Inviting Co-Workers and Spouses?

tartarjr531 · November 2013

Do you have in invite all coworkers or can you only invite some? I have someone who I really don't like in my department and I wish not to invite but I would like to invite everyone else in my department? Do I invite her? and If i invite my coworkers do I also have to invite their spouses? We have very limited seating. Not sure what to do.

aurorajanette · November 2013

I would say it depends on the size of your department. If you invite some and not others, you need to mail invites to their houses and try to avoid all work-time wedding talk. You need to invite significant others for everyone you invite. If anyone you invite is married, engaged, dating someone, etc. you need to honor their relationship by inviting their SO.

CTYankeeBride · November 2013

It really depends. If you have 5 people in your department and you're inviting 4 of them, then you really should just invite guest #5. If you invite anyone who is married, engaged, living together, or in a relationship then you have to invite their spouse/SO.

As far as inviting them at all, that also depends. I did not invite co-workers at all because we don't really spend time together outside of work and that was the cutoff for me.

AddieCake · November 2013

It depends on your work dynamic. You're going to exclude ONE person from your department? That could make things awkward at work. Now, if you two openly dislike each other, then that's a different story.

Of course you have to invite the spouses, fiance/ees, or boy/girlfriends of your coworkers, just like you do for any of your guests.

OliveOilsMom · November 2013

tartarjr531 said:

Do you have in invite all coworkers or can you only invite some? I have someone who I really don't like in my department and I wish not to invite but I would like to invite everyone else in my department? Do I invite her? and If i invite my coworkers do I also have to invite their spouses? We have very limited seating. Not sure what to do.

I think that regardless of the size of your department, if you invite everyone but one person - it will get back to that person. Even if you do all that you are supposed to by mailing the invites to their home, etc. People will be chatting - can't wait for tartarjr531's wedding in a few weeks or did you see the invite - it's so pretty! The one person will find out somehow.

And yes, you must invite all SOs of your co-workers. If one is truly single, you do not need to give them a plus one. But also invite your co-worker's SO by name on the invitation.

climbingsingle · November 2013

I'm only inviting one co-worker (and her husband too of course) because she's the only person I have a social relationship with outside of work.

KickAssMOH · November 2013

I have 5 bosses, but I only like 2 of them. I invited all 5, plus their SO's or +1's. The ones who I am closest with attended my wedding, and the others gave gifts and regretfully declined. Chances are, if there is one person in your office who you don't care for very much, they might not want to attend your wedding anyways...but you should still invite the whole group if you're already planning on inviting the majority of them.

tammym1001 · November 2013

We are inviting everyone we work with, their spouses, and their children so I may be biased, but I think if you're inviting every other person in your department then you need to invite her as well. And yes, you have to invite all of their SO's.

doeydo · November 2013

Do you have in invite all coworkers or can you only invite some? There is no real rule on this. I have someone who I really don't like in my department and I wish not to invite but I would like to invite everyone else in my department? Do I invite her? That depends on if you think it will cause issues/awkwardness or hurt her feelings because she is literally the only one not invited. and If i invite my coworkers do I also have to invite their spouses? Yes. All invited guests should be invited along with their significant others. We have very limited seating. Not sure what to do.

Jen4948 · November 2013

The one actual etiquette rule is that anyone invited who is in a relationship must be invited with their partner.

Beyond that, it's more a matter of the politics of your workplace. It's usually not a good idea to omit one person while inviting everyone else-unless there are extenuating circumstances beyond "I don't like him/her."

southernbelle0915 · November 2013

Technically you don't have to invite the co-worker you dislike. However, I think you should consider your work environment, size of your department and workplace politics if that matters to you. If it's going to cause an issue for you professionally, I would invite her.

Personally though, I wouldn't invite ANY your co-workers at all unless they're your friends outside the office. That'd eliminate the workplace politics issue and the space issue.

ETA: if you invite the co-workers, you must invite their spouses and/or SOs. To not do so is definitely against etiquette.

NYCBruin · November 2013

Etiquette rules say you must invite all SOs.

Etiquette rules say you may invite or not invite whomever you want (provided you follow the rule above).

This isn't really an etiquette question, it's an office politics question. Do you think this would cause drama/work issues? I imagine singling out one person by having them be the only person not invited would probably stir the pot quite a bit. If I were in your shoes I would either invite the whole department (including that person) or just a select few or none at all.

SP29 · November 2013

Agreed- Whoever you invite, you must invite their SO.

You do not have to invite all coworkers.

Regardless of how many you invite, I would mail all invitations to their home addresses. Keep business and personal matter separate.

I suppose if you had 5 coworkers and invited 4, it might be highly offensive to the only coworker not invited.

However, I look at inviting coworkers as you would look at inviting friends. Unless I had a very large budget and have a very large venue, I would never invite someone just because they are my coworker. With a few exceptions (like extended family members, SOs you may not have previously met, etc), I think weddings should be celebrated with people who you want to share your marriage with. Invite coworkers because they are your friend and you wish to share your marriage with them, not because they have a cubicle next to yours (again, separate business from pleasure, if the coworker fits into both categories, invite them as a friend).

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