My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year. We were introduced last Thanksgiving by his older sister, a friend of mine. We immediately connected and our relationship has moved quickly. After 3 months of dating we moved in together, and now have two puppies together that are almost a year old. We just got approved for a mortgage and are shopping for homes. I'm also older (31), and want to start having children within the next few years. (He's also totally on board with having children soon, if it were up to him they might come sooner!) I've never been happier!
Here's where I come into my predicament. My boyfriends sister just got engaged a couple of months ago to her boyfriend of 2 years. They plan to get married next September. While I'm SO happy for them, I'm beginning to realize that this will delay our plans. We would like to get engaged and married soon, but are hesitant to do so because we don't want to take the spotlight off of his sister. (And she LOVES the spotlight)
The reality is that if we decide to wait until after their wedding to get engaged, then we're looking at another 2 years before our wedding. At that point we'll already be in a home we own together with our 2 dogs and we'll be ready to start having children. I would really like to be married before we do those things, if at all possible. Also, we're worried that his family won't be able to afford another wedding. Most of his family lives on the East coast and will be spending a lot of money to travel to the Rockies for his sister's wedding. They do not have a lot of money as it is.
The only 2 options we think we have are:
1. Elope this year quietly before their wedding so that we can be married and still let them have the spotlight. Then maybe in a couple years we can have a party for close friends and family.
2. Talk to his sister about having a small, family-only ceremony on the weekend of her wedding while everyone is together. I just have a few close family members that I would like to come out from the East coast for this.
In either scenario, it seems as though his sister will be offended and we don't get to have the kind of wedding that we want. We aren't interested in a big wedding anyway but since all of our family is far away they are looking at big expenses no matter what. Worst of all, his sister and her fiance are on another continent doing seasonal work so we can't actually talk to them, only send emails. I'm worried that no matter what we do, it's going to be hard to explain via email.
Does anyone have any suggestions on the right thing to do here?