Wedding Etiquette Forum

NWR 3rd Baby Shower?

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Re: NWR 3rd Baby Shower?

  • My good friend is expecting her second (her first just turned one) and her H's family is insisting on thowing a shower for her second because "every baby deserves to be celebrated". Neither she nor I agree with it, but she doesn't want it to be a hill to die on (his family is kinda...forceful and childish).  
    I would do what she is doing and just not invite any friends or my family. If families have a tradition of doing it and they don't invite folks outside the family I don't mind :) 
    If I was in that situation I wouldn't register though and probably wouldn't call it a shower when talking to people outside his family ;)
    No she isn't inviting friends or her side of the family because she thinks its ridiculous and tacky..She did create a registry for discounts..but she will NOT give them that information because she refuses to look gift grabby.
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  • edited November 2013
    My good friend is expecting her second (her first just turned one) and her H's family is insisting on thowing a shower for her second because "every baby deserves to be celebrated". Neither she nor I agree with it, but she doesn't want it to be a hill to die on (his family is kinda...forceful and childish).  
    I would do what she is doing and just not invite any friends or my family. If families have a tradition of doing it and they don't invite folks outside the family I don't mind :) 
    If I was in that situation I wouldn't register though and probably wouldn't call it a shower when talking to people outside his family ;)
    No she isn't inviting friends or her side of the family because she thinks its ridiculous and tacky..She did create a registry for discounts..but she will NOT give them that information because she refuses to look gift grabby.
    That totally makes sense! Not having had one, that would not have occurred to me :)

    On the years later note, it still bothers me - we had a work shower for someone who had a baby 10 years after her youngest - you know bc she didn't have any baby stuff whaaaa... I was not happy about having to buy a gift, but had to attend bc of office politics.

    ETA at least I got office punch bc office punch is the bomb dignity! Especially that sherbet stuff - it's like afternoon crack, but office approved!!! :-9
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

    smalfrie19
  • I just have to say that people who may give away baby items may do so not to "poor planning" but because after x amount of years of trying no new baby is coming. Then surprise! I had my first, went on birth control for a year, got off birth control and for the next 5 and a half years did not even have one late period. Hubby was military so no expensive infertility treatments. During that time gave everything away except the crib and dresser. Why? Because we were told my hormones were incredibly messed up and I was infertile. I went through some rough months desperately wanting another child just to have that hope crashed. Then by some miracle I ended up pregnant. Nobody threw me a shower and at the time I wasn't upset (still am not upset), but it would have been nice. Nothing big or fancy, but something since we were basically starting from scratch.
  • jenajjthr said:
    I just have to say that people who may give away baby items may do so not to "poor planning" but because after x amount of years of trying no new baby is coming. Then surprise! I had my first, went on birth control for a year, got off birth control and for the next 5 and a half years did not even have one late period. Hubby was military so no expensive infertility treatments. During that time gave everything away except the crib and dresser. Why? Because we were told my hormones were incredibly messed up and I was infertile. I went through some rough months desperately wanting another child just to have that hope crashed. Then by some miracle I ended up pregnant. Nobody threw me a shower and at the time I wasn't upset (still am not upset), but it would have been nice. Nothing big or fancy, but something since we were basically starting from scratch.
    Absolutely agree with you and congrats on the baby!  A friend of mine went through the same thing for 6 years, doctors told her it was never going to happen, gave all her stuff away, and found out she was pregnant the next week.  Also baby things get worn out, outdated, recalled, etc. so every new baby does NEED some new items and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

    I was just referring to the people who purposely get the pink stroller, then get pregnant with a boy 18 months later and think it's beneath them to use it again, then use that excuse to entitle themselves to another full blown shower and expect the people who just bought them gifts to buy them the exact freaking same things in another color.  That to me is poor planning, your situation above certainly is not.
  • I have never been invited to a second shower.  They just aren't done in my family or in my friend circles.  In general, traditional types of showers are not my idea of a good time.  Also I feel like I get invited to enough between weddings and first babies so I am very happy that I haven't been invited to any second showers and I would probably decline any second shower invitations unless it was someone I was very close to.

    Now I have gone to 3 sprinkles and each one of those was nice (actually all were better than the full blown showers).

    "Sprinkle" #1 we didn't know the term sprinkle or that we were having one.  We have a group of 7 close girlfriends.  When one friend was pregnant with her second child (first was a girl second a boy) a couple of friends suggested getting together to celebrate her having a boy.  One volunteered to host and provided wine and desserts at her house.  The other contributed some onesie crafts to the event.  The pregnant friend didn't expect any gifts and didn't register but everyone decided on their own to get her some boy clothes.  It was a fun evening with our group of 7 friends.

    "Sprinkle" #3 was the same crowd of 7 and once again "onesie crafts" friend was a main planner and for a friend that was pregnant with her second girl.  We didn't call it a sprinkle, just a get together to celebrate.  We decided to meet up for a restaurant at lunch (everyone pay their own way which is what we always do in this group at a restaurant when it is just our group but we cover the guest of honor).  The planner friend wanted decorations and games and everyone was like no that is a little overboard, so we didn't do any of that.  It was a nice lunch and a couple of people bought some outfits.

    Sprinkle #2 was an actual hosted sprinkle that was pretty much a couples shower---but done as a classy evening affair with drinking!  A good friend of mine and DH got pregnant with her second boy but 8 years after the first one.  They didn't keep their original stuff and were very excited about years later deciding to have a second child.  A couple of enthusiastic friends hosted a couples evening sprinkle at a restaurant party room with heavy hors d' oeuvres, a bar and awesomely delicious cake.  There was a registry and formal invitations.  The couple got lots of registry items like bottles, diaper bag, etc. and several cute outfits.  It was a nice night of celebration and DH and I had a fun time out together socializing with friends and enjoying good food and drinks. 

    I think a sprinkle can be nice but most preferably if it is done in a smaller, informal or different way than the first traditional shower thus making it different enough to be called a sprinkle and not a shower.

    I also don't think there is anything wrong with an enthusiastic friend or relative throwing a second (or in this case third) shower for the right celebratory reasons.  The people who are into it will attend and the others (like me) will politely decline.

    In your case, since it is a cousin I would probably go and take a small gift like an outfit or two.  But I also see no issue if you decline because multiple baby showers just aren't your thing (as long as it wouldn't be side eyed by family).

     

  • I don't mind a shower for each child.  However, most of the showers I've been too have been more of what you guys call "sprinkles."  At the ones I've been too, people have given diapers, clothes, toys, blankets, booties, pacifiers, breast-feeding covers, etc.  I've never been to one where people have given car seats, cribs, strollers, high chairs or other big-ticket items.  And honestly, I would side eye any shower, even a first one, where people registered for big-ticket items.
  • I don't mind a shower for each child.  However, most of the showers I've been too have been more of what you guys call "sprinkles."  At the ones I've been too, people have given diapers, clothes, toys, blankets, booties, pacifiers, breast-feeding covers, etc.  I've never been to one where people have given car seats, cribs, strollers, high chairs or other big-ticket items.  And honestly, I would side eye any shower, even a first one, where people registered for big-ticket items.
    Some people do it for the completion discount.  Also, sometimes family tells you "I want to buy you x" and a registry lets them know what you are interested in.  
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  • mysticl said:
    I don't mind a shower for each child.  However, most of the showers I've been too have been more of what you guys call "sprinkles."  At the ones I've been too, people have given diapers, clothes, toys, blankets, booties, pacifiers, breast-feeding covers, etc.  I've never been to one where people have given car seats, cribs, strollers, high chairs or other big-ticket items.  And honestly, I would side eye any shower, even a first one, where people registered for big-ticket items.
    Some people do it for the completion discount.  Also, sometimes family tells you "I want to buy you x" and a registry lets them know what you are interested in.  
    This.  Also, in some circles it's common for these big ticket items to be purchased as group gifts.
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  • If baby #2 is a different gender than baby #1, a second shower is fine in my book. Somewhat curious as to what happened to everything she received for the first child, though.

    It's also normal for, say, a group of church ladies to throw a shower for a pregnant woman, regardless of how many kids she's had. And it might be kind to remember that no, not everyone saves all of their baby things for 10-20 years, just in case of a "whoops." People move and have to downsize, or think they are "done" and share their stuff with other moms.
  • kitty8403 said:

    If baby #2 is a different gender than baby #1, a second shower is fine in my book.

    (Stuck in quote box)

    Here is my problem with what you said: I have a little girl. If I got pregnant with another girl thats like saying I am not deserving of a shower, but if I got pregnant with a boy I would be deserving. i just think its very unfair considering you have absolutely no control over the gender. Its actually kind of hurtful.

    I do agree that there are some groups, especially churches and workplaces, that like to throw a shower for every single baby. And you tend to meet more mothers after you become one. I have met some wonderful ladies in the last couple of years that I have not hesitated buying baby gifts for and celebrating their children with them. You don't HAVE to throw a shower to give a gift and celebrate a new baby. Just my thoughts.
  • MGP said:

    kitty8403 said:

    If baby #2 is a different gender than baby #1, a second shower is fine in my book.

    (Stuck in quote box)

    Here is my problem with what you said: I have a little girl. If I got pregnant with another girl thats like saying I am not deserving of a shower, but if I got pregnant with a boy I would be deserving. i just think its very unfair considering you have absolutely no control over the gender. Its actually kind of hurtful.

    I do agree that there are some groups, especially churches and workplaces, that like to throw a shower for every single baby. And you tend to meet more mothers after you become one. I have met some wonderful ladies in the last couple of years that I have not hesitated buying baby gifts for and celebrating their children with them. You don't HAVE to throw a shower to give a gift and celebrate a new baby. Just my thoughts.
    I don't really care one way or another, but some of the ladies were arguing that it was "wrong" to host a shower for a second child. I think it's fair to say that a mother of girls (or boys) may need a few different things. So I don't think attacking those moms is right either. And it's logical to say that they probably are more in need than mothers of two kids who happen to be the same gender and fairly close in age.

    It's pretty ridiculous to make a fuss either way. Each baby is its own life event. I don't see the big deal, really.
  • I keep thinking about this, and have a completely different thought -- if I had lost a child either during pregnancy after the shower or at a young age, I would not want another shower. That would be too much of a reminder for me. Just my thoughts.
    Some women find it healing.  A way to say good-bye to the child that was lost and to focus on the new child.  
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  • NYCBruin said:
    mysticl said:
    I don't mind a shower for each child.  However, most of the showers I've been too have been more of what you guys call "sprinkles."  At the ones I've been too, people have given diapers, clothes, toys, blankets, booties, pacifiers, breast-feeding covers, etc.  I've never been to one where people have given car seats, cribs, strollers, high chairs or other big-ticket items.  And honestly, I would side eye any shower, even a first one, where people registered for big-ticket items.
    Some people do it for the completion discount.  Also, sometimes family tells you "I want to buy you x" and a registry lets them know what you are interested in.  
    This.  Also, in some circles it's common for these big ticket items to be purchased as group gifts.
    I see both of your points.  However, I have never seen a shower where people bought big ticket items.  If a family member said they wanted to buy x, it would probably be someone like my mom or grandmother or someone super close, and I could just email them a link to what I was looking at.  

    As for group gift giving, I have never seen that in my mom's circle or mine.  (Granted, I've only been to one shower in my circle.)  I'll be going to my second baby shower in my circle in a couple weeks.  Maybe it will be different.  :)
  • I must confess to being totally taken aback the first time I saw a baby registry--I thought it was so obnoxious! Every shower I've ever attended was an informal get together where people brought relatively inexpensive baby things based on word of mouth about what the mother needed, the known gender of the child, and how well we knew the mother: clothes, diapers, toys, basic care items, maybe a wash tub. A registry with things like strollers would be over the top.

  • I don't mind a shower for each child.  However, most of the showers I've been too have been more of what you guys call "sprinkles."  At the ones I've been too, people have given diapers, clothes, toys, blankets, booties, pacifiers, breast-feeding covers, etc.  I've never been to one where people have given car seats, cribs, strollers, high chairs or other big-ticket items.  And honestly, I would side eye any shower, even a first one, where people registered for big-ticket items.
    My cousin got pregnant at 19 while still living at home with her parents. My mom, being the wonderful person she is, offered to buy cousin a crib. Cousin therefore registered for a crib.

    Of course, cousin registered for the fanciest $600 crib she could find and mom's eyes nearly popped out of her head and lots of drama ensued, but.... yeah. If someone offered to buy you a specific item, I see no problem with registering for it.
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