Wedding Woes

Mom and MIL issues

Ever since we have been engaged the plan for things is that my parents would pay for the wedding and reception and his parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner and our honeymoon.  

Since my FMIL has been planning the rehearsal dinner it has been getting WAY out of hand.  I have opted to not say too much about it since she is paying for it.  I was ok with the fact that she didn't want to use our wedding colors, have a theme, have cake, invite over 50 people, and hire a saxophonist to serenade people.…my fiancé and I have been able to talk her out of favors but, trying to talk to her about any of this isn't working.…nothing we can say to her is working. These things are not things you see at rehearsal dinners where we are getting married.  Both my fiancé and I feel like this rehearsal dinner is taking away from the focus of the day….the focus of why we are really there.

I was learning to be ok with all of this up until this past Sunday when her "ideas" started to invade the reception…what my parents are paying for.  Sunday while gathering addresses for our save the dates she mentioned that she thought we needed to have free "signature drinks at the reception in addition to the free beer and wine that my parents are paying for.  She said that they would pay for it.  Here's the kicker….she said this will make the reception classy.  WHAT THE HECK?  How is what we (my parents have let my FI and I have a HUGE say in what is happening at the ceremony and reception) are doing at the reception not classy? Sure, not all of our centerpieces match….but that is the trend.  

So now my mother has said that if they (the future inlaws) want to pay for the signature drinks, then they can pay for the whole bar tab (beer and wine).  My FI and I can see this starting a "war" between the two families….not what we want.  If my FI talking to his mom doesn't work, then my mother has said that if they have dinner together to discuss this, it isn't the only thing that she'll bring up.  She'll bring up the rehearsal dinner and how the focus isn't on my fiancé and I.

The whole point of this post is that planning this wedding isn't fun anymore.  My FI and I aren't having fun at all because of ALL of this.  Do you guys have suggestions on how we can start having fun again?

Re: Mom and MIL issues

  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    WHY IS THIS IN COMIC SANS.

    Your fiance just needs to have a come-to-Jesus with his mom, and if this is all still bothering you, then decline the money for the rehearsal dinner and host your own.

  • Why did you post this on so many boards? And in that font as well.
    image
    JCbride2015
  • Wow....didn't realize comic sans was such a big deal. I posted because not everybody reads all the boards. I did what I thought was best
  • Thanks for the advice @thejuchidea. Would it be better to be there when he has the come to Jesus talk or should I back off
  • thejucheideathejucheidea East Nashville, Tennessee member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Back off -- it's not your mom.

    And when you post on multiple boards, please write 'XP:' in front of the post title.

  • I would have LOVED if my MIL wanted to get that detailed in the planning of my RD and offered to pay for booze at my reception. Why are you trying to control this so hard?  Why is your MIL's offer to pay for a signature drink at the reception going to 'cause a war'?  

    It sounds like she's excited and likes to have a party to plan.  Get excited with her.  Collaborate.  Maybe, if you stop fighting her every step of the way and join her, you can steer the ship to the place you want it to go (like, no favors island). 
  • CLI242009CLI242009 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    edited November 2013
    @mrs.conn23 - I think OP's mother is taking offense that their soon to be in laws are offering to pay for something when they are the ones paying for the reception (the whole who pays gets the say).

    I know for most this would be awesome, but there are some people out there that would get offended by this. (offering to pay for dinner, the movie, etc.) I don't understand it, but it just sounds like OP's mom is offended. OP's parents are paying for it. This could be a moment they have been waiting for since having her. This is important to them and their future in laws are budding in. Yes I know it's a suggestion but OP's mom could be taking it as if the in-laws think they are not doing a good enough job or something.

    If what OP's mom said "So now my mother has said that if they (the future inlaws) want to pay for the signature drinks, then they can pay for the whole bar tab (beer and wine). " ever got back to her FMIL, yes that could start a war or fight or whatever. Also there's the comment about if they have dinner other things will be brought up for discussion. That can turn ugly very easily....

    I don't think the OP is trying to control anything. It just sounds like her FMIL is going a bit overboard with her planning for the RD. Not sure what she means about how the RD is not about the couple...*shrugs*
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    WedMe14
  • It kind of sounds like the groom's mom is singing "Anything you can do, I can do better" starting with an over the top rehearsal dinner.  I made my daughter and son-in-law a very nice, sit down, engagement party within my means, which meant no alcohol (the only thing that was sacrificed).  Her, then, FFIL decided he wanted to include alcohol and left his credit card at the bar and had service people offer drinks to guests.  I was smoking mad.  He made no effort to pay for anything else, and contributed about .01 on the dollar for the wedding.  How dare he make the decision to add to anything on his own?
    It sounds like this groom's mom is using the rehearsal dinner to say "this is what a wedding would look like if I did it". 
    soontobemrsbuccheri
  • It kind of sounds like the groom's mom is singing "Anything you can do, I can do better" starting with an over the top rehearsal dinner.  I made my daughter and son-in-law a very nice, sit down, engagement party within my means, which meant no alcohol (the only thing that was sacrificed).  Her, then, FFIL decided he wanted to include alcohol and left his credit card at the bar and had service people offer drinks to guests.  I was smoking mad.  He made no effort to pay for anything else, and contributed about .01 on the dollar for the wedding.  How dare he make the decision to add to anything on his own?
    It sounds like this groom's mom is using the rehearsal dinner to say "this is what a wedding would look like if I did it". 
    That was the point I was trying to make, thank you for posting this. =) It's just rude when someone was already asked/volunteered to do the RD (or it could be any party for that matter) and then someone comes along and basically wants to change what you planned. It's rude to the person whose planning it.
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