • Well my fiancé and I are not big on dancing at all and I feel that a wedding is mainly for the bride and groom, not the guest. But i want my two special slow dances to be incorporated into my big day. And we have a very young child who will be sharing in the day with us and I want it to be more of a laid back reception than loud music with everyone up dancing
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited November 2013
    Well my fiancé and I are not big on dancing at all and I feel that a wedding is mainly for the bride and groom, not the guest. But i want my two special slow dances to be incorporated into my big day. And we have a very young child who will be sharing in the day with us and I want it to be more of a laid back reception than loud music with everyone up dancing



    You are very much mistaken.  The reception is a thank you to the guests for attending the wedding ceremony. 
    doeydo
  • chibiyuichibiyui The Boring Part of MD member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers

    Well my fiancé and I are not big on dancing at all and I feel that a wedding is mainly for the bride and groom, not the guest. But i want my two special slow dances to be incorporated into my big day. And we have a very young child who will be sharing in the day with us and I want it to be more of a laid back reception than loud music with everyone up dancing

    A "wedding" is for the Bride and Groom. A "reception" is for the guests.
    You can ask your DJ to keep the volume lower, but it is rude to have your dances and then bar your guests from dancing.
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    Anniversary
    doeydo
  • I have been to a few weddings but only one where they had dancing so its not like a reception with no dancing is unusual, and my question was how to work my dances into my reception not to have someone change my mind on no dancing. honestly I believe the whole day is suppose to be about the couple and any guest that thinks a bride or groom is wrong for not doing something for them on their day would be rude.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I have been to a few weddings but only one where they had dancing so its not like a reception with no dancing is unusual, and my question was how to work my dances into my reception not to have someone change my mind on no dancing. honestly I believe the whole day is suppose to be about the couple and any guest that thinks a bride or groom is wrong for not doing something for them on their day would be rude.
    Not having dancing at a reception is fine.  Having some dancing for yourself and then not opening it up to your guests is rude.  The answer to your question is that it would be rude to work your dances into the reception and then abruptly end the dancing.  The simple answer is that it does not work.  You are also mistaken that the whole day is about the couple.  If you want the entire day to be about you and your FI, simply do not include guests.  

    Just to be clear, no one is saying that you are wrong to not offer dancing at your reception.  It is rude, however, to dance yourself and not allow your guests to dance.
    doeydomisscoffeeplease
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    My fiance and I aren't big on dancing. However I do want to do our first dance, a father-daughter dance and my fiance hasn't really said if he wants to do the mother-son dance or not, but after these special dances I don't want any other dancing how do I work this into a reception?
    JIC.  It's been one of those weekends.  Oy.
  • Don't get me wrong I know a reception is to thank the guest that attend your ceremony however.. they aren't the ones that plan or pay for a wedding and ultimately every decisson that is made about it should be what a bride and groom want, not the guest.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Don't get me wrong I know a reception is to thank the guest that attend your ceremony however.. they aren't the ones that plan or pay for a wedding and ultimately every decisson that is made about it should be what a bride and groom want, not the guest.
    This could be quite a slimming evening.......
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    jcwrdh94
  • Well I guess it would be quiet a good thing that you wouldnt be attending my wedding. I guess everyone has their own opinion on how a wedding should be. I simply asked a question to get an answer on where I should place my dances in mg reception not to have someone elses opinion forced upon me rudely, so maybe you should have just passed on leaving a reply at all. Thank you.
  • Are you and your fiance being announced in? You could have the dances then, and once they are done your MC can announce dinner is being served? After that if there is no music, people probably won't dance.
    TeriannRojas
  • We are, I was originally thinking the same thing. I and I really appreciate your helpful answer.
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited November 2013
    Well I guess it would be quiet a good thing that you wouldnt be attending my wedding. I guess everyone has their own opinion on how a wedding should be. I simply asked a question to get an answer on where I should place my dances in mg reception not to have someone elses opinion forced upon me rudely, so maybe you should have just passed on leaving a reply at all. Thank you.
    When you post something on the Internet, you willingly open yourself up to any and all comments, whether solicited or not. No one has been rude to you.
    misscoffeeplease
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I think if you have the special dances, you should have other dancing as well in case your guests want to dance. We had no dancing whatsoever. It was the main reason we opted for a morning ceremony and a lunch reception. We knew a daytime event would lessen the expectation of any dancing. 

    And you don't get to tell people how to post or whether or not they should respond. Or do you not understand how a forum works?


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    doeydo
  • Well I guess it would be quiet a good thing that you wouldnt be attending my wedding. I guess everyone has their own opinion on how a wedding should be. I simply asked a question to get an answer on where I should place my dances in mg reception not to have someone elses opinion forced upon me rudely, so maybe you should have just passed on leaving a reply at all. Thank you.
    Oh geeze - come on! If you don't want to pay for your guests, don't invite them. Your reception is for them, not you. No one was rude - they're trying to make you seem a little less selfish. 

    I think you should really either have no dancing or dancing - I think it's odd to make everyone watch you dance a few times but then tell them they can't dance. Why not just open up a dance floor with some nice music (for example, big band swing music, not clubbing music) and let guests do as they will? That way if no one wants to dance, no one does, but if someone wants to, they can. 

    You don't have to dance beyond your own dances. You can mill about talking to guests and sipping wine. 

    People don't expect dancing at a daytime wedding - perhaps that's a good option for you.
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    doeydomisscoffeeplease
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    You asked a question, but people think what you want to do is rude, so they aren't going to give you a good answer.  It's rude to have things that your guests cannot.  It would be like if you and your husband were eating filet mignon but served your guests chicken, there is not a good way to do it without being rude, and posters are not going to help you be rude to your guests.
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    doeydo
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    laurynm84 said:
    You asked a question, but people think what you want to do is rude, so they aren't going to give you a good answer.  It's rude to have things that your guests cannot.  It would be like if you and your husband were eating filet mignon but served your guests chicken, there is not a good way to do it without being rude, and posters are not going to help you be rude to your guests.



    As you can see in my response ^^ above, I agree with you.  However, I would clarify one thing in your post.  I would argue that the PP's in fact did give the OP good answers.  It just was not the answer she wanted.
    doeydo
  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 Boston Suburbs member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    @mobkaz I agree, poor word choice ;)
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  •  if your having an evening wedding you need to have dancing and music, otherwise once the last course is served dessert the place will start to empty fast and if you have a 5 hour reception and its still early into the night you will loose a lot of guests and the money you spend on those 5 hours on the venue will not be worth it you will end up having wasted your money and thats if guest stay till the cake part. 

    if i was a guest at your wedding and they were not playing music i am not going to stick around for hours and be bored i would leave and find something else to do. 

    you said you dont enojoy dancing thats ok you dont have to dance but if your having an evening wedding you need music for your guests. 

    and since you think its your day and you get to make the decisions then i would specify on the invite dinner only no dancing. that will really cut your guest list in half 
  • If I may be so bold as to answer as a DJ...  While it is true that the wedding reception is about you, it is in fact for your guests.  Taking that into consideration could change your stance, or at the least soften your stance on dancing for guests.  After all - nothing says that you and your husband HAVE to dance if others are dancing.  It is VERY common for the couple to simply socialize and spend time visiting and catching up.  No one will think it "odd" that you're not dancing at all!

    That being said, if you're still not wanting dancing, I would suggest that it's incumbent upon you then to think of other ways to keep your guests engaged and entertained throughout the course of the evening.

    If you are working with a professional DJ, they should have a lot of fun ideas for interaction and activities that can involve folks, and keep your reception entertaining without putting anyone on the spot, or being cheesy, etc.

    Other fun things to consider to aid in passing time for guests are having a slideshow or video montage running.  Have a photo booth.  Have some lawn games that folks can participate in.

    There are tons of non-dancing things you can do to make sure your guests feel welcomed, valued, and entertained at your reception, and if you are going to take a hard stance on removing the one aspect that people are used to and expect, just be sure you do them the honor of thinking of other ways for it to be inclusive of them, and fun as well!
  • I think while it is your wedding day you are hosting a big party for everyone I think there are alternatives to dancing such as games and other things. An idea is maybe having a smaller portion of the reception and doing other things to keep your guests happy. 
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