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The Knot and Bad Advice

doeydodoeydo member
Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
"I won't invite my second cousin's fling.

When you're putting your list together, a spirit of irrationally warm hospitality might take over, making you inclined to invite all of your single guests' guys/girls-of-the-moment. We know you're thinking: "What if they get married one day? I'll feel terrible if my cousin by marriage wasn't at our wedding." But remember, aside from the (big) expense of inviting every single person with a date, you don't want to celebrate the most important event of your life thus far with a bunch of people you'll likely never see again. Trust us, if you invite cousin Bill's arm candy, she'll somehow wind up front and center in half of the photographs, but he'll dump her before you return from your honeymoon, and you won't remember her name in a year. So make a rule about plus ones (maybe it's "only couples who've been dating for more than a year" or "only members of the wedding party get to invite random dates") and stick to it."

From: 10 Wedding Planning Rules For Every Bride http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/planning-a-wedding/articles/10-wedding-planning-rules-for-every-bride.aspx?page=2#ixzz2lHbLkQsW"
Seriously?  You can't judge people's relationships based on how long they have been going out.  If two people identify themselves as couple, they should be invited together, period.  Thoughts?
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Re: The Knot and Bad Advice

  • jlazgrljlazgrl member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    While I agree ETIQUETTE WISE that everyone who considers themselves a couple should be invited as such, I totally understand how you could be iffy about it. I have a friend that has a new BF that she "loves and cant live without" every two weeks. Luckily, she is more of an acquaintance  than a close friend and wasn't invited to our wedding.
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  • Bubblegum5586Bubblegum5586 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    Inkdancer said:
    Hrm. This one is a sticky situation. I think, though, that it would be pretty easily solved by another etiquette rule: invite guests' significant others by name. That way, if cousin Bill is dating Aimee one month and Triana the next, Triana's name is not on the invitation and she is therefore not invited.
    Inviting by name is a good idea! I invited all my friends significant others - many I had never met. And every single person was so happy they got to bring their SO. I want the day to be about love and I want everyone comfortable and happy! I do already have 1 couple that has broken up since my wedding but my friend said she was still so happy she was able too bring him because that night was still a great memory! 

    FWIW I gave a few guest invites as well to some of my older cousins and WP members and NO ONE used theirs. Everyone that was truly single did not bring a date.
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  • CTYankeeBrideCTYankeeBride member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Inkdancer said:
    Hrm. This one is a sticky situation. I think, though, that it would be pretty easily solved by another etiquette rule: invite guests' significant others by name. That way, if cousin Bill is dating Aimee one month and Triana the next, Triana's name is not on the invitation and she is therefore not invited.
    I second (third?) this! Granted cousin Bill might make the argument that if you had room for Aimee so you must have room for Triana but at least then you still have the option to say that the invite was to Aimee and ask if he's tried the bean dip.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    edited November 2013
    Inkdancer said:
    Hrm. This one is a sticky situation. I think, though, that it would be pretty easily solved by another etiquette rule: invite guests' significant others by name. That way, if cousin Bill is dating Aimee one month and Triana the next, Triana's name is not on the invitation and she is therefore not invited.
    Excellent solution!

    I agree with not judging someone else's relationship. You never know which may be permanent and which may end up ugly.

    1. My daughter's first official date with my now SIL was to her friend's wedding. The friend called her to ask her if she would like to bring a date, since she would be travelling dark country roads at night to attend. He also had several last minute cancellations and didn't want food to go to waste. She asked the handsome new guy in her wine club if he'd like to go to a wedding. The rest is history : ) 

    2. Friend's son brought his girlfriend of a six months to his sister's wedding. She insinuated herself many of the family pictures and wedding party pictures, dead center, until someone quietly took the photographer aside to let him know that she wasn't a close family member. The girlfriend turned into a vindictive stalker at the breakup of the relationship, friend and her son don't want any reminders of the relationship.
                       
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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer First Anniversary
    I agree with the fact that you don't have to give all of your guests a +1 although it would be nice, however it's none of the couple's business how serious your relationship is, so if guests are in a relationship with someone, then the other person must be invited. It's not like that person's going to want to dance with the singles who are invited, most likely they are going to feel left out of the fun because they'd feel guilty dancing with someone other than there SO, and probably will not have an enjoyable time. True single guests do not need a +1 and the whole flavor of the month type people, I can understand would be a tough one. I guess if you are doing invitations, you put the name of whoever they are with at the time, but if they break up, I'd ask that person by word of mouth if they are seeing anybody new that we want to be aware of, and if so, they are more than welcome to bring them. If that person is single at the time, then I'd say, "I'm sorry it didn't work out with ---- but maybe you will meet somebody nice at our wedding."
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  • syoun1njsyoun1nj member
    Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    We gave +1s to any somewhat established couple that we were aware of. One friend we didnt know had a GF asked for a +1, which we said OK to. Another friend asked if her sister could join her if we had space. We did, and I liked her sister, so we said no problem as well. Otherwise we had no +1 issues, but, I am 30 and he is 34, so a lot of our friends are already married or in established relationships. Im sure this is tougher for younger couple who may have friends with more "flighty" dates. Still, I think if some considers someone a "boyfriend" or "girlfriend" or any term for significant other, they should be able to bring them.
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