No thank you notes for money?

CallaLily25 · November 2013

Is this something that happens now?

We were at two weddings (one in the beginning of August, one in the beginning of September) and still haven't received thank you notes. Both weddings we traveled over 12 hours to attend. We gave checks made out to the couples at the weddings (both of which were cashed promptly), so I was thinking maybe it was becoming common for people to only write thank you gifts for physical gifts?

I'm just confused/annoyed/a tad insulted. Thoughts?

Weesh · November 2013

Sorry, but it sounds like they are just rude. It's always appropriate to thank a person for a gift or something thoughtful they've done for you. Even if you didn't bring a gift, you should still get a thank you for coming and sharing the day, especially since you traveled so far. The only thing I can think of is that they might be waiting for photos. Someone mentioned that on another thread.

Anaelsea · November 2013

If it was my check I would file an inquiry with my bank, declare the check stolen and then when the couple calls me to say wtf, I would say Oh, I thought someone nabbed our check because we never heard anything from you two so I thought it was stolen! Yep, I'm that passive aggressive.

JCbride2015 · November 2013

Anaelsea said:

If it was my check I would file an inquiry with my bank, declare the check stolen and then when the couple calls me to say wtf, I would say Oh, I thought someone nabbed our check because we never heard anything from you two so I thought it was stolen! Yep, I'm that passive aggressive.

Hahaha that's pretty bad. I don't think I would go that far.

I sent a gift card for my friend's wedding, ahead of time through an online registry, which I'm pretty sure was proper etiquette. Never received a thank-you card for that, either. It makes me slightly nervous it never reached her, since I didn't place an envelope at the wedding or anything. I have never said anything about it to my friend, just gave her the benefit of the doubt that the card was lost in the mail because she's normally a very conscientious person. I think it's one of those things you can be annoyed about, but you just let it go.

SP29 · December 2013

While this may be common, no, it is not correct.

Either they aren't planning on sending out Thank Yous at all, or you'll be getting a TY with a photo on it.

misssunshine17 · December 2013

Yes, it's a thing. A thing assholes do, apparently.

If I were you, I'd start giving cash then you can ask if they got it since you know a check is cashed.

thisismynickname2 · December 2013

I gave cash at a wedding in Aug and just got a thank you today. It was a pro photo card. So, my advice? Keep waiting and I'm sure one will show within that fake year deadline.

CallaLily25 · December 2013

I'll keep the board posted on whether we eventually get anything. I'm still holding out hope that it's because of photos or something and that this doesn't become some kind of trend.

MobKaz · December 2013

I personally think this thread serves as a reminder that the priority for any couple should be to prioritize their appreciation versus their photos. It appears to be yet another, final "blow" on the "all about me" scale. I would prefer a card personalized with sincere thoughts versus a photo.

If couples are hell bent on a photo thank you card, have a close friend or family member take a few shots on a personal digital camera/phone. Any online photo company such as Shutterfly or Zazzle can get those cards to you much quicker than waiting for professional photography. And, let's face it.....those cards will eventually be tossed just as quickly as a dime store card.

NYCBruin · December 2013

mobkaz said:

I personally think this thread serves as a reminder that the priority for any couple should be to prioritize their appreciation versus their photos. It appears to be yet another, final "blow" on the "all about me" scale. I would prefer a card personalized with sincere thoughts versus a photo.

If couples are hell bent on a photo thank you card, have a close friend or family member take a few shots on a personal digital camera/phone. Any online photo company such as Shutterfly or Zazzle can get those cards to you much quicker than waiting for professional photography. And, let's face it.....those cards will eventually be tossed just as quickly as a dime store card.

Agreed! Not to mention, many people send their gifts before the wedding. If the couple is hell-bent on waiting for photo TY cards, that means that the person who sent a gift a month before the wedding is waiting a really long time for their TY. The purpose of a TY note is to thank the gift-giver for their generosity, not to show off pictures of yourselves. Nothing wrong with also including a picture, but it damn well better not interfere with the actual point of the TY note: thanking the gift-giver promptly.

indianaalum · December 2013

I sent thank you cards for every cash gift (which was the majority of gifts, I received)

SP29 · December 2013

For my shower, despite having a registry, I still received mostly cash gifts. I still wrote thank you notes for these. I wrote what the money would be used for, "Thank you for the generous gift- we will use it towards completing our dinnerware set", or something similar.

We will do the same for any cash gifts received at the wedding.

Out of the 4 weddings I've been to in the last 3 years, two sent thank you cards (one was a physical gift, one was a cash gift), two didn't (both were cash gifts).

lissag1285 · December 2013

Thank you notes are always nessasary. People can be so rude

RebeccaB88 · December 2013

It's what rude people do. I would totally ask them about it, straight up.

For my mom and I, if we don't get a thank you note for the wedding, we don't send baby gifts...or any other gift...ever.

thejucheidea · December 2013

I personally think this thread serves as a reminder that the priority for any couple should be to prioritize their appreciation versus their photos. It appears to be yet another, final "blow" on the "all about me" scale. I would prefer a card personalized with sincere thoughts versus a photo.

If couples are hell bent on a photo thank you card, have a close friend or family member take a few shots on a personal digital camera/phone. Any online photo company such as Shutterfly or Zazzle can get those cards to you much quicker than waiting for professional photography. And, let's face it.....those cards will eventually be tossed just as quickly as a dime store card.

HIGHLY agree. We used one of our engagement photos for our thank you cards so that they could all be sent out the week after the wedding. If people want to see wedding photos, they can look on Facebook or whatever -- I had no interest in making them wait for the six weeks between the wedding and when we got our photographs.

kgd7357 · December 2013

This past month (November) my FI and I received two thank you notes. One for a wedding LAST October. Granted we gave the gift in person to the couple about a month after the wedding, since it had some perishable items, so we didn't want it sitting on a gift table at the wedding. Still though that was last November. The other was for a wedding in June, and I mailed a gift card. For that one I was really worried that the couple didn't get it (the site said it was delivered two days after the wedding). I was actually about to ask about it, when we got the card two weeks ago. Some people are REALLY late when it comes to TY notes.

In your case, I don't think you can do much about it, since you know they got the gift. Just hold out to see if you get a late card.

ei34 · December 2013

I always give a cash/check gift...I've received thank you's one month after the wedding all the way to ten months after the wedding. Although my wedding thank you cards were mailed to my guests within three weeks, I myself don't mind how far after a wedding I receive a thank you from a couple. If you'd like I guess you can contact the couples to confirm they received your gifts (to send a message, since you saw that the checks were cashed..)

TerriHugg · December 2013

I'm a very sentimental person so I gave thank you cards for those who sent a physical or cash gift, those who attended the wedding and to those who showed their support of our union.

Unfortunately, a lot of people just don't understand the importance of thanking guests for their thoughtfulness. I have also been on the non-receiving end of a thank you card after giving a gift and stewed on it for a while.

It's natural to be upset about it. However, when discussing my feelings about the lack of card with someone else a while back, I was told that while my feelings are valid it's important to remember that a true gift is given without the expectation of getting anything in return. That made me analyze the reasons why I and some people give gifts. If you are giving gifts to receive praise for your "selflessness" it's for the wrong reasons. (I'm not saying that you did that op, but some people do.) However, if you are giving a gift from the depths of your heart in the hopes that it will make someone's day a little brighter and life a lighter easier, then getting a card doesn't change much.

Don't get me wrong, people should send a thank you card and it is definitely rude to not send one after receiving a gift. I'm just saying that remembering a true gift is given without the expectation of anything return helps you get over the feelings of anger and holding a grudge about it for too long.

Regardless, I do hope you get your card OP.

lissag1285 · December 2013

People are flat out rude these days. I had two people last year forget thank you cards. There is no acceptable reason for that. Just plain rude.

Jen4948 · December 2013

I don't know why you didn't receive thank-you notes for your cash gifts, but your not having done so is rude. I'm sorry that you were treated like that.

hlvonb · December 2013

I think they are rude. I wouldn't hold my breath for a thank you card but who knows - maybe they're just having bad luck with getting their photo thank you cards or something.

manjermj · December 2013

Totally rude! I'm still waiting on a shower thank-you from July and a wedding thank you from the same bride from August 31....definitely don't think I'll be getting either. So rude.

Miss Y to Mrs Z · December 2013

I am working on my thank yous from my shower November 23rd and I am sending thank you cards to those who attended and brought gifts and/or money/giftcards as well as to those who did not attend the shower but sent gifts to my house.

I think it is terribly rude not to send a thank you for any gift you receive in person or delivered whether cash or a present. I also think thank you cards should be sent out as soon as possible after the event (shower or wedding).

heathertims · December 2013

I would be suprised if you didnt get one from either! My wedding was end of september, and I am still hand writing all my thank yous. I hope to have them sent out before new years. Not sure if thats within the alloted timeline, but we had problems with the printers and the photographer (getting it all on time)

Who knows, maybe they're running behind.

manateehugger · December 2013

heathertims said:

I would be suprised if you didnt get one from either! My wedding was end of september, and I am still hand writing all my thank yous. I hope to have them sent out before new years. Not sure if thats within the alloted timeline, but we had problems with the printers and the photographer (getting it all on time)

Who knows, maybe they're running behind.

Just run to the store and buy a generic box of thank-you's for $10. You're coming up on two months; just get them done. As stated above, people don't care if your thank you is a picture of you.

Gisellerina · December 2013

Unfortunately some people don't write Thank You's. If they've already cashed your check and you haven't received one, my guess/assumption would be you're probably not going to get one. But, maybe you'll be surprised with a late Thank You?

Do you know what else some people don't do? Open their wedding presents and cards. I have a friend who got married in May. By August, not only had I not received a Thank You note, my check hadn't been cashed. I asked her about it, because I was worried something happened. And she told me that they've been so busy, they haven't opened their wedding presents or cards. It's now December . . . and my check still has not been cashed.

Sorry about the threadjack. This just seemed like a good place to share.

Weesh · December 2013

Gisellerina said:

Unfortunately some people don't write Thank You's. If they've already cashed your check and you haven't received one, my guess/assumption would be you're probably not going to get one. But, maybe you'll be surprised with a late Thank You?
Do you know what else some people don't do? Open their wedding presents and cards. I have a friend who got married in May. By August, not only had I not received a Thank You note, my check hadn't been cashed. I asked her about it, because I was worried something happened. And she told me that they've been so busy, they haven't opened their wedding presents or cards. It's now December . . . and my check still has not been cashed.
Sorry about the threadjack. This just seemed like a good place to share.

I think I would have lost my mind. I do most of my banking online, and barely write checks. I've been writing checks for the wedding and to vendors, and one of my vendors held the check for a month after letting me know he got it. During one of our e-mail exchanges, I asked if something wasn't filled out correctly because it had been over a month (and it was a substantial check.) He said no, that he just hadn't had a chance yet. It was cashed a week and a half later, but taking 5.5 weeks to deposit a check after he told me he had it seemed crazy.

Gisellerina · December 2013

@Weesh - it annoys me every month when I get my bank statement and reconcile my account. How hard is it to open presents and cards? It's now technically a "stale" check since it's over six months old, but I'm treating it as if they can cash it because I don't want a $400.00 surprise. Ugh.

Their wedding was not extremely large - 100 people - so I really have no idea what the issue is. Although, they registered for a Honeyfund as well. And then didn't even go on a honeymoon. So there's that gem too.

Weesh · December 2013

@Gisellerina

I would lose it. How long does it take to go to the bank? I won't be racing there on Saturday morning after the wedding, but I'll definitely be there before or right after we go on our honeymoon. It's not for needing the cash (although it will probably be nice) but more for my guests, and NOT making them wait for weeks or months to cash a check. How long do people actually have to cash checks?

And registered for a Honeyfund but didn't go? How does that work? And how on earth do you write a thank you card for something you clearly didn't get/use/do?

RebeccaB88 · December 2013

@Gisellerina, at this point I think I'd put a stop payment on it and assume they don't want your gift. Hella rude! I had a cousin who hadn't opened some wedding gifts 5 years after her wedding, but you'd better bet she'd cashed the checks. And she ended up leaving the gifts in the house when they sold it...

RebeccaB88 · December 2013

@Gisellerina, at this point I think I'd put a stop payment on it and assume they don't want your gift. Hella rude! I had a cousin who hadn't opened some wedding gifts 5 years after her wedding, but you'd better bet she'd cashed the checks. And she ended up leaving the gifts in the house when they sold it...

No thank you notes for money?

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