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Firing Best Man

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Re: Firing Best Man

  • kitty8403kitty8403 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    MyNameIsNot said:

    How does your FI feel about how hard you are trying to destroy his 30+ year relationship?  


    ^Ditto this.
    OP, I know it is insanely frustrating when you are trying to meet deadlines and other commitments and it seems like no one is cooperating or prioritizing things that need to be done yet are beyond your control. But as they say in theater, the show must go on. And it will, regardless of whether he shows up or not. You will be married, one way or another, and at the end of it all, that is what's important. And just like in show business, you plan for the full show and make adjustments as things come up.
    It does sound rather like you didn't want this person in your wedding party to begin with, almost like he hassled your FI so much in the past that you felt guilted into this decision. Your e-mails, as described, come off as perhaps more passive aggressive than you realize. Having posted previously about trouble coping with a sick vendor, I understand how you might feel attacked or misunderstood. You are trying to get things done! But their overall point -- that you need to show some genuine compassion for what is going on in this man's life -- is a valid one.
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  • dramamonkeydramamonkey member
    250 Love Its Third Anniversary 100 Comments First Answer
    flutterbride2b said:

    I would remind him of the deadline for ordering the tux and be done with it.  Don't talk any more about the wedding with him unless he brings it up.  Try focusing on your friendship a bit more, I'm sure he's going to have a rough time with the upcoming holidays.


     The only requirement for a WP member is to show up and wear the appropriate retire.  If he doesn't get the tuxedo he's taken himself out of the wedding party.  

    Ladies on here can be blunt and occasionally snarky, but they give good advice.  Take some time and calm down and try to come back and re-read this thread with a fresh perspective.  They don't know you, so try not and take it all personally.  The majority of them are trying to remind you to treat this guy as a friend first.



    Stuck in box: this. X10000
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  • aurorajanetteaurorajanette member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I think vent should also be on that list. Ever notice how these women come on for advice, and when they get advice that they don't like they start crying, "I was just coming on here to VENT! Stop giving me advice!"
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  • ceceibsonceceibson member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary
    Top 10 overused phrases:

    1.  "My special day."
    2 - 10.  See No. 1.

    There's a real difference in mindset between those who refer to their wedding as "my special day" and those who don't.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

    4. The only "mean" thing on this entire thread was the poster who called the posters on this board "b-words" and the misuse of grammar and spelling in a few posts.  Yes, some of the posts weren't all sunshine and roses, but that comment seems to have only caused an escalation.
    YES!!
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  • vsgalvsgal member
    Eighth Anniversary 250 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Sounds to me like the BM is better off without both of you.  OP, you come across as only caring about your wedding.  You do not come across as giving two craps about the life-changing event that has happened to your friend.  You need to remember that the world is not all about you during your wedding.  From what you have said, it appears that you have badgered him, belittled his situation and written him off because he has not lived up to your expectations.  

    Flip the circumstances.  Your husband leaves you unexpectedly. How would you react?  How would you expect other people around you to act?  How would you feel if your friend was getting married and freaking out over colors and outfits and wedding details when you feel your life is falling apart and all you want to do is go in a hole shut out the world.  

    You are acting selfish and childish.  This mirror hurts because the wedding industry has told you that you deserve all these things that don't matter.  That if you don't have the "movie" experience, the whole day is ruined.  It is despicable that you would throw a 30 year friendship away over a color and an outfit. You need to buck and apologize profusely for your and FI's behavior and hope he can move past your bad decisions.
    ROCK IS KING!!
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  • tmclawchicktmclawchick member
    Fifth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper

    OP, I'd suggest talking to your FI about this and having him approach the BM (which many ladies have already suggested). Also, you don't need to have a BM, stop freaking out. I'd also suggest that in the future, don't ask for advice and then go crazycakes when you don't like the advice you're getting. You're being unreasonable. Stop it.

     

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  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    vsgal said:
    Sounds to me like the BM is better off without both of you.  OP, you come across as only caring about your wedding.  You do not come across as giving two craps about the life-changing event that has happened to your friend.  You need to remember that the world is not all about you during your wedding.  From what you have said, it appears that you have badgered him, belittled his situation and written him off because he has not lived up to your expectations.  

    Flip the circumstances.  Your husband leaves you unexpectedly. How would you react?  How would you expect other people around you to act?  How would you feel if your friend was getting married and freaking out over colors and outfits and wedding details when you feel your life is falling apart and all you want to do is go in a hole shut out the world.  

    You are acting selfish and childish.  This mirror hurts because the wedding industry has told you that you deserve all these things that don't matter.  That if you don't have the "movie" experience, the whole day is ruined.  It is despicable that you would throw a 30 year friendship away over a color and an outfit. You need to buck and apologize profusely for your and FI's behavior and hope he can move past your bad decisions.

    THIS! So much this!  I don't have anything else to add as it has all been covered
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    When I was going through my divorce, the last thing I wanted to hear about was another wedding. I can't even imagine how your FI's poor friend has been feeling. I think you need to be prepared for the fact that you've alienated him and he doesn't want to be involved. I wouldn't blame him for not speaking to you again. 
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    I tried to put myself in your shoes and all I could think was that I would be spending my time buying a plane ticket for my FI to go and visit his friend of 30+ years who just separated from his wife.......

    NOT badgering him about "THE WEDDING". 
    *********************************************************************************

    image
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  • crunchymamaof2 crunchymamaof2 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    jenniferurs said:
    How can you say in one sentence that you've reminded this man about his wedding responsibilities "every second day" and in the next claim that you rarely talk to him about the wedding?

    You are awesome. Perfectly said.

     

    Does no one actually read these boards before posting? Every message board has their own "feel" and attitude. These ladies happen to be honest, blunt, and actually want you to have an awesome wedding without looking like a fool or asshole. Wedding Wire or Wedding Bee have very different vibes...and I'll stop there. If people would read through current posts before themselves posting they'd see what kind of feel this board has and maybe they wouldn't get their panties in such a twist.

    Anyways, OP. You've been up this poor guy's ass for months now. Don't try to backpedal, you've admitted it in your posts. If I were him, and going through what he is, I'd avoid you and your wedding like the plague. You shouldn't even be the one talking to him! He's an adult going through a very difficult time (and YOU don't get to decide when he should be over it), not a child for Christ's sake. Stop treating him like one.

    Knowing his current situation does it really fucking matter if he has the right tux on? If he's as good of a friend as you claim him being there should be all that matters. You're probably getting so defensive because you know everyone else is right you just don't want to admit it. At least that should be why. I'd rather it that then to think you really are that self centered.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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  • ark155ark155 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I think it's hilarious that you guys are still responding/slightly attacking this girl after she posted on p.2 that she wasn't coming back to this thread  ;)
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  • MobKazMobKaz member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    ark155 said:
    I think it's hilarious that you guys are still responding/slightly attacking this girl after she posted on p.2 that she wasn't coming back to this thread  ;)
    Scour the threads. There are several in which a poster will claim "they won't be coming back", only to post over and over again. The OP may not be responding, but she could very well be reading the responses. Hopefully, she will gain some insight by seeing multiple people voice the same concerns and opinions. Threads are also for other (lurking) brides that may have similar questions, concerns, or scenarios.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    They always come back. 
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  • PhoneCardLadyPhoneCardLady member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    Blue_Bird said:

    P.S.- Having someone on "standby" is a shitty thing to do to both parties. A best man is not a requirement to get married. If your best man doesn't show, that sucks, and his behavior isn't o.k., but there is no need to replace him.
    My sister was preggers when her BIL got married and her husband was the best man.  The doctor decided to induce the morning of the BIL's wedding.  My ex-BIL warned his brother so they made plans for their father to stand up just in case.  After my nephew was born and my sister settled, he went to the reception to announce the good news.

    When my sister found out that she was preggers for a second time. she immediately bowed out of the SIL's wedding.  They were taking bets at the wedding that my sister would go into labor during the wedding or reception.  She didn't!


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