Speaking of Schmucks - No Shows

heathertims · October 2013

We had 9 no shows.
8 of them were OOT, 1 was local. All of them were my Husband's invites

A family of 5 canceled 2 days before. One of the kids was having some serious isues, and we didnt think they would make it in any case. No hard feelings obviously.

A party of 3 didn't show, coming from New Brunswick. They were getting married the month before, and we declined their wedding because, well, we had too much on our plate to make the long drive. We declined as soon as we got their invite, so it gave them plenty of time to say they couldnt make it after all. Well, they didn't show. Worst of all, they invited along the mother, who is not "technically" family (she is not with my husband's uncle). She was not mentioned on ANY invites. We chose to be nice, and let her come. In fact, we never mentioned she wasnt invited. Well, those asshats never showed. Never e-mailed. Nothing. SO. PISSED.

THEN, one of my Husband's high school friends texted him that week saying he might not be able to come. Husband's response "Are you coming or not? We already confirmed your seat." He said he woudl come. Well, he didnt. Nor did he write anything to either of us. DH says "Oh, he's always had anxiety issues" Honestly, that's no excuse. Seems like he has respect issues too.

People do not understand that weddings are not Barbecues. You cannot just not show up. You cannot request chicken nuggets for your 16 year old daughter that only eats nuggets and pizza. I had 3 options for God's sake!!!

MairePoppy · October 2013

banana468 said:

Maire, how did I forget that your daughter was married after Sandy? I get chills thinking about that terrible storm!

She was married the day before Sandy hit CT. It was a horrible storm for so many people, but at least we have some happy memories of that time.

mrsbuzzlightyear · October 2013

heathertims said:

We had 9 no shows.
8 of them were OOT, 1 was local. All of them were my Husband's invites

A family of 5 canceled 2 days before. One of the kids was having some serious isues, and we didnt think they would make it in any case. No hard feelings obviously.

A party of 3 didn't show, coming from New Brunswick. They were getting married the month before, and we declined their wedding because, well, we had too much on our plate to make the long drive. We declined as soon as we got their invite, so it gave them plenty of time to say they couldnt make it after all. Well, they didn't show. Worst of all, they invited along the mother, who is not "technically" family (she is not with my husband's uncle). She was not mentioned on ANY invites. We chose to be nice, and let her come. In fact, we never mentioned she wasnt invited. Well, those asshats never showed. Never e-mailed. Nothing. SO. PISSED.

THEN, one of my Husband's high school friends texted him that week saying he might not be able to come. Husband's response "Are you coming or not? We already confirmed your seat." He said he woudl come. Well, he didnt. Nor did he write anything to either of us. DH says "Oh, he's always had anxiety issues" Honestly, that's no excuse. Seems like he has respect issues too.

People do not understand that weddings are not Barbecues. You cannot just not show up. You cannot request chicken nuggets for your 16 year old daughter that only eats nuggets and pizza. I had 3 options for God's sake!!!

I am so worried about someone trying to pull this at my wedding. I know for a fact that I have one "picky eater" -- her entire diet is pizza, chicken nuggets, and pb&j. Our options are, admittedly, none of these... How exactly did you handle this situation?

PolarBearFitz · October 2013

mrsbuzzlightyear said:

heathertims said:

We had 9 no shows.
8 of them were OOT, 1 was local. All of them were my Husband's invites

A family of 5 canceled 2 days before. One of the kids was having some serious isues, and we didnt think they would make it in any case. No hard feelings obviously.

A party of 3 didn't show, coming from New Brunswick. They were getting married the month before, and we declined their wedding because, well, we had too much on our plate to make the long drive. We declined as soon as we got their invite, so it gave them plenty of time to say they couldnt make it after all. Well, they didn't show. Worst of all, they invited along the mother, who is not "technically" family (she is not with my husband's uncle). She was not mentioned on ANY invites. We chose to be nice, and let her come. In fact, we never mentioned she wasnt invited. Well, those asshats never showed. Never e-mailed. Nothing. SO. PISSED.

THEN, one of my Husband's high school friends texted him that week saying he might not be able to come. Husband's response "Are you coming or not? We already confirmed your seat." He said he woudl come. Well, he didnt. Nor did he write anything to either of us. DH says "Oh, he's always had anxiety issues" Honestly, that's no excuse. Seems like he has respect issues too.

People do not understand that weddings are not Barbecues. You cannot just not show up. You cannot request chicken nuggets for your 16 year old daughter that only eats nuggets and pizza. I had 3 options for God's sake!!!

I am so worried about someone trying to pull this at my wedding. I know for a fact that I have one "picky eater" -- her entire diet is pizza, chicken nuggets, and pb&j. Our options are, admittedly, none of these... How exactly did you handle this situation?

When it comes to kiddie requests you really do not need to handle them. The parents are responsible for feeding their child if the provided food is somehow not acceptable. Definitely not something you need to plan for or worry about.

Jen4948 · October 2013

mrsbuzzlightyear said:

heathertims said:

We had 9 no shows.
8 of them were OOT, 1 was local. All of them were my Husband's invites

A family of 5 canceled 2 days before. One of the kids was having some serious isues, and we didnt think they would make it in any case. No hard feelings obviously.

A party of 3 didn't show, coming from New Brunswick. They were getting married the month before, and we declined their wedding because, well, we had too much on our plate to make the long drive. We declined as soon as we got their invite, so it gave them plenty of time to say they couldnt make it after all. Well, they didn't show. Worst of all, they invited along the mother, who is not "technically" family (she is not with my husband's uncle). She was not mentioned on ANY invites. We chose to be nice, and let her come. In fact, we never mentioned she wasnt invited. Well, those asshats never showed. Never e-mailed. Nothing. SO. PISSED.

THEN, one of my Husband's high school friends texted him that week saying he might not be able to come. Husband's response "Are you coming or not? We already confirmed your seat." He said he woudl come. Well, he didnt. Nor did he write anything to either of us. DH says "Oh, he's always had anxiety issues" Honestly, that's no excuse. Seems like he has respect issues too.

People do not understand that weddings are not Barbecues. You cannot just not show up. You cannot request chicken nuggets for your 16 year old daughter that only eats nuggets and pizza. I had 3 options for God's sake!!!

I am so worried about someone trying to pull this at my wedding. I know for a fact that I have one "picky eater" -- her entire diet is pizza, chicken nuggets, and pb&j. Our options are, admittedly, none of these... How exactly did you handle this situation?

I wouldn't. Picky eaters, or their parents, are responsible for feeding them(selves) on their own time and dime if they are not willing to eat what you provide.

NYCBruin · October 2013

photokitty said:

D&D has got to be one of the WORST excuses I've heard of. I'd be astounded if someone RSVPed "no" because the wedding was during a regularly scheduled game. But to RSVP "yes" and not show up because of a game? No thank you, you can leave forever, goodbye.

I am NOT saying that the flu is a bad reason to miss a wedding (it's not!), but my partner had the flu when we were up at a wedding last weekend. I'll tell you, he probably should have stayed in the hotel (or at home!), although he says he had a good time.
I think the flu is an excellent reason to miss~ but that's bc I don't want to catch the flu from you. When you are sick please stay home and keep your germs to yourself

So much this! I HATE when people show up to work/school/social functions when they are sick. The work one especially bugs me b/c so often someone is like "oh so and so is sooo dedicated, he came in when he wasn't feeling well." To which I want to respond, "Yeah and he also got the entire team sick and killed productivity for the week so maybe we shouldn't encourage this type of behavior"

mrsbuzzlightyear · November 2013

aefitz29 said:

mrsbuzzlightyear said:

heathertims said:

We had 9 no shows.
8 of them were OOT, 1 was local. All of them were my Husband's invites

A family of 5 canceled 2 days before. One of the kids was having some serious isues, and we didnt think they would make it in any case. No hard feelings obviously.

A party of 3 didn't show, coming from New Brunswick. They were getting married the month before, and we declined their wedding because, well, we had too much on our plate to make the long drive. We declined as soon as we got their invite, so it gave them plenty of time to say they couldnt make it after all. Well, they didn't show. Worst of all, they invited along the mother, who is not "technically" family (she is not with my husband's uncle). She was not mentioned on ANY invites. We chose to be nice, and let her come. In fact, we never mentioned she wasnt invited. Well, those asshats never showed. Never e-mailed. Nothing. SO. PISSED.

THEN, one of my Husband's high school friends texted him that week saying he might not be able to come. Husband's response "Are you coming or not? We already confirmed your seat." He said he woudl come. Well, he didnt. Nor did he write anything to either of us. DH says "Oh, he's always had anxiety issues" Honestly, that's no excuse. Seems like he has respect issues too.

People do not understand that weddings are not Barbecues. You cannot just not show up. You cannot request chicken nuggets for your 16 year old daughter that only eats nuggets and pizza. I had 3 options for God's sake!!!

I am so worried about someone trying to pull this at my wedding. I know for a fact that I have one "picky eater" -- her entire diet is pizza, chicken nuggets, and pb&j. Our options are, admittedly, none of these... How exactly did you handle this situation?

When it comes to kiddie requests you really do not need to handle them. The parents are responsible for feeding their child if the provided food is somehow not acceptable. Definitely not something you need to plan for or worry about.

I have no problem accommodating kids... but this girl will be 25 around the time of the wedding! Good to know that I'm off the hook for catering to her picky eating habits! Thank you! (and @Jen4948, who gave similar sound advice!)

radleyboo · November 2013

MairePoppy said:

My daughter had many no shows due to Hurricane Sandy, completely understandable.

I had eleven no shows at my wedding. My mother's sister added her sons, their wives and grandchildren to her RSVP. My mother decided to let it go since my aunt was a big trouble maker in the family and she wanted to avoid drama. None of them showed up. They didn't call before or after, either. Even though it was a waste of food and money, there was a silver lining. It was the end of my relationship with those awful people.

I have a real question about this: What do you think happens when people add non-invited guests to their RSVP and then pass the word on to said people? Do you think these people would say, 'Well, we didn't get our own invitation, so we won't be coming.'? Maybe that's why they don't show in these cases? I dunno... If my mom called me and said, 'Dad and I got invited to X wedding and we decided to include you, H and the kids, I'd be appalled and say absolutely not! Just a thought, maybe some add-ons have more manners than we think.

ETA-this is a general question, not necessarily directed only at @MairePoppy.

KickAssMOH · November 2013

radleyboo said:

MairePoppy said:

My daughter had many no shows due to Hurricane Sandy, completely understandable.

I had eleven no shows at my wedding. My mother's sister added her sons, their wives and grandchildren to her RSVP. My mother decided to let it go since my aunt was a big trouble maker in the family and she wanted to avoid drama. None of them showed up. They didn't call before or after, either. Even though it was a waste of food and money, there was a silver lining. It was the end of my relationship with those awful people.

I have a real question about this: What do you think happens when people add non-invited guests to their RSVP and then pass the word on to said people? Do you think these people would say, 'Well, we didn't get our own invitation, so we won't be coming.'? Maybe that's why they don't show in these cases? I dunno... If my mom called me and said, 'Dad and I got invited to X wedding and we decided to include you, H and the kids, I'd be appalled and say absolutely not! Just a thought, maybe some add-ons have more manners than we think.

ETA-this is a general question, not necessarily directed only at @MairePoppy.

My father asked my then FI and I to be an add-on to his RSVP to my cousins's wedding. He got an invitation in the mail address to "My Father's Name & Family". At the time, I was 29 yrs old, having lived outside of my father's house for several years, and engaged to someone whom my cousin had met. My father assumed that the "& family" encompassed my sister, myself, and my fiance. I wasn't too sure about that, and felt awkward asking the cousin for clarification because I did not want to put her in a position to make her feel like she had to say yes.

We did not attend the wedding (my father did not go either, due to travel costs). Months later, she brought up her own wedding in conversation and said to me "I wish you could've been there." ....listen buddy, I'm 29 years old, engaged, have my own house, and you didn't want to take the time to send me my own invitation? I was suppossed to ASSUME that I was a part of my father's invite? What about my FI? Awkward....

MairePoppy · November 2013

@radleyboo. I agree. However, my mother comes from a large family. I am one of the few cousins that had a wedding/reception. Most of the gatherings from mom's family are word of mouth invitations. The cousins might have thought it was ok for their mom to add them in. Or the mom may have done it without even telling them about the wedding. Those particular cousins are trouble makers, just like their mom, though. So it's likely that they were all 'in' on the prank. TBH, I knew when the RSVP came that they wouldn't really show up. Since my parents were paying for our wedding, my mom got to decide whether to correct her sister or not.

heathertims · November 2013

mrsbuzzlightyear said:

heathertims said:

We had 9 no shows.
8 of them were OOT, 1 was local. All of them were my Husband's invites

A family of 5 canceled 2 days before. One of the kids was having some serious isues, and we didnt think they would make it in any case. No hard feelings obviously.

A party of 3 didn't show, coming from New Brunswick. They were getting married the month before, and we declined their wedding because, well, we had too much on our plate to make the long drive. We declined as soon as we got their invite, so it gave them plenty of time to say they couldnt make it after all. Well, they didn't show. Worst of all, they invited along the mother, who is not "technically" family (she is not with my husband's uncle). She was not mentioned on ANY invites. We chose to be nice, and let her come. In fact, we never mentioned she wasnt invited. Well, those asshats never showed. Never e-mailed. Nothing. SO. PISSED.

THEN, one of my Husband's high school friends texted him that week saying he might not be able to come. Husband's response "Are you coming or not? We already confirmed your seat." He said he woudl come. Well, he didnt. Nor did he write anything to either of us. DH says "Oh, he's always had anxiety issues" Honestly, that's no excuse. Seems like he has respect issues too.

People do not understand that weddings are not Barbecues. You cannot just not show up. You cannot request chicken nuggets for your 16 year old daughter that only eats nuggets and pizza. I had 3 options for God's sake!!!

I am so worried about someone trying to pull this at my wedding. I know for a fact that I have one "picky eater" -- her entire diet is pizza, chicken nuggets, and pb&j. Our options are, admittedly, none of these... How exactly did you handle this situation?

I told my uncle "It's the day before the wedding, I cannot acommidate this. We are also serving salad, mashed potatoes, vegetables. There will be popcorn and a sweet table. If she cannot find something to eat, there is a McDonalds next to your hotel. I hope you have a good time"

And that was that. I don't know what happened. Nor do I care. Pizza and nuggets are not a diet.

wrigleyville · November 2013

We didn't have any no-shows, but I had to pull one for my friend's wedding last fall. I felt terrible, but I was sick with an upper respiratory infection and had to take antibiotics and steroids. I called her the day before and said I was very sorry but I didn't want to get her and her H sick before their honeymoon (not to mention the guests). She said she understood and it was completely fine, not to worry, etc.

When I mailed their card, I sent them an extra $50 to (hopefully) make up for our dinners and such. They were having a pretty simple BBQ, as it was a casual wedding, so I figured it was sufficient, but I still feel bad.

easilyunamused · November 2013

We had 2 no shows. A couple, friends of DH family. It was understandable, they both were in work fields that were imperative to the flooding in CO.

One guest brought her son instead of her husband. NBD either.

hockeywithadiamond · November 2013

We had a couple, we thought were close friends, show up for the ceremony. Then I ran into them in the cocktail hour and they confirmed dinner was in the same place, then just no-showed for dinner. 2 weeks later, no text, no call, no card, no explanation. I just really don't think highly of them anymore and it hurts that they couldn't just come up to DH and I and say hey, we have to leave we're so sorry or something like that. But to just ditch out with no explanation is just weird.

pittiemama14 · November 2013

We had 7 no shows. Three were from my side, family friends, and it really bothered me because I talked to them a few days before and they said how excited they were, never bothered to give a reason either. The others were on H's side, some great aunts and uncles that he's never met but MIL insisted on inviting. We also had 2 crashers, and in the recieving line I asked if they were a couple I thought they were (who were actually no shows) and they said oh no were so and so, we never respond on the card, you should have known we were just going to come. WTF?!?How would I know that? Am I a mind reader!? That's H's family for you though....

Amyzen83 · November 2013

MairePoppy said:

My daughter had many no shows due to Hurricane Sandy, completely understandable.

I had eleven no shows at my wedding. My mother's sister added her sons, their wives and grandchildren to her RSVP. My mother decided to let it go since my aunt was a big trouble maker in the family and she wanted to avoid drama. None of them showed up. They didn't call before or after, either. Even though it was a waste of food and money, there was a silver lining. It was the end of my relationship with those awful people.

I have a real question about this: What do you think happens when people add non-invited guests to their RSVP and then pass the word on to said people? Do you think these people would say, 'Well, we didn't get our own invitation, so we won't be coming.'? Maybe that's why they don't show in these cases? I dunno... If my mom called me and said, 'Dad and I got invited to X wedding and we decided to include you, H and the kids, I'd be appalled and say absolutely not! Just a thought, maybe some add-ons have more manners than we think.

ETA-this is a general question, not necessarily directed only at @MairePoppy.

Doh! Stuck in a box! I actually was invited in a similar fashion, Mother of the groom was good friends with my mom and she was telling her over the phone a week before her son's wedding, "so some of their friends are unable to make it, so you are welcome to bring your girls with you to the wedding if they want to come." REALLY??? First of all my sister and I are full grown adults, we are our own units and we were both in serious relationships. Needless to say I told my mom, thanks but fi and I already made plans for that weekend. Perhaps if we were properly invited we would have considered going.

kmj500 · November 2013

pittiemama14 said:

We had 7 no shows. Three were from my side, family friends, and it really bothered me because I talked to them a few days before and they said how excited they were, never bothered to give a reason either. The others were on H's side, some great aunts and uncles that he's never met but MIL insisted on inviting. We also had 2 crashers, and in the recieving line I asked if they were a couple I thought they were (who were actually no shows) and they said oh no were so and so, we never respond on the card, you should have known we were just going to come. WTF?!?How would I know that? Am I a mind reader!? That's H's family for you though....

Ugh, I have a bad feeling this is going to happen with my FH's family too. We decided just to invite his aunt and uncles because he hasn't seen most of his cousins in 10+ years and can't remember most of their names. It's a big question mark whether the aunts and uncles will even come, but his mom keeps saying if they do come they'll probably show up with all their kids & spouses anyways and she's told them they can. First off, all the kids are 20+ years old and would get their own invite if we wanted to invite them. Secondly, people can't just "show up", our wedding isn't some kind of backyard potluck party where anyone can come and bring their own lawn chair. We've told her if those people have the balls to show up uninvited, fine, but those people will feel pretty stupid when they show up and they don't have a place card, there's not enough food/cake for them and no place to sit. Of course she isn't understanding any of it.

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