Bridesmaid who I posted about recently - (Not really responsive to keeping in touch with me, I tried often to talk about non-wedding related topics.) Long story short, she had a baby and we live far apart now. We've grown apart.
I finally was able to talk to her last night a little bit. She brought up the wedding and said "My husband might not be able to come but (my kid) and I will for sure be there."
Why? Why.. when I address the STDate to you and your husband do you assume your kid is invited? So awkward.
I texted her back and explained we weren't able to invite children to the wedding. I hope you are still able to make it but I understand if that makes it difficult."
Her response.. "Oh wow. Yeah I won't be able to come."
…… Ugh
Re: Can I just complain..?
I don't see anything snippy about her response.
Now, you're well within your rights not to allow any children. Totally OK. And yes, lots of people don't understand the envelope thing and interpret every invitation as an invitation to family. It sounds like an unfortunate misunderstanding. Just understand that this could be a difficult situation for a new mom, *especially* if it requires her to be away from home overnight or even multiple days. Even with her husband around, it'll be hard for her if she's breastfeeding.
Since you haven't invited her yet, you still have a chance to follow up with her in case her situation changes at all, and an opportunity to discuss whether you want to make any rule changes with your FI.
I think assumptions about who is/ is not invited depend a lot on your region and social circles. Most people in my area and in my family will have to have the idea of "no kids" beaten into their heads, because not including children is unheard of. Kids ALWAYS go to weddings. Envelope be damned. You have to spell it out. Other areas, this is apparently not the case.
But I also think it's a tiny bit unfair to expect her to read a save the date the same way as a formal invite, you know? A save the date never says who will be invited. It's just a "hey! An invitation is coming!" (ETA: if people have to travel, then they might call or text or e-mail before they get their invite to confirm who is supposed to come. Which is what she was attempting to do.)
So in regard to her kid, she basically RSVPed to a non-existent invitation. Yes, she's in the wrong for assuming who the invitation would include without asking, but it was nice of her to try to give you some early feedback.
No, I wouldn't be upset at that response. What she said doesn't indicate that she's offended, just that she's unwilling to travel to your wedding without her young child. A lot of people would have the same reaction. Neither of you are in the wrong.
RSVP Date: September 20