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When to give up on Thank You notes.

jenmoo11jenmoo11 member
25 Love Its Second Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My husband and I got married 17 months ago and I'm beyond embarrassed to say not ALL of my thank you notes have made it out the door yet. Its something that's been hanging over my head ever since but with a new self employed business, and family turmoil, other things came first unfortunately. Not a good excuse, I know very well. I realize your supposed to get them done with in two to three months but when is it just too late? Mind you its not for a lack of appreciation for the gifts but just time and organization.
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Re: When to give up on Thank You notes.

  • LakeR2014LakeR2014 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I'd say still send them out.  It's never too late.  Just put a note in their saying you're sorry for the delay in sending but wanted to ensure you let them know how much you appreciated them attending the wedding and their thoughtful gift, etc.
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Write them out, now.  In the thank you note, write an apology for the delay.
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  • NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    Better late than never.  Write them NOW and include an apology for the delay.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    When to give up? Never. You got married a year and a half ago! Write the rest today and in them apologize profusely for the looooooooong delay.



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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    jenmoo11 said:
    My husband and I got married 17 months ago and I'm beyond embarrassed to say not ALL of my thank you notes have made it out the door yet. Its something that's been hanging over my head ever since but with a new self employed business, and family turmoil, other things came first unfortunately. Not a good excuse, I know very well. I realize your supposed to get them done with in two to three months but when is it just too late? Mind you its not for a lack of appreciation for the gifts but just time and organization.
    I think it is a lack of appreciation to not send a TY. It takes 30 seconds to write a TY note. Get up 30 minutes earlier tomorrow and finish them. (and apologize profusely for your tardiness)
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  • emmyg65emmyg65 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    It's never too late. Have your husband do half and knock 'em out together.
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I'm not going to lie, I would still think less of your for sending them now. Better late than never is all well and good, but you're seriously going to say you haven't watched one movie in 17 months that you could multi-task? Do not give yourself any excuses. 
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Send the thank you notes NOW and apologize up and down for it being so late. 

    And I'm sorry but I find it hard to believe that in 17 months, you couldn't find time to write them. They don't take that long. 
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  • melbelleupmelbelleup member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    Sure you can give up, just think how many gifts that saves for others to give you for baby showers... I am always irked when not given a thank you card. If I was your guests, I would refuse anything else you invited me to party wise. No thank you card = no gift.
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  • NYCBruinNYCBruin member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    misssunshine17 said:
    I'm not going to lie, I would still think less of your for sending them now. Better late than never is all well and good, but you're seriously going to say you haven't watched one movie in 17 months that you could multi-task? Do not give yourself any excuses. 
    I agree with this.  I said better late than never because the original post gave me the sense that the OP was just looking for someone to say "well at this point everyone will already be offended" and use that as an excuse to just not write them at all.

    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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  • BelthilBelthil member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer

    You need to get them done now and mailed out ASAP. Whatever life you had needs to get put on hold until they're done. Enlist your husband to help and it'll cut down on how long it will take. As PP stated apologize profusely for the tardiness of the card. I wouldn't mention any reason for it either because it's irrelevant.

    I would think less of you because it took so long to get a thank you. But that being said I would think a lot more poorly of you if I never got one vs. getting a really late one.

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  • JeeGooDowsterJeeGooDowster member
    Seventh Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    As PP's have said, there are definitely no excuses at this point...but if you really do have poor planning and organizational skills, I can make a suggestion. How many cards do you have to write? Start NOW. You do 10 and your husband does 10. Tomorrow, you do 10, your husband does 10....and so forth. It doesn't take that long...and maybe you can come up with a generic "Thank You" sentence (or 2) so that you know exactly what to write (if you want to make it personal, great...but at this point - I think you just need to thank your guests!)
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  • clarke10clarke10 member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    If you were truly that busy why didn't your husband do them?
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  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    It's never too late!  I hope you're writing them right now instead of reading my comment! ;p  I'd include an apology about the lateness in each thank you...not an excuse as to why it's late, just an apology.
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  • TerriHuggTerriHugg member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2013
    @jenmoo11

    The other posters have already made it clear that you messed up by waiting so long and I think you already know that, so I won't go into more detail about that. 

    I do suggest you let your guests know that you are grateful for their generosity sooner rather than later. And while some people may be offended by the late card, not everyone will be. I certainly wouldn't be offended and a lack of card won't make me stop sending gifts, but I realize that I am much different from everyone on this board. 

    If you ran into wedding guests in the last year and a half and thanked them for the gift whether in person or over the phone, it may not be that bad. However, I still suggest you send them something physical to show your gratitude. I wish you luck with the situation and your new business venture. 

    In the future, just try to prioritize better, ask for help from your husband and recognize that  people do appreciate a physical thank you even if you did tell them in previous conversations. 
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  • TerriHuggTerriHugg member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2013
    hoffse said:
    Frankly, I would be offended.

    I haven't received thank you notes for the last 3 baby gifts I have bought.  I took note.  As these children are not our nieces and nephews, we will not be getting any more gifts for them (or their siblings) in the future.  Of course it's not the kid's fault, but let's face it - baby and young child gifts are more for the benefit of the parents than the kid.  Because if I didn't buy them the crib mattress, they would have to.

    Get these done now.  And use this as a life lesson: thank you notes are NEVER inappropriate, no matter the time, event, giver, or situation.  H and I send thank you notes when people invite us to dinner or charity events.  We send thank yous for birthday and holiday gifts.  We send thank yous when employers bring us in for interviews or write us letters of recommendation.  And you know what?  We have received so many comments over the years from folks who tell us, "You're the only niece/employee/student who ever took the time to thank me for ________."  It takes 30 seconds, and it helps people understand that they were appreciated for the things they have done for us and given to us over the years.

    In the future, don't allow yourself to use a gift until that thank you note is in the mail.  My parents did this to me as a little kid, and it was damn good training for adulthood.
    @hoffsee This is kind of unrelated, but I wanted to thank you for saying the bolded. You and I are a lot alike in which we both send thank you cards whenever possible. I even send "thank you for being you" cards just because. I like what you wrote because you are the first person that I noticed said you refuse to send gifts to people who don't send thank you's but are still mindful to send people thank you's whenever you get the chance. 

    I always wondered how many people who say they refuse to give gifts to those who don't send a thank you card are actually sending thank you cards for EVERY gift they received including birthdays, holidays, etc. In my mind you can't be selective about it and say you won't send a gift to these people who don't send thank you's knowing you don't send thank yous for every gift you get. You are the first that I've seen to actually practice what you preach in all aspects of the topic! Of course, that doesn't mean that other posters don't do that, but you are indeed the first I've noticed. 
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  • hoffsehoffse member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    @TerriHugg, I agree you have to practice what you preach.  Honestly thank you notes are pretty much my one and only etiquette soap box issue.  They take less than 5 minutes to write and cost $0.46 to mail.  If somebody can spend $100 on my wedding gift or take an hour of their life to write me a letter of recommendation, I can afford 5 minutes and $0.46.

    Heck I can't even tell you the last time I had to pay for stationery (outside of our wedding stationery, which we ordered specifically) - people know I use it, so I usually get a box or two every Christmas as gifts!  So it literally is the cost of postage and the time for me.

    I give people longer than I would give myself to send a thank you before giving up.  The fact of the matter is most of my friends send thank yous for everything like I do.  So I really haven't run into the thank-you-note-less situation until very recently with this round of baby gifts.  But I've really decided that I'm just not going to bother in the future if they can't be bothered to thank me appropriately.  I'm certainly not going to let it affect my relationship with that person, but like I said I take note.  And then I adjust my future actions accordingly.
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    DH and I went to a wedding in September. We got married in October. The friend whose wedding we attended in September STILL hasn't sent a TY -- and it's been three months. Our TY notes went out within four days of our wedding -- got married Sunday, TY notes mailed Thursday.

    I am judging him -- AND HIS WIFE -- hard-core. He also claims he's busy. But he's not too busy to go to Disney, or go to NYC, or post photos of his drinking adventures to FB.

    The only TY note we have not yet written is for the gift that arrived at our apartment today after I left for work, and I'll write that one tonight.

    Just take 30 minutes, pound them out, and be hugely, hugely remorseful about your tardiness. But as @alisonmarie658 said, you've probably cashed the checks and spent the cash, so there will be hard feelings that you're going to have to work hard to amend.
    Anniversary

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • TheBaysideBrideTheBaysideBride member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary

    If you still know who gave you the gifts and is in need of a note - SEND THEM! I am no judging at all bc I found the TY notes really, really hard to keep up with. (organization, procrastination, forgetting who sent cash/checks). I have done about 200+ and I have a feeling that 3-5 people who sent checks have not been thanked. In a few cases, I just sent a second thank you, to make sure.

     

    It's important. Do 5 every morning as soon as you get up, or right before ben. Just say, "Thank you so much for XXX. It was very appreciated, and we are enjoying it in our life as a married couple..." something thoughtful that will take you 2 mins or less.

     

    Just get 'er done!!!

     

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  • Rebl90Rebl90 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    jenmoo11 said:
    WOW, Thank you for your advice and your criticism which was very much warranted. Excuses are like butts, everyone's got one. I cant change my mistakes or past all I can do is make better choices in the future. So this is a thank you for helping me to see my mistakes and encouraging me to move forward with finishing my thank you notes. Off to my thank you card writing!
    Yay! I think all of your guests will truly appreciate the fact that you didn't give up and are in fact sending them! :)
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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    So OP, are they done yet?
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  • kgd7357kgd7357 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper

    @hoffse

    I'm with ya. We send them for everything. I also love snail mail and postcards though.

    My FI's best man hosted us for dinner in October and we sent a thank you note about a week later. About two weeks after that we got a thank you card for the wedding gift we gave him and his wife. They got married in October 2012. Yep 13 months after the wedding we got the card. I'm guessing our thank you note prompted them to write it. I was happy they finally sent it, even though it was sooo late.

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