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Anyone With a Sick Parent?

orwhatuwillorwhatuwill member
First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
in Wedding Woes
My father is fighting with a resurgence of cancer that was just discovered about 2 or 3 weeks ago. He had surgery about a week and 1/2 ago and will be starting radiation and chemo very soon. Initially, we thought that the surgery would be curative, as it had been with two previous bouts. I am so sad and angry that he has to keep fighting with this.

So, one of the reasons that I'm posting this on the Knot is the fact that our wedding is very soon, in 43 days. At this moment in time, my parents want us to go through with things as planned.  If everything stays the same date wise, it is likely both he and my mom will not be able to be with us physically on that day.  While that is frankly the least of anyone's concern, I want be honest and admit (to this cyber world) that I feel a deep sadness about the idea of them not being able to be with us on that day...and feel even more fear about losing him all together. 

We are all trying to figure out support for him, my mother and our family.  

I was just wondering if any of you out there maybe dealing with similar struggles. You're welcome to PM me as opposed to posting publicly. 
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Re: Anyone With a Sick Parent?

  • thejucheideathejucheidea member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    My mom had a brain tumor removed in February. The lead up to the surgery was from November to February and that entire time, she told us that she didn't want us to change anything about the wedding date for her. Fortunately, she's fully recovered and her MRIs are clean, but she was adamant the entire time we were planning that we weren't to change a single thing.

    It's not a parent, but rather a grandma that I'm very close to -- my grandma, who lives in California and has very bad senility, was unable to come to our wedding because it scares her to leave Southern California. She was still able to participate in our wedding, however, because we took my dad's laptop and a hotspot he borrowed from work and Skyped the entire wedding. She was delighted and really felt like she was taking part. If it comes to pass that your parents can't be there, then let me tell you -- having my grandma be there, even if it was only via computer, was one of the best things about my wedding.


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  • firegirl1013firegirl1013 member
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    I know exactly where you're coming from. My dad battled cancer for 18 months before he passed away this past May. My fiancé and I have had a long engagement because we agreed I needed to finish college before we had a wedding. 

    We realized my dad was probably not going to make it in January and discussed whether we should push the wedding date up from summer of 2014 to summer of 2013 in the hopes that my dad could make it. At the time the thought of not having my dad at my wedding was the most horrifying thing ever, I mean what girl doesn't imagine her father walking her down the aisle or that father-daughter dance? But my dad said no, he didn't want us changing any of our plans or trying to push the wedding up that whatever was going to happen was going to happen.

    In May I was going to graduate college, my dad's condition had deteriorated so badly that no longer was it his goal to make it to my wedding, it was now just to make it to my graduation. The week of graduation it became clear that he would not be able to travel to my college to see me graduate and I knew my mom wouldn't want to leave his side for fear that something would happen while she was gone. Sadly, my dad died 2 days before my graduation.

    I now sit here planning my wedding knowing full well that he won't be there. I go to the florist and she asks about the corsage for the brides escort, the DJ asks me if I've thought about songs for father-daughter dances and the photographer asks if I want special pictures of my dad seeing me for the first time in my dress and every single time one of these questions comes up it kills me a little more inside. 

    I truly hope that your dad will get to be at your wedding and that some way or the other, perhaps with the aide of a wheelchair and some kind caring people helping along the way he will be able to take part in your special day.
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    Sending (((hugs))) to all of you.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I'm very sorry.

    Last year my BF's father died after a long illness.  It is sad for everyone that he won't be at our wedding should we ever get married.  I'm sure his absence is going to be very hard for my BF and his mother-he was buried privately but they decided to have a graveside event called an "unveiling" later where they invited me and others to be present when his headstone was dedicated (this is a Jewish thing-we're Jewish).  I'm actually nervous about how much "remembrance" they're going to want to make at our wedding (my BF wants to be listed as "son of the late Father'sName" on our invitations and I'd rather not do that - on the other hand, I have deceased relatives I'd like to remember in a program, and this would be a fine way to me to "remember" his father and any other relatives who are deceased).
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  • NavyBlue143NavyBlue143 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    If his treatment means he can't be there, can you Skype your parents in or something? I know it isn't the same, but they would at least be able to watch and still be there in some way.

    I'm sorry you're having to go through this.
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  • orwhatuwillorwhatuwill member
    First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    @lupinacci13 - My heart truly aches for your loss. 

    thejucheidea - I'm so glad to learn that your mother has recovered! I'm happy that your grandmother was able to participate electronically. Technology is really a blessing.

    bubbles053009 -Pancreatic cancer is so awful. It's one of the things my father has struggled with. Thank you for your kind words.

    Jen4948 - sorry that your BF lost his father. I'm also Jewish (non-practicing), my father has been reconnecting to his faith through his battle. I think I can understand where your BF is coming from with that using that language on the invitation. In a way, it's a remembrance as well as an announcement of the loss to folks who may not be in "the know".  Perhaps his feelings will change as he gets further from the raw pain of the loss.

    JCBride2014NavyBlue143 thank you both for your kind thoughts. 

    Thank you to all who have posted. I wish you all easement from the pain of your loss, and are sending good thoughts to those who are sick and struggling.
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