No reception

FoxandBunny · November 2013

GPla08 said:

I have a ring (additional to the promise ring) and it means a commitment I have with my partner; not that we are going to get married tomorrow. My point here is that the ring I have is a symbol of faithfulness to each other and taking things easy, knowing that a wedding will come in some years. I meant to ask for nice advice here, but I see this isn't the right forum for me, sorry!

What I want to know is why you are worried about a reception when you aren't "going to get married tomorrow"? It makes no sense to me. If you have no plans to get married soon (and with two different promise/commitment rings, it doesn't seem like it) then why worry about it until you actually get engaged and are planning the wedding? I understand talking about what future wedding you want with your SO in a framework of "If one day we get married, what would you like it to be like?" but that does not mean preplanning or getting all worked up about it. Save that for when you actually are engaged and have to worry about it.

I also don't understand the multiple rings. I agree with PP. It seems like your SO is pacifying you as you seem to be really focused on a wedding, yet he doesn't seem quite ready for it. He seems to just be giving you rings that don't mean much of anything as a way of seeming committed to you, which you shouldn't need if you trust and have a good relationship with each other.

@Brisox81 - Thanks for clearing it up. I'm with TwoDimes, I would love a link.

buddysmom80 · November 2013

Hahahaah, I totally started that shit-show.

GoldenPenguin · November 2013

cosigned: @buddysmom80

buddysmom80 · November 2013

I just ate my 2 carat promise ring for lunch, I was hungry.

ETA: I forgot to add it was my promise ring, bf is going to be pissssed.

PrettyGirlLost · November 2013

minskat30 said:

Kait said:

Wait a sec, pre-engaged is a tradition now?

You gals know I don't believe in planning for a wedding before you are engaged but there actually are some cultures that are a little vague on what is and what is not the time before/after engagement. For example, Indian cultures sometimes have a meeting of the families where gifts are exchanged and the families can essentially bless the couple before the engagement. It can be quite an eleborate affair (H's mom gifted me with several Sari's, a very beautiful gold necklace that has been passed down to the women who were getting engaged in her family, etc and I made sure my family had several gifts for her in excahnge). H actually proposed to me before this but, in his family's mind, it wasn't official without the ceremony...if that makes sense? That said, I don't think planning the ceremony itself before an official agreement between the couple is appropriate until you consider yourselves as engaged to be married.

And, for the record, I don't think you should have a wedding where you invite guests if you don't thank them with a meal (unless it isn't a "meal" time, in which case a simple thank you with snacks/beverages is appropriate).

That sounds like a betrothal, which is a formal and contractual agreement. Kind of like when the young children of European royalty would be betrothed to each other in a formal agreement and then celebratory feast, but not married until they were actually of age.

PrettyGirlLost · November 2013

minskat30 said:

Kait said:

Wait a sec, pre-engaged is a tradition now?

You gals know I don't believe in planning for a wedding before you are engaged but there actually are some cultures that are a little vague on what is and what is not the time before/after engagement. For example, Indian cultures sometimes have a meeting of the families where gifts are exchanged and the families can essentially bless the couple before the engagement. It can be quite an eleborate affair (H's mom gifted me with several Sari's, a very beautiful gold necklace that has been passed down to the women who were getting engaged in her family, etc and I made sure my family had several gifts for her in excahnge). H actually proposed to me before this but, in his family's mind, it wasn't official without the ceremony...if that makes sense? That said, I don't think planning the ceremony itself before an official agreement between the couple is appropriate until you consider yourselves as engaged to be married.

And, for the record, I don't think you should have a wedding where you invite guests if you don't thank them with a meal (unless it isn't a "meal" time, in which case a simple thank you with snacks/beverages is appropriate).

That sounds like a betrothal, which is a formal and contractual agreement. Kind of like when the young children of European royalty would be betrothed to each other in a formal agreement and then celebratory feast, but not married until they were actually of age.

minskat30 · November 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

minskat30 said:

Kait said:

Wait a sec, pre-engaged is a tradition now?

You gals know I don't believe in planning for a wedding before you are engaged but there actually are some cultures that are a little vague on what is and what is not the time before/after engagement. For example, Indian cultures sometimes have a meeting of the families where gifts are exchanged and the families can essentially bless the couple before the engagement. It can be quite an eleborate affair (H's mom gifted me with several Sari's, a very beautiful gold necklace that has been passed down to the women who were getting engaged in her family, etc and I made sure my family had several gifts for her in excahnge). H actually proposed to me before this but, in his family's mind, it wasn't official without the ceremony...if that makes sense? That said, I don't think planning the ceremony itself before an official agreement between the couple is appropriate until you consider yourselves as engaged to be married.

And, for the record, I don't think you should have a wedding where you invite guests if you don't thank them with a meal (unless it isn't a "meal" time, in which case a simple thank you with snacks/beverages is appropriate).

That sounds like a betrothal, which is a formal and contractual agreement. Kind of like when the young children of European royalty would be betrothed to each other in a formal agreement and then celebratory feast, but not married until they were actually of age.

Something like that. There are so many customs related to engagement/marriage in India...I just know a handful. H and I will be going there in a few weeks and his mom has planned a reception (everyone will know we are already married obviously) for those that couldn't witness the marriage. I'm sure I'll learn a lot more customs when I go.

GPla08 · December 2013

My promise ring is a symbol that I made a promise to God to not sleep with anyone before I am married to that person. My engagement ring is a symbol of the seriousness of my relationship with my bf and that we are in a courting stage that will sometime lead to marriage. It means that my parents agree with my relationship with him and that they want us to take time to get to know ourselves better and spend time together. As for what FoxandBunny said, I see your point with the rings, it just helps me remember the commitment and what they represent; like some people that have tattoos to help them remember special people or moments. Now, I am NOT, and I repeat NOT planning my wedding, it was just a random conversation, don't take it seriously.

[Deleted User] · December 2013

GPla08 said:

My promise ring is a symbol that I made a promise to God to not sleep with anyone before I am married to that person. My engagement ring is a symbol of the seriousness of my relationship with my bf and that we are in a courting stage that will sometime lead to marriage. It means that my parents agree with my relationship with him and that they want us to take time to get to know ourselves better and spend time together. As for what FoxandBunny said, I see your point with the rings, it just helps me remember the commitment and what they represent; like some people that have tattoos to help them remember special people or moments. Now, I am NOT, and I repeat NOT planning my wedding, it was just a random conversation, don't take it seriously.

Wait, so you have an engagement ring?

audrewuh · December 2013

GPla08 said:

My promise ring is a symbol that I made a promise to God to not sleep with anyone before I am married to that person. My engagement ring is a symbol of the seriousness of my relationship with my bf and that we are in a courting stage that will sometime lead to marriage. It means that my parents agree with my relationship with him and that they want us to take time to get to know ourselves better and spend time together. As for what FoxandBunny said, I see your point with the rings, it just helps me remember the commitment and what they represent; like some people that have tattoos to help them remember special people or moments. Now, I am NOT, and I repeat NOT planning my wedding, it was just a random conversation, don't take it seriously.

I love how you came to us asking for advice and now we're told it was just a silly conversation and we shouldn't have taken it so seriously.

GPla08 · December 2013

I meant pre-engagement ring, sorry. And for the record, I jyust wanted to know the opinion of serious gals that were not engaged yet. Sorry for all the drama I caused. God bless!

phira · December 2013

Oh, a pre-engagement ring. That clears everything up.

minskat30 · December 2013

This is sounding more and more like what very, very conservative Christians do (i.e., a contract of sorts to enter into a formal courtship after their parents approve of it). I don't believe in that personally, as I think adult couples should make decisions together without interference from other adults (i.e., their parents/family). That said, to each their own.

blabla89 · December 2013

TwoDimes said:

minskat30 said:

This is sounding more and more like what very, very conservative Christians do (i.e., a contract of sorts to enter into a formal courtship after their parents approve of it). I don't believe in that personally, as I think adult couples should make decisions together without interference from other adults (i.e., their parents/family). That said, to each their own.

This is what I thought, too. It reminds me of what I've seen/heard about the family that has a tv show about their 19 or 20 kids.

Silly Duggars

thejucheidea · December 2013

My promise ring is a symbol that I made a promise to God to not sleep with anyone before I am married to that person.

Funny, I read this as 'my promise ring is something that I can show off to other people to prove that I'm morally superior to them because I've promised God that I won't sleep with someone because it's better if you can physically show someone how pious you are'.

bethsmiles · December 2013

thejucheidea said:

My promise ring is a symbol that I made a promise to God to not sleep with anyone before I am married to that person.
Funny, I read this as 'my promise ring is something that I can show off to other people to prove that I'm morally superior to them because I've promised God that I won't sleep with someone because it's better if you can physically show someone how pious you are'.

Whoa, really? I know some people who have a promise ring in the same sense as OP but they have never shoved it in anyone's face, it's a personal symbol for them not a high and mighty I'm better than you ring. I just think you made a pretty big negative assumption there.

thejucheidea · December 2013

bethsmiles said:

thejucheidea said:

My promise ring is a symbol that I made a promise to God to not sleep with anyone before I am married to that person.
Funny, I read this as 'my promise ring is something that I can show off to other people to prove that I'm morally superior to them because I've promised God that I won't sleep with someone because it's better if you can physically show someone how pious you are'.

Whoa, really? I know some people who have a promise ring in the same sense as OP but they have never shoved it in anyone's face, it's a personal symbol for them not a high and mighty I'm better than you ring. I just think you made a pretty big negative assumption there.

The only people I've met with promise rings have been the absurdly in-your-face, because-you-don't-worship-my-God-you're-condemned-to-hellfire types. If you've met nicer, chiller ones than me, cool for you, but I spent my high school years with these types and was happy to get away from them and lounge around with atheists who didn't give any shits ever.

Maybe you've also been around a lot nicer uber-Christians than I have too, but my latest run-in with Christianity was my husband's aunt writing us a note at our reception after our Buddhist ceremony telling us that unless we accepted Jesus into our marriage, our marriage was doomed to failure. Word got around to friends of the family and we got more notes in the mail telling us the same thing. Super awesome.

I know that others feel differently, and maybe it's from being a member of a religious minority in a very religiously homogeneous area, but I feel like religion is personal, and if you're being really in-your-face with people in the general public, you're kinda flaunting your religiousness. It's very uncomfortable, especially when you've had negative experiences upon sharing your religious views with others.

I guess I also can't understand why you need some sort of reminder on your hand of 'oh yeah, I'm not going to have premarital sex' if you know in your heart that you're just... not going to engage in premarital sex. Just... don't participate in premarital sex.

blabla89 · December 2013

thejucheidea said:

bethsmiles said:

thejucheidea said:

My promise ring is a symbol that I made a promise to God to not sleep with anyone before I am married to that person.
Funny, I read this as 'my promise ring is something that I can show off to other people to prove that I'm morally superior to them because I've promised God that I won't sleep with someone because it's better if you can physically show someone how pious you are'.

Whoa, really? I know some people who have a promise ring in the same sense as OP but they have never shoved it in anyone's face, it's a personal symbol for them not a high and mighty I'm better than you ring. I just think you made a pretty big negative assumption there.

The only people I've met with promise rings have been the absurdly in-your-face, because-you-don't-worship-my-God-you're-condemned-to-hellfire types. If you've met nicer, chiller ones than me, cool for you, but I spent my high school years with these types and was happy to get away from them and lounge around with atheists who didn't give any shits ever.

Maybe you've also been around a lot nicer uber-Christians than I have too, but my latest run-in with Christianity was my husband's aunt writing us a note at our reception after our Buddhist ceremony telling us that unless we accepted Jesus into our marriage, our marriage was doomed to failure. Word got around to friends of the family and we got more notes in the mail telling us the same thing. Super awesome.

I know that others feel differently, and maybe it's from being a member of a religious minority in a very religiously homogeneous area, but I feel like religion is personal, and if you're being really in-your-face with people in the general public, you're kinda flaunting your religiousness. It's very uncomfortable, especially when you've had negative experiences upon sharing your religious views with others.

I guess I also can't understand why you need some sort of reminder on your hand of 'oh yeah, I'm not going to have premarital sex' if you know in your heart that you're just... not going to engage in premarital sex. Just... don't participate in premarital sex.

I'm so sorry you went through this. I wasn't a fan of the true love waits business either. With that said, I don't see how wearing a ring of religious significance is different from wearing it on a necklace. It can be overstated and pious, or it can be personal and unobtrusive depending on the wearer.

TiaTea · December 2013

I got lost here.
How many rings does it take to get married?
I always thought that it is "A RING" , as in "ONE ring". Depending on local , or family traditions , the ring is given from the man to the woman at either engagement ,when it is called "enegegment ring", or at the wedding , when it is called "wedding ring"
Then at some point everybody started to want to have whatever the others have , without giving up what is traditional in their culture. So it became 2 rings - engagement AND wedding. Then women started to give men rings too ( mostly at the wedding) so there are 3 rings. Then I read that some couples give each other engagements rings , and then give each other wedding rings - 4 rings. Here I read that there are also pre-engagemnet rings, which brings the total to 5 . And there are promise rings - 6.
Any other rings that I am issing?
How many wedding-related rings will be there in total?

That whole ring conversations needs a tread of it's own

CLoGreenEyes · December 2013

As we all point out here from time to time, there's no need for a ring to get married. I think a lot of us would really really LIKE one (or two or however many, as @TiaTea pointed out), but we all know that's not what will ultimately MAKE us married; it's a symbol. So I don't see the problem with purity rings; they are just a symbol too. I totally get the sentiment about not wanting others' commitments shoved down your own throat, but I think there's a difference between proudly wearing a symbol of YOUR decision and actively trying to get OTHERS to make the same one.

GPla08 · December 2013

How can I delete this conversation? Notifications are getting annoying.

buddysmom80 · December 2013

GPla08 said:

How can I delete this conversation? Notifications are getting annoying.

You can't, it's here FOREVER!

Swazzle · December 2013

buddysmom80 said:

GPla08 said:

How can I delete this conversation? Notifications are getting annoying.

You can't, it's here FOREVER!

GoldenPenguin · December 2013

You can't delete it. That's what you get.

GPla08 · December 2013

Great.

No reception

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