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I found the same dress as my friend without knowing it

I have been dress shopping recently for my October wedding and after trying on 20+ dresses, I found the dress of my dreams. It made my whole family cry and my friends said no other dress matches up. Once this had been determined, I found out that my best friend has a dress that looks almost exactly the same. She has already purchased hers and I haven't purchased mine yet. It doesn't bother me at all to have an almost identical dress to her, and I wouldn't think it would bother her since her wedding is 8 months before mine, but I could tell she didn't want me to get that dress. Now I'm torn on how to make sure we are both happy. Is it wrong for me to still get the dress?

Re: I found the same dress as my friend without knowing it

  • No. It's not wrong for you to get the dress you love. Your weddings will be completely different and this will be a complete non-issue.

    If you don't get it, 20 years from now, you're not going to be like "oh man, I'm SO glad I didn't piss off Sally by getting a similar dress!" You're going to be like, "*sigh* I can't believe I didn't get my dream dress because of something so trivial..."
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  • Oh god, this is a really tough situation to be in.  It wouldn't bother me at all to have the same dress as a friend (hell I'd offer to go in on the dress and have it altered to fit me after her wedding to save a little money) but I know a lot of brides are very sensitive about that.

    Do you have time to wait a little while and continue looking for dresses before you purchase yours?  Perhaps you'll find something you love even more, and if you don't at least your friend will know that you tried - really, really tried - to find a dress that didn't look so much like hers. 

    Plus, if she's in stressed-out-bride mode right now, she's naturally bound to be a little more sensitive about things that wouldn't bother her at all normally.  Maybe once the wedding is over she'll realize it doesn't really matter that much.

    Hoping maybe someone else here has some good advice!

  • My area is small enough that the salons will only sell one of each dress, for precisely this reason. It decreases the odds of duplication. Once a bride orders that dress, nobody else can come into the same store and order it again.

    That being said, there are only so many basic styles. You're boud to find different things that look similar. So unless this gown is the same designer, same model, I wouldn't even hesitate. And if it is, well, I guess that means somebody out there must be making a great dress.
  • I'm going to take a wild guess that your colors probably aren't the same nor will your BM dresses be the same. You'll probably wear your hair & any accessories different too. If you're still concerned, does the dress allow you to add a sash to it to make it still a little different? 

     

  • Go with the dress you love. Don't change it because you are afraid of her reaction. With her wedding being 8 months prior to yours she gets to show off the dress to everyone first anyway.
  • you said its similar dress is it the same exact dress or something similar if its similar then get it. if you both like the fit of one style of dress ex fit and flair then get it. you will regret it later. 

    when a friend of mine got married the style she was wearing was something i wanted all lace with straps and a v neck well when i tried on an all lace dress with a v neck it was nothing like i dreamed of 

    the style of dress is so trivial to her and if she cant be happy for you or gets mad at you because you walked down in a similar style of dress then she not a true friend 
  • Get the dress. If she really is your best friend, she'll be happy for you that you found a dress that you love. 
  • My friend bought her dream dress and Alfred Angelo. Two years later, her friend got engaged. They went together to buy the wedding dress and found THE ONE.

    Months later, they realized that it was the same exact dress, though her friend had added sleeves to it so it was a little different, but they honestly couldn't tell until they really thought about it because it looked so different on both of them.

    Moral of the story: you'll be fine, and I bet you look beautiful!
  • definitely get the dress! No one will remember 8 months between, and you each will each have your own style and pics.  No wonder you are best friends--seems like you have the same taste too!
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    Anniversary
  • Not only should you purchase the dress you love, but you should do so without regret. I understand it's a tough situation and that you value your friendship, but friendship should be stronger than a garment. 

    Besides, no dress looks the exact same on two women. You'll have different accessories, flowers, weddings, and grooms, so don't sweat it!
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  • Your body types alone will completely change the look. Don't let her dictate your dress.
  • Thank you everyone for your thoughts. You have all inspired me to do what feels right and appreciate the feedback. You all made a tough decision a little less tough.
  • Get the dress! It doesn't matter if it is the same / similar dress. It will look totally different on her than it does on you :)
  • I got married 6 months before my bff.  About a month after my wedding we went shopping for her wedding gown.  She tried one on that was the same basic style as mine.  She ended up not getting it but I wouldn't have minded if she did.  
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • I went to try on dresses and the woman accidentally put me in the same dress that my bridesmaid was considering. For me, it wasn't a big deal....for her, it was.  My MOH is getting married a month before me at the same venue, and we have similar themes/ideas...she does not care, nor do I. I think it is entirely dependent on the person. You should have a conversation with her about it...and honest, down to the bones conversation...see how she feels, and then see how she feels. You might be worrying over nothing....
  • I can understand wanting to look different on your wedding day. That being said, I worked as a chapel photographer for couple years and honestly 9/10 of all dresses were strapless and most were A line. Unless it is an exceptionally uncommon dress - there is going to be a certain amount of similarity even a lot of similarity. I really don't mean for this to sound cynical. Unless it's exactly the same dress down, I wouldn't worry about it. Ladybelle's suggestion is great - have a heart to heart. I cannot honestly see your best friend not wanting you to have your dream dress. Your weddings are a good ways apart. It's not like they're in the same month.

    When I went to try on dresses I inadvertently pulled a dress that my former roommate wore at her wedding which I was in. I figured out as I came out of the dressing room why it looked familiar. The style was not me at all, and the consultant suggested a similar textured dress in a different cut. As soon as she described it, I knew it was the one my other former roommate wore at hers. Anyhow, my 2nd choice dress (realy loved 2 but the price was way better on the one I purchased) was basically the same dress as roommate #2 except with a different skirt cut which would basically have been a cross between their two dresses. Had a good laugh about the similarity in our choices considering our everyday style has NO similarity.


  • Sounds like it is a very similar dress, but not the exact same dress. Get it if you love it, and try to make sure other things are different than her like veil, colors, accessories, hair. Not that she gets "first dibs" on these things. But I'd rather have a similar dress than a similar everything!
  • There was a bride who sold her dress because her cousin bought the same dress. I don't know how she later felt about selling but i have a feeling she was unhappy.

    I'd feel pretty unhappy in a dress that i didn't love because my friend was upset I found a similar dress as she did. You can continue to look if you want to try and make your friend happy but you shouldn't have to completely sacrifice something that makes you feel beautiful because your friend will feel slighted.

    As PP said after all is said and done with very few people will remember the dress she wore...
  • hyechica81hyechica81 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    edited March 2014
    my sil had a dress with pick ups but was a satiny material but had the more ball gown , my dress also has pick ups but its taffeta and had rouching but not a ball gown and nothing really like her dress except we both had pick ups 
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